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Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for The House That Gave Sucky Treats. watch this toon
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="halloween2001.swf" width="550" height="400">
  <line start="10" end="225" speaker="sfx">Halloween music</line>
  <line start="344" end="356" speaker="homestar">Oh, hello.</line>
  <line start="361" end="402" speaker="homestar">This year, we're going to do things a little differently.</line>
  <line start="411" end="475" speaker="homestar">We're all coming to your house to trick or treeeeat!</line>
  <line start="480" end="539" speaker="homestar">So just answer the door, pick a treat, and drag it on top of us.</line>
  <line start="540" end="560" speaker="homestar">We'll do the rest.</line>
  <line start="575" end="588" speaker="homestar">Ok, bye!</line>
  <line start="593" end="614" speaker="sfx">knocking</line>
  <line start="623" end="637" speaker="coachz">Doot-doo-doot-doo,</line>
  <line start="638" end="671" speaker="coachz">an' I'll drink up all the Hennessy ya got on your shelf,</line>
  <line start="671" end="703" speaker="coachz">but first let me introduce myself.</line>
  <line start="704" end="721" speaker="coachz">My name is Coach Z.</line>
  <line start="725" end="744" speaker="coachz">Pronounced with an "oach Z."</line>
  <line start="773" end="799" speaker="coachz">Ooh, Jorjyfruits!</line>
  <line start="806" end="850" speaker="coachz">Oh, I mean Jerjyfrorts.</line>
  <line start="856" end="915" speaker="coachz">I mean, <em>(straining)</em> GEORGIE FRORGIE!</line>
  <line start="932" end="943" speaker="coachz">George Foreman?</line>
  <line start="956" end="1015" speaker="coachz">Ya know, I once knew a fellow in Boston 'could tell ya the time of the day at any time of the day.</line>
  <line start="1020" end="1060" speaker="coachz">Ya'd say, "Say there Boston, what's the time of day?"</line>
  <line start="1063" end="1083" speaker="coachz">And he'd say, "10:30."</line>
  <line start="1091" end="1138" speaker="coachz">And you'd look at him and say, "But Boston, it's half past noon!"</line>
  <line start="1145" end="1193" speaker="coachz">And he'd look back at ya and say, "Well, those are the breaks."</line>
  <line start="1212" end="1231" speaker="coachz">Da Cherry Clan.</line>
  <line start="1234" end="1259" speaker="coachz">Are they related to the Wu-Tang Clan?</line>
  <line start="1260" end="1306" speaker="coachz">'Cause ya know, their first album was the <i>BAERMB!</i></line>
  <line start="1311" end="1352" speaker="coachz">In fact, you don't have a copy of "The 36 Chambers" in there, do ya?</line>
  <line start="1353" end="1379" speaker="coachz">'Cause I'd love to listen to it right now!</line>
  <line start="1382" end="1398" speaker="coachz">Ya mind if I come in?</line>
  <line start="1420" end="1422" speaker="sfx">doorbell</line>
  <line start="1441" end="1471" speaker="kingoftown">Trick or treat, I'm horrible!</line>
  <line start="1476" end="1492" speaker="strongbad">You got that right.</line>
  <line start="1507" end="1524" speaker="kingoftown">Ooh, butterscotch!</line>
  <line start="1526" end="1577" speaker="kingoftown">Would you mind melting those down and pouring them over a ham?</line>
  <line start="1609" end="1619" speaker="kingoftown">That's it?!</line>
  <line start="1623" end="1687" speaker="kingoftown">Well, if you think that I'll accept this paltry treat just because it has "butter" in the name...</line>
  <line start="1701" end="1730" speaker="kingoftown">well, you'd be right! Give it here!</line>
  <line start="1746" end="1774" speaker="kingoftown">Ooh, a stick of butter!</line>
  <line start="1835" end="1878" speaker="kingoftown"><em>(muffled)</em> Trick or treat. Again? Please??</line>
  <line start="1902" end="1916" speaker="sfx">banging on door</line>
  <line start="1930" end="1991"><thecheat>The Cheat noises</thecheat><strongmad>IS YOUR REFRIGERATOR PERRY RUNNING?</strongmad></line>
  <line start="2054" end="2096" speaker="strongmad">HALLOWEEN!</line>
  <line start="2142" end="2191" speaker="strongmad">NO. NO! NOOO!!</line>
  <line start="2192" end="2209" speaker="thecheat">squealing The Cheat noises, head explodes</line>
  <line start="2346" end="2348" speaker="sfx">doorbell</line>
  <line start="2365" end="2383" speaker="marzipan">Hey, ho!</line>
  <line start="2387" end="2397" speaker="marzipan">Let's go!</line>
  <line start="2402" end="2417" speaker="marzipan">Hey, ho!</line>
  <line start="2422" end="2433" speaker="marzipan">Trick or treat!</line>
  <line start="2447" end="2460" speaker="marzipan"><em>Candy</em> corn??</line>
  <line start="2466" end="2480" speaker="marzipan">Do you have any real corn?</line>
  <line start="2492" end="2514" speaker="marzipan">Or Indian corn?</line>
  <line start="2533" end="2546" speaker="marzipan">Hey, rice cakes!</line>
  <line start="2550" end="2571" speaker="marzipan">I like to eat them without water.</line>
  <line start="2586" end="2620" speaker="marzipan">Is this a joke? It's not funny.</line>
  <line start="2669" end="2689" speaker="sfx">Knocks rapidly and softly.</line>
  <line start="2968" end="2980" speaker="sfx">"secret" music</line>
  <line start="3045" end="3077" speaker="sfx">knocking to "Shave and a Haircut"</line>
  <line start="3086" end="3166" speaker="homsar">I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for some candy today!</line>
  <line start="3176" end="3251" speaker="homsar">YaAaAaAh, I'm the original ladies' man!</line>
  <line start="3268" end="3351" speaker="homsar">If you give me a treat, make sure that it's sweet, and I'll eeeat iiiiiit...</line>
  <line start="3366" end="3429" speaker="homsar">Oh no, I think this is my favorite!</line>
  <line start="3447" end="3467" speaker="strongbad" volume="0.8">Open the freakin' door!</line>
  <line start="3482" end="3517" speaker="strongbad">Where in the world is my candy?</line>
  <line start="3530" end="3559" speaker="strongbad">Oh, a "fun size" candy bar?</line>
  <line start="3564" end="3601" speaker="strongbad">Tell me this: what's fun about eating less candy?</line>
  <line start="3603" end="3636" speaker="strongbad">Maybe if you gave me an entire bag of them it would be fun.</line>
  <line start="3639" end="3693" speaker="strongbad">The only fun I'm going to have with this thing is smearing it all over your door when I leave.</line>
  <line start="3710" end="3742" speaker="strongbad">Why you lazy crap for crap!</line>
  <line start="3747" end="3774" speaker="strongbad">All you've got is old freakin' Easter candy?</line>
  <line start="3779" end="3800" speaker="strongbad">This thing's rock hard, man!</line>
  <line start="3807" end="3852" speaker="strongbad">Well, you just made it onto my "People I gotta egg today" list.</line>
  <line start="3932" end="3947" speaker="strongbad">What is <em>this</em> crap?!?</line>
  <line start="3950" end="3982" speaker="strongbad">What are you, a dentist? Or a hippie?</line>
  <line start="3993" end="4014" speaker="strongbad">Or some kind of hippie dentist?</line>
  <line start="4060" end="4071" speaker="sfx">soft knock</line>
  <line start="4090" end="4118" speaker="strongsad">Trick or treat, I guess.</line>
  <line start="4123" end="4132" speaker="sfx">soft knock</line>
  <line start="4150" end="4176" speaker="strongsad">Trick or treat, I guess.</line>
  <line start="4188" end="4224" speaker="strongsad">Oh, Necco Wafers.</line>
  <line start="4229" end="4291" speaker="strongsad">These remind me of when I used to eat the colored chalk when I was in school.</line>
  <line start="4301" end="4353" speaker="strongsad">I was sick for a year and nearly died...</line>
  <line start="4372" end="4476" speaker="strongsad">Oh. While I do appreciate the relevance of this, given my costume, I was kind of hoping for something that I wouldn't have to prepare.</line>
  <line start="4483" end="4540" speaker="strongsad">You know, like Necco Wafers or baking chocolate...</line>
  <line start="4559" end="4579" speaker="strongsad">Oh! Baking Chocolate!</line>
  <line start="4586" end="4631" speaker="strongsad">I used to eat this stuff when there was no chocolate in the house.</line>
  <line start="4637" end="4685" speaker="strongsad">And now, it's my only friend.</line>
  <line start="4712" end="4734" speaker="sfx">funky rhythmic knock</line>
  <line start="4751" end="4781" speaker="bubs">Please, baby please, baby baby baby please!</line>
  <line start="4788" end="4800" speaker="bubs">Gimme some candy!</line>
  <line start="4820" end="4899" speaker="bubs">I got a shallow gup and a crallow nup, somebody give me dat Mallow Cup.</line>
  <line start="4914" end="4978" speaker="bubs">Oh! I'm such a big</line>
  <line start="4990" end="5023" speaker="bubs">I never understand the comics that come in this bubble gum.</line>
  <line start="5025" end="5051" speaker="bubs">I mean, the first frame is some guy saying,</line>
  <line start="5053" end="5072" speaker="bubs">"Look out, the sky is falling!"</line>
  <line start="5077" end="5114" speaker="bubs">And the second frame is some guy getting hit on the head with a rock.</line>
  <line start="5121" end="5153" speaker="bubs">And I'm sitting there going, "What the heck just happened?",</line>
  <line start="5160" end="5188" speaker="bubs">and before I know it, I swallowed my bubble gum!</line>
  <line start="5212" end="5213" speaker="sfx">constant knocking</line>
  <line start="5231" end="5335" speaker="homestar">Believe it or not, I'm walkin' around, I never thought I could trick or tre-e-eat...</line>
  <line start="5349" end="5419" speaker="homestar">All right, Smarties! Marzipan said to eat lots of these this year.</line>
  <line start="5428" end="5456" speaker="homestar">I'm not really sure why she said that though.</line>
  <line start="5465" end="5516" speaker="sfx">crickets</line>
  <line start="5545" end="5559"><sfx>record scratch</sfx><homestar>Umm... trick or treat!</homestar></line>
  <line start="5570" end="5701" speaker="homestar"><em>(singing "Entrance of the Gladiators")</em></line>
  <line start="5734" end="5736" speaker="sfx">doorbell</line>
  <line start="5739" end="5780" speaker="homestar"><em>(still singing)</em></line>
  <line start="5804" end="5835" speaker="homestar">Oh... a handful of change.</line>
  <line start="5849" end="5908" speaker="homestar">I guess I can use this to go, um, buy some candy.</line>
  <line start="5916" end="5978" speaker="homestar">So... thank you for adding a step to my Halloween process.</line>
  <line start="6096" end="6135" speaker="homestar">Hey Strong Bad, I really like your costume.</line>
  <line start="6135" end="6177" speaker="homestar">The Spanish Inquisition? That's great.</line>
  <line start="6189" end="6279" speaker="strongbad">Look, for the last time, I'm not The Spanish Inquisition, I'm not Cab Calloway, and I'm not Strong Bad wearing a yellow turtleneck!</line>
  <line start="6284" end="6310" speaker="strongbad">I'm Carmen freakin' Sandiego!!</line>
  <line start="6324" end="6344" speaker="marzipan">I like Cab Calloway.</line>
  <line start="6372" end="6415" speaker="strongbad">Okay, Poopsmith, that's the worst costume I ever saw.</line>
  <line start="6418" end="6440" speaker="strongbad">I mean, you're Lazer Tag?</line>
  <line start="6445" end="6541" speaker="strongbad">What, are you supposed to be dressed up as the product or is it more abstract than that, like you're supposed to be the concept of Lazer Tag?</line>
  <line start="6545" end="6600" speaker="strongbad">Come on man, you know you just found that old crap in a trunk in your basement.</line>
  <line start="6605" end="6626" speaker="kingoftown">Ease off, Strong Bad!</line>
  <line start="6630" end="6673" speaker="kingoftown">He's not the one that dressed up as a <em>girl</em> two years in a row.</line>
  <line start="6682" end="6718" speaker="strongbad">Oh ho ho ho, you asked for it, King.</line>
  <line start="6746" end="6792" speaker="bubs">Did any of you guys go to that house that was givin' out change?</line>
  <line start="6796" end="6828" speaker="bubs">I changed my costume and went back ten times.</line>
  <line start="6832" end="6854" speaker="bubs">I made 35 dollars!</line>
  <line start="6862" end="6908" speaker="strongsad">Did you guys go to that house where they let you into this big room</line>
  <line start="6909" end="6997" speaker="strongsad">and there's all these people wearing black hoods and they ask you these questions about life and existence</line>
  <line start="6998" end="7041" speaker="strongsad">and if you answer them wrong you get eternal damnation,</line>
  <line start="7046" end="7073" speaker="strongsad">but if you answer them right you get a Twizzler?</line>
  <line start="7077" end="7098"><strongbad>Um... no.</strongbad><span style="visibility:hidden"><homestar>Nope.</homestar><coachz>Nope.</coachz></span></line>
  <line start="7099" end="7108"><strongbad>Um... no.</strongbad><homestar>Nope.</homestar><span style="visibility:hidden"><coachz>Nope.</coachz></span></line>
  <line start="7109" end="7111"><strongbad>Um... no.</strongbad><homestar>Nope.</homestar><coachz>Nope.</coachz></line>
  <line start="7112" end="7118"><kingoftown>No.</kingoftown><span style="visibility:hidden"><bubs>Nope.</bubs><thecheat>The Cheat noise</thecheat><strongmad>NO!</strongmad></span></line>
  <line start="7119" end="7126"><kingoftown>No.</kingoftown><bubs>Nope.</bubs><span style="visibility:hidden"><thecheat>The Cheat noise</thecheat><strongmad>NO!</strongmad></span></line>
  <line start="7127" end="7132"><kingoftown>No.</kingoftown><bubs>Nope.</bubs><thecheat>The Cheat noise</thecheat><span style="visibility:hidden"><strongmad>NO!</strongmad></span></line>
  <line start="7133" end="7142"><kingoftown>No.</kingoftown><bubs>Nope.</bubs><thecheat>The Cheat noise</thecheat><strongmad>NO!</strongmad></line>
  <line start="7151" end="7168" speaker="strongsad">Oh. Never mind.</line>
  <line start="7178" end="7219" speaker="marzipan">I like your costume, Strong Sad, but you weren't invited this year.</line>
  <line start="7233" end="7266" speaker="coachz">Say, Pom Pom, check out this funky bass groove!</line>
  <line start="7272" end="7334" speaker="coachz">A doo'rear, a doo'ri, a doo'rear, a doo'ri!</line>
  <line start="7386" end="7423" speaker="homestar">Have they voted yet? I really have to pee.</line>
  <line start="7427" end="7467" speaker="strongbad">Yeah, and the Poopsmith's not smelling any rosier, either.</line>
  <line start="7486" end="7510" speaker="homestar">Oh, oh! I've got an idea!</line>
  <line start="7511" end="7534" speaker="homestar">Let's totally freak 'em out.</line>
  <line start="7537" end="7596" speaker="homestar">Let's repeat the stuff we just saaaaid!</line>
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