User:Purple Wrench/toiminal

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Current revision as of 23:42, 27 August 2023

This is the toiminal. It's kinda like a message bored but without the games and the other users... and, y'know, the engsmsplosion of site traffic. It appeareth on my talketh pageth... fer yer enjerlyment.

(27 August 2023)


*yawn* That was a great skillet-nap! Thanks, whoever hit me in the head! I mean, the head! I mean, the business end of a wrench that is also called a head!
Well, looks like I slept for... TWO YEARS!?! Catjaz, what's going o--
*notices that Catjaz has blanked his page*

Oh.

Well, guess I should treat this like I just traveled through time. Clearly I'm ill-equipped to handle the deuce-aught-deuce-treice.

LARRY! LARRY! larry!

Wait. That can't be right.

OKAY LARRY! -AYLARRY! -aylarry!

Gotta remember to future-proof my calls for help, y'know. In case the responder is made of some kind of ay-eye or cardboard or whatever.

Oh yeah, speaking of cardboard, that's what got me to wake up! You know that classic line:

"Look, girl sitting across from me. I gotta level with you. I'm gonna go build a deck!"

I just realized that might have been a pun.
17 years after the toon came out.
15 years since I first saw it.
Three years since a pig resembling Strong Bad was added to a game whose title is a different take on the same idiom.

Talk about slow on the uptake.


(2 August 2017)


Well, that's it. I no longer have patience for Chrome's awful font handling. All I ever needed was the ability to have the operating system (that is, any of them) take care of all the specifics of font drawing, but no. Chrome has an agenda to push, which seems to involve the exclusive use of anti-aliasing. That's especially obvious because practically all webfonts have abysmal support for aliased rendering. And that's not even touching upon the inconsistent font and UI sizes that Chrome seems to go back and forth on, both compared to the operating system and to its own past and future releases.
If Chrome wants me to look at a screen and not be able to tell by the font rendering if I'm on Windows, Mac, iOS, Android or a Linux distro, then so be it. Now everything looks unpleasantly smooth, but at least it's readable again.
But I can contain the ugliness! Thanks to Linux's almost insane level of support for customization, I can make Chrome the only program that looks like this. Firefox and everything else remain untouched.

In slightly related news (as in, also about text), @StrongBadActual has reached I-can't-keep-up-with-it levels of tweetstagramming.


(15 August 2016)


Continuing from yesterday, sometimes it's the little things that make all the difference.
For twenty-four hours, I thought the Two More Eggs end slate said "eggs with sauce".
Apparently, I was wrong.
Which makes me right previously.
Thank you Catjaz.


(15 August 2016)


Sometimes it's the little things that make all the difference.
All this time, I thought the Two More Eggs end slate said "extra sauce".
Apparently, I was wrong.


(31 December 2015)


So, now that all the episodes of Two More Eggs have aired, I'd like to theorize what Dooble's deal is.
Everyone seems to be comparing his speech patterns to Homsar. But really, he seems a lot closer to Senor Cardgage in what he says. Except less mumbly and depressing. Sure, his voice is... closer to Homsar, but in terms of his personality he's cut from the Cardgage cloth. Why? Because Homsar seems only slightly aware of his surroundings, and mostly talks about himself no matter what the situation. Senor Cardgage can act based on what is going on around him, and it's clear that he has a relatively solid grasp on the situation (at least compared to Homsar). Same deal with Dooble. There's a lot of characters in TV shows and the like that seem to be half in a conversation and half isolated from it, like if you removed the other person they would sound like they were just making observations rather than talking to themselves. Dooble, and the people who talk to him, often follow that pattern. But the couple of occasions where it feels like there really is focus in the conversation (eg, the scientists actually giving Dooble what he wants) reassure the audience that everyone is aware of Dooble's presence, and vice versa.
But there is one noticeable attribute Dooble possesses that reminds me of Homsar, and I don't think anyone has brought it up yet. It is what Strong Bad calls "powers of persuasion", but in a more supernatural sense. Dooble is a bit of a non-sequitur: as a character in general, but also in the situations to which he is added. Everything he says is at least slightly off, and at most very strange. Yet in roughly two sentences he is able to convince almost every character to side with him, do what he asks, follow him, or simply acknowledge his power. He convinces criminals to let him transport what we presume to be a body — and that it is a "good idea" — and then, upon being threatened with arrest and having the body bag compromised, appears inside as the body, prompting all of the policemen to dance along with him. This entire debacle could not possibly have cancelled out the charges, yet no arrest is made. More revealing is his appearance in the newsroom. Everyone is trying to get him off the set, but Dooble abruptly calls a cameraman by his name. The cameraman is taken aback, but Dooble asks him to turn the set lights off — and he does, forgetting that Dooble has no authority to do so. By the end of his song, and with no visible changes in their character or any sort of prompting on Dooble's part, the news anchors are suddenly singing along with him and rejoice when he solves the problem on which he was reporting. Even in his children's show appearance, he quickly convinces the characters that he is evil, and every decidedly neutral action he takes is cause for alarm. The moment he destroys the real villain, the characters all cheer for him. There is no hint of mistrust, no slow realization, not even an apology to Dooble for believing he was evil earlier. Perhaps there need not have been an apology, because Dooble knew he had convinced them simply by being present. He completely took over their minds.

Or maybe I'm just overthinking this a lot. Good thing I didn't ramble about what statement Trauncles seems to be making.


(23 November 2015)


For a short time in 2013, while Strong Bad was away preparing for w00tstock, Bubs once again seceded from Strong Badia. This time, however, he renamed his autonomous commonwealth C-Stand-Bubs.
Why did Conces5ionstantinople get the nix?
That's nobody's business but the Thnikk's.


(6 September 2015)


Perhaps you've taken a look at the Stinkoman 20X6 Enemies and Items page and wondered why the sprites look so... choppy, for lack of a better term. Or perhaps you haven't, and I just sound like Strong Sad all of a sudden. What's the matter, can't handle talking about nearest neighbor interpolation problems?
...But let's assume you do know what I'm talking about. (For an example of what I mean, look at shield.png before and after the new version I uploaded.)
The shield sprite was relatively simple to do because I just had to start level 9, print-screen, and do some quick editing. No split-second timing and no crazy gaming skills required. But what about the rest of the items and enemies? Trying to print-screen them all and manage a 1:1 pixel ratio would be a nightmare. So I did what any... um... me would do: I tried to extract the sprites from the Flash file automatically.
Here's the part I didn't see coming. None of the sprites are actually stored as images. They are all Flash polygons, and I assume this was done intentionally so that the sprites would never look blurry regardless of the user's Flash settings. That caused a problem for me, specifically because taking screenshots of the extracted polygons doesn't guarantee that they will be visible in-frame. Did I mention I'm only using free Linux software to do this?
So I tried writing scripts to fix this until I realized it certainly wasn't worth the time or effort. I might try this again at some point, because the wiki deserves better (and smaller) sprites. But it's not a huge concern anymore.

That said, I did find out that the bacon actually comes from an image of... many bacons.


(9 August 2015)


And so, on August 3rd, 2015, it was decided that Homestar should repeatedly make a face only a mother could love.

He obviously needs medical resistance.

(24 June 2015)

Booooooo... ka-chunk. *clears throat* 'Sup my young parsons. I too am so on the go,
that I can't feel my esophagus
what is going on here?!?
Why is there suddenly a pair of gallinaceous lagniappes where there once was a pair of murine aures?
Why do they choose to steal the Craig Benzine-ism for a video description?
Why must an entire demographic be unable to sample what may be a delightful product and instead be confined to the use of a single joke? ...And does that also exclude Coach Z?
*gasps* HOW CAN CGI LOOK SO DATED WON'T SOMEONE GIVE ME AN ANSWER...?

...well, I guess not. We won't know anything for at least another week. So I guess I'll just have to wait it out. Very, very forwards.

(21 April 2015)

As a fan of They Might Be Giants and Homestar Runner, it's always amazing to hear a TMBG song that reminds me of something The Brothers Chaps would make. I'm not talking about Experimental Film or Crystal Fortress, or any of the other collaborations they've done together; I'm talking about songs that just sound like they fit with Homestar Runner. Usually that happens when TMBG use the same Casio keyboards we all know and love. (Speaking of which, good to hear a new toon that brings back the Casio keyboards!)
Two examples I can think of are Put Your Hand Inside The Puppet Head, from 1985, and I'm Gettin' Sentimental Over You from circa 1987. The former uses a keyboard patch in the background that is also used as the Lappy 486's startup sound, and is heard when angry Bubs marches up to Homestar in Donut Unto Others. The latter uses drum patches that are very common on the site, specifically in Theme Song Video.
Fresh off TMBG's new album Glean which came out today, here is a third example: All The Lazy Boyfriends, which has the keyboard patch most famously used in flag day. A music video for the song was also coincidentally released today, and you can listen to it here.

(24 March 2015)

I would like to pay my respects to a brave soul whom we unfortunately lost yesterday. The bearer of good news shall no longer bring joy to those who listen.
Farewell, Store Front Page News. I'll always miss your excitement to usher in a new product; your silly, all-nonsense attitude; your bold headline and your regularly-typed body text...
Store Front Page News will be buried along with its kinsmen at homestarrunnerstore.com, to be replaced by a more simplistic store. Tee is in all of our hearts.

Store Front Page News 2002 - 2015

(8 March 2015)

DANCING ROBOTS
DANCING ROBOTS
DANCING ROBOTS
DANCING ROBOTS

So I guess this is just normal now?
Alright then, now there are two roadblocks in the H*R universe: A wiki that suddenly slows to a halt sometimes with no explanation, and the security risks popping up in Flash on a frequent basis.

Adobe should just tape a piece of paper to all the Flash plugins that says "Everything is fine. Nothing is ruined.""Keep your pants on. For real."

(18 January 2015)

DOO-DA-DOO-DA-DIDDLE DOO-DA-DOO-DA-DIDDLE DOO-DA-DOO-DA-DIDDLE DOO-DA-DOO-DA-DIDDLE

...in other words, the system was down all of yesterday. Good to see it back though.

(7 December 2014)

...Also, it seems like Strong Bad's got another kids' book in the works!

(2 December 2014)

Umm, guys, the Brothers Chaps are seriously busy right now. Check out this collab they put out with Paul and Storm!

(31 October 2014)

Observations: 1) Homsar alive and well
2) Pom Pom dead
3) whatsit pile stolen, presumed dead
4) Pom Pom not filled with deadly gas
5) Pom Pom's death not firey and probably not visible from space
6) Homestar did not simply walk into murder

Rest in pieces, Pom Pom. Lots of really tiny, rubbery pieces. And whatsit pile, you are in all of our hearts.

"Aardvark Pizza. Abraham Lincoln's Pizza Cabin. Acupuncture and Pizza: Open late... free delivery..."

(21 October 2014)

 _n_
 |  ¬
 /  |      is homsar still alive?
/___|
 b d


Maybe we'll finally find out this month.

Standing in the doorway  is the Purple Wrench. The Wrench beckons you to step inside and converse. You feel hesitant, not knowing how to react to the liveliness of the household item. Behind you is a crowded street. To the right is a place you haven't gone yet.

What shall you do?

(5 October 2014)
a> search "homestar runner LIMIT=newsarticles"

Fish Eye Lens has been reported on Rolling Stone Magazine.
It has also turned up on Gizmodo, the AV Club, and USA Today.

(22 September 2014)
I never thought I'd see the day that Strong Bad and Colin Mochrie were endorsing the same product.
Without a hat no less.

(24 July 2014)
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he just won't stay down.

(15 December 2010)
a> talk wrench

What subject would you like to ask the Wrench about?


a> movie

The Wrench suddenly hones its ability to call upon soft focus filters and lens flares, and before you can perceive it a prophecy has been recalled to your memory. It states the following:

Ahem. Testing, one two three. I have a grave prediction regarding the Monster Safari movie, in that all signs point to its demise before a script is even realized. Yet, this is not an uneducated prediction. Earlier this year, a movie that had been anticipated since 2007 was deemed cancelled by its creator due to a lack of interest. I am obscurely referring to the Neverhood Movie, the brainchild of Doug TenNapel. His movie was to be created by a film-based spinoff of cartoon distributor Frederator. Such an obscure team as Chapman and Zobel, known only for an internet cartoon, seems almost doomed from the start when compared to the creator of Earthworm Jim and his unexpected failure. However, that does not signal the end of either effort. In the place of the movie, a CD of Neverhood-style music by the original composer has been announced. And, well, we just got a mackerel of a holiday toon! So Ron Planet, establish a base in comics in case you don't make it. And Monster Safari, don't expect it to be glutamate great just yet. But don't give up with what you already have... ave... ve... e...

The prophecy ends abruptly at this point. Gelatin, you think to yourself.

What shall you do?


a>