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Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for Cool Things. watch this toon
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="iso-8859-1"?>
  <transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="coolthings.swf" width="550" height="400">
    <line start="91" end="113" speaker="homestar" sfx="sfx">sigh</line>
    <line start="114" end="175" speaker="homestar">Sitting on the couch is zero amount of fun when there's not a TV or hang glider in front of it.</line>
    <line start="177" end="238" speaker="marzipan">Well, why don't you do something constructive? Like read a book, or write a novella?</line>
    <line start="246" end="295" speaker="homestar">Naw, I already did some writing today. And then I read what I wrote.</line>
    <line start="296" end="325" speaker="marzipan">Yay! Good for you. Can I see it?</line>
    <line start="326" end="349" speaker="homestar">It's right over there! Check it out!</line>
    <line start="350" end="387" speaker="marzipan">Why did you write "Cool Tapes" on my wall?</line>
    <line start="388" end="431" speaker="homestar">Uh, hello? Maybe because I like cool tapes?</line>
    <line start="432" end="475" speaker="marzipan">Well, I hope you like "cool" painting, because this has got to go!</line>
    <line start="476" end="511" speaker="homestar">Mwah, bwah, bwahhhh.</line>
    <line start="538" end="602" speaker="homestar">Say there, old Bubs, I need three cans of yella paint, and one pair of cool shades.</line>
    <line start="603" end="636" speaker="bubs">Sorry customer, I'm closed.</line>
    <line start="637" end="685" speaker="homestar">But you're standing right there. And I see the yella paint right next to you!</line>
    <line start="688" end="756" speaker="bubs">But I'm closed! Cutbacks, layoffs, downsizing, you know the drill.</line>
    <line start="760" end="806" speaker="homestar">Hey, Bubs, can you steal three cans of yella paint for me?</line>
    <line start="810" end="860" speaker="bubs">I never pass up a chance to stick it to the man! Here ya go!</line>
    <line start="861" end="897" speaker="bubs">I slipped the cool shades in the can number two.</line>
    <line start="900" end="927" speaker="homestar">Thanks, Bubs. Power to the people!</line>
    <line start="928" end="942" speaker="bubs">I heard that!</line>
    <line start="971" end="1009" speaker="homestar">I think I'm gonna bust out my new cool shades!</line>
    <line start="1028" end="1066" speaker="homestar">Cool! Everything's yellow and drippy.</line>
    <line start="1068" end="1086" speaker="strongsad">Hey, Homestar.</line>
    <line start="1088" end="1113" speaker="homestar">Oh, hello, dripping yellow madness!</line>
    <line start="1115" end="1195" speaker="strongsad">What? I'm Strong Sad! Dripping Yellow Madness moved away after fifth grade!</line>
    <line start="1200" end="1283" speaker="homestar">Look, I'd love to stay and argue that you are, in fact, Dripping Yellow Madness, but this paint and I have a date with the wall!</line>
    <line start="1290" end="1326" speaker="strongsad">I wish I had a date with a wall...</line>
    <line start="1330" end="1354" speaker="homestar">Go for it! Here, you'll need these.</line>
    <line start="1358" end="1365" speaker="strongsad">Oh!</line>
    <line start="1370" end="1396"><homestar>And, uh, good luck tonight.</homestar><homestar sfx="sfx">tongue click</homestar></line>
    <line start="1403" end="1490"><homestar>Aaaaaaaaaaah...</homestar>
      <homestar volume="0.8">I'm at the bottom of a giant piiiiit...</homestar>
    <line start="1491" end="1536" speaker="strongsad">Homestar, take off those stupid cool shades.</line>
    <line start="1538" end="1569" speaker="homestar">Yeah, I should probably return these things.</line>
    <line start="1570" end="1606" speaker="strongsad">Oh, getting lucky tonight...</line>
    <line start="1624" end="1660" speaker="homestar">Hey, friend. Lemme get my money back for these cool shades.</line>
    <line start="1661" end="1690" speaker="bubs">Little bit closer, Homestar.</line>
    <line start="1690" end="1698" speaker="homestar">Oh.</line>
    <line start="1703" end="1735" speaker="homestar">Lemme get my money back for these cool shades.</line>
    <line start="1737" end="1760" speaker="bubs">Sure! You got your receipt?</line>
    <line start="1762" end="1839" speaker="homestar">Uh, no. The sales representative I dealt with gave them to me free of charge.</line>
    <line start="1840" end="1871" speaker="homestar">I believe... his name was Stan.</line>
    <line start="1875" end="1919" speaker="bubs">Stan?! I fired that guy after the fifth grade!</line>
    <line start="1923" end="1988" speaker="bubs">Without a receipt, I can only exchange them for something of lesser or much lesser value.</line>
    <line start="1990" end="2026" speaker="bubs">And the only thing that qualifies is this!</line>
    <line start="2030" end="2080" speaker="homestar">These'll do! These'll do juuust fine!</line>
    <line start="2166" end="2195" speaker="marzipan">All right, boys! From the top. One, two...</line>
    <line start="2196" end="2228" speaker="homestar">What in Pete Sampras is going on here?!</line>
    <line start="2230" end="2317" speaker="marzipan">Well... you took too long, so Strong Mad, and The Cheat and I formed a band called Cool Tapes.</line>
    <line start="2319" end="2367" speaker="homestar">Oh, really?! What kind of... music do you play?!</line>
    <line start="2370" end="2452" speaker="marzipan">Well, here, we'll show you. We only have one song so far, and it's not quite finished, but here goes. Ready, boys?</line>
    <line start="2455" end="2465" speaker="sfx">music begins</line>
    <line start="2470" end="2494" speaker="marzipan">One, two, three, four!</line>
    <line start="2495" end="2531" speaker="marzipan">Cool tapes are cool, 'cause they're where it is at.</line>
    <line start="2535" end="2567" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="voiceover">Cool tapes are cool, and we like it like that!</line>
    <line start="2580" end="2590" speaker="marzipan">Cool tapes!</line>
    <line start="2597" end="2605" speaker="marzipan">Cool tapes!</line>
    <line start="2607" end="2669" speaker="marzipan">We like to get down with cool, cool tapes. We like to get down with...</line>
    <line start="2673" end="2700" speaker="marzipan">Um.... um...</line>
    <line start="2709" end="2725" speaker="homestar">A bag of four grapes?</line>
    <line start="2730" end="2800" speaker="marzipan">A bag of four graaaaapes!</line>
    <line start="2817" end="2940" speaker="sfx">music ends, applause</line>
    <line start="2950" end="2980" speaker="other" voiceover="voiceover" volume="0.9">...same truck that tried to kill my dad!</line>
    <line start="2982" end="3020" speaker="strongbad">Hey, The Cheat! We catch anything in the death hole today?</line>
    <line start="3025" end="3040" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
    <line start="3041" end="3095" speaker="strongbad">What? There's no way he could've been in there. He moved away after fifth grade!</line>
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