Strong Bad Classics!

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 01:31, 2 June 2015

"You can't make up no words say broached!"

During the Worldbuilders 2014 Fundraiser, their supporters helped them reach a stretch goal to unlock a new kids' book by Leomardbury Chauceinterviews Strong Bad.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Strong Sad

Places: Smoky Office, Wooden Desk

Date: Monday, June 1, 2015

Running Time: 2:47

Transcript

{There is a splash screen, with the Worldbuilders logo at the top, and text below reading "Worldbuilders Literary Theatre"}

{The splash screen fades to a similar picture with the same background with Strong Bad holding a book with the title "The Ocelot and the Porridge Maiden" badly written on the back cover, and Strong Bad badly drawn on the front cover. To the left of Strong Bad, is text reading "presents..."}

{Cut to the smoky office, with Strong Bad sitting in a chair with a book on his right knee and music playing in the background.}

STRONG BAD: {clears his throat} An uppity welcome, and distinguished hello to you all. Today, I will be butchering one of Strong Sad's {Cut to a close shot of the book on the wooden table. On the front cover, is a faint picture of the Ocelot's head} all-time favorites.

{The book opens to a sad Porridge Maiden holding an Ocelot in her hands}

STRONG BAD: The Ocelot and The Porridge Maiden? The crap's a porridge maiden? {The Porridge Maiden is now holding a mirror with question marks next to her head and a speech bubble reading "what am i?!}

{The page turns to the Porridge Maiden kneeling over her black pot on a fire, stirring it with a wooden stick with her cottage in the background. The original text is "Once there was a Porridge Maiden who lived in a meadow"}

STRONG BAD: Once, there was a Horrid Maiden {A puddle is added around the Porridge Maiden's legs, an eye and sharp teeth are added to her face, there are two extra arms extruding from her back, and there are horns drawn on top of her head.} who lived in meadowlark Lemon's duffel bag from the 70's. {There is a duffel bag drawn over the cottage in the background, there is a leaking tube of "sportz creamz" in the background in front of the duffel bag, and Mealowlark Lemon's head appears in the bottom right corner, later giving a thumbs up}

{The page turns to a grinning Porridge Maiden with an surprised Ocelot in her hand. The original text is "One day, she caught an ocelot for to sup."}

STRONG BAD: "i hate mondays', thought an ocelot. {The Ocelot is stylized to appear similar to Garfield} "sup. jim davis' lawyers." {Three men appear behind the Porridge Maiden, bearing a very similar resemblence to Lyman, with the word "LAW" written on their shirts.}

{The page turns to a close up of the Ocelot's face. The orignial text is ""Good morrow to you," said the ocelot. "You must find a husband by sunrise or doom will come to you."}

STRONG BAD: Rob morrow to you," {A badly drawn Rob Morrow is drawn in the bottom left corner, smiling} said the ocelot. "You must find a husband by sunrise or doom 2 bad guys will come out of my ears! {A Mancubus, a Hell Knight/Baron, and a Lost Soul are drawn coming out of the Ocelot's ears}

{Strong Bad starts mimicking gun and explosion noises}

{The page turns to the Porridge Maiden looking at the Butcher. The original text is "She went to see the Butcher. 'Will you marry me?' she asked; 'I am married to the meats,' he said."}

STRONG BAD: She went to see the Statue of Liberty's deadbeat cousin. {The Butcher is now holding a torch, the Statue of Liberty's crown, and the tabula ansata} "Will you marry me?" she asked. "I am a huddled mass," he said.

{The page turns to the Porridge Maiden looking at the Smithy. The original text is "Next, she went to see the Smithy. "Will you marry me?" she asked. "I am married to the steel," he said."}

STRONG BAD: Next, she optic—blasted the Smithybot {The Smithy, his table, and anvil are all stylized to look like robots. Lasers come out of the Porridge Maiden's eyes as it reflects off of the Smithybot's hammer. } "Voip" {VOiP! is drawn next to the Porridge Maiden's lasers} "Save yourself little Beep Boop!" he said.

{The page turns to the Porridge Maiden climbing up the top of a cottage to a chimney, where the Lum Swooper is in with a sweeper in his hand. The original text is "Then she went to see the Lum Swooper. "Will you marry me?" she asked. "I am married to the chimneys," he said."}

STRONG BAD: Then, she tucked in the Lum Swooper. {A bed is drawn around the Lum Swooper} "Will you please stop sleeping with that lamp?" {The sweeper has a lamp shade, lightbulb, and switch drawn onto it} she asked. "it's okay, I am married to it." he said.

{The page turns to the Porridge Maiden looking at the Knave. The original text is "She even went to see the Knave. "Will you marry me?" she asked. "I am married to the chicanery," he said."}

STRONG BAD: She even went to the Creepo Depot. {A sign is drawn on the right wall with the text "CREEPO DEPOT!" as there are lights around it that flash} "Will you marry me?" {There are lines drawn around the Porridge Maiden's creases on her clothes, making it seem that she is made of flat shapes} asked. low poly—count porridge maiden. {Strings are drawn on the Knave's head, right hand, feet, and left shoulder, all going up} "I am a marrionette" he slimed.

{The page turns to the Porridge Maiden sitting on a rock in the meadow, looking at the pink sunrise and two clouds in the distance. The original text is "When she could not find a husband, the Porridge Maiden sat on a rock to watch the rising sun."}

STRONG BAD: When she could not find a husband, the Porridge Maiden sat by a punk rock giant {The sun is now stylized to look like a spiky-haired giant with a nose on the horizon and hands protruding from the horizon holding the two clouds} to watch {An electric guitar is put in the hands of the punk rock giant, with the words "fendo" written on the top} the wicked solos. {The Porridge Maiden throws a corna gesture}

{The page turns to the Porridge Maiden off-page with only her arm and hand to the left. The Ocelot is standing near. The original text is "At dawn, the ocelot found her dead and mourned her passing. "Now she is married to death" said the Ocelot"}

STRONG BAD: At dawn, the ocelot found her head {The Porridge Maiden's smiling, decapitated head is placed onto the back of the Ocelot, along with her hood} and poured her a drink. {A glass mug is placed into the hand of the dead Porridge Maiden and an extra arm is behind the Ocelot, holding a tall glass bottle, and pouring the drink into the glass mug. A speech bubble is added for the Ocelot, reading "One for my pah' tnuh!"} One for my pah'tnuh!, said the Ocelot.

{The page turns to The Porridge Maiden holding flowers, upset, while Death puts his hand on her shoulder, holding a scythe and having a red glow around him. They are in the underworld, with stalagmites and stalactites with a red tint. The original text is "In the underworld, she gave Death a thousand children and cooked his meals".}

STRONG BAD: In the underworld, {Eyes and two nostrils are drawn on the top of the opening, with two hands holding a mouth mirror and dental explorer.} she refused to be defined by her famous husband and started a successful business knitting lifehacks out of recycled blogs.

{The page turns to a baked Ocelot on a plate in the middle of a table with an apple in its mouth and vegetables under it. There is a knife and fork, a pot, and a salt shaker near it. The original text reads "And that is why baked ocelot is always served at weddings. The End."}

STRONG BAD: And that is why baked ocelot is always {Trisha from "Everyone is Different" is placed onto the paper, with a bridal headpiece and squiggly lines and the words "bridal hotness". Strong Bad is to the left, with his left arm around Trisha's left shoulder and a fork in his right hand. He is wearing a black and white top hat.} served at weddings. The End. I don't really have anything I'd change about that one. 'Cept I'd probably make it... broached {The word "baked" on the book is now drawn out with the word "broached" is written above it}} ocelot.

STRONG SAD: Brooooaaached?

{Cut to the Smoky Office with Strong Bad still in his chair with the book open. Strong Sad is standing next to him with bags under his eyes and a napkin clip around his neck. He is off-balance, swaying forwards and backwards}

STRONG SAD: You can't make up no words say broached!

STRONG BAD: Uh, Strong Sad, did you have your wisdom teeth out again?

STRONG SAD: You know it! Every summer like cockwoik!

STRONG BAD: Oh-ho-ho-okay, let's get you out of here. {faces the camera} And in front of a camera as soon as possible. {Strong Bad jumps from his chair}

{Strong Bad begins to push Strong Sad off-screen to the right}

STRONG SAD: You can't brother me, Mr. Strong Fast! I favorited you on my Facebroach!

STRONG BAD: Of course you did.

{The music replays as the screen fades to black}

Fun Facts

Explanations

• This toon was created in order to serve as the $500,000 stretch goal for the Worldbuilders 2014 Fundraiser.

Trivia

• When compared to the trailer, released on December 5, 2014, the book itself has been completely redrawn. In addition, some of Strong Bad's lines have been re-written or re-recorded, and a few of his edits to the book have also been altered.

Remarks

• Despite being advertised as to be released in Summer, it was technically released in late Spring, as Summer starts in the Northern Hemisphere on June 21st.

Goofs

• On the third page, there is an extra space between "day," and "she"

Inside References

• The character taped onto the last page of the book was Trisha from the Email kids book, whom Strong Bad describes as a "severe hottie".
• Strong Sad numbly paraphrases his line "You can't just start making up terrible new words" from fan club.

Real-World References

• Facebroach is a reference to the social media platform Facebook.
• Strong Sad's performance is considered camera-worthy by Strong Bad, which is likely a reference to David After Dentist.
• Leomardbury Chauceinterviews is a parody of Geoffrey Chaucer, author of The Canterbury Tales.
• Meadowlark Lemon is a famous basketball player who played for the Harlem Globetrotters.
• Rob Morrow is an actor most famous for his three Golden Globe nominations for his role on Northern Exposure.
• Strong Bad makes another reference to Doom.
• Jim Davis is the creator of the comic strip Garfield.
  • One of Garfield's most identifiable characteristics is his disdain for Mondays, which is also referenced.
  • The lawyers resemble Lyman, a character that appeared in early Garfield comics.

External Links

• watch "Strong Bad reads The Ocelot and the Porridge Maiden" on YouTube
• Worldbuilders' page on Strong Bad reads The Ocelot and the Porridge Maiden