| Version | Greetings
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 1.0 | Hi, this is Marzipan. I'm out looking at the fall colors. Please leave me a message, and I'll call you right back.
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 2.0 | Hi, this is Marzipan. Leave me a message. I am screening my calls today, but I'll pick up if I feel like it. See you later.
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 3.0 | Hi, this is Marzipan. I'm feeling very vivacious today. Please leave me a message.
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 4.0 | Hi, this is Marzipan. I'm out doing some very important things, so please leave me a message, and if this is Strong Bad calling to prank call me, can you please do the one where I win the radio contest? 'Cause that one's my favorite. Okay. Bye.
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 5.0 | Hi, this is Marzipan. {singing} Leave me a message, and I'll get right back to you. Hey! Leave me a message, and I'll get right back to you. Hey! Leave me a messa—
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 6.0 | Hi, this is Marzipan. I'm sittin' in my dark room... thinkin'. Please leave me a message.
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 7.0 | Ooo! Oooo! Happy Halloween, don't be too scared... 'cause it's Halloween. Please leave a message. This is Marzipan.
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 8.0 | Bonjour, amigos. Je m'appelle Marzipanio. Please leave me a messiaggio and I will call you back-io. Toodle-oo toots, everyone.
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2 | Hi, this is M-A-R-Z-I-P-A-N. Please leave me a message after the B-E-E-P.
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| HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, hey, this is Marzipan... and, uhm... leave a message after my beeps. Beep.
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 10.2 | Hi guys! Leave me a message, and I'll leave you with an abstract thought. Is a penguin a bird or a duck?
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 11.2 | Hi, this is Marzipan. I'm out expanding my horizons. Leave me a message.
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 12.2 | Yeah, yeah. Leave a message.
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 13.2 | Hi, this is Marzipan. I'm probably outside eating some dirt or something. So just leave me a message.
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 14.2 | Aloha, this is Marzipan. I'm lounging on the lanai, enjoying a wheatgrass-tini, in my wheatgrass-kini. Please leave a mauka-makai-message.
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 15.2 | Hi, this is Marzipan. I'm currently drowning in the abyss, but please leave me a message anyway.
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 16.2 | Hi this is Marzipan. I'm off volunteering in the Coches Mountains, teaching the heathens how to bend pipe cleaners. I'll be back in—
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| STRONG SAD: Greetings weary telephone traveler. I sense you have come in search of Marzipan, but you have stumbled upon so much more. 'Tis I, Strong Sad, house-sitter extraordinaire. Please organize your thoughts for Marzipan in order of least depressing to most depressing. As for crank calls, allow me to give you a theme: furtive glances.
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| STRONG SAD: Marzipan be gone! Strong Sad be here, so drop your purpose in mine ear! I'll pass it on before too long...
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| STRONG SAD: Hello, this is Strong Sad, temporary steward of Marzipan's domicile. Please leave your jumbled message at the tone, so I can articulately reword it in journal form for Marzipan to read upon her safe return.
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| Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 17.2 | Hi, this is Marzipan. I'll be out and about for about seven years, so I'll give you a call back after that. Thank you!
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