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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="goes4gold.swf" width="550" height="400">
<line start="29" end="97"><sfx>spooky music</sfx><!--<text>20 years ago, two guys made this book:</text>--></line>
<line start="98" end="145"><sfx>spooky music</sfx><!--<text>A month later, they wrote the next Homestar Runner story,</text>--></line>
<line start="146" end="179"><sfx>spooky music</sfx><!--<text>and then promptly forgot about it.</text>--></line>
<line start="180" end="197"><sfx>dramatic sting</sfx><!--<text>Until now.</text>--></line>
<line start="198" end="249" speaker="sfx">music</line>
<line start="250" end="266"><sfx>music</sfx><homestar>Oh, man, Strong Bad.</homestar></line>
<line start="267" end="301"><sfx>music</sfx><homestar>You're not gonna believe this thing! Wait 'till you see this thing!</homestar></line>
<line start="304" end="320" speaker="homestar">This thing is gonna change your life! <span style="visibility:hidden">Blow your mind! Wipe your nose!</span></line>
<line start="321" end="331" speaker="homestar">This thing is gonna change your life! Blow your mind! <span style="visibility:hidden">Wipe your nose!</span></line>
<line start="332" end="343" speaker="homestar">This thing is gonna change your life! Blow your mind! Wipe your nose!</line>
<line start="344" end="374" speaker="strongbad">Then shut the dang up and let's see it already!</line>
<line start="378" end="448" speaker="homestar">Okay. Okay. Um... It's, um... It's right... Um...</line>
<line start="449" end="493" speaker="strongbad">Homestar, did you ramble on so long that you forgot what you were going to show me?</line>
<line start="495" end="511" speaker="homestar">Um, no. <span style="visibility:hidden">And furthermore, <i>no</i>.</span></line>
<line start="512" end="525" speaker="homestar">Um, no. And furthermore, <span style="visibility:hidden"><i>no</i>.</span></line>
<line start="526" end="536" speaker="homestar">Um, no. And furthermore, <i>no</i>.</line>
<line start="540" end="563" speaker="homestar">It was this... <span style="visibility:hidden">Squeakburger.</span></line>
<line start="564" end="580" speaker="homestar">It was this... Squeakburger.</line>
<line start="583" end="593" speaker="homestar">Burger burger!</line>
<line start="594" end="612" speaker="strongbad">Whoa, look at this!</line>
<line start="616" end="640" speaker="strongbad">"The Homestar Runner and the Brothers Strong"?</line>
<line start="641" end="679" speaker="strongbad">"An unfinished second children's book by <i>(bleep)</i> and <i>(bleep)</i>"?</line>
<line start="682" end="723" speaker="homestar">Oh, that's definitely not what I was lookin' for. That thing looks terrible!</line>
<line start="725" end="750" speaker="strongbad">Come on, let's read it right the dang now!</line>
<line start="753" end="780" speaker="homestar" voiceover="lurid">The Homestar Runner and the Bathyscaphe.</line>
<line start="781" end="849" speaker="homestar" voiceover="yes">A lurid tale of underwater intrigue and underwater pants.</line>
<line start="851" end="871" speaker="strongbad">Uh, maybe I should read it.</line>
<line start="875" end="899" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">The Homestar Runner and the Brothers Strong.</line>
<line start="900" end="927" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">AKA Homestar Runner Goes for the Gold.</line>
<line start="928" end="987" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">AKA old glue turns gross and brown if you let it sit for 20 years.</line>
<line start="995" end="1034" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Everyone loves The Homestar Runner. He is a terrific athlete.</line>
<line start="1036" end="1045"><bookhomestar>Ding!</bookhomestar><sfx>ding!</sfx></line>
<line start="1049" end="1080" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Tomorrow is the annual triathlon.</line>
<line start="1084" end="1104" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Homestar Runner's team, the <span style="visibility:hidden"><i>All-Stars</i>, is practicing as we speak.</span></line>
<line start="1105" end="1127" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Homestar Runner's team, the <i>All-Stars</i>,<span style="visibility:hidden"> is practicing as we speak.</span></line>
<line start="1128" end="1148" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Homestar Runner's team, the <i>All-Stars</i>, is practicing as we speak.</line>
<line start="1150" end="1169" speaker="bookhomestar">Whistle hard, Pom Pom!</line>
<line start="1170" end="1181" speaker="sfx">whistles</line>
<line start="1182" end="1192" speaker="bookhomestar">Come on guys!</line>
<line start="1193" end="1198"><bookhomestar>Come on guys!</bookhomestar><sfx>whistles</sfx></line>
<line start="1199" end="1213"><bookhomestar>Come on guys!</bookhomestar><sfx>whistles</sfx><bookhomestar>Whistle to the max!</bookhomestar></line>
<line start="1214" end="1239" speaker="sfx">whistles</line>
<line start="1240" end="1288" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">The Homestar Runner's rivals, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and <span style="visibility:hidden"><i>Strong Sad</i> are having a hot team meeting.</span></line>
<line start="1289" end="1309" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">The Homestar Runner's rivals, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and <i>Strong Sad</i> <span style="visibility:hidden">are having a hot team meeting.</span></line>
<line start="1310" end="1333" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">The Homestar Runner's rivals, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and <i>Strong Sad</i> are having a hot team meeting.</line>
<line start="1334" end="1386" speaker="bookstrongbad">Strong Sad, you are too weak. You must be replaced by...</line>
<line start="1387" end="1394" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1395" end="1410" speaker="bookstrongbad">Dijjery Doo!</line>
<line start="1411" end="1423" speaker="thecheat">angry The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1434" end="1455" speaker="strongbad">Who the crap is Dijjery Doo?</line>
<line start="1457" end="1501" speaker="homestar">I tried to warn you! I wash my hands of this whole affair!</line>
<line start="1505" end="1554" speaker="strongbad">Well, I guess he looks <i>kinda</i> cool. Maybe he'll turn out alright.</line>
<line start="1561" end="1615" speaker="dijjerydoo">Hey, Strong Bad. I just want to say how happy I am to be part of the team.</line>
<line start="1616" end="1629" speaker="dijjerydoo">And the ah!</line>
<line start="1640" end="1671" speaker="bookstrongbad">I am immediately regretting this decision.</line>
<line start="1672" end="1705"> <bookstrongbad>I am immediately regretting this decision.</bookstrongbad><strongbad voiceover="yes">said uncharacteristically candid Strong Bad.</strongbad></line>
<line start="1709" end="1746" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yep">Dejected, Strong Sad moped passed the All-Stars.</line>
<line start="1747" end="1751" speaker="bookhomestar">What's </line>
<line start="1752" end="1760"><bookhomestar>What's</bookhomestar><sfx>whistles</sfx></line>
<line start="1761" end="1769"><bookhomestar>What's</bookhomestar><sfx>whistles</sfx><bookhomestar>wrong?</bookhomestar></line>
<line start="1770" end="1782"><bookhomestar>What's</bookhomestar><sfx>whistles</sfx><bookhomestar>wrong?</bookhomestar><sfx>whistles</sfx></line>
<line start="1784" end="1810" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">...said the greatest communicator on the planet.</line>
<line start="1814" end="1874" speaker="strongsad">My brothers kicked me off the team and replaced me with Dijjer—</line>
<line start="1875" end="1924" speaker="bookhomestar">Yeah, yeah. We know all that. Chin up and start getting ready for next year.</line>
<line start="1926" end="1956" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">...said The Homestar Runner as they left to compete.</line>
<line start="1962" end="1989" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">All the teams lined up for the first event:</line>
<line start="1993" end="2009" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Runni...n...g!</line>
<line start="2011" end="2044" speaker="homestar" voiceover="yes">Oh man. I can't wait to see how I dominate this one!</line>
<line start="2050" end="2074" speaker="homestar" voiceover="yes">Wait, what? <i>Pom Pom?</i></line>
<line start="2077" end="2114" speaker="strongbad">I'm more worried about how this is clearly roller-skating.</line>
<line start="2117" end="2146" speaker="strongbad">Is that what they called running in the mid-'90s?</line>
<line start="2151" end="2161" speaker="theannouncer">Ready... <span style="visibility:hidden">set... go!</span></line>
<line start="2162" end="2173" speaker="theannouncer">Ready... set... <span style="visibility:hidden">go!</span></line>
<line start="2174" end="2188" speaker="theannouncer">Ready... set... go!</line>
<line start="2194" end="2215" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Strong Mad gets an early lead.</line>
<line start="2216" end="2233"><strongbad voiceover="yes">Strong Mad gets an early lead.</strongbad><strongbad voiceover="yes">And wins!</strongbad></line>
<line start="2234" end="2269" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">After the first event, the Strong Stars have lead.</line>
<line start="2272" end="2295" speaker="strongbad">That—that's actually what it says.</line>
<line start="2298" end="2308" speaker="strongbad">No, take a look.</line>
<line start="2313" end="2335" speaker="strongbad">Ooh, or maybe it was supposed to be:</line>
<line start="2336" end="2349" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Have Lead!</line>
<line start="2351" end="2357" speaker="sfx">gun load</line>
<line start="2358" end="2364" speaker="sfx">click</line>
<line start="2365" end="2374" speaker="sfx">ka-boom</line>
<line start="2375" end="2388" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">That's better.</line>
<line start="2389" end="2404" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">On to the next event:</line>
<line start="2407" end="2424" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Swimming!</line>
<line start="2427" end="2451" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">The Homestar Runner wins!</line>
<line start="2452" end="2461" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Wait, what?</line>
<line start="2464" end="2528" speaker="strongbad">You get a freakin' submarine and alls I get is a fish crammed through my head?</line>
<line start="2530" end="2571" speaker="homestar">Yeah, you know. Standard collegiate swimming rules.</line>
<line start="2576" end="2587" speaker="homestar">Very standard.</line>
<line start="2590" end="2601" speaker="grape">Rule one: <span style="visibility:hidden">The Homestar Runner gets a state-of-the-art bathyscaphe-type situation.</span></line>
<line start="2602" end="2648" speaker="grape">Rule one: The Homestar Runner gets a state-of-the-art bathyscaphe-type situation.</line>
<line start="2653" end="2668" speaker="grape">Rule number two: <span style="visibility:hidden">Strong Bad... fish crammed through his head.</span></line>
<line start="2669" end="2696" speaker="grape">Rule number two: Strong Bad... fish crammed through his head.</line>
<line start="2708" end="2774" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Now his team is even with Strong Bad's team. Whoever wins the last event gets the gold!</line>
<line start="2781" end="2809" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Everyone's ready for the flying event!</line>
<line start="2815" end="2841" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Suddenly, Strong Bad's minion, <span style="visibility:hidden">The Sneak, cripples Mr. Bland.</span></line>
<line start="2842" end="2848"><strongbad voiceover="yes">Suddenly, Strong Bad's minion, <span style="visibility:hidden">The Sneak, cripples Mr. Bland.</span></strongbad><thecheat>The Cheat noises</thecheat></line>
<line start="2849" end="2861" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Suddenly, Strong Bad's minion, The Sneak, <span style="visibility:hidden">cripples Mr. Bland.</span></line>
<line start="2862" end="2877"><strongbad voiceover="yes">Suddenly, Strong Bad's minion, The Sneak, <span style="visibility:hidden">cripples Mr. Bland.</span></strongbad><thecheat>The Cheat noises that sound unmistakably like "What the crap?"</thecheat></line>
<line start="2878" end="2894" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Suddenly, Strong Bad's minion, The Sneak, cripples Mr. Bland.</line>
<line start="2899" end="2917" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Yeah, I'm with you, The Cheat.</line>
<line start="2919" end="2975" speaker="strongbad">How come <i>(bleep)</i> and <i>(bleep)</i> can't seem to keep my sidekicks straight for more than like two pages?</line>
<line start="2978" end="3011" speaker="strongbad">That Old-Timey rat thing's not gonna cripple anybody!</line>
<line start="3013" end="3029" speaker="sfx">beating</line>
<line start="3036" end="3056" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Whoa-ho-ho! Touché.</line>
<line start="3066" end="3086" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Everyone else takes off.</line>
<line start="3097" end="3124" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">What will the All-Stars do?</line>
<line start="3125" end="3174" speaker="bookhomestar">Strong Sad, come take these broken wings and learn to fly.
<line start="3179" end="3231" speaker="bookhomestar">Strong Sad, you've got to fly, fly to the angels.
<line start="3235" end="3287" speaker="bookhomestar">Strong Sad, you're motoring. What's your price for flight?
<line start="3288" end="3300"><bookhomestar>Strong Sad, you're motoring. What's your price for flight?</bookhomestar><strongbad voiceover="yes">said Homestar.</strongbad></line>
<line start="3304" end="3350" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Strong Sad was now an All-Star. They were back in business!</line>
<line start="3356" end="3417" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Strong Sad was making up all kinds of ground. He sure had a knack for this flying stuff.</line>
<line start="3423" end="3460" speaker="strongsad">I'm <i>glad</i> that I'm flying!</line>
<line start="3466" end="3482" speaker="sfx">sproing, whoosh</line>
<line start="3483" end="3497" speaker="strongsad">Whoo-hoo!</line>
<line start="3504" end="3518" speaker="bookstrongbad">Ewww!</line>
<line start="3519" end="3544" speaker="bookhomestar">Um... no.</line>
<line start="3545" end="3558" speaker="bookhomestar">Just no.</line>
<line start="3559" end="3576" speaker="coachz">I am into this!</line>
<line start="3578" end="3595" speaker="bubs">I don't like it!</line>
<line start="3596" end="3622" speaker="bubs">And I am now in this book.</line>
<line start="3625" end="3632" speaker="sfx">slap</line>
<line start="3646" end="3687" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Dijjery Do was being passed by the high-flying Strong Sad.</line>
<line start="3689" end="3722" speaker="bookstrongbad">Dijjery do something, Dijjery Do!</line>
<line start="3723" end="3750"><bookstrongbad>Dijjery do something, Dijjery Do!</bookstrongbad><strongbad voiceover="yes">said master wordsmith Strong Bad.</strongbad></line>
<line start="3756" end="3794" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">He made a last ditch effort to sabotage the All-Stars.</line>
<line start="3797" end="3833" speaker="dijjerydoo">Okay, Strong Bad. I've got this little thing here—<span style="visibility:hidden">Ah!</span></line>
<line start="3834" end="3844" speaker="dijjerydoo">Okay, Strong Bad. I've got this little thing here—Ah!</line>
<line start="3855" end="3861" speaker="sfx">drop</line>
<line start="3869" end="3874" speaker="sfx">splat</line>
<line start="3878" end="3882" speaker="sfx">bounce</line>
<line start="3883" end="3896" speaker="sfx">ticking</line>
<line start="3897" end="3923" speaker="sfx">explode</line>
<line start="3926" end="3952" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Dijjery Do's plan backfired.</line>
<line start="3955" end="4002" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Uh, yeah, you think? You sure you didn't want to use any more adjectives there?</line>
<line start="4006" end="4012" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Like, <span style="visibility:hidden">catastrophically head-chunkularly backfired?</span></line>
<line start="4013" end="4025" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Like, catastrophically <span style="visibility:hidden">head-chunkularly backfired?</span></line>
<line start="4026" end="4045" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Like, catastrophically head-chunkularly <span style="visibility:hidden">backfired?</span></line>
<line start="4046" end="4058" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Like, catastrophically head-chunkularly backfired?</line>
<line start="4060" end="4069" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Maybe?</line>
<line start="4075" end="4080" speaker="sfx">ding!</line>
<line start="4081" end="4105" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">The All-Stars win!</line>
<line start="4112" end="4182" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Getting the gold with The Homestar Runner changed Strong Sad. He is now Strong Glad.</line>
<line start="4183" end="4236" speaker="sfx">music</line>
<line start="4239" end="4283" speaker="strongbad">So they were just gonna leave him like that? As Strong Glad?</line>
<line start="4286" end="4312" speaker="homestar">Yep! Washed hands! Hands washed!</line>
<line start="4314" end="4360" speaker="strongbad">But then I wouldn't have been able to make fun of all his sad sackery!</line>
<line start="4362" end="4438" speaker="strongbad">Ooh, I'm also totally gonna start referring to him as twelfth president Sad Sachary Taylor from now on.</line>
<line start="4440" end="4460" speaker="homestar">I told you it was terrible!</line>
<line start="4462" end="4503" speaker="strongbad">Yeah, man. That piece of masking tape knows what it's talking about.</line>
<line start="4507" end="4558" speaker="strongbad">That was some premium, grade A, old Homestar Runner crap.</line>
<line start="4561" end="4586" speaker="homestar">But hey look! I found my old whistle!</line>
<line start="4590" end="4601" speaker="homestar" sfx="yes">whistle noises</line>
<line start="4604" end="4634" speaker="strongbad">Uh, that... I don't think that you're using that right.</line>
<line start="4636" end="4647" speaker="homestar" sfx="yes">whistle noises</line>
<line start="4649" end="4698" speaker="homestar">And so begins a great new era in Homestar Runner talk!</line>
<line start="4701" end="4720" speaker="homestar" sfx="yes">whistle noises</line>
<line start="4721" end="4729" speaker="strongbad">Ohhh.</line>
<line start="4730" end="4741" speaker="homestar" sfx="yes">whistle noises</line>
<line start="4742" end="4755" speaker="strongbad">Fantastic.</line>
<line start="4756" end="4770" speaker="homestar" sfx="yes">whistle noises</line>
<line start="4771" end="4808" speaker="strongbad">I sure hope <i>this</i> continues for the next twenty years.</line>
<line start="4810" end="4830" speaker="homestar">It will—<i>(whistle noises)</i></line>
<line start="4834" end="4840" speaker="sfx">smack</line>
<line start="4854" end="4873" speaker="homestar" sfx="yes" voiceover="yes">whistle noises</line>
<line start="4892" end="4957" speaker="sfx">spooky music</line>
<line start="4958" end="4963" speaker="sfx">rustling</line>
<line start="4964" end="4967" speaker="sfx">pop</line>
<line start="4971" end="5002" speaker="dijjerydoo">Oh, hey you guys! I made it out!</line>
<line start="5003" end="5043" speaker="dijjerydoo">I somehow survived inside this crate for twenty years!</line>
<line start="5044" end="5063"><dijjerydoo sfx="yes">muffled yelling</dijjerydoo><thecheat>angry The Cheat noises</thecheat><sfx>slam</sfx><sfx>dramatic sting</sfx></line>
<line start="5064" end="5088" speaker="dijjerydoo" sfx="yes">muffled yelling</line>
<!-- Easter egg -->
<line start="5105" end="5138" speaker="strongbad">Okay... here's the cartoon...</line>
<line start="5142" end="5151" speaker="sfx">jingle</line>
<line start="5167" end="5176" speaker="homestar">That's it?</line>
<line start="5178" end="5192" speaker="strongbad">Yeah, check it out!</line>
<line start="5196" end="5229" speaker="homestar">Strong Bad, that took you like fifteen hours.</line>
<line start="5231" end="5287" speaker="strongbad">This Mario Paint is a— a delicate art, Homestar. You can't rush these things.</line>
<line start="5289" end="5335" speaker="homestar">At this rate, you won't finish the cartoon 'till our <i>fortieth</i> anniversary!</line>
<line start="5337" end="5378" speaker="strongbad">Alright, fine. We'll just do the cartoon in Flash.</line>
<line start="5383" end="5418" speaker="homestar">Good idea. 'Cause that's <i>way</i> less obsolete.</line>
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