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Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for Donut Unto Others. watch this toon
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en" file="doughnutstand.swf" width="550" height="400">
  <line start="16" end="66" speaker="sfx">music</line>
  <line start="67" end="139">
    <marzipan>Oh, that's sweet! Are you making me homemade donuts for the 16th anniversary of our 17th breakup?</marzipan>
    <sfx volume="0.8">music</sfx>
  <line start="140" end="186">
    <homestar>Um, no. No way. Um, no way.</homestar>
    <sfx volume="0.8">music fades out</sfx>
  <line start="187" end="233" speaker="homestar">You know how I've always dreamed of being my own boss at the donut factory!</line>
  <line start="234" end="256" speaker="marzipan">No, since when?</line>
  <line start="257" end="276" speaker="homestar">Why, just last night!</line>
  <line start="277" end="339">
    <homestar voiceover="yes">I dreamt that I was a French long-jump champion with eight wooden legs!</homestar>
    <sfx volume="0.8">music</sfx>
  <line start="340" end="374" speaker="marzipan">Aaand that made you want to start a donut shop?</line>
  <line start="375" end="416" speaker="homestar">Yes sir! Like I said, it's a boyhood dream of mine.</line>
  <line start="417" end="433" speaker="homestar">Could you pass me that recipe?</line>
  <line start="439" end="493" speaker="marzipan">There's just this square of TP that says "dog-nut" on it.</line>
  <line start="494" end="521" speaker="homestar">Yeah, yeah. That's it. My secret recipe.</line>
  <line start="522" end="530" speaker="marzipan" sfx="sfx">sighs</line>
  <line start="531" end="552" speaker="marzipan">I'm gonna go talk to anyone else but you.</line>
  <line start="553" end="588" speaker="sfx">music</line>
  <line start="589" end="647" speaker="homestar">I honestly wonder how many million donuts I'll sell on my first day.</line>
  <line start="648" end="690" speaker="homestar">Three? Four? Eight?</line>
  <line start="691" end="743" speaker="homestar">I've gotta be ready for the 3:09 p.m. donut rush, you know.</line>
  <line start="744" end="758" speaker="homestar">Ooh, here it comes.</line>
  <line start="782" end="823" speaker="bubs">Well, hello, Homestar!</line>
  <line start="824" end="857" speaker="homestar">Hey there, donut rush. What can I get for you?</line>
  <line start="858" end="921" speaker="bubs">It's really great to very see you, Homestar!</line>
  <line start="922" end="967" speaker="homestar">'s good to see you, too, I guess.</line>
  <line start="968" end="1048" speaker="bubs">I'm <em>delighted</em> you've decided to set up shop about <em>ten feet away</em> from me!</line>
  <line start="1049" end="1115" speaker="homestar">Yeah, we could be a conglomerate, like KFC-Taco Bell-Radisson-Texas Instruments-NASA!</line>
  <line start="1116" end="1183" speaker="bubs">Yes! That is a really outstanding ideeeaaaa!</line>
  <line start="1184" end="1213" speaker="homestar">Um, Bubs? Are we in a fight?</line>
  <line start="1214" end="1228" speaker="bubs">What do you think, man?!</line>
  <line start="1229" end="1279" speaker="bubs">You opened up a competing donut place right across the street from me!</line>
  <line start="1280" end="1294" speaker="homestar">The street?</line>
  <line start="1295" end="1317" speaker="bubs">Right across the way from me.</line>
  <line start="1318" end="1353" speaker="homestar">But I thought you sold questionable medical coverage.</line>
  <line start="1354" end="1376" speaker="bubs">That was two hours ago.</line>
  <line start="1377" end="1398" speaker="bubs">Now I'm in the donut bidness.</line>
  <line start="1399" end="1424" speaker="bubs">How's that coverage working out for you, by the way?</line>
  <line start="1425" end="1441" speaker="homestar">Great so far!</line>
  <line start="1442" end="1489" speaker="bubs">I gotta get ready for the big 3:09 p.m. donut rush.</line>
  <line start="1490" end="1543" speaker="bubs">When next we meet, 'twill be on the donut field of battle!</line>
  <line start="1544" end="1594" speaker="bubs" sfx="sfx">singing drum-like marching music</line>
  <line start="1595" end="1625" speaker="sfx">clock ticking</line>
  <line start="1626" end="1630" speaker="sfx">ding!</line>
  <line start="1631" end="1637" speaker="sfx">poof!</line>
  <line start="1638" end="1679" speaker="kingoftown">Oof!  All right gentlemen, here's how this is gonna go down.</line>
  <line start="1680" end="1704" speaker="kingoftown">I need fried dough so bad it hurts!</line>
  <line start="1705" end="1805" speaker="kingoftown">According to the data I got back from Taco Bell-NASA, we're gonna need in the 3 to 8 million range to maintain my caloric intake.</line>
  <line start="1806" end="1838" speaker="kingoftown">Now, commence marketing bombardment.</line>
  <line start="1839" end="1841">
    <span style="visibility:hidden"><homestar>...</homestar></span>
    <sfx volume="0.9">music</sfx>
  <line start="1842" end="1858">
    <homestar>Mine's is homemade!</homestar>
    <sfx volume="0.9">music</sfx>
  <line start="1859" end="1954">
    <bubs>Mine's is shipped from a 3rd world country named Homemáde, so I can legally print "From Homemade" on the prepackaged package.</bubs>
    <sfx volume="0.9">music</sfx>
  <line start="1955" end="2007">
    <homestar>I've got grit, gumption and an adorable speech impootaboot.</homestar>
    <sfx volume="0.9">music</sfx>
  <line start="2008" end="2043">
    <bubs>My name's Bubs, I talk hard and fast.</bubs>
    <sfx volume="0.9">music</sfx>
  <line start="2044" end="2076">
    <homestar>Available in 57 different varieties!</homestar>
    <sfx volume="0.9">music</sfx>
  <line start="2077" end="2117">
    <bubs>One flavor, over a hundred different names for it.</bubs>
    <sfx volume="0.9">music</sfx>
  <line start="2118" end="2155">
    <homestar>Marzipan raves "Hey!  Get outta my kitchen, you!"</homestar>
    <sfx volume="0.9">music</sfx>
  <line start="2156" end="2179">
    <bubs>Fights cavities!  Cleans Teeth!</bubs>
    <sfx volume="0.9">music</sfx>
  <line start="2180" end="2216">
    <bubs><em>(very quickly)</em> The American Dental Association does not approve the preceding statements.</bubs>
    <sfx volume="0.9">music</sfx>
  <line start="2217" end="2222">
    <kingoftown>All right, all right, all right.</kingoftown>
    <sfx>record scratch</sfx>
  <line start="2223" end="2236" speaker="kingoftown">All right, all right, all right.</line>
  <line start="2237" end="2286" speaker="kingoftown">You both make excellent cases, but I've come to my decision.</line>
  <line start="2287" end="2320" speaker="bubs">Health Inspector! Cheese it, everyone!</line>
  <line start="2321" end="2326" speaker="sfx">closing sound</line>
  <line start="2327" end="2332" speaker="kingoftown">Ooh!</line>
  <line start="2339" end="2363" speaker="sfx">music</line>
  <line start="2364" end="2411" speaker="homestar">Hey potential customer, would you like several million donuts?</line>
  <line start="2412" end="2437" speaker="strongbad">No, I don't want <em>one</em>.</line>
  <line start="2438" end="2485" speaker="homestar">But do you dough-<em>not</em> want one?  Hmmm?</line>
  <line start="2486" end="2526" speaker="strongbad">I'm the health inspector, here to hopefully shut you down.</line>
  <line start="2527" end="2562" speaker="strongbad">Now rub this swab under your grease trap and bring it back.</line>
  <line start="2563" end="2583" speaker="homestar">Yes sir, Inspector Heath!</line>
  <line start="2584" end="2610" speaker="homestar" sfx="sfx">humming the Inspector Gadget theme song</line>
  <line start="2611" end="2640">
    <homestar sfx="sfx">humming the Inspector Gadget theme song</homestar>
    <strongbad>And we'll do a little bit of <em>this</em>!</strongbad>
  <line start="2641" end="2660" speaker="homestar" voiceover="yes">Ah! My face!</line>
  <line start="2661" end="2702">
    <homestar voiceover="yes">My delicious fried face!</homestar>
    <strongbad sfx="sfx">laughs</strongbad>
  <line start="2703" end="2767">
    <homestar voiceover="yes">Bubs, is this covered by my questionable medical coverage? <span style="visibility:hidden"> At least questionably so?  Bubs?</span></homestar>
    <sfx volume="0.9">music</sfx>
  <line start="2768" end="2802">
    <homestar voiceover="yes">Bubs, is this covered by my questionable medical coverage? At least questionably so?<span style="visibility:hidden">  Bubs?</span></homestar>
    <sfx volume="0.9">music</sfx>
  <line start="2803" end="2816">
    <homestar voiceover="yes">Bubs, is this covered by my questionable medical coverage? At least questionably so?  Bubs?</homestar>
    <sfx volume="0.9">music</sfx>
  <line start="2817" end="2879" speaker="bubs" sfx="sfx">singing</line>
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