Blue Laser Minion
From Homestar Runner Wiki
Blue Laser Minions are the foot soldiers of Blue Laser, an organization dedicated to evil. The minions are led by Blue Laser Commander, and they are usually defeated by the Cheat Commandos.
The Blue Laser minions wear blue bodysuits with the Blue Laser emblem on the chest, head visors, and blue patches on one arm. Just about every sentence they say ends in "sir", no matter who they are talking to. Each one speaks in the same monotone voice, a reference to the fact that, to this day, many cartoons use only one or two different voices for generic foot soldiers. While more recent cartoons have explained this phenomenon by claiming that all soldiers are robots programmed with the same voice (or are clones of the same person), viewers in the '80s were expected to ignore the fact that every single member of various armies sounded exactly the same. This was addressed in the Cheat Commandos episode Let us give TANKS!, in which the Blue Laser Commander, frustrated by not being able to tell the difference between his different minions, throws a carving fork into the eye of one, and exclaims, "There! Now you're the one with the fork stuck in your eye!"
The Cheat Commandos Commercial featured six Blue Laser minion action figures building and protecting a radar dish, but Coach Z's Reinforcements action figure successfully destroyed it with his Justice Rocket Backpack Rocket Rocket and crushed all but one of the enemy squad. In the animated episode featured in the commercial, two minions were sent to protect the Blue Laser mountain headquarters, from which the Blue Laser Commander was planning to blow up the ocean. However, Firebert blew a part off the headquarters with explosives, crushing the two guards. In the Cheat Commandos...O's commercial, two minions were seen parachuting after a barbecue grill had exploded, parodying the way that no one would ever really die in a G. I. Joe cartoon. Two minions helped Blue Laser Commander prepare Thanksgiving dinner in Let us give TANKS!. As mentioned above, the Commander sticks a fork in one of their eyes so he can tell them apart. Although in the commercial six of the minion action figures were seen guarding a laser dish, only two have ever been seen in the Cheat Commandos cartoons at a time, which may mean there are only two Blue Laser minions. Conflicting evidence has been seen, though; when the Green Helmets were under attack, lasers were flying in, and all of this happened while the two known minions were at a Thanksgiving party. Large squads of Blue Laser vehicles have also been seen firing at the Cheat Commandos, implying there are more than just the two minions.
It was once hinted by one of them that Blue Laser Commander was their father, but the other one dismissed this, saying "You know he doesn't like it when we call him [Dad]".
