User:Purple Wrench

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"Dang it!"

*Note that on this page (mostly in the userbox), this user is referred to in the third person with pronouns such as "tee" in place of he/she, "temm" in place of him/her, "temmself" in place of him/herself, "terr" in place of his/her, and "terrs" in place of his/hers. Why, you ask? Because making sense is not part of terr mission! Tee's stickin' with the tee.

Contents

[edit] Purple Wrench's Quote of the Week

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Spliced together from Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 17.2. Updated 23 May 2016. Click here for more info.

[edit] Favorite Homestar-Related Pages

These are pages that I feel are either underappreciated, unknown, or simply difficult to find. Some are legitimate while some are troll edits that have since been reverted; some are useful while others are simply hilarious. A select few are not on the wiki at all.

[edit] Wiki Pages I've Created

[edit] Regular Pages

These are regular pages in the main namespace of the Wiki.

  • Jam (The need for this page, oddly enough, arose from a glitch.)

[edit] Extra Pages

These are pages I have started in my own namespace in order to help with the comprehensive nature of the Wiki, despite not being important enough to be regular pages.

  • Strong Bad's Greetings If an email has one greeting and Strong Bad says something else, it'll be here.
  • Contentions I Hold Homestar-related stuff I think is true, but either I can't prove it or the wiki disagrees.
  • Homestar Offsite Lets you download all the files on homestarrunner.com at once.

[edit] April Fools' Jokes

Since AFJAOBN will no longer be used to keep track of users' April Fools jokes on the wiki, here's a list of mine:

[edit] 2011

  • Changed my user page to a very large version of the "Potatoes" poster from pet show. Clicking on it gave a YouTube link to pet show starting at the appropriate time.
  • Changed my signature to the same Potatoes poster, except that it fit inside the sig box.
  • Replaced my talk page with the above signature duplicated almost 500 times. However, this has been invisible since the signature was reverted. Because I used {{User:Purple Wrench/sig}} in my talk page, any attempt to view it now results in seeing his current signature instead of the "Potatoes" signature.

[edit] 2015

(I chose not to do any April Fools jokes until Homestar Runner showed some signs of life. Since that wasn't until April 1, 2014, it had to wait until 2015.)

[edit] 2016

  • Assumed the identity of "The Purple Wrench Preservation Society", claiming to have preserved the Purple Wrench behind plexiglass for being one-of-a-kind.
    • Encased my user page and talk page behind a CSS gradient, restricting access to both of the pages (preceding links only work on April 1; click here to view the user page year round).
    • Changed my sig accordingly (archived on current sig page).
    • Appended all of my edit summaries with "(edited by the purple wrench preservation society)".

[edit] 2017

  • Impersonated Catjaz63.
    • Changed the top of my user page to resemble what Catjaz63's page might have looked like if he had settled on one (preceding link only works on April 1; click here to view the user page year round).
    • Changed the top of my talk page to use the "C.R.A.P. Meter" from Catjaz63's talk page (preceding link only works on April 1; click here to view the talk page year round).
    • Changed my sig to an early version of Catjaz63's sig that did not meet wiki standards for length (archived on current sig page).

[edit] About Myself (Or, "The User Behind The Username")

[edit] Discovery

As you can probably guess by the username, I did not become a Homestar Runner fan until its initial popularity had already waned. However, in late May 2008, I came across a YouTube video which had Everybody To The Limit dubbed in. At first, I mistook it for a cheesy song the user had made, and moved on to another video. Soon after, I found a video about Trogdor, and this time it linked to homestarrunner.com. Curious but skeptical, I did a search for Homestar Runner on YouTube, and came across several sbemails, the first of which was probably guitar (and yes, I did see dragon...). Realizing what I had found, I searched for the first Homestar cartoon (not knowing the difficulties of watching in chronological order) and found Super NES.

By this time, I knew YouTube would not be able to remain my only source, so I pointed my Wii browser in the direction of homestarrunner.com, and started looking around (and fortunately did not stumble on Main Page 24). The first cartoon I watched (or, the first I attempted to watch) was SBCG4AP Advertisement, but none of the fonts showed up, so I knew I would have to attempt using my computer to watch it and risk the potential danger. (You can see how that turned out)

The first thing I did was watch every single sbemail to date in order. After about 75 emails, I noticed that a new one had just been uploaded: love poems. Within days, I completed my task and was ready for more. The first update I "caught" on time was the June 5 Weeklies; the first short was Play Date. The first sub-series I watched was Old-Timey, and the last was Cheat Commandos (when The Next Epi-Snowed came out).

The summer of 2008 became my "Summer of Strong Badia", and Experimental Film became my "Summer Song" (coincidentally, it was released in the summer of 2004). By the time I was able to actually watch the SBCG4AP Advertisement, it was less than a month before Nintendo announced it formally. I bought all five episodes on the Wii as soon as they came out, and at the same time anticipated the day when sbemail 200 would finally be released.

Never fear, Strong Bad! I know how to fix your userbox!
CRLF
\n
ie6ico.png
2008
2008
YOU GOTTA
QUIT THAT
PQ
KQ
FREE
DOM
yellowpunkin.png

[edit] The Wiki

Around the time Baddest of the Bands was released, I stumbled upon the Wiki through (what else?) a Google search. I began using the Wiki as a last resort for finishing SBCG4AP, but decided to explore further when I realized the Dangeresque 3 Walkthrough was still being written. Through the Wiki, I saw all the removed toons and secret pages, and ended up watching everything on the site. (However, I doubt I will ever be as fortunate as reading everything on the Wiki!) On July 8th, 2009, I noticed a strange parallel between A Folky Tale and an Atari 2600 prototype, and submitted my first talk page comment: "Atari Dancing Brothers?". More and more frequently, I began submitting talk page comments and making small grammar and spelling corrections under the addresses 71.127.241.112, 96.234.74.23, 173.63.179.137, and 98.109.117.226. Starting in November 2009, I began being more ambitious and editing article pages to document new updates and increase the completeness of older topics. Here is what I believe is my most important edit on such pages.
(No, really, it's this one.)

I first actually joined the Wiki on April 12, 2010. My goal was to join as soon as the Brothers Chaps made it clear that they were updating again, which they did on April 1st, 2010 with Xeriouxly Forxe. I joined as soon as I saw Main Page 26 was up, and helped contribute to the page. My first important contribution was the transcript of the Variety Playhouse They Might Be Giants 2010 Concert, as it had not been attempted for more than a month by anyone. Another notable, but not important, contribution was the discovery of an alternate edit in the YouTube version of That Time of Year.

[edit] My Bottom Ten

[edit] The Life And Times Of The Purple Wrench

[edit] In The Main Series

The Purple Wrench has devoted its entire life to a few seconds of screen time. Born with a strange green pigment, it was dyed purple to avoid being melted down to make pennies. A result of this dye is a permanent scar which reads "PURPLE WRENCH" at one angle.

After having been orphaned by its manufacturer, the wrench was bought by a Mr. C. Greg, who refused to provide his full name for this publication.

"Yep, I bought the Purple Wrench to fix my clapperboard after using it 854 times in one day... But I never used it again, so I gave it to Bubs about a year later."

Bubs, owner of Bub's Conces5ion Stand, realized the potential of the wrench, and began enrolling it in the local drama club known as Coach Z's Nicetown Players. Its first performance was in a production of "Being Mean Ain't The Greatest Choice", cast in the role of the Baseball Borningstar held by Strong Mad.

"We applied several hundred pennies worth of makeup on the wrench to complete the illusion," remarks Bubs.

The following year, the wrench received a lost teleplay written by its manufacturer shortly before his death. The script was untitled, except for a small "62" in the bottom-right corner of the front page. Bubs hired no-armed whitey Homestar Runner to play the leading role, while the Purple Wrench was cast, for the first time, as itself. The teleplay was codenamed "Educaysh at the Foundaysh" during its filming, and Bubs spent ferty-twan dollars on digital effects to "buff out" the Wrench's scar.

The Purple Wrench currently resides in Tahoe with its fourth owner, Mr. Crack Stuntman, who acquired the Wrench off the set of a Public Service Announcement when it was used to tear down a set of bamboo trees.

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A photograph of the Wrench's role in "62"

[edit] The Cupric Contraption: Old-Timey Variant

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An advertisement for the Cupric Contraption from 1936
The Cupric Contraption is an adjustable wrench made entirely out of copper which was created in 1936. It was originally planned to be the basis of a product line to be sold by then-textile manufacturer Costless Bargains. However, after a small abnormality was found in the wrench, it became the company's official symbol instead.

The Contraption fell into the hands of several families during the 20th century, the first of which was the Samuel family. Stricken by poverty, the family stole the wrench from the Costless Bargains headquarters and gave it to their son, Sickly, as a tool for killing small rodents to eat. However, the family was placed under arrest (although Sickly could not be handcuffed because his body was not tangible), and the wrench became property of the Free Country, USA police department.

Within a decade, the police department dissolved, and the Contraption was passed nearly door-to-door, as no households were interested in claiming the wrench for more than a few days. Finally, the Contraption found its way to the front door of Sir Walls the Second, the then-CEO of Costless Bargains. Sir Walls re-established the wrench as the logo of the company, and placed it under lock and key.

In 1983, Sir Walls the Third took over the family business and renamed it Cheap As Free, worried that the former aging terminology would mean nothing to modern shoppers. In 1995, to celebrate the coming millennium, he had the Contraption covered in solid titanium. To serve as the launch of a proposed massive ad campaign, the Contraption made a cameo in a Strong Bad Email; interestingly, it was cast as a wrench that was being used by Bubs, who would later own the Purple Wrench itself. This decision was met with much applause, until an 80-year-old Sir Walls the Second was arrested for stealing "public" property, as the law had stated that material confiscated by the Free Country, USA police department became public after ten years (part of the reason for its demise). Cheap As Free was absorbed into rival company Harmless Junk, Inc., which renamed itself Cheap As Free Conglomerate. The Cupric Contraption's value ironically dropped to eleven dollars and one penny, making it no more valuable than the original price of its own plastic knock-offs. Due to this rapid turn of events, the Strong Bad Email was quickly scrapped, although the Contraption's cameo remains in a clip show known as "personal favorites".

In 2001, a ten-year-old Sir Walls the Fourth, not knowing the historical significance of the wrench, gave the Cupric Contraption away as candy to an unknown man who bore a striking resemblance to Popeye character J. Wellington Wimpy. After receiving the wrench, the man proceeded to dematerialize it into thin air. When interviewed about his decision, the man replied, "Oh no, I think this is my favorite."

[edit] In The Future?

Through the use of special radio equipment, scientists have been able to capture information which will be broadcast in approximately X6 years. On the subject of the Purple Wrench, a broken Japanese feed has been found which provides a few clues into the life of the Wrench's future variant. Here is the only available information after several noise reduction filters and a simple online Japanese-to-English translation.


We find amphibian.
Name Pan-Pan.
Look fingernails, see laser shine.
Cut through bake and fish,
great times.
Chow on reimbursable food,
say "bada-lan bada-lan"
Will surely last until 2007*.
Big epiglottis.
Use for do work and thanks.
Say have spaceship.
Is only pixels.
Also say have friend 1-up.
...definitely pixels.


*Online translations have been known to confuse the date of March 3, 2007 with "eternity", so this phrase may mean "Will surely last forever".

Dr. Ted Averill of SBASAF, an authority on not this subject at all, had this to comment: "From what I can tell, this so-called amphibian is, in fact, an android. It seems that the Wrench in question is none other than the fingernails of which is spoken. If this is true, then we may assume that there is a possibility that X0 years from now, a metallic substance of great strength may be, artificially or genetically, implanted into the fingernails of the populace. This is, no doubt, a calmly exciting day for scientists and oracles everywhere -- no, Mr. Coopmore, I can't allow you to do that -- Mr. Captainface, please refrain from using that on-board computer, as it will most certainly provide hours of pure entertainment -- Mr. Coopmore, don't detach that microphone -- Mr. Coopmore -- Strap -- STRAP!!! -- Get me away fro-"

A wise choice of words, Dr. Averill.

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Look amphibian.


By the way, most of the images on this page are hosted on Google Sites to save space on the server.

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