Subtitles:sbemail159/en
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> <transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail159.swf" width="550" height="400"> <line start="16" end="41" speaker="strongbad">My computer's been lappynapped!</line> <line start="41" end="57"> <sfx>record scratches</sfx> <marshie>Hello, Kenneth!</marshie> </line> <line start="59" end="83" speaker="marshie">Hear me roar!</line> <line start="87" end="90" speaker="sfx">growl</line> <line start="90" end="99" speaker="sfx">meow</line> <line start="100" end="110" speaker="marshie">That's right, kids!</line> <line start="111" end="151" speaker="marshie" voiceover="voiceover">Play the Fluffy Puff Marshmallows My Lappy Got Stole! Sweepstakes and</line> <line start="152" end="178" speaker="marshie">win <em>big!</em></line> <line start="184" end="196" speaker="marshie" voiceover="voiceover">First prize,</line> <line start="198" end="211" speaker="marshie" voiceover="voiceover">second tries,</line> <line start="212" end="252" speaker="marshie"><i>(singing)</i> Take a trip to the mountains...</line> <line start="252" end="273" speaker="marshie">I'm the song and dance man!</line> <line start="276" end="305" speaker="marshie" voiceover="voiceover">Just email who you think done it on a 3x5 notecard,</line> <line start="306" end="333" speaker="marshie" voiceover="voiceover">stick a Fluffy Puff on each corner,</line> <line start="334" end="381" speaker="marshie">and just walk away, mother...</line> <line start="382" end="432" speaker="marshie">Fluffy Puff Marshmallows. Yeah! Still!</line> <line start="434" end="456" speaker="strongbad">You gotta be kidding me.</line> <line start="457" end="513" speaker="strongbad">Man, everybody's trying to make a buck or nine off my heart-drooping loss.</line> <line start="525" end="568" speaker="strongbad">Oh, perfect. Now I'm out of my antidepressant.</line> <line start="572" end="609" speaker="strongbad">Nothing dulls the pain quite like several dozen half-full bags of</line> <line start="614" end="618" speaker="strongbad">Italian-<span style="visibility:hidden">herb-chipotle-buffalo-ranch-guacamole-Thai-peanut-style chippety-chomps.</span></line> <line start="618" end="622" speaker="strongbad">Italian-herb-<span style="visibility:hidden">chipotle-buffalo-ranch-guacamole-Thai-peanut-style chippety-chomps.</span></line> <line start="622" end="627" speaker="strongbad">Italian-herb-chipotle-<span style="visibility:hidden">buffalo-ranch-guacamole-Thai-peanut-style chippety-chomps.</span></line> <line start="627" end="632" speaker="strongbad">Italian-herb-chipotle-buffalo-<span style="visibility:hidden">ranch-guacamole-Thai-peanut-style chippety-chomps.</span></line> <line start="632" end="636" speaker="strongbad">Italian-herb-chipotle-buffalo-ranch-<span style="visibility:hidden">guacamole-Thai-peanut-style chippety-chomps.</span></line> <line start="636" end="642" speaker="strongbad">Italian-herb-chipotle-buffalo-ranch-guacamole-<span style="visibility:hidden">Thai-peanut-style chippety-chomps.</span></line> <line start="642" end="645" speaker="strongbad">Italian-herb-chipotle-buffalo-ranch-guacamole-Thai-<span style="visibility:hidden">peanut-style chippety-chomps.</span></line> <line start="645" end="649" speaker="strongbad">Italian-herb-chipotle-buffalo-ranch-guacamole-Thai-peanut-style<span style="visibility:hidden"> chippety-chomps.</span></line> <line start="649" end="665" speaker="strongbad">Italian-herb-chipotle-buffalo-ranch-guacamole-Thai-peanut-style chippety-chomps.</line> <line start="669" end="715" speaker="strongbad">I guess I'll slink off to Bubs' and refill my prescription.</line> <line start="723" end="745" speaker="strongbad">Slinnnk...</line> <line start="759" end="770" speaker="strongbad">Bubs!</line> <line start="774" end="786" speaker="strongbad">Hello?</line> <line start="793" end="808" speaker="strongbad">Can I get a witness?</line> <line start="817" end="825" speaker="strongbad">Bubs?</line> <line start="831" end="838" speaker="strongbad" volume="1.2">Aaaah!</line> <line start="838" end="859" speaker="strongbad" volume="1.2" voiceover="voiceover">The Lappy's tail!</line> <line start="860" end="892"> <strongbad voiceover="voiceover">I'll save you, Lappy-pie... poo...</strongbad> <sfx>suspenseful music plays</sfx> </line> <line start="898" end="951" speaker="strongbad">Just keep your pixels on. Strong Bad's got everything under control-alt-delete.</line> <line start="969" end="990" speaker="strongbad">Who put you up here— Wha?!?</line> <line start="1001" end="1034" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">It's my crappier and crappiest computers!</line> <line start="1038" end="1052" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Careful guys,</line> <line start="1052" end="1091" speaker="strongbad">let's not do anything inappropriate with that magnet...</line> <line start="1091" end="1136" speaker="strongbad">I've got a lot of important text files on that 5 meg hard drive...</line> <line start="1141" end="1193" speaker="strongbad">Now just let the Lappy go, and we can all go out for Hushpuppies.</line> <line start="1195" end="1221" speaker="strongbad">You guys still like Hushpuppies, don't you?</line> <line start="1227" end="1244" speaker="sfx">pops and fizzes</line> <line start="1245" end="1272" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Okay, fine. Hushpuppies are out.</line> <line start="1275" end="1311" speaker="strongbad">For some reason I... I thought you guys liked Hushpuppies.</line> <line start="1311" end="1337" speaker="sfx">lots of sparks and fizzes</line> <line start="1338" end="1361" speaker="strongbad">Sorry guys, we're getting nowhere.</line> <line start="1362" end="1398" speaker="strongbad">I don't speak extravagantly broken computer.</line> <line start="1400" end="1412" speaker="thepaper">Preeeeeow!</line> <line start="1412" end="1454"> <!--<text>'Sup Strong Bad. I'll help with the translation.</text>--> <strongbad>The Paper! You're just in time! Find out what they want!</strongbad> </line> <line start="1454" end="1474" speaker="sfx">Compy 386 clicks and fizzes</line> <line start="1475" end="1485" speaker="thepaper">Preeeeow!</line> <line start="1485" end="1530"> <!--<text>They want to come out of retirement...</text>--> <strongbad>Retirement? They didn't retire, I threw them away.</strongbad> </line> <line start="1532" end="1569" speaker="strongbad">Ask them if they mean they want to come out of thrown-awayment.</line> <line start="1572" end="1586" speaker="thepaper">Preeeeow!</line> <!--<line start="1586" end="1595" speaker="text">They're not laughing. They each want to check one last email.</line>--> <line start="1596" end="1611"> <!--<text>They're not laughing. They each want to check one last email.</text>--> <strongbad>Are they joking?</strongbad> </line> <line start="1611" end="1683" speaker="strongbad">Those guys couldn't check an email with the help of sixty horses dressed up as IT professionals!</line> <line start="1692" end="1704" speaker="sfx">buzzer</line> <line start="1706" end="1741" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Okay, okay, okay! I'll do my best.</line> <line start="1744" end="1794" speaker="strongbad">If it'll save the orphanage... I mean, my Lappy, I'll do it.</line> <line start="1796" end="1842" speaker="strongbad">Now, let's check emails like it was the deuce double-ought dweice!</line> <line start="1849" end="1862" speaker="sfx">old computers spark and fizz</line> <line start="1864" end="1937" speaker="strongbad">It just means 2002... I... thought it was slick... slick-rick... way to talk...</line> <line start="1956" end="2033" speaker="strongbad"><em>(singing)</em> Green lines, green, green lines. It's a Strong Bad Email again.</line> <line start="2037" end="2056" speaker="strongbad">"Dearest Strong Bad,"</line> <line start="2059" end="2095" speaker="strongbad">"Do you remember the email that you deleted the hardest?"</line> <line start="2098" end="2107" speaker="strongbad">"Sincerly,</line> <line start="2111" end="2125" speaker="strongbad">Josho Kland"</line> <line start="2126" end="2149" speaker="strongbad">Well, let's just see here...</line> <line start="2150" end="2173" speaker="strongbad">Zero capitalization...</line> <line start="2176" end="2186" speaker="strongbad">Misspelling...</line> <line start="2192" end="2211" speaker="strongbad">Lack of punctuation...</line> <line start="2217" end="2240" speaker="strongbad">Looks like a winner to me!</line> <line start="2245" end="2282" speaker="strongbad">Dearest Josho, I have some good news for you!</line> <line start="2284" end="2323" speaker="strongbad">I DO remember the email that I deleted the hardest.</line> <line start="2325" end="2355" speaker="strongbad">And I'm still remembering it right now!!!</line> <line start="2361" end="2387" speaker="strongbad">Homestar! Little help please.</line> <line start="2390" end="2420" speaker="homestar">I'm way ahead of ya, SB.</line> <line start="2424" end="2470" speaker="strongbad">Then, we'll just add some of the King of Town's fizzy denture tablets.</line> <line start="2471" end="2500" speaker="kingoftown" voiceover="voiceover">Thems is my after-dinner mints!</line> <line start="2514" end="2576" speaker="strongbad" volume="1.2">And now if you'd please turn in your hymnals, and join me in singing number 119,</line> <line start="2577" end="2592" speaker="strongbad" volume="1.2">a-deleted.</line> <line start="2595" end="2639"> <strongbad voiceover="voiceover">a-Deleted!</strongbad> <homestar voiceover="voiceover">a-Deleted!</homestar> </line> <line start="2645" end="2671"> <sfx>explosion</sfx> <homestar>Ahh!</homestar> </line> <line start="2671" end="2755" speaker="strongbad">Goodbye, old girl. They'll always say you went out in a blaze of green rectangular glory.</line> <line start="2758" end="2790" speaker="strongbad">Alright. One down, one to go.</line> <line start="2791" end="2846" speaker="sfx">suspenseful music plays</line> <line start="2857" end="2929" speaker="strongbad"><em>(singing)</em> There's a big ol' hole inside my email, makin' it hard to cheeeeck...</line> <line start="2934" end="2965" speaker="strongbad">Oooh! Automatic hole formatting!</line> <line start="2967" end="2984" speaker="strongbad">Double "Dear Strong Bad,"</line> <line start="2985" end="3025" speaker="strongbad">"I want to see you perform some amazing feats of wonder."</line> <line start="3027" end="3072" speaker="strongbad">You mean, more amazing than checking an email on this computer?!</line> <line start="3074" end="3103" speaker="strongbad">"Very seriously, Luke South."</line> <line start="3105" end="3134" speaker="strongbad">Well, I am very serious too.</line> <line start="3135" end="3156" speaker="strongbad">Serious about the most incredible, <span style="visibility:hidden">tantalizing, pants-defying, mind-googling sights in the whole world!! Lalalalalalaaaa!</span></line> <line start="3157" end="3167" speaker="strongbad">Serious about the most incredible, tantalizing, <span style="visibility:hidden">pants-defying, mind-googling sights in the whole world!! Lalalalalalaaaa!</span></line> <line start="3168" end="3177" speaker="strongbad">Serious about the most incredible, tantalizing, pants-defying, <span style="visibility:hidden">mind-googling sights in the whole world!! Lalalalalalaaaa!</span></line> <line start="3178" end="3207" speaker="strongbad">Serious about the most incredible, tantalizing, pants-defying, mind-googling sights in the whole world!! <span style="visibility:hidden">Lalalalalalaaaa!</span></line> <line start="3208" end="3226" speaker="strongbad">Serious about the most incredible, tantalizing, pants-defying, mind-googling sights in the whole world!! Lalalalalalaaaa!</line> <line start="3228" end="3251" speaker="strongbad">Ladies and Luke, I give you:</line> <line start="3252" end="3291" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Strong Bad's Amazing Feats of Wonder!</line> <line start="3292" end="3344" speaker="strongbad">Gawk and squawk as I walk and talk like an old-timey sideshow caller,</line> <line start="3345" end="3383" speaker="strongbad">and add "Lalalalalaa" to the end of everything I say <span style="visibility:hidden">lalalalalalaaa!</span></line> <line start="3384" end="3401" speaker="strongbad">and add "Lalalalalaa" to the end of everything I say lalalalalalaaa!</line> <line start="3407" end="3471" speaker="strongbad">First, in our gallery of ocular oddities, is a contortionist with a twist!</line> <line start="3476" end="3561" speaker="strongbad">Feast your Dust Bowl-ravaged eyes on Marzipan, the Human Woo-man Rrrrrotini!</line> <line start="3568" end="3583" speaker="sfx">audience gasps in awe</line> <line start="3584" end="3618" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Behold! An ocean of pesto!</line> <line start="3621" end="3640" speaker="marzipan">That's not part of my act!</line> <line start="3641" end="3665" speaker="kingoftown">I know! It's a part of <em>mine</em> <span style="visibility:hidden">lalalalalalalaaa!</span></line> <line start="3666" end="3688" speaker="kingoftown">I know! It's a part of <em>mine</em> lalalalalalalaaa!</line> <line start="3689" end="3698" speaker="kingoftown" sfx="sfx">slurp</line> <line start="3701" end="3732" speaker="strongbad">Now, direct your attention to the Pee Wee Stage,</line> <line start="3733" end="3784" speaker="strongbad">where the flea circus has left town, and the inmates are restless!</line> <line start="3785" end="3795" speaker="sfx">audience ooohs</line> <line start="3796" end="3841" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Gather strong at The Cheat's Flea Prison Riot!</line> <line start="3842" end="3891" speaker="sfx">shooting, squabbling sounds, and a siren</line> <line start="3892" end="3919" speaker="strongbad">And don't forget Strong Sad's feet of wonder.</line> <line start="3920" end="3940" speaker="sfx">audience ooohs</line> <line start="3947" end="3965" speaker="sfx">audience gasps</line> <line start="3965" end="3994" speaker="strongsad">I call them "soolnds".</line> <line start="3999" end="4065" speaker="strongbad">And lastly, so ghastly, the ate-thh wonder of the world!</line> <line start="4067" end="4078" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">House-mouth!!!</line> <line start="4079" end="4093" speaker="sfx">audience gasps</line> <line start="4094" end="4117"> <sfx>audience gasps</sfx> <strongmad>DAAAAH!!</strongmad> </line> <line start="4118" end="4187" speaker="strongbad">This land-locked leviathan conveniently subsists only on outdated electronics!</line> <line start="4221" end="4229" speaker="sfx">sparking pop</line> <line start="4232" end="4241" speaker="strongmad" sfx="sfx">gulp</line> <line start="4242" end="4256" speaker="strongbad"><em>We did it!!!</em> <span style="visibility:hidden">Lalalalalalalaaaa!</span></line> <line start="4257" end="4276" speaker="strongbad"><em>We did it!!!</em> Lalalalalalalaaaa!</line> <line start="4281" end="4312" speaker="strongbad">The Lappy! You're back...y!</line> <line start="4313" end="4354" speaker="strongbad">You and I have some unfinished business, little lady!</line> <line start="4368" end="4427" speaker="strongbad">There ya go, Jake-ula. Now all the cliffhangers have been for reallysolved.</line> <line start="4435" end="4468" speaker="strongbad">Okay, Lappy, I hope your battery's charged,</line> <line start="4469" end="4519"> <sfx>music plays</sfx> <strongbad>cuz I'm finally taking you out for those hush-puppies you always wanted!!!</strongbad> </line> <line start="4520" end="4669" speaker="sfx">music plays</line> <line start="4670" end="4725"> <sfx>record scratch</sfx> <lappy486 voiceover="voiceover">But Strong Bad, I'm hate hushpuppies!</lappy486> </line> <line start="4726" end="4762" speaker="strongbad">Man, I coulda sworn one of you guys liked hushpuppies.</line> <line start="4766" end="4778" speaker="thepaper">Preeeeeow!</line> <line start="4779" end="4881"> <!--<text>It was me. I like hushpuppies.</text>--> <sfx>music plays</sfx> </line> <line start="4892" end="4937"> <sfx>record scratch</sfx> <lappy486 voiceover="voiceover">Can we please find my toe?</lappy486> </line> <line start="4976" end="5046" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">He's half-man, half-cholesterol! Can I get a "ooh-ahh" for Clogdor!</line> <line start="5046" end="5064" speaker="other" voiceover="voiceover">Ewww! Euugh!</line> <line start="5067" end="5073" speaker="kingoftown" sfx="sfx">burp</line> <line start="5105" end="5120" speaker="sfx">audience gasps</line> <line start="5120" end="5164" speaker="kingoftown">If ya think my burps are impressive, wait'll you see my—</line> <line start="5164" end="5195" speaker="strongbad">—seen enough of that one lalalalalalalaaaaa!</line> </transcript>
