Shopping For Danger

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 17:12, 24 October 2004

Our heroes spy on Blue Laser

Shopping for Danger

The Cheat Commandos rock, rock on in an adventure to stop Blue Laser from saving money by shopping at a local grocery store on double-coupon day to stop them from like "turning babies into gold, or screwing with the weather."

Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Fightgar, Silent Rip, Crackotage, Reynold, Firebert, Blue Laser Commander, Blue Laser minion, Blue Laser Babies

Page title: Blue Las-alert, Kids! Cheat Commandos will be right back after these messages!

Transcript

{Open to "Cheat Commandos Now Returns..." title. Danger music, then theme music is heard.}

NARRATOR: We now return to Cheat Commandos.

{Cut to Cheat Commandos headquarters. A large inflatable Cheat Commando with a "SALE!" banner sits on the roof. A title which reads "'SHOPPING FOR DANGER' written by A. Chimendez" appears. Cut to inside headquarters where Gunhaver is talking to Fightgar, Silent Rip, and Crackotage. A portrait of Gunhaver hangs on the wall.}

GUNHAVER: So then I grabbed the Blue Laser by his collar and said, 'You betta break yourself!'

{Fightgar, Silent Rip, and Crackotage laugh. Pan left to reveal Reynold standing behind Fightgar, et al.}

REYNOLD: Ha ha, yeah. {All turn to face him, Crackotage and Fightgar appear annoyed.} That's like how I labeled and alphabetized all you guys' combat accessories {Cut to wall where Flashfight's Flashlight, Foxface's Bulletproof Handbag, Gunhaver's Gun, Reinforcement's [sic] Justice Rocket Backpack Rocket Rocket, and Silent Rip's Loud Noise Silencer (which appears to be an ordinary pillow) hang, in alphabetical order.} so it'll save on valuable mission time! {Cut back to group.} C-c-click-click, booyah! {Reynold pumps his arm.}

ALL: Uh...

{A siren that sounds like Stinkoman begins to sound and a pulsating red light fills the room. The Cheat Commandos look around in surprise.}

SILENT RIP: It's a Blue Las-alert!

GUNHAVER: Bring it up on screen!

{Gunhaver points off-screen. Cut to "THE SCREEN", which says "Blue Las-alert; hit enter for details". Silent Rip presses a key and an image labeled "file photo" of Blue Laser Commander and a Blue Laser minion at a grocery store appears on the screen.}

SILENT RIP: Blue Laser's been spotted at a local grocery store on double coupon day!

GUNHAVER: With the money Blue Laser could potentially save from those double coupons they could buy all kinds of super weapons that, like, {scratches head} turn babies into gold or {scratches head again} screw with the weather! Cheat Commandos.. time to rock, rock on! {zoom in on Gunhaver and cue theme music}

{Cut to room with Gunhaver portrait where Fightgar and Crackotage are leaving.}

REYNOLD: Can I come, too?

FIGHTGAR: {laughs} Good one, Reynold-a!

CRACKOTAGE: {rhyming} You can't shoot, and you can't fly. If you came with us, you'd probably die! {laughs}

{Fightgar and Crackotage exit.}

REYNOLD: {whining} I never get to go on any missions! I would be a good mission... guy. {slumps down sadly}

{Cut to a strip mall parking lot, daytime. A large blue tank with the Blue Laser logo on the side is double-parked in front of Price Style and Hausgood. The Cheat Commandos are seen from behind, marching up in silhouette. Cut to a hill behind which Gunhaver, Fightgar, Silent Rip, Crackotage, and Firebert are crouched. Gunhaver peers through a pair of binoculars.}

GUNHAVER: It looks like Blue Laser's going to take advantage of Price Style's already low, low prices on paper towels and grout cleaner and use all the savings to make a button that will make it snow at the beach! {The other Commandos start in surprise.}

SILENT RIP: But, sir! What about beach volleyball?

GUNHAVER: There won't be {turns and shakes his fist at Silent Rip} any more beach volleyball! {all gasp, danger music plays}

GUNHAVER: {to Fightgar} Fightgar, use one of your awesome disguises to do a little {uses quote fingers} "undercover work".

{Zoom in on Fightgar.}

FIGHTGAR: {groans} Gulp!

{Cut back to headquarters where Reynold stands in front of a mirror wearing an outfit that looks just like Gunhaver's. The sleeves are too long.}

REYNOLD: Step off, Blue Laser! Get your hands off those diskettes and fiscal reports! Don't make me use this gun that I have! {points with sleeve} Reynold's Commandos, let's rock 'n' roll! {shakes arms}

{Cut to Price Style interior, Aisle 6. Pan down to reveal Blue Laser Commander, who holds three rolls of "WIPE!" brand paper towels, and one of his minions.}

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: What happened to our buggy?!

BLUE LASER MINION 1: That other guy that looks just like me is using it to help some old lady do her shopping, sir.

COMMANDER: Old ladies suck!

{Cut to another minion and Fightgar wearing an old lady disguise which consists of a gray wig and a pair of green spectacles.}

FIGHTGAR: {points at shelf} 'ere, could you reach that tub of Old Lady Rub for me, young man? 'Cause I'm an old lady!

BLUE LASER MINION 2: I never doubted that you were a lady, sir. Ma'am.

{Enter Blue Laser Commander and Minion 1.}

COMMANDER: Alright, grandma, make it quick!

FIGHTGAR: I was just wonderin' if you kind sonnies knew anything about makin' it snow at the beach?

COMMANDER: No, but I know how to end awkward conversations with the elderly! {to Minion 1} Let's go check out.

{Blue Laser Commander and his minions exit. Fightgar removes his spectacles and holds a small blue box with an antenna that is attached to his wrist up to his mouth. Cut to Gunhaver outside, who holds a larger blue box with an antenna and screen. Fightgar is on the screen.}

FIGHTGAR: Blue Laser's makin' his move!

GUNHAVER: Alright, Cheat Commandos, let's move! {to Crackotage} Fire the new grappling hook zip line!

{Cut to Crackotage holding a large gun with a grappling hook at the end of the barrel. He fires and a rope begins spooling out of the gun. A tone sounds and the "Cheap As Free" logo appears in the corner. Cut to the tank in the parking lot where the rope wraps itself around the barrel of its gun. On the hill, Crackotage and Silent Rip descend the zip line.}

GUNHAVER: {to Firebert} Firebert, you stay here and think of a better commando name!

{Firebert looks sad and makes a Cheat-y sigh. Gunhaver descends the zip line.}

GUNHAVER: Whee!

{Cut to headquarters, where Reynold is still dressed as Gunhaver. He has put his glasses on the head of an upturned mop in a bucket and stands next to Reinforcements' Justice Rocket Backpack Rocket Rocket.}

REYNOLD: {to mop} Why, yes, Foxface, I'd love to take you out on a classy date. But first I need to save the world from Blue Laser using my very own Justice Rocket Backpack Rocket Reynold Rocket! {Reynold straps the Rocket Backpack on his back. He falls backwards onto the Backpack.} Whoa!! {Green lights appear on the backpack and it begins to shake and whir, making "powering up" sounds and expelling smoke.} Oh my land, I can't see this ending well.

{Cut to Price Style interior where Blue Laser Commander and two minions stand at the checkout with their shopping cart.}

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: Oh, crap! I forgot my Price Style Plus Card!

{Glass shatters and Gunhaver and Crackotage leap to the ground in front of Blue Laser Commander. Silent Rip falls behind a checkout lane several aisles away.}

GUNHAVER: Not so fast, Blue Laser!

COMMANDER: Oh! I'm so sick of you people!

{Silent Rip stands up and peeks out from behind the checkout lane.}

GUNHAVER: The express lane is for ten items or less! You've got two too many!

COMMANDER: Those are the twins!

{Cut to a shopping cart with three rolls of WIPE! towels and two baby Blue Laser members, both with eye patches.}

BLUE LASER BABY 1: Ooo-waa.

BLUE LASER BABY 2: Ooo-whe.

{Cut to Silent Rip, whose wrist communicator is beeping.}

SILENT RIP: Sir! Cheat Commandos Headquarters playset is under attack!

GUNHAVER: We've been had, boys! This grocery store crap was just a diversion!

CRACKOTAGE: {rhyming} Back to base we're gonna head and make sure Reynold isn't dead! {laughs}

{Cut to Cheat Commandos Headquarters. There is a large hole in one wall with smoke streaming out of it and another unseen area. Cut to interior. Reynold is lying on his back atop the Rocket Backpack. His face is scorched as is a circle on the floor surrounding him, and he has lost his Gunhaver hat. There is large hole in the wall and some rubble litters the ground. Gunhaver enters.}

GUNHAVER: Reynold, are you all right?! What happened here? Nice jacket!

REYNOLD: Oh, Gunhaver, it's all my fault. I was upset that you never let me go on any missions so I tried on Reinforcements' Justice Rocket Backpack Rocket Rocket--

GUNHAVER: --so you could defend our base from Blue Laser! Gah! Good work, soldier! It's not your fault they got away!

REYNOLD: What?

{Cut to view of Gunhaver from above. He has his arm raised to the sky.}

GUNHAVER: Next episode, Blue Laser! Next episode!

{Fade to black. "Buy All Our Playsets and Toys!!" appears on the screen and is sung to music. Cut to a bathroom where a Blue Laser minion is standing in the bathtub, scrubbing the tile wall with a green sponge. Enter Blue Laser Commander.}

BLUE LASER MINION: The grout cleaner is working, sir.

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: Fan-freaking-tastic! At last we'll have the edge we need to crush the Cheat Commandos! {Pan to show a computer screen which reads "Reason for not crushing Cheat Commandos". In large red blinking letters "MILDEW!!" appears. Danger music plays}

{Fade to "THE END."}

Easter Eggs

• At the end of the film, click on The End. to see an extra scene in the grocery store and what happened to the Blue Laser Babies.

Fun Facts

• This is the first time we see the Cheat Commandos HQ playset.
• When Gunhaver tells Firebert to "Think of a better Commando name", Firebert makes a weird sighing noise that sounds just like normal The Cheat-ese
• The episode "Shopping For Danger" is written by A. Chimendez who also created "The Strong Bad" in the email "pizzaz" and Cheat Commandos...O's.
• The line: "Firebert, you stay here and think of a better commando name" is a reference to the email "army" when Strong Bad tells The Cheat that Firebert is not a good commando name, as well as an easter egg in which Firebert's action figure package which notes Not a good commando name!
• Fightgar asking for "Old Lady Rub" is a reference to Peasant's Quest, in which the innkeeper has a cabinet full of Old Man Rub.
• The Justice Rocket Backpack Rocket Rocket makes the same sound as when Stinko Man does a Double Deuce, combined with the mechanical sound effect of Homestar's beanie in the email "car".
• Gunhaver's mention of Blue Laser buying a machine that would screw with the weather is an obvious reference to a G.I. Joe mini-series, The Revenge Of Cobra, in which G.I. Joe and Cobra battle over a machine, the Weather Dominator, which can be used to control the weather.
• Aisle six in the grocery store includes: paper towels, soda types, bendy stuff, a cracker, grout cleaner, gym bags, green bottles, and blue bottles.
• In the first Cheat Commandos cartoon, Strong Bad uses a deep voice to do an impression of Reynold. However in this cartoon, Reynold has a high pitched voice (not unlike Strong Sad).
• Reynold is cross-eyed when not wearing his glasses.
• When Reynold says "Don't make me use this gun that I have!" it is a reference to the fact that he is pretending to be Gunhaver. In the easter egg of the first Cheat Commandos cartoon, it says on Gunhaver's box "has a gun!"
• Reynold trying on the rocket pack may be off of Ghostbusters, it wouldn't be the first time TBC have done something off that movie.
• The song that plays in the shopping mart easter egg is the Cheat Commandos theme toned down and rendered in a style similar to Homestar's song Everybody Knows It.
• 'FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC' may be a reference to 'Sex in the City' or Cheat Commandos...O's.
• There were five Cheat Commando members who went on the mission. When we see the Cheat Commandos returning to their headquarters, only four returned. Either Fightgar or Firebert was left behind.
  • It was most likely Firebert, since he was left behind at the grocery store to think of a better commando name.
• If you zoom in on the silhouettes of The Cheat Commandos returning to the Cheat Commandos Headquarters playset, you can see that they are all wearing Gunhaver's hat.
• This is the only full-length cartoon that does not have its name appear superimposed on its clip on the TV screen in the Toons menu when the mouse is moved over its name.
• We now know that there are female Blue Laser minions.
  • More likely, Blue Laser created a cloning device. This would explain why both of the twins look like Mini-Me's of The Commander.
• The scene in which Gunhaver seems to grow larger while staying in the same spot and exclaiming "Rock Rock On!" is a reference to The Cheat Theme Song, in specific the Cheat's action after the "Who's making out with Marzipan?" lyric.
• This is the third time a toilet has been put in a cartoon from TBC.
• In the File Photo of Blue Laser, his arm patches are blue, not red like they normally are.
• When Gunhaver shouts to the sky at the end of the cartoon, it may be a reference to the old Inspector Gadget cartoon.

External Links

• watch "Shopping for Danger"
• view the flash file for "Shopping for Danger"