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The blank stare shall kill you.
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Ian's Page.


[edit] Intro

Well, my name is Ian. I've been a Homestar Runner fan for a while now (does 6 months count as a while?) and my main reason for being a member is to make us not look stupid by fixing common punctuation errors. And adding a few notes to transcripts, such as {the camera zooms out}. I usually edit new pages if I find small, tiny, really tiny errors.

[edit] Quotes

"Nothing is something."

"Why do they have braille on those ATMs? Last time I checked, it was illegal to drive blindly."


[edit] Favorite Parts of

Strong Bad Email, The Cheat, Homestar himself... the list goes on. I pretty much like everything.

[edit] Favorite Strong Bad Email

Definetly virus so far.
"I can fix your computer box!"
"That's not supposed to be possible!"

[edit] Favorite Toon

It would have to be Homestar Presents: Presents. I loves it.
"Oh cwap, I ran into the door."

[edit] Interview

Obviously fake interview with Homestar Runner.

[edit] Part 1

Cast (in order of appearance): Ian, Homestar Runner, a waiter

IAN: So, Homestar, how are you today?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {blank stare} Uh...

IAN: Completely blank, are we today?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: No. It's just weird how I was just stealing stuff from Strong Bad and now all the sudden I'm in a coffee shop.

IAN: This isn't a coffee sho-

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {suddenly} Doors! We need doors!

IAN: What?!?

WAITER: What would you like, sir?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh. Right. Fluffy Puff Marshmallows.

WAITER: Sir, if you would like a menu?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {suddenly stands up, leaves, runs into the wall, gallops outside, and comes back in}

WAITER: And for you, Ian?

IAN: What? Oh. I'm okay. I just brought Homestar here so we could have a little int-

{Homestar all the sudden comes flying through a window. Shards of glass fly everywhere. He brings in a stack of papers.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: As you can see on my resume, I would be a great asset to your company.

IAN: I don't have a company.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well then. I guess I must be at the wrong place. {He leaves.}

[edit] Part 2

I tried and tried to get Homestar back for an interview, because the first one went a little fast (about 1 minute). About 2 hours later, he came back. This time, we went to a doughnut shop.

Cast (in order of appearance): Ian, Homestar Runner, Pom Pom, a different waiter, Marzipan

IAN: {looks at his watch} When will he get here?

{Homestar walks in. Ian calls him to his table, but he immediately goes to the counter and asks for a hot chocolate. This time, he happened to bring a friend, Pom Pom, who orders a black coffee.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh hey, Pom Pom, Ian's over there. {Homestar and Pom Pom walk over to the table where Ian's sitting.}

POM POM: {bubbles}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh right, Pom Pom. I should give him my resume. {He puts a paper on the table.}

POM POM: {bubbles in frustration}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh yeah. Interview. Thanks, Pom Pom.

{Pom Pom's cell phone rings. He bubbles and walks outside. Ian calls a waiter over.}

IAN: Get me a dozen chocolate doughnuts.

WAITER: {nods and walks toward the counter}

IAN: So, Homestar, how is Pom Pom doing today?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, terrible! Marzipan is wanting him to go to the grocery store to pick up some lima beans, and he can't because he's allergic to them and the store is closed, so Marzipan wants me to, so-

IAN: Is he talking to Marzipan right now?


{The camera cuts to a picture of Marzipan talking on the phone with Pom Pom. Marzipan's keys are on the table. She seems to have a square gift wrapped. The tag says "To Homestar."|

MARZIPAN: So, have you told Homestar about the present?

POM POM: {bubbles}

MARZIPAN: Good. I can't let him know about it. What excuse did you make?

POM POM: {bubbles}

MARZIPAN: Lima beans?!? Pom Pom, he isn't that stupid.

POM POM: {bubbles}

MARZIPAN: He doesn't suspect a thing? I guess he is that stupid.

{Camera cuts back to Ian and Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {obviously continuing long story} ...and so it's my birthday tomorrow, and I don't think Marzipan or anyone is gonna get me a present, and so-

IAN: Um, tell me about Strong Bad. Is he okay?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, he's probably doing that stupid email checking again.

{Cut to Pom Pom, outside of the doughnut shop. We can now see that the doughnut shop's name is "Dunkin' Donuts." Pom Pom is still talking on the phone.}

POM POM: {bubbles}

MARZIPAN: So he knows absolutely nothing about the present.

POM POM: {bubbles}


{Pom Pom walks back in. He sits down next to Homestar. The camera is at Ian's point of view.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What was that all about?

POM POM: {bubbles}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Her again? Man, that woman! She still wants you to get those lima beans! I didn't even know you were allergic to them! Marzipan doesn't even like lima beans! {realizes} Oh, the lima beans are my birthday present.

POM POM: {bubbles}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: How would you know?

POM POM: {bubbles}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: She's not always nice. Remember the Yellow Dello?

POM POM: {bubbles}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: And remember... about everything else?

POM POM: {bubbles}


{Camera goes to Homestar's point of view, looking at Pom Pom.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay, you're weird. Lemme finish my interview now.

POM POM: {bubbles}

IAN: Anyway, Homestar-

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Pom Pom and I have to go. I need to find a grocery store open on Sunday.

{Pom Pom and Homestar leave.}

IAN: {sighs}

[edit] The Future of the Interview

Hopefully, I can get with Homestar again. But I have other priorities, too. Who knows when the next time will be?

[edit] Some other stuff about me

I write software, work on websites, blah blah blah blah blah.

[edit] Outro

Yes, well, thank you, good night.

[edit] External Links

KansasTeens, my website
Apple Computer

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