Donut Unto Others

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Toon Category: Shorts
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"But, do you dough-not want one?"

Homestar Runner opens his own doughnut stand, sparking a fierce marketing war between himself and Bubs.

Cast (in order of appearance): Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Bubs, The King of Town, Strong Bad

Places: Marzipan's House, Do-Nots, Bubs' Concession Stand

Date: Monday, April 6, 2009

Running Time: 3:56

Page Title: Hey There, Doughnut Rush!


[edit] Transcript

{Homestar is seen cutting out dough rings in Marzipan's Kitchen. Marzipan enters}

MARZIPAN: Oh, that's sweet! Are you making me homemade doughnuts for the 16th anniversary of our 17th breakup?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Um, no. No way. Um, no way. You know how I've always dreamed of being my own boss at the doughnut factory!

MARZIPAN: {looking annoyed} No, since when?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Why, just last night! {Clouds fill the screen, then recede to the edges. A scene depicting Homestar's dream is shown. He is seen wearing a shirt with the Mexican flag on it, standing next to a high-jumping pit. He only has one leg.} {voiceover} I dreamt that I was a French long-jump champion with eight wooden legs!

MARZIPAN: And... that made you want to start a doughnut shop?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yes sir! Like I said, it's a boyhood dream of mine. Could you pass me that recipe?

MARZIPAN: {Picks up a small note from the table} There's just this square of TP that says... {cut to a close-up of the note} "dog-nut" on it.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, yeah. That's it. My secret recipe.

MARZIPAN: {Sighs} I'm gonna go talk to anyone else but you.

{Cut to The Field. Homestar is in a makeshift doughnut stand formed from a large cardboard box marked "Do-Nots" with a window cut out of it. A fat fryer can be seen bubbling in the back.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I honestly wonder how many million doughnuts I'll sell on my first day. Three? Four? Eight? I've gotta be ready for the 3:09 p.m. doughnut rush, you know? Ooh, here it comes.

{Bubs, with a red face and an exceptionally furious expression, enters from the right. As he speaks, cartoon smoke clouds emit from his head.}

BUBS: {with forced restraint} Well, hello, Homestar!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey there, doughnut rush. What can I get for you?

BUBS: {continuing his forced restraint} It's really great to very see you, Homestar!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {nervous} Umm... it's good to see you, too, I guess.

{As Bubs says the following, we cut to a shot revealing that Homestar's stand is right next to Bubs', facing it, and that Homestar's legs are outlined under the window in dotted lines}

BUBS: I'm delighted you've decided to set up shop about ten feet away from me!

{cut back to Homestar and Bubs}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, we could be a conglomerate, like KFC-Taco Bell-Radisson-Texas Instruments-NASA!

BUBS: Yes! That is a really {holding out his right fist} outstanding ideeeaaaa! {places his fist down}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Um, Bubs? Are we in a fight?

{as Bubs speaks, his face slowly returns to its normal blue color}

BUBS: {slightly calmer} What do you think, man?! You opened up a competing doughnut place right across the street from me!

{zooms out to the gap between the stores. Note that there is no street, but a field}


{Bubs and Homestar both examine the grass between the two stands}

BUBS: Right across the way from me!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: But I thought you sold questionable medical coverage.

{Cut to a close-up of Bubs, with his Concession Stand visible in the background with a sign "Why not Donuts?" on the original sign.}

BUBS: That was two hours ago. {changes to his normal expression, now speaking normally} Now I'm in the doughnut bidness. {with a straight line eyebrow} How's that coverage working out for you, by the way?

{Cut back to the two and the box.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {holds up a big stack of paperwork} Great so far!

BUBS: {back to an angry face} I gotta get ready for the big 3:09 p.m. doughnut rush. When next we meet, 'twill be on the doughnut field of battle! {Cut to a silhouette of the scene. Bubs marches to his stand imitating a military drum cadence} Dubba dup dup dup, dubba dup dup dup, dubba dup dup da daa ba dup dup dup!

{Cut to a shot of a clock that strikes 3:09. Cut back to a shot of the two stands. The King Of Town appears in a puff of smoke.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Oof! All right, gentlemen, here's how this is gonna go down. I need fried dough so bad it hurts! According to the data I got back from Taco Bell-NASA, {places a hefty stack of paperwork on the ground} we're gonna need in the 3 to 8 million range to maintain my caloric intake. Now, commence marketing bombardment!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Mine's is homemade! {holds up a spoon with some doughnut batter and a few hairs on it}

BUBS: Mine's is shipped from a 3rd world country named Homemáde, so I can legally print "From Homemade" on the prepackaged package. {holds up a package of his doughnuts that says "FROM HOMEMÁDE!"}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I've got grit, gumption, and an adorable speech {exaggerating his usual speech impediment} impootaboot.

{The King of Town pops his crown up in surprise and turns to see an angry Bubs putting his right arm in a curl.}

BUBS: My name's Bubs, I talk hard and fast.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Available in 57 different varieties!

BUBS: One flavor {the word "regular" appears above his head}, over a hundred different names for it! {various names that all are variations of "regular" appear around Bubs}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {holds up a newspaper} Marzipan raves "Hey! Get outta my kitchen, you!"

BUBS: {cut to a shot of a box of toothpaste labeled "Bubs' Donuts!"; as he says each description, it appears onscreen} Fights Cavities! Cleans Teeth! {A cartoon Bubs appears in the bottom right corner, bearing the following message in a speech bubble} The American Dental Association does not approve the preceding statements.

THE KING OF TOWN: All right, all right, all right. You both make excellent cases, but I've come to my decision.

BUBS: {sticks his right arm out in alarm} Health Inspector! Cheese it, everyone!

{Bubs closes his stand}

THE KING OF TOWN: Ooh! {he disappears in another puff of smoke}

{Strong Bad, in silhouette, is seen coming up and walks towards Homestar with a clipboard in his hand.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey potential customer, would you like several million doughnuts?

STRONG BAD: No. I don't want one.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: But do you dough-not want one? Hmmm?

STRONG BAD: I'm the health inspector, here to hopefully shut you down. Now rub this swab under your grease trap and bring it back.

{Homestar takes the swab and rubs it on the fat fryer.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yes sir, Inspector Heath! {Homestar starts humming the theme to Inspector Gadget}

STRONG BAD: {To himself} ...And we'll do a little {rolls the l} bit of this! {Strong Bad slaps a note marked "F" on the side of Homestar's stand, causing it to fall over. Smoke begins to rise from it.}


STRONG BAD: {laughs and walks away}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: My delicious fried face! Bubs, is this covered by my questionable medical coverage? At least questionably so? Bubs?

{Cut to a long shot of both stands in silhouette. Bubs opens the back of his stand and is seen sneaking away.}

BUBS: {to the tune of "Mysterioso Pizzicato"} Root, root, root, root, doodloodloodloodloodloo, doot doot doot doo...

{A circle of "ends" appears, the top of which is pink. A back button appears.}

[edit] Fun Facts

[edit] Explanations

  • The toon's title is a pun on the "Golden Rule", which is often expressed as "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
  • Bubs's line about being able to legally say his doughnuts are "from Homemade" is a reference to an urban legend in which Japan supposedly renamed one of its cities to "Usa" in order to claim that its products were "Made in USA".
  • The music Bubs hums at the end is a piece called "Mysterioso Pizzicato" and is commonly used as stock music for sneaking characters or villains.

[edit] Trivia

The Imaginary Newspapes
Hey! Get outta my kitchen, you!
FCUSA - The Marzipan was stunned
today when she woke to find a totally
legit donut enterprise operating out
of her own dang kitchen. Mexican
high jumper Homestar Garcia Colon
was unavailable for comment but
French long jumper Chateau 'Octo'
Etoile broke out the ol' soft shoe.
  • The different names for Bubs's donut flavor are:
  • regular
  • commonplace
  • ordinary
  • plain
  • customary
  • standard

  • usual
  • typical
  • orthodox
  • lawful
  • sanctio[—]
  • [—]lent

  • bona[—]
  • [—]oved
  • run[—]
  • [—]ing
  • le[—]

  • Removing Bubs' silhouette at the end of the toon with a Flash decompiler reveals that he's wearing The Thnikkaman's "tH".
  • The YouTube description for this toon is "Homestar Runner opens his very own doughnut stand."

[edit] Remarks

  • Trivia Time can be seen in the Kitchen.
  • In Marzipan's kitchen, the sink seen in Where's The Cheat? has disappeared.
  • When Bubs warns that the health inspector is coming, he looks and points in a direction different from the one from which Strong Bad (as a health inspector) comes.
  • Though he claims he dreamt he was a French long-jump champion with eight wooden legs, Homestar is seen with a Mexican flag on his shirt with one leg in front of the high jump. (See Real-World References) (See Inside References)
  • As evidenced by the mat behind him, Homestar appeared to be in a high-jump competition, not a long-jump.
  • Bubs's larger eye changes color depending on the color of his skin.
  • The King of Town says "I've come to my decision" at the 3 minute 9 second mark of the cartoon, taking "the 3:09 doughnut rush" to new levels.
  • The King of Town says he'll need 3 to 8 million doughnuts to maintain his caloric intake, which would be 780 million to 2.08 billion calories, if Homestar's and Bubs's offerings are similar to a Dunkin' Donuts regular glazed doughnut (260 calories).

[edit] Goofs

I'm delighted you've decided to set up a solid color line about ten feet away from me!
  • Homestar's "secret recipe" is not on the table before he has his dream flashback.
  • A line on Bubs's face delays changing color when he calms down after arguing with Homestar.
  • As Strong Bad enters the scene in a silhouette, the left side of Homestar's doughnut stand is not completely touching the ground.
    • As well, a piece of the yellow background is visible underneath the bottom-right corner of Bubs' Concession Stand, as if it were not level on the ground.
  • When closing his eyes while speaking to Strong Bad, a part of Homestar's eye does not disappear, resulting in a small black spot on his forehead.

[edit] Inside References

  • Homestar claims he was a French long-jump champion. The French name in the newspaper, "Chateau Etoile", roughly means "Home Star". (See Remarks)
  • Homestar writes his secret recipe on toilet paper.
  • Strong Bad smiles in this short.
  • Strong Bad pulls the F slip out of hammerspace.
  • In Homestar's newspaper, Marzipan is once again referred to as "The Marzipan" as she was in Date Nite. This is another example of integral articles before names.
  • When the Health Inspector comes up, Bubs says, "Cheese it!", which is what Strong Bad says to Strong Mad and The Cheat when they steal Marzipan's radish in The Reddest Radish.
  • Homestar also used the words "Dough-not" in place of "not" in Weclome Back.
  • "Do-Nots" is phonetically similar to the phrase "doe not", used by Senor Cardgage in Senorial Day ("You doe NOT want to miss any Senorial Day savings action!!")
  • The song played when Bubs and Homestar "fight over" the King of Town is also played during No Hands on Deck!.
  • The fanfare playing during Homestar's dream sequence is the last half of the 2007 Strong Badathlon's fanfare.
  • The newspaper mentions Marzipan's "own dang kitchen".
  • Bubs is said to sell questionable medical coverage.

[edit] Real-World References

  • Homestar hums the theme to Inspector Gadget.
  • The flag that Homestar wears in his dream is the flag of Mexico.
  • The companies that Homestar lists as a conglomerate are real companies:
  • Homestar's line about "57 different varieties" refers to the slogan of the American condiment company Heinz.

[edit] YouTube Version

  • The audio quality is significantly higher than the Flash version.

[edit] External Links

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