Editing Coach Z

{{charnav|Coach Z|cz|Marzipan|Bubs}}
[[Image:coach-z.png|thumb|right|200px|"You can't just rush into the score zone!"]]

==Biography==
'''Coach Z''' is the "[[Wikipedia:Coach (sport)|coach]]" of the residents of [[Free Country, USA]], though it is unclear exactly which sports he coaches.  He has a strong [[Wikipedia:Upper Midwest|Upper Midwestern]] [[Wikipedia:North Central American English|accent]] which sometimes gets him into trouble. He almost never says anything negative to anyone, and he often offers more encouragement than is needed.  When giving advice, he tends to start with the phrase "You can't just rush into the score zone", which by now has lost its meaning.  He wears a baseball cap and is famous for the large Z emblem around his waist, but nobody knows for sure whether his bright green color is his skin or a body suit. However, [[Middle School Variation#Baby Coach Z|baby Coach Z]] seems to be wearing footy pajamas in the email [[highschool]], and on more than one occasion, Coach Z has mentioned his [[pants]]. In [[shapeshifter]], Coach Z referred to his outfit as his "sweaty sweat-sweats", which was seen to have at least one pocket.

[[Image:Coach z butt.PNG|thumb|Coach Z talking about his butt.]]
As Coach Z himself is not afraid to admit, he's got [[Who Said What Now?|more than two problems]]. Despite being a coach, he doesn't know what a basketball is, as indicated in [[secret recipes]]. It has been implied that he has a crush on [[Marzipan]], and he has occasionally made inappropriate comments about her; [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 5.0#Message 6|one occasion]] [[Marzipan's Answering Machine|on her answering machine]] when he was drunk, and another during the commercial break of the 4Tst annual [[Fall Float Parade]]. In fact, in [[diorama]], he claims that Marzipan is his "gorgeous girlfriend". He also cannot say the word "job", as shown in the "[[A Jorb Well Done]]" cartoon. He sometimes may pronounce it as "jorb", "jaerb", or "jareoarb". He has a drinking problem and can frequently be seen consuming [[Listerine|mouthwash]], as seen in [[The Best Decemberween Ever]] and [[Decemberween Short Shorts]], among other appearances. In addition to his frequent mispronunciations, Coach Z also seems to have mental and gender confusion problems, as evidenced by the time he spent "talking to his parents" on a [[disconnected telephone]], and claiming to be a mother in [[garage sale]]. He has even stated on [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 8.0|one occasion]] that he sometimes "forgets what's real, and what's just in [his] head". He also has trouble managing his money, causing his electricity to be shut off each year. He has an apparent fixation with butts, and he seems to have a habit with [[butt-patting]]. He was told by [[Homestar Runner]] in Decemberween Short Shorts to not tell people about his butt when they asked him "What's up". He works with Homestar Runner and [[Bubs]] as the apparent [[Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon|local law enforcement]] in [[Free Country, USA]], and he makes frequent jokes and references about pants, whether his own or someone else's. In recent cartoons it appears that Coach Z is the janitor at [[the office]] where Homestar and [[Strong Bad]] work.  He is paid on hourly wage and is clearly jealous that Strong Bad is paid on salary. He has also spent time [[Blubb-O's Commercial|dressed as the Blubb-O's Drive-Thru Whale]] mascot. Many characters see him as a nuisance, and even Homestar has treated Coach Z with contempt in Decemberween Short Shorts, where Coach Z wants to go to Homestar's house for Decemberween, and Homestar replies with a "no" (numerous times).

[[Image:Babycz.PNG|thumb|left|115px|The craptain of the foortball torm!]]
Coach Z is a fan of hip-hop and rap music, particularly the [[Wikipedia:Wu-Tang Clan|Wu-Tang Clan]].  He fancies himself a rapper as well: He released the single "[[These Peoples Try to Fade Me]]," which appeared on [[Strong Bad Sings and Other Type Hits]], his solo album, entitled "The Z Is All Up Ins", features the smash hit "[[New Boots|Hip Hop Dance]]", and his own rap song, "[[Rap Song]]" (featuring [[Peacey P]] and [[Tenerence Love]]).

[[Image:CoachZ3D.png|thumb|"Hey, watch where y'er pointin' that 3D!"]]
Coach Z's [[Ages of Characters|age]] is ambiguous, as he appears to be grown up when Strong Bad was a kid in the email [[stand-up]], while they both appeared to be babies in the email [[highschool]] (although Strong Bad said that [[History According to Strong Bad|he had a "doodle memory".]]).

Coach Z and [[Bubs]] [[Bubs and Coach Z's Relationship|had a falling out]] at one point, as [[Fall Float Parade]] tells us. But as of the email [[narrator]] it seems they're back to having boring conversations outside [[Bubs' Concession Stand]]. 

Coach Z owns four [[Wikipedia:Tony Award|Tony awards]] but it is unknown if he actually won them.

*'''Domicile:'''  [[Coach Z's Locker Room]]
*'''Debut:''' "[[Where My Hat Is At?]]"
*[[:Category:Coach Z Filmography|Complete Filmography]]
<gallery>Image:coachzs Z.png|Coach Z's emblem
Image:oldcoach.PNG|Youthful days
Image:Coach Z- no hat.PNG|Hatless
Image:ZsNewMedallion.png|His emblem, squished/skewed/turned all around (from [[redesign]])</gallery>

== Character Video Transcript ==
[[Image:CharacterVidCoachZ.png|thumb|"Hoo-hah!"]]
''{'''Page Title''': Drop Down and Gimme 20!!}'' ''{'''Places:''' [[Coach Z's Locker Room]]}''

'''COACH Z:''' ''{looking slightly offscreen}'' Is that thing on? ''{turns to the camera lens}'' Hey there, ho there! I'm the Coach! The Coach Z, I'd guess you'd call me. Or plain old Coach is fine, seein' as I'm the only one around, so, probably no one else would answer to that. You say "Hey Coach!", and I'd say "Yeah?" or..."That's me!" or..."Hoo-hah!" ''{waves his arms in the air}'' Any one of those. There's rumors flyin' around that I sleep in one of these lockers ''{gestures to the lockers behind him}'', but uh, that's just not true. I usually crash on this bench here. ''{gestures to the bench behind him}'' My back's not in real good condition. ''{rubs his back}'' And now, I'd like to perform my hip-hop single, "These peoples try to fade me." ''{holds up a microphone, begins to sing}'' A one-two, a one-two—!

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' ''{appears in front of camera}'' Sorry. We're all out of tape.

==Coach Z's Accent==
The primary factor in his hilarity, Coach Z's Upper Midwestern accent has made him into a very quotable character.

===Sounds Affected===
The most commonly mispronounced sounds are long e (i.e. The Cheat) and the short o (job), which both come out as an "or" or "aer" ("The Chort", "jaerb").

===List of mispronounced words===
{| border=1 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2 width=100% style="border-collapse:collapse;"
|- bgcolor=#eeeeee
! Original Word<!-- Please add new words in alphabetical order! --> !! Coach Z's version(s) !! Appears In
|-
| '''About''' || Abrat || [[No Hands On Deck!]]
|-
| '''Accent''' || Orccent/Accernt || [[Accent]]
|-
| '''Action''' || Airkshin || [[Happy Fireworks]], [[Main Page 23]]
|-
| '''Athlete''' || Airthlete || [[The Homestar Runner Gets Something Stuck in His Craw]]
|-
| '''Awful''' || Orful || Email [[secret recipes]]
|-
| '''Balloon''' || b'lloon || [[Fall Float Parade]]
|-
| '''Bomb''' || Baermb || [[The House That Gave Sucky Treats]],<br>[[These peoples try to fade me]]
|-
| '''Captain''' || [[Media:Highschool 6.ogg|Craptain]] || Email [[highschool]]
|-
| '''Chips''' || Chorps || [[3 Times Halloween Funjob]]
|-
| '''[[Crap]]''' || Crop || [[Accent]]
|-
| '''Credenza''' || Cradernza || [[3 Times Halloween Funjob]]
|-
| '''Crickets''' || Crackets || [[Happy Hallow-day]]
|-
| '''Cubicle''' || Kyorbicle || [[DNA Evidence (Toon)|DNA Evidence]]
|-
| '''[[Decemberween]]''' || Decemberwern || [[The Best Decemberween Ever]]
|-
| '''[[DELETED]]''' || DELORTED || Email [[replacement]]
|-
| '''Did''' || Doird || [[Dangeresque (karaoke)]]
|-
| '''Disco''' || Disca ||  [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2]] 
|-
| '''Drop''' || Drap || Email [[your funeral]]
|-
| '''[[Duck]]''' || Dook || [[Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene]]
|-
| '''Exaggerate''' || Exorggerate || [[Accent]]
|-
| '''[[Fhqwhgads]]''' || Forhorgalingrads || Email [[sibbie]] (Easter Egg)
|-
| '''Field''' || Fierld || [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 1.0]]
|-
| '''Five''' || Farve || [[A Decemberween Pageant]]
|-
| '''Flapjacks''' || Florpjacks || [[Accent]]
|-
| '''Football Team''' || Foortball Torm || Email [[highschool]]
|-
| '''Forgot to putt''' || Forgort to port, forgat to prat, gorka fa pork || Email [[mini-golf]]
|-
| '''Gosh''' || Gorsh || Email [[strong badathlon]]
|-
| '''Gluten''' and '''Glutton''' || Glorten || [[Weclome Back]]
|-
| '''Halloween''' || Halloworn || [[The Best Decemberween Ever]]
|-
| '''Halloween''' || Hallerwern || [[Jibblies 2]]
|-
| '''Happy Hallow&mdash;''' || Horpy Horlow&mdash; || [[Happy Hallow-day]]
|-
| '''Happy T''' || Horpy Tor || [[Happy T!]]
|-
| '''Hello''' || Hellor || [[Homestar Presents: Presents]]
|-
| '''[[Homestar Runner|Homestar]]''' || Hamstray, Hamster, Stramstar,<br>[http://www.stairmaster.com Stairmaster], Homegrown, [[Wikipedia:Ramrod|Ramrod]], Humphel || [[A Jorb Well Done]]
|-
| '''Hoot''' || Hort || [[Happy Hallow-day]]
|-
| '''I Feel Bad''' || Ir feer borld || Email [[part-time job#Commentary Transcript|part-time job (commentary)]]
|-
| '''Idea''' || Idear || [[Happy Hallow-day]]
|-
| '''Inappropriate''' || Inapprapriate || [[Fall Float Parade]]
|-
| '''Inoculate''' || Anorculate || [[The Brothers Chaps' Fansite Acknowledgments#Burning Horizon Forum|BHZ Anniversary Message]]
|-
| '''[[Jibblie]]''' || Jorbaly || [[Jibblies 2]]
|-
| '''Job''' || Jorb, Jaerb, Jarb, Joerghb, Jaeoreorb || [[A Jorb Well Done]],<br>Email [[boring (really)]]
|-
| '''Jujyfruits''' || Jorjyfruits, Jerjyfrorts, Georgie Frorgie,<br>[[Wikipedia:George Foreman|George Foreman]] || [[The House That Gave Sucky Treats]]
|-
| '''Laundry''' || Landry || [[Rap Song]]
|-
| '''[[Coach Z's Locker Room|Locker]]''' || Lacker/Lacquer || Email [[part-time job#Commentary Transcript|part-time job (commentary)]],<br>Email [[myths & legends]] (Easter Egg)
|-
| '''Man''' || Marn || [[Dangeresque (karaoke)]]
|-
| '''[[Mike Chapman|Mike]]''' || Mork || Email [[part-time job#Commentary Transcript|part-time job (commentary)]]
|-
| '''Mother'''|| Mudder|| [[No Hands On Deck!]]
|-
| '''Mouthwash''' || Mouthwarsh || [[The Best Decemberween Ever]]
|-
| '''Musical''' || Myorsical || [[No Hands On Deck!]]
|-
| '''Not''' || Nat || [[Decemberween Short Shorts]], [[Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene]]
|-
| '''October''' || Orctober || [[The Best Decemberween Ever]]
|-
| '''Office''' || Arfice || [[In Search of the Yello Dello New Version|In Search of the Yello Dello]]
|-
| '''Out''' || Oat || [[A Jorb Well Done]]
|-
| '''Party''' || Pratty || Email [[impression]]
|-
| '''[[Wikipedia:Pert Plus|Pert Plus]]''' || Port Plus || [[Jibblies 2]]
|- 
| '''[[Pom Pom]]''' || Pam Pam || [[Fall Float Parade]]
|-
| '''Problem''' || Praeblem || [[In Search of the Yello Dello New Version|In Search of the Yello Dello]]
|-
| '''Rock bottom''' || Rack battom || [[Decemberween Short Shorts]]
|-
| '''Real''' || Rrrl || [[A Folky Tale]]
|-
| '''Revealed''' || Revearled || Email [[cliffhangers]]
|-
| '''Secret''' || Sorcret, "secret sorcret" || Email [[cliffhangers]]
|-
| '''Situation''' || Sitch'ation || [[A Folky Tale]]
|-
| '''Sports''' || Sprots || Email [[part-time job#Commentary Transcript|part-time job (commentary)]]
|-
| '''Stick''' || Stark || [[Dangeresque (karaoke)]]
|-
| '''Stop''' || Stap || [[Rap Song]]
|-
| '''Suck''' || Sook || [[Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene]]
|-
| '''Swedish Fish''' || Swordish Feirsh || [[3 Times Halloween Funjob]]
|-
| '''Talkin' about''' || Torkin' abort || [[Happy Hallow-day]]
|-
| '''Terrible''' || Terbirle || Email [[senior prom]]
|-
<!-- Please do not add "Torm" unless a cartoon is released where Coach Z says this by itself.  In "highschool", he says "Foortball Torm", and that is covered further up in this list. -->
| '''[[The Cheat]]''' || The Chort || ''see [[Nicknames#The Cheat|Nicknames]]''
|-
| '''There''' || Dere, dare || Email [[lures & jigs]], [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2]], Email [[theme park]], [[Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene]]
|-
| '''Thousand''' || Trousand || [[Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene]]
|-
| '''Thug''' || Thorg || [[Halloween Fairstival]]
|-
| '''Thumb''' || Thermb || [[Some Stupid Turkey]]
|-
| '''[[Toilet]]''' || Terlet || [[Halloween Fairstival]],<br>[[A Folky Tale]],<br>[[Halloween Potion-ma-jig]] (Bubs, Homestar),<br>Email [[unnatural]]
|-
| '''Tomato''' || Tomater, "[[Quote of the Week#QW-2005-12-08|I zader matermorts]]" || [[Fall Float Parade]]
<!-- Please do not add "Torm" unless a cartoon is released where Coach Z says this by itself.  In "highschool", he says "Foortball Torm", and that is covered further up in this list. -->
|-
|'''Tomorrow''' || Tomoarow, || [[A Jorb Well Done]]
|-
| '''Trick or Treat''' || Track or Trort || [[3 Times Halloween Funjob]]
|-
| '''Undefeated''' || Undeforted || [[Decemberween Short Shorts]]
|-
| '''Unfortunate''' || Unfarchunate || [[Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene]]
|-
| '''Up''' || Arp || [[Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene]]
|-
| '''[[Wikipedia:Volvo|Volvo]]''' || Vorlvo || [[rated]]
|-
| '''What''' || Whort || [[Date Nite]]
|-
| '''Yipe''' || Yorp || Email [[redesign]]
|}

===Inconsistencies===

Evidence has suggested that Coach Z's accent may be bogus:
*After saying "track or trort" in [[3 Times Halloween Funjob]], Bubs gets on his case and he says it correctly. If given "Swedish Fish," said as "Swordish Forsh," Bubs gets on his case again and Coach Z says "It's a crowd-pleaser."
*In [[boring (really)]], while Strong Bad is writing his list of three-letter words, Coach Z interrupts him at the word "job", saying that "jorb is a four letters word."
*Coach Z says "The Cheat" immediately after "The Chort" in [[mascot]], though he speaks as though he's talking about two different people.
*In the DVD commentary for [[part-time job]], [[Mike Chapman|Mike]] exploits Coach Z's "accent" by implying that not only does Coach Z add the letter R to words, but now also likes to switch letters around sometimes, and in reply Coach Z partially admits to his accent being bogus.
*In [[cliffhangers]], in the process of his attempted unmasking of [[The Thnikkaman]], he says "secret sorcret" twice, referring to Thnikkaman's secret being revealed and his shame in having really bad hand-eye coordination.

===Featured in===
*[[A Jorb Well Done]]
*[[Coach Z Talker]]

==Coach Z's "more than two problems"==
Coach Z has claimed to have "more than two problems." An analysis of his behavior shows the following problems.
*Medical
**He has "[[rampage|problems with his feet]]", including [[labor day|athlete's foot]].
**He has [[#Character Video Transcript|mentioned]] [[rampage|several times]] that he [[slumber party|has a bad back]].
**When his bathing suit is removed, he [[underlings|leaks a black fluid]].
**He has [[cliffhangers|bad hand-eye coordination]].

*Psychological
**He [[garage sale|thinks that he is a mother]].
**He [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 8.0|sometimes forgets what's real and what's just in his head]].
**He has an obsession with [[butts]].
**He seems to [[Date Nite|believe he's in a relationship with Bubs]].
**He has [[mini-golf|short-term memory loss]].
**He once asked a [[Wormdingler|drawing he made]] to [[Trogday 08|be his bride]].
**He believes that a [[diorama|sketch of a cell phone]] is a real cell phone.

*[[Alcohol]]ism
**He has been drunk multiple times, usually on [[Listerine]].
**He spiked the punch at the [[senior prom]] with [[Listerine]].

*Anti-social behavior
**He wears a [[underlings|disturbingly small bathing suit]] when swimming, and doesn't realize that it makes others uncomfortable.
**It has been implied that he [[Marzipan and Coach Z's Relationship|has a crush on Marzipan]]. He has occasionally made [[Fall Float Parade|"inapprapriate" comments]] about her and has [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2|let it slip]] that he snuck into her house.

*Hygiene
**He holds the [[record book|record]] for the longest time gone without [[showering]].
**He admits he [[theme park|likes a good chafe]].
**He wears [[shapeshifter|sweaty pants]].

*Speech Impediment
**See [[#Coach Z's Accent|above]].

*Lack of generally common knowledge
**Despite being a coach, he [[secret recipes|doesn't know what a basketball is]].
**He claims to [[Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene|only know a few words]], such as "pfargtl", his "favorite animal".
**At one point, he believed that the shower heads in his locker room were his "[[hygiene|drippy, broken speakers]]".
**He believes a [[cardboard box]] with a detached microphone is a [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 15.2|record studio]].
**He thinks [[environment|cooking with hydroelectricity]] means running a hot dog under the shower.

*Financial
**He claims he [[These Peoples Try To Fade Me|has money, but not much]].
**He lives in a gymnasium locker room.
**He frequently has his power shut off because he [[Homestar Presents: Presents|forgets to pay his bills]].
**He has occasionally [[Blubb-O's Commercial|attempted to be sent to prison]], since he would be guaranteed "three square meals a day".

*Miscellaneous
**He often [[secret recipes|pukes his pants]].
**He carries a bottle of [[Halloween Potion-ma-jig|questionable water]] with him at all times for questionable reasons.
**Even when he finds he's eating something awful, he [[secret recipes|still eats it]].
**He [[Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene|enjoys covering puke in sawdust]], claiming that "Sawdust makes everything delicious".

== Fun Facts ==
*Coach Z's accent came from a depressing Midwestern voice that [[Matt Chapman|Matt]] and some friends would do in college.
*It was revealed in issue #21 of [[Wonkavision Magazine Interview|Wonkavision]] magazine that Coach Z is named after [[Craig Zobel]].
*According to [[trading cards]], Coach Z gave 23 [[Butt-Patting|butt pats]] in 1984 (22 to Homestar, 1 to himself).
*Coach Z was originally known as "Coach Zee."
*Strong Bad referred to Coach Z as "Green Bubs" in the email [[road trip]].
*In [[Date Nite]] he is shown without his hat and wearing hair curlers, despite a lack of visible hair.
*On Coach Z's emblem, the darker blue shine streak under the gold Z makes a backwards Z formation.
*According to the [[Old Characters Page]], Coach Z wasn't much of a coach at the time, and he just added the title because it sounded "cooler than just Z". He has been seen coaching on numerous occasions since then, though his talent at it is still dubious at best.

== Relationships ==
:''Main article: [[Character Relationships]]''
*[[Bubs and Coach Z's Relationship]]
*[[Strong Bad and Coach Z's Relationship]]
*[[Marzipan and Coach Z's Relationship]]
*[[Homestar Runner and Coach Z's Relationship]]

== Variations ==
*[[Fort Wayne Locomotive]] ([[Old-Timey]])
*[[20X6 Coach Z]] ([[20X6]])
*[[Renaldo]] ([[Dangeresque (film series)|Dangeresque]])
*[[Zubs and Coach B|Coach B or Zubs]] 
*[[Other Character Variations|Coach Zed]]
*[[Strong Badman Characters#Damp Towel Man|Damp Towel Man]]

=== [[Halloween Costumes]] ===
In each Homestar Runner Halloween special, Coach Z has dressed up as something hip-hop-related, or in the case of Theo Huxtable, something he believes to be hip-hop related. (The Noid costume was not released.)

*[[Wikipedia:Flavor Flav|Flavor Flav]] in [[Homestarloween Party]].
*[[Wikipedia:Shock G|Humpty Hump]] in [[The House That Gave Sucky Treats]].
*[[Wikipedia:Christopher "Kid" Reid|Kid]] in [[Pumpkin Carve-nival]].
*[[Wikipedia:Kool Moe Dee|Kool Moe Dee]] in [[3 Times Halloween Funjob]].
*[[Wikipedia:Tupac Shakur|Tupac]] in [[Halloween Fairstival]].
*Theo Huxtable (from [[Wikipedia:The Cosby Show|The Cosby Show]]) in [[Halloween Potion-ma-jig]].
*[[Wikipedia:Queen Latifah|Queen Latifah]] in [[Happy Hallow-day]].
*[[Wikipedia:So So Def Recordings|So So Def Recordings Logo]] in [[Jibblies 2]].

==Quotes of the Week==
{{qotwstart}}
*{{qotw|"Mmmmm! Drink in that bun!"|[[environment]]|Mirror:cz_drinkin.mp3}}
*{{qotw|"Coach Z, R-A-P. Accidentally featuring Peacey P..." ''{entire "Rap Song"}''|[[Rap Song]]|Mirror:rapsong.mp3}}
*{{qotw|"I feel like that school child on the first day of Christmas!"|[[Rap Song]] outtake|Mirror:cz schoolchild.mp3}}
*{{qotw|"Oh. I guess I forgort to port. Oh! I guess I forgat to prat! OH! Gorka fa pork!"|[[mini-golf]]|Mirror:cz forgortport.mp3}}
*{{qotw|"You say tomater, I zader madermorts."|[[Fall Float Parade]]|Mirror:cz tomater.mp3}}
*{{qotw|"IT'S DAZZLE-MAZING!!"|[[Happy Fireworks]]|Mirror:cz dazzlemaze.mp3}}
*{{qotw|"Once again, [[Biscuit Dough Hands Man]] slips through our fingers!"|[[Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon]]|Mirror:cz slipthrufingers.mp3}}
*{{qotw|"It was Biscuit Dough Hands Man! I knew it!!"|[[Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon]]|Mirror:cz bdhman.zip}}
*{{qotw|"My name is Coach Z. Pronounced with an 'oach Z'."|[[The House That Gave Sucky Treats]]|Mirror:cz oachz.mp3}}
|}

==See Also==
*[[Coach Z Evolution]]
*[[Coach Z Other Costumes|Other Costumes]]
*[[Nicknames#Coach Z|Nicknames]]

== External Links ==
* [[HR:vcr cz.html|watch Coach Z's character video]]
* [[HR:vcr cz.swf|view the Flash file for Coach Z's character video]]

{{Characters|Coach Z}}

{{subtitlesLinks|vcr cz}}

[[Category:Word running gags]]