User:???/Date Nite

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Here's a wacky script I'm working on for the All-in-One plug-in subtitles of Date Nite.

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript file="datenite.swf" xml:lang="en-us" width="550" height="400">
<line start="15" end="42" speaker="sfx">music</line>
<line start="43" end="99" speaker="homestar">Smiggy bub bub!</line>
<line start="100" end="157" speaker="marzipan">KLINGONS SMELL LIKE ANGRY CHEDDAR.</line>
<line start="158" end="181" speaker="homestar">If only it were that easy.</line>
<line start="182" end="198" speaker="homestar">The more offensive eight.</line>
<line start="199" end="222" speaker="homestar">OFF AND ON.</line>
<line start="223" end="249" speaker="homestar">Grebbity grebbity!</line>
<line start="250" end="291" speaker="marzipan">GREBBITY GREBBITY GREBBITY GREBBITY GREBBITY GREBBITY GOOOOOOOOO.</line>
<line start="292" end="337" speaker="marzipan">Ye smelleth like a CHINAMAN.</line>
<line start="338" end="355" speaker="homestar">Ye smelleth like a...</line>
<line start="356" end="369" speaker="homestar">CHINAMAN.</line>
<line start="371" end="384" speaker="strongbad">CHINAMAN.</line>
<line start="385" end="405" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="406" end="432" speaker="strongbad">Scribba scribba glub glub duck!</line>
<line start="433" end="465" speaker="homestar">Ducky duck duck duck!</line>
<line start="466" end="479" speaker="homestar">Hath thou plowedst the fields?</line>
<line start="480" end="531" speaker="homestar">To be—gulp—"or not to be"?</line>
<line start="532" end="555" speaker="strongbad">Can't that even bod you thing call a!</line>
<line start="556" end="576" speaker="strongbad">Smelly cheese that—</line>
<line start="577" end="603" speaker="homestar">—stinks like French perfume!</line>
<line start="604" end="665" speaker="marzipan">How are you gentlemen. All your base are belong to us.</line>
<line start="666" end="688" speaker="homestar">You are on the way to destruction.</line>
<line start="689" end="748" speaker="homestar">HEY GUESS WHAT THE CHEAT HAS SPOTS AND I SHALL STATE THAT QUITE ANGRILY INDEED!</line>
<line start="749" end="767" speaker="marzipan">So, four, then?</line>
<line start="768" end="817" speaker="homestar">Indeed!</line>
<line start="818" end="838" speaker="strongbad">Mr. Four Spots, huh?</line>
<line start="839" end="850"><strongbad>Grub—</strongbad><homestar>Dag—</homestar></line>
<line start="851" end="857"><strongbad>Glub—</strongbad><homestar>Goo—</homestar></line>
<line start="858" end="866"><strongbad>Gaa—</strongbad><homestar>Glug—</homestar></line>
<line start="867" end="875"><strongbad>Grug—</strongbad><homestar>Smeef—</homestar></line>
<line start="876" end="895"><strongbad>INDEED!</strongbad><homestar>QUITE!</homestar></line>
<line start="896" end="904" speaker="homestar">IS A FISH?!</line>
<line start="905" end="918" speaker="strongbad">IS A TROUT?!</line>
<line start="919" end="936" speaker="marzipan">Let us stroll on down the line.</line>
<line start="937" end="1055" speaker="sfx">music</line>
<line start="1056" end="1076" speaker="homestar">ONION. RINGS.</line>
<line start="1077" end="1126" speaker="homestar">Strong Strong Strong Strong Strong Strong Strong Strong Strong.</line>
<line start="1127" end="1172" speaker="strongbad">I just drown my video games, </line>
<line start="1173" end="1208" speaker="strongbad">Hey, check out this... <span style="visibility:hidden">once-hidden text!</span></line>
<line start="1209" end="1231" speaker="strongbad">Hey, check out this... once-hidden text!</line>
<line start="1232" end="1261" speaker="homestar">Uh, let's kill anybody.</line>
<line start="1262" end="1288" speaker="homestar">We should just date.</line>
<line start="1289" end="1334" speaker="strongbad">Explain to me how drowning would date.</line>
<line start="1335" end="1365" speaker="homestar">Mainly, I just want to keep out.</line>
<line start="1366" end="1408" speaker="strongbad">I SHIVER. NOW I RUB MYSELF!</line>
<line start="1415" end="1439" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1440" end="1500" speaker="marzipan">Why, yes, The Cheat, I would be very comfortable with you saying something about my figure.</line>
<line start="1501" end="1519" speaker="marzipan">Thank you for asking first.</line>
<line start="1520" end="1543" speaker="thecheat">Suggestive The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1544" end="1570" speaker="marzipan">Ew. Not that comfortable.</line>
<line start="1571" end="1599" speaker="homestar">Ah, good evening, ungodly couple.</line>
<line start="1600" end="1635" speaker="homestar">My name is waiter, I will be your Homestar for this evening.</line>
<line start="1636" end="1705" speaker="homestar">Can I start you two off with a glass of "Breaking Up", or perhaps "Never Seeing Each Other Again" with capers?</line>
<line start="1706" end="1723" speaker="thecheat">Angry The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1724" end="1775" speaker="homestar">Why, yes, the Cheat, I would be comfortable with you "cleaning my clock"!</line>
<line start="1776" end="1795" speaker="homestar">Thanks for asking first!</line>
<line start="1796" end="1801" speaker="thecheat">Angrier The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1802" end="1817"><thecheat>Angrier The Cheat noises</thecheat><homestar>Ahhhh!</homestar></line>
<line start="1822" end="1839" speaker="homestar">Can I settle up with you guys?</line>
<line start="1840" end="1851" speaker="homestar">My shift's over.</line>
<line start="1852" end="1868" speaker="thecheat">Angry The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1873" end="1935" speaker="marzipan">Mmmmm, my almond-encrusted Chilean sea marshmallow was just delicious.</line>
<line start="1936" end="1948" speaker="marzipan">How was your hot dog?</line>
<line start="1949" end="1962" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1963" end="1999" speaker="strongbad">Oh-a, it's-a me! The chef-a!</line>
<line start="2000" end="2045" speaker="strongbad">A-which-a one o' you guys ordered the smack-in-the-face-a?</line>
<line start="2046" end="2067" speaker="marzipan">I thought this was a French restaurant.</line>
<line start="2068" end="2115" speaker="strongbad">Oh. Ummmmmmmmmuh...</line>
<line start="2116" end="2137" speaker="strongbad">Sn-Snails?</line>
<line start="2138" end="2179" speaker="marzipan">Come on, T.C., let's blow this marshmallow stand.</line>
<line start="2194" end="2233" speaker="strongbad">Yeah, y'know, I-I didn't really research this role.</line>
<line start="2234" end="2248" speaker="thecheat">Excited the Cheat noises</line>
<line start="2249" end="2266" speaker="marzipan">That's so crazy!</line>
<line start="2267" end="2315" speaker="marzipan">I've always wanted to see Ira Glass and Ira Flatow wrestle, too.</line>
<line start="2327" end="2357" speaker="marzipan"><em>(distorted)</em> This has been such a great date, the Cheat.</line>
<line start="2358" end="2387" speaker="marzipan"><em>(distorted)</em> I don't know what could possibly ruin it.</line>
<line start="2388" end="2406"><strongbad>Prepare to fire all rigs to target!</strongbad><homestar sfx="MATT">makes sonar noises</homestar></line>
<line start="2407" end="2427"><strongbad>Flood tubes three and four!</strongbad><homestar sfx="MATT">makes sonar noises</homestar></line>
<line start="2428" end="2445"><strongbad>Hunt for Red October!</strongbad><homestar sfx="MATT">makes sonar noises</homestar></line>
<line start="2446" end="2460" speaker="homestar">Aye aye, sir!</line>
<line start="2461" end="2471" speaker="homestar" sfx="MATT">Makes sonar noise</line>
<line start="2472" end="2490" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="MATT">FIRE!</line>
<line start="2508" end="2520"><homestar sfx="MATT">screams</homestar><strongbad sfx="MATT">screams</strongbad></line>
<line start="2539" end="2570" speaker="marzipan">Ooooh, it's so romantic...</line>
<line start="2571" end="2591" speaker="thecheat">Sighs</line>
<line start="2592" end="2695"><strongbad><em>(singing)</em> Come to the place where the tropical breezes blow...</strongbad><homestar sfx="MATT">hums along</homestar></line>
<line start="2761" end="2795" speaker="homestar">Oh, if it isn't Marzipan.</line>
<line start="2796" end="2836" speaker="homestar">Oh, I'm sorry, or was it "The Marzipan", now?</line>
<line start="2837" end="2867" speaker="marzipan">Well, you'll be happy to know it didn't work out between us.</line>
<line start="2868" end="2941" speaker="marzipan">I found out The Cheat is declawed, and I just don't think I could be with someone that supports that kind of cruelty.</line>
<line start="2942" end="2992" speaker="homestar">And now you've come crawlin' back to the old fox's father!</line>
<line start="2993" end="3050" speaker="marzipan">No, I just came to change outfits for my next date with Bubs at the all-night waffle place!</line>
<line start="3051" end="3066" speaker="homestar">You WHAT?!</line>
<line start="3067" end="3088" speaker="coachz">You WHORT?! </line>
<line start="3089" end="3210" speaker="sfx">music</line>
<line start="3224" end="3289" speaker="announcer" voiceover="MATT">And join us next Saturday at some civic hall auditorium for "Public Rage-o."</line>
<line start="3290" end="3330" speaker="announcer" voiceover="MATT">All your favorite public radio superstars will be in action.</line>
<line start="3331" end="3394" speaker="announcer" voiceover="MATT">Watch as Ira Glass and Ira Flatow duke it out in a no-holds-barred lumberjack match.</line>
<line start="3395" end="3464" speaker="announcer" voiceover="MATT">And special guest Garrison Keillor wrestles his own soothing voice in a steel cage. </line>
<line start="3465" end="3509" speaker="strongsad">Oh, geez, I gotta pledge more next year.</line>
<line start="3510" end="3540" speaker="strongsad">They're really getting desperate.</line>
</transcript>