Editing Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 17.2

{{mamnav|17|Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 16.2|Version 16.2|Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 1.0|Version 1.0}}
{{toonnav|Holiday Toon|answer17|Fan Costumes 2015|Later That Night...}}
[[Image:dangmuffinspie.png|thumb|"OH DANG MUFFINS PIE À LA MODE!"]]

After seven years, Marzipan's inability to check her answering machine pays off.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' {{Film|Strong Bad}}, {{Film|The Cheat}}, {{Film|Strong Mad}}, {{Film|Marzipan}}, {{Film|Homestar Runner}}, {{Film|Coach Z}}, {{Film|Bubs}}, {{Film|Strong Sad}}, {{Film|Homsar}}, {{Film|Kevin}}, {{Film|Visor Robot}}, {{Film|The Poopsmith}}, {{Film|The King of Town}}, {{Film|sloshy}}, {{Film|Puppet Homestar}}, {{Film|Litigation Jackson}}, {{Film|Larry Palaroncini}}, [[Tucker Donaldson]], {{Film|Humidibot}}, Humidibeth, {{Film|F-Sack}}, {{Film|Senor Cardgage}}, {{Film|The Announcer}}, {{Film|Marshie}}, {{Film|Horrible Painting}}, {{Film|Balding Man}}, {{Film|Stinkoman}}, {{Film|Pan Pan}}, {{Film|1-Up}}, {{Film|Peacey P}},  {{Film|Blue Laser Commander}}, {{Film|Crack Stuntman}}, {{Film|The Homestar Runner}}, {{Film|Old-Timey Strong Bad}}, {{Film|Sickly Sam}}, [[Teen Girl Squad|Unknown Teen Girl Squad Member]], [[The Gregs|One of the 4 Gregs]]

'''Places:''' [[Living Room of the Brothers Strong]], [[Marzipan's House]]

'''Date:''' Friday, April 1, 2016

'''Running Time:''' 0:00 (official), 31:09 (actual)

'''Page Title:''' Just think of it as a podcast!

== Transcript ==

===Opening ===
:'''0:00 - 0:52'''

''{The scene opens with a phone hook lying on the floor of the Living Room of the Brothers Strong; the receiver is offscreen. It has a funnel on top of it, and in the funnel are two bottles of "Cheez Wheez" and a bottle of "Lite Em Up Dan" lighter fluid. Two more bottles of Cheez Wheez are nearby.}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{offscreen}'' Oh dang! 

''{The camera pans across the phone's cord, to a part that is entangling more bottles of Cheez Wheez and some batteries, which are connected by wires.}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{offscreen}'' Oh dang muffins! 

''{The camera pans more to an axe suspended from the ceiling, with two speakers attached to it, all entangled by the phone cord.}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{offscreen}'' Oh dang muffins pie! 

''{Cut to Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and The Cheat, in the same room as all of the previous. The phone's receiver is dangling from the ceiling.}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' OH DANG MUFFINS PIE À LA MODE! This is gonna be the best April Fools' Day prank call ever!

'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{enthusiastic The Cheat noises}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' Now you're sure the science is sound? The battle axes and Cheez Wheezes will actually get through the phone lines?

'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{The Cheat noises}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' Oh... fiber optics... makes sense, makes sense... Marzipan won't know what hit her! Alright, Strong Mad, dial the number!

'''STRONG MAD:''' ''{picks up the phone, hovers his finger over the keypad and hesitates}'' Uh... Um...

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{snatches phone}'' Never mind, I'll dial the number. ''{hovers his hand over the keypad and hesitates}'' Um... Never mind, The Cheat, you dial the number.

''{Strong Bad holds out the phone to The Cheat, who quickly dials the number.}''

'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{The Cheat noises}''

''{As the phone starts to ring, Strong Bad holds it up to his ear.}''

'''PHONE OPERATOR:''' We're sorry, the mailbox of the answering machine you're trying to prank is full! Please try again later.

'''STRONG BAD:''' What? Why the crap is her mailbox full?

''{Cut to Marzipan's answering machine, which is bulging, appears to be in poor condition, and has green goo coming out the bottom. The display shows glitchy symbols throughout the toon.}''

=== Marzipan's Greeting ===
:'''0:52 - 1:00'''

'''MARZIPAN:''' Hi, this is Marzipan. I'll be out and about for about seven years, so I'll give you a call back after that. Thank you!

=== Message 1 ===
:'''1:00 - 2:15'''

'''AUTOMATED VOICE:''' Message 1 from: June 17th, 2009.

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{falsetto}'' Oh, hey, Marzipan! This is Joanie Allthetime, uh, your acupuncturist. Calling you to tell you, I, I had a new do-it-yourself-from-home program. That means you don't have to come to see me no more to stick needles in you! So I want you to wander around your house, uh, reciting your&mdash; this new mantra that I will give you. Which is, um, "Yoplait, Fage, Oikos," um, "Activia". So you just say that over and over again, and then pick up any sharp or even blunt objects around your house and just jab them right, right into you! Um, I would work the kidneys first, and then from there, move on to&mdash; to the eyes. Okay, namaste, have yourself a real nice day! Ha, hey, that's a new mantra! Don't use that one, though; use the yogurt one.

=== Message 2 ===
:'''2:15 - 2:37'''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' ''{in a halting voice, like a stereotypical robot}'' Hey, Marzipan. This is Homestar Runner. I heard that you got a new smartphone, so instead of leaving you a message, I'm texting this to you. Smileyman, winky smileyman, wineglass wineglass '90s camcorder, send.

=== Message 3 ===
:'''2:37 - 3:50'''

'''AUTOMATED VOICE:''' You have a call from: Free Country USA Penitentiary.

'''COACH Z:''' Uh, surprise, surprise, Marzipan! Guess where I ended up! The hoosegow! They only give ya one phone call here, so I couldn't think'a anyone better to blow it on than you, Marzi. Uh, I'm gonna&mdash; I'm gonna be away for a while, I think, here. You're&mdash; you're gonna hear a lot of stuff comin' out on the news. I want you to ignore seventy-five to ninety-eight percent of it, if you could. Uh, the part where they say that my name is Coach Z? Uh, you can listen to that. The part where they say I'm mostly green? That&mdash; that's a&mdash; that's a fact. That's a police fact. The rest I would just ignore if I was you. Anyways, Bubs is gonna represent me, so that'll be fun. Hey, and get this: they say I'm a flight risk! That sounds like somethin' you'd see on a trophy, doesn't it? "Coach Z: First Place Flight Risk! Two hundred thousand dollar bail!"

'''AUTOMATED VOICE:''' Call ended... for being ''way'' too depressing.

=== Message 4 ===
:'''3:50 - 4:02'''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Oh, man, Marzipan! Have you heard about the new internet craze, planking? It is gonna be around forever, and I'm gonna be doing it forever! Etched into the halls of ''history!''

=== Message 5 ===
:'''4:02 - 5:08'''

'''BUBS:''' Hey, Marzipan, it's Bubs! Look, I been thinking that maybe I need a catch phrase or something. Seems like everybody else got one. Strong Bad says "holy crap", Homestar says "seriously", Coach Z can't speak English. But what about Bubs? All anybody remembers about me is how I once stole an aircraft carrier. What kinda legacy is that? So I got a list here of some catch phrase candidates. Lemme&mdash; lemme try 'em out on you, see whatcha think. "Zabbledoo!" Huh? "Zabbledoo"? I'd say it like, "Zabbledoo, Marzipan! What can I zabbledoo for you?" I think that sounds pretty good. I can also go with something classic, like yellin' "Scarborough Fair!" Whaddya think of that? Or like somethin' that sounds like it's from the fifties or sixties maybe? "Put it to me!" Huh? "Put it to me"? I dunno. If you think of any ideas, gimme a shout! Papadopoulos!... Naw, that's terrible.

===Message 6 ===
:'''5:08 - 6:10'''

'''STRONG SAD:''' ''{speaks with an obvious lisp throughout the message}'' Uh, happy New Years, Marzipan. It's Strong Sad. It's, uh, January first, 2011. And, uh, I've decided to try something new this year. It's gonna be a whole new Strong Sad. Can you guess&mdash; can you guess what it is? I feel like people don't notice my personality, so I'm trying to give 'em something to grasp onto. Have you guessed what it is yet? Hmmm? Marzipan? Anyways, I think this is the dawn of a new day for old SS. I'm thure<!--That's not normal for a lisp, so leave it transcribed.--> I'm gonna keep this up for thhh&mdash; for many years to come. This is not just one of my phases, like the eye patch, or the cane, or the monocle, or the bowler hats, or the jodhpurs. Oh, those were dark times, those jodhpurs days. Anyways, this is the new Strong Sad signing off!

=== Message 7 ===
:'''6:10 - 6:36'''

'''STRONG SAD:''' ''{without the lisp}'' Hey, Marzipan. It's January second, 2011. Disregard my last message. I don't&mdash; I don't know what I was thinking. What a surprise, I've already backtracked. I couldn't even go a whole twenty-four hours! "The new Strong Sad"... Maybe&mdash; maybe the jodhpurs weren't such a bad idea. I'm gonna go see if I can find those!

=== Message 8 ===
:'''6:36 - 7:34'''

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{in a smooth and smarmy voice}'' Good afternoon, Mrs. Pan. This is Vince Napmaker from public radio's "The World is my Butt". We wanted to call you to thank you for being a continued supporter of public radio. But we wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to increase your support. Every dollar counts. Do you have any idea how much it costs to act like you're this much better than everyone else? And furthermore, our uppity podcasts aren't going to create themselves. So please, as always, for the sake of tote bags everywhere, put a bunch of cash in a paper and/or plastic bag and leave it on the doorstep. ''{The public radio jingle plays over his next line.}'' This is Vince Napmaker for public radio. And now here's a supercut of Robert Siegel saying "I gather."

'''ROBERT SIEGEL:''' ''{at various different pitches}'' I gather&mdash; I gather&mdash; I gather&mdash; I gather&mdash; I gather&mdash; I gather&mdash; I gather&mdash; I gather&mdash;

=== Message 9 ===
:'''7:34 - 8:30'''

'''AUTOMATED VOICE:''' You have a call from: Free Country USA Penitentiary.

'''COACH Z:''' Hey, there, Marzipan! We won our first victory in the long fight to justice! I had my hearing yesterday, and guess what? They're gonna try me as a minor! Bubs tells me that's a good thing. So anyways, I'm celebratin' with a batch of jail terlet melonade! I wish you was here to clink glasses with me. Well, these aren't glasses so much as they're, uh, the little slippers they give us. They don't exactly clink. They just sorta s&mdash;slop together... I end up basically suckin' the melonade outta the&mdash; the sort of foam Dr. Scholls situation. Ya know what, after sayin' that out loud, I think I'm gonna skip this round. But anyways, ''{chanting}'' free Coach Z! Free Coach Z!

=== Message 10 ===
:'''8:30 - 9:19'''

'''HOMSAR:''' AaA, hey Marzipa-yan! It's Homsar! I was just calling you because, for some reason, I seem to be more articulate on the phone! I hate to hang up, knowin' as soon as I do, I'll be back to "AaAaAah, you're a pork rind's president!" Or maybe like, "DaAaAon't get chipsy with the chalk sauce!" Y&mdash; you know the kind of garbage that I spout! Anyways, gimme a holler if you ever wanna have a constructive conversation. OoOoOokay, bye-dee-bye!

=== Message 11 ===
:'''9:19 - 10:11'''

'''BUBS:''' ''{soft tone}'' Hey Marzipan, it's Bubs. You know, the defense lawyer on the Coach Z case. I'm starting to have some pangs.  Pangs of... this is a really terrible idea. Pangs of... he's totally guilty and you shouldn't be a lawyer. Pangs of... just what exactly is a charcuterie board, and why is it so expensive? Anyways, I think Coach Z did it, and I don't know if I can defend him anymore, whatever it is that he is accused of. I haven't really gotten around to askin' anybody yet. I'm supposed to be in the court room defendin' him right now, but I snuck out to read some John Grisham novels to give me an edge, only I mixed him up with Michael Crichton, and now my defense is based around ''{Stretched out and delivered in a growl}'' DINOSAURS! Ba doo da dum, bo!

=== Message 12 ===
:'''10:11 - 10:41'''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Oh man, Marzipan. Kickstarter sensation the Ouya, they're gonna make games for that thing for the rest of eternity! Mark my words, every game that comes out from now until the end of time will also come out on the Ouya. Gonna outlive Sony, Nintendo, Coleco, Canseco, Jaleco, all of the heavy hitters. Anyways, I can't wait to be playing Ouya games in fifteen years, or even like, five months! Written in Sharpie on the bathroom wall of ''history!''

=== Message 13 ===
:'''10:41 - 11:07'''

'''AUTOMATED VOICE:''' You have a call from: Free Country USA Penitentiary.

'''STRONG SAD:''' ''{Shaky voice and in fear}'' Uh, hey Marzipan. The jodhpurs did not work out! They did not work out! Why, jodhpurs? Why'd you do that to me, jodhpurs? How could you do this to me, jodhpurs?

=== Message 14 ===
:'''11:07 - 12:44'''

'''STRONG BAD''': Hey Marzipan, it's Strong Bad. Look, I just wanted to run something by you, um... Everybody else I've talked to says that this is the worst idea I've ever had, and that my career will go down in flames if I do this, so you're my last hope to tell me that this is a great idea. As you know, it's June of 2012, which means we're coming up on the ten year anniversary of Everybody to the Limit, so I want to celebrate in grand fashion, and I figured what better way than to make a sequel! It's like... Fhqwhgads Revisited! Let me just play a little demo right here over the phone. ''{music starts in the background}'' ''{Singing}'' Let's fhqwhgads again! Let's fhqwhgads again! Let's fhqwhgads again! Let's fhqwhgads again! You remember that song, from that one summer. It was really good, and you emailed it to all your friends. Let's fhqwhgads again, so you can email it to all your friends! Let's fhqwhgads again, and now email your friends. Guess who will be there? Probably Joe and Jake. You remember Joe and Jake? I mentioned them in the first song. Th- this is the sequel. Let's fhqwhgads again! F, H, Q, W-H, G-A-D-S. F, H, Q, W-H, G-A-D-S. F, H, Q, W-H, G-A-D-S. ''{stops singing}'' So that's great, right? I mean, it's even better than the first one! So anyways, call me back, tell me it's a great idea, so I can get The Cheat to work on a music video. Okay, bye! ''{Whispering}'' Let's fhqwhgads again! Let's fhqwhgads again!

===Message 15===
:'''12:44 - 12:53'''

'''KEVIN:''' Hey Marzipan, this is Kevin. Um, did you, er... I'm trying to remember, did you borrow my Trivial Pursuit '80s edition? Give me a call back. Thanks.

===Message 16 ===
:'''12:53 - 13:15'''

'''VISOR ROBOT''': Marzipan, this is the Visor Robot.  Listen, you need to tell Strong Bad not to do this "Let's Fhqwhgads Again" crap. It is so terrible. I don't want to sully my good name.  Come on Marzipan. Do not let him do this, okay? See you around.

=== Message 17 ===
:'''13:15 - 14:32'''

'''THE POOPSMITH:''' ''{speaks in a deep voice}'' Hey, Marzipan. This is a little weird, but, um... this is The Poopsmith. Yes. I woke up today, and it just kind of hit me... I think I'm sick of the whole "vow of silence" crap. In fact, I think I'm sick of crap, in general. I mean, have I been limiting myself all this time by smith-ing poop? Imagine all the other stuff I could have been smith-ing. Bread; I could be a bread smith, you know. I could have been a song smith, like Mike Nesmith, from The Monkees, the guy with the wool hat, who wrote that song Different Drum, you know. ''{sings}'' "You and I, travel to the beat of a different drum". ''{speaks}'' Or an 80's rocker like Ron Sexsmith or a Mark E. Smith smith, or a Smiths smith. Any of those things. I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy.  Anyway, if you can think of any other things that end in "smith", give me a call back. If I don't hear from you, just... ah, forget the whole thing.  I'll go back to the vow of silence. It was nice talking to you. It was nice... ''talking.''

=== Message 18 ===
:'''14:32 - 15:00'''
'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Oh, man, Marzipan, I don't think I'm feeling so good. I think I've got a bad case of... ''Linsanity!'' Oh, man! Have you seen this kid? Jeremy Lin! He can't be stopped! He's gonna score thirty points a game for the rest of his career! The Knicks are never gonna let this guy go! Face of the franchise. I will never forget Linsanity. Carved into the tree trunk of ''history!''

=== Message 19 ===
:'''15:00 - 16:22'''

'''AUTOMATED VOICE:''' You have a call from: Free Country USA Penitentiary.

'''COACH Z:''' Marzipan! We've had a huge break in the case! It turns out there's a piece of evidence that can completely exonerate me, but I need youse to get it for me, and all ya gotta do is go to my locker room and get it. I can't believe it! I'm gonna be a free man! Okay, so as soon as you're done listening to this message, go straight to my locker room. Go to the far locker on the left. Open it up, and you're gonna see... Well, Marzipan, I apologize in advance. You're gonna see a pile of jocks. But I know you can do it. Just, just coat your hand in a spray of Right-Guard beforehand and you'll be fine. And once you get to the bottom of that pile, you'll see a folder labeled "Exoneratin' Evidence". I know, who'da thought, right? I had it sitting there all along. ''{begins to cry}'' Anyways I can't tell you how happy I am, that you're gonna free me from prisons. It's been real hard Marzipan, but you, you're listenin' to this message in a timely fashion, I know you are, you always have, and you're gonna go do this for me right after listenin' to this and not wait five or six years, I just know it. I'll see you in the courtroom. ''{chanting}'' Free Coach Z! Free Coach Z!

=== Message 20 ===
:'''16:22 - 16:57'''

'''STRONG SAD:''' Oh, hey Marzipan. It's Strong Sad. Uh, I've just been feeling really depressed, 'cause, because I haven't been acting very depressed. It used to be my thing, but I don't feel like I get to be sad and depressing anymore, like I used to. So I just want to kinda beef up my numbers in the sad and depressing column. So I may be leaving you some messages, you know sort of dark, inner demons, and that kind of thing. Should be fun.

=== Message 21 ===
:'''16:57 - 17:58'''

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{speaks like an automated voice}'' Greetings, Marzipan. This is an automated call from Grody Lab Results, Incorporated. Your test results are: negative.

'''STRONG SAD:''' ''{shouting in the background}'' Negative is good when you're talking about lab results!

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{speaking normally}'' Wait, what? Oh, ''{automated voice}'' your test results are: positive. ''{normally}'' Are you sure? It sounds like I'm giving her good news.

'''STRONG SAD:''' I don't want to be party to this!

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{speaking normally}'' They should be less confusing. ''{automated voice}'' Your test results are: terrible. And you're dying, or possibly already dead by the time you get this. If you want us to perform experimental surgery on you and, like, sew a llama head onto your existing head, please call back during regular putting-llama-heads-on-people hours and we will schedule an appointment. This prank call has not been my finest execution. Thank you and have a nice day.

=== Message 22 ===
:'''17:58 - 18:05'''

'''STRONG SAD:''' ''{dejected voice}'' It's taking way too long for the sun to swallow up the earth.

=== Message 23 ===
:'''18:05 - 18:13'''

'''STRONG SAD:''' ''{dejected voice}'' At the end of the day today, think about how all you did today was look at your phone.

=== Message 24 ===
:'''18:13 - 18:23'''

'''STRONG SAD:''' ''{dejected voice}'' I'm sad that I'm trying. ''{normal voice}'' Take that, not-depressing Strong Sad! Now I feel great! I feel real happy! ...Oh.

=== Message 25 ===
:'''18:23 - 19:20'''

'''THE KING OF TOWN:''' Uh, hey, Marzipan. I-I don't really know how else to ask this, but um... Am I your dad?! I was lookin' on the internet for "marzipan glazed ham", and uh... I got some weird results that seemed to think that at&mdash; at least at one time, you were my daughter? It's kind of freakin' me out over here. Um... I wish I could take, like, a&mdash; a DNA test, but I've had my DNA surgically replaced with MSG! Um, if you could shed any light on this, um... I mean, I get&mdash; I think I'm&mdash; I think I'm dying... Also, I probably should have led with that... Uh, so, I kind of need to know if you're my daughter, and if I should leave everything to you. Otherwise I'm probably leaving it to 80's rocker Ron Sexsmith. Remember him? From the Monkees?

=== Message 26 ===
:'''19:20 - 20:26'''

'''MITCH:''' Hey, Marzipan, it's Mitch from sloshy. Uh, I wanted to send you the tracks for that split 7-inch we're doin' with Cool Tapes, except, uh, sloshy broke up again, and I also pawned all of our instruments. So... I'm just going to do the tracks over the phone. One, two, three, four... ''{a capella accompaniment starts in the background}'' ''{singing}'' Phonin' this one in, phonin' this one in, usin' the phone as an instrument. You know what I meant. And is this a gimmick? Or a cop-out? And is there a difference? ''{accompaniment continues for a few more seconds, then the song ends}'' And that's it. Let me know when you've got it mixed and mastered. And uh... give me a shout next time you're in Austin. Or Portland. Or... Brooklyn. Or... Silver Lake. We'll get breakfast.

=== Message 27 ===
:'''20:26 - 20:59'''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Oh man, Marzipan. Can you hear that? That is the majestic hush of a paradigm shift. That's right. Me and Pom Pom are waiting in line for our Google Glass! I can't wait to be like, lookin' through this thing! And like, seein' other things! I honestly can't remember how I lived my life yesterday, without Google Glass. These things are gonna change the way they build cities! I'm talkin' Bezos segway style.  Alright, I gotta go. It's almost me and Pom Pom's turn! Blinking photographs into the profile pics of ''history!''

=== Message 28 ===
:'''20:59 - 22:10'''

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{speaks in a Southern voice}'' Hey, Marzipan. This is... the new girl character in town. Sharp Dean. That's my name, Sharp Dean. You'd better watch your back! You're not the only girl around no more! Now that Sharp Dean's gonna stake her claim! I'm a real good character. You look like a broomstick? Well, guess what. I look like... a coat rack. Skinny Tall. That... that was my grandmummer's name. Grandmummer Skinny Tall. She is DEAD! Hey, guess what, Marzipan, since I'm Sharp Dean. We gon' fight. We gon' fight one another. Out by The Stick. Do you have a boyfriend, I'ma steal your boyfriend. My daddy owns a movin' company. So if you don't want me to pound you into salt... patch, then you'd better bake me some'n gooood, Marzipan. That's right, some kind of pie-brownies-cakey<sup><small>[[#Footnote|1]]</small></sup>... Now you leave that for me... where&mdash; where I'm stayin' at. Which is Strong Bad's kitchen table. Okay! Sharp Dean is on the prowl! This is goin' somewhere!

=== Message 29 ===
:'''22:10 - 22:19'''

'''KEVIN:''' Hey, Marzipan. This is Kevin, um... Could you please give me a call? I just really need to get that, uh, Trivial Pursuit back, thanks.

=== Message 30 ===
:'''22:19 - 23:10'''
'''CLARK:''' Hey, Marzipan, it's Clark from sloshy. Uh, look, Mitch called me and convinced me to do a backing vocal track on your answering machine, so... here it goes. Gonna be a lot of dead air. ''{slightly distant and echoey-sounding}'' One, two, three, four. ''{long pause}'' I think he's phoning this one in. ''{long pause}'' I know what he meant. ''{long pause}'' Is this a gimmick? ''{pause}'' Is this a cop-out? ''{pause}'' I'm pretty sure there's not a difference. ''{long pause}'' ''{vocal effects gone}'' Alright, thanks. Oh, and uh, somehow I ended up with your copy of '80s Trivial Pursuit? Let me know if you need that back.

=== Message 31 ===
:'''23:10 - 23:44'''

'''PUPPET HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Oh, hey, Marzipan! This is Puppet Homestar! That's right! Comin' atcha! Puppet style! I've got eight percent more sass than regular Homestar! When I talk, I kinda go like this, I kinda thrust my head out with each word. Listen to my mouth-flaps! ''{makes several felt-flapping sounds}'' Oh yeah. You tell 'em. You tell 'em, Felt-mouth. And I would like to leave you with a little "spin my ''{exaggerates his speech impediment}'' buzzer". ''{The sound of Homestar's "buzzer" being spun is heard.}'' Puppet Homestar is gone!

=== Message 32 ===
:'''23:44 - 24:10'''

'''LITIGATION JACKSON:''' Good afternoon, Marzipan! This is Litigation Jackson! I'm the prosecuting attorney in the case against Coach Z! We understand you've been harassed ''{pronounced to rhyme with embarrassed}'', harassed ''{pronounced with emphasis on the second syllable}'', and harangued by Coach Z over the years! We'd like to know if you'd be willing to take the stand! You could be a very valuable witness in this case! Please give me a call back, post-haste! That's not a legal term, but it sounds official! And so say all of us, "The system really works, ''jerks!''"

=== Message 33 ===
:'''24:10 - 24:51'''

'''LARRY PALARONCINI:''' Hey, Marzipan! This is Larry Palaroncini! I'm from the band Limozeen! What's the big idea doin' a split 7-inch with that short-haircut, glasses-havin', I-don't-even-know-what-you-call-the-opposite-of-leather-pants-wearin' band sloshy? I thought ''we'' were gonna collaborate! You're supposed to be an instrumental part of our big comeback! We're comin' up on the thirteenth anniversary of our hit song, Nite Mamas! And I've got a great idea for a sequel! ''{music starts in the background}'' ''{singing to the same tune as "Let's Fhqwhgads Again"}'' Let's Nite Mamas again, let's Nite Mamas agai&mdash; ''{Larry is cut off by the end of the message}''

=== Message 34 ===
:'''24:51 - 26:00'''

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{speaks in a fake Italian accent}'' Oh, yes, Marzipan. This is your foreign boyfriend, Rongardo Shavemybody. It's so nice to hear your voice again on machine of answers. I miss all the time we spent in foreign lands together, havin' exotic foods. I'm visiting your country now, and want you to come and meet with me. I hear there's a lovely little café in a place called Strong Badia. Would you go, please, and wait for me there? As is the custom of my people, I will be very late, and you should wait for a really long time. You will think that it is too long to be waiting, but I assure you is the custom of my payple, and you don't want to be offending my payple, do you? Alright. I kiss you on both sides of your cheek and underneath your chin. As is the custom of... a-my PAYple. And now I bid you farewell in the most prime language of my country. Braunschweiger!

=== Message 35 ===
:'''26:00 - 26:39'''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Oh, hey Marzipan. It's Homestar. I was just callin' to ask you&mdash; ''{the line is repeated many times forwards, backwards, and at different frequencies, until finally slowing down}'' ''{in a voice similar to his voice in very early toons}'' Oh, hey Marzipan. It's Homestar. Uh, me and Pom Pom were just here, you know, hangin' out, somewhere in the years 1999 to 2001, and... Pom Pom's ''great''. He's my best friend, and... you're my girlfriend, and... maybe we can ''all'' be friends, uh, this weekend, uh, that's like rap music, huh? Um, I just wanted to let you know that I'm gonna sound this way forever. Okay, bye!

=== Message 36 ===
:'''26:39 - 27:21'''

'''BUBS:''' Hey, Marzipan. You know how you're always buggin' me to start carryin' organic stuff at the concession stand? Well, I finally listened to you. If, by "organic", you meant "of or pertaining to the illegal selling and trade of human organs". I got ice packs, little Igloo coolers, scalpels, discounts on hotel rooms, bathtubs fulla ice, chloroform, and fifteen pass Econoline vans pre-lined with plastic sheeting! So come on down to Bubs' Organic Concession Stand! Where we're keepin' that one urban legend alive! You know the one I'm talkin' about?

=== Message 37 ===
:'''27:21 - 28:09'''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Oh, hey, Marzipan's sister. This is Homestar. I was just callin' with a status update, to let you know that Marzipan still has ''no'' idea ''{in a suggestive tone}'' what you and I've been up to. I say that in this kind of way. That some might think is suggestive. ''{normal voice}'' Anyways, you got nothin' to worry about. I am extra careful! I mean, could you imagine what would happen if I accidentally mixed you guys up, ''{laughing}'' and like, called the wrong sister? Oh man. The crap storm that would unleash. Ha-ha! I'm laughing so effortlessly! Because it's so unlikely! ''{sigh of laughter}'' So, to recap, Marzipan has a sister, ''{suggestive voice}'' suggestive styles, ''{normal voice}'' and, she's got no idea what's going on between us. Okay, bye.

=== Message 38 ===
:'''28:09 - 28:49'''

'''STRONG SAD:''' Hey, Marzipan, it's Strong Sad. I was just callin' to letcha know I, I just got the approved permits from Bubs, so Wilted Salad Festival 2014 is on! ''{speaks in a progressively more excited and rapid voice}'' We've got arugula, we've got kale, we've got baby spring mix, we got napa cabbage, we got endive, we got chard, we got Swiss chard, we got so many different types of wilted salad it's makin' me talk like some sort of turn-of-the-century state fair kinda guy! ''{more normal voice}'' Phew! Got a little carried away. Anyways, definitely come on out. It's gonna be rad-icchio! Oh, man. I gotta go put that on the poster!

=== Message 39 ===
:'''28:49 - 29:43'''
'''TUCKER DONALDSON:''' ''{in an angry voice}'' Look here, this&mdash; this message is for Marzipan, you know, 'cause&mdash; 'cause that's a real name. This is Tucker Donaldson from campussafety.gov; if you remember, we hired you, and, and, and, and your band Cool Tapes&mdash; huh! That's real clever&mdash; to play here in our student union, where you managed to incite a riot. Yeah, real three-alarm kind of thing. I&mdash; I&mdash; I'm not even sure it was music that you performed. No thanks, right? No thanks to that. I went out on a limb for you, you and your Cool Tapes, they just snapped my branch. Your&mdash; your&mdash; your tapes are not cool, in fact, how about that? That's the truth right there. I suggest you all get with the program, and by "program", I mean the guidelines set forth on campussafety.gov, herethere and foreto. So, please, at your immediate convenience, call me at Tucker Tuckerson at donaldsafety.gov, so we can deal with this matter. How's that, huh? How&mdash; how&mdash; h&mdash; h&mdash; how&mdash; how's that for hot tape?

=== Message 40 ===
:'''29:43 - 30:19'''
'''HUMIDIBOT:''' Hey, Marzipan, it's me! Humidibot! I just wanted to call you up, and let you know that I'm still Humidibot! Oh! And look here! It's my girlfriend, Humidibeth! She sounds just like me!

'''HUMIDIBETH:''' I'm Humidibeth! I sound just like Humidibot!

'''HUMIDIBOT:''' Oh man, Marzipan. Don't forget to remember that I'm Humidibot! If you e&mdash; if you have a free moment, I'm gonna go try and, expand my personality! Beyond just telling people that I'm Humidibot! Okay, bye!

=== Messages 41+ ===
:'''30:19 - 30:56'''
'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Hey Marzipan, it's Homestar.

''{beep}''

'''STRONG MAD:''' HELLO MARZIPAN!

''{beep}''

'''BUBS:''' Hey Marzipan, it's Bubs!

''{beep}''

'''F-SACK:''' Marzipan, this is F-Sack.

''{beep}''

'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{The Cheat noises}''

''{beep}''

'''STRONG SAD:''' Hey, Marzipan...

''{beep}''

'''COACH Z:''' Hey, Marziprawn!

''{beep}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' Hey, Marzipan,

''{beep}''

'''THE KING OF TOWN:''' Hey, sweetie,

''{beep}''

'''HOMSAR:''' Aaah&mdash;

''{beep}''

'''SENOR CARDGAGE:''' Conjunctivitis...

'''THE ANNOUNCER:''' Marzipan!

'''MARSHIE:''' Marzipan...

'''HORRIBLE PAINTING:''' Marzipan&mdash;

'''BALDING MAN:''' ''{drawn-out sigh}''

''{As the voices get more and more rapid, the answering machine starts to pulse and buzz.}''

'''STINKOMAN:''' MARZI&mdash;

'''PAN-PAN:''' ''{"badalang" sound}''

'''1-UP:''' &mdash;pan...

'''PEACEY P:''' Marzipan...

'''BLUE LASER COMMANDER:''' Marzi&mdash;

'''CRACK STUNTMAN:''' BLAAAAAH!

'''THE HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Marzipan...

'''OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD:''' Marzi&mdash;

'''SICKLY SAM:''' ''{sound effect indicating he disappeared}''

'''TEEN GIRL SQUAD MEMBER:''' Marzi&mdash;

'''ONE OF THE 4 GREGS:''' &mdash;pan...

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' ''{in his original voice}'' Marzi&mdash;

'''BUBS:''' &mdash;pan!

''{The answering machine explodes, dropping down a broken tape labeled "farm aid '87".}

===Closing===
:'''30:56 - 31:09'''

''{Cut to the living room of the Brothers Strong. Strong Bad is lying on the floor. Strong Bad, his contraption, and the walls are all covered in spray-on cheese.}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{groaning}'' Urgh&mdash; how&mdash; possible&mdash; Demon's&mdash; Crest&mdash; gar-garble&mdash;

''{Marzipan enters the room.}''

'''MARZIPAN:''' Took a few years to set up, but I finally pulled it off. April Fools', Strong Bad!

''{A black box with the words "That was long! Happy Fools' Day!" is slapped onto the screen.}''

===Footnote===
#This word may also be "cookie".

== Fun Facts ==
=== Explanations ===
*[[Wikipedia:Jodhpurs|Jodhpurs]] are padded trousers designed for horse-riding.
*[[Wikipedia:Charcuterie|Charcuterie]] is a type of preserved meat, and is often served on a wooden board, much like a cheese platter.
*[[Wikipedia:Braunschweiger|Braunschweiger]] is a type of [[German]] sausage.

=== Trivia ===
[[File:DigitalHomestar.png|right|thumb|Oh hewwo!]]
*This is the first toon uploaded to [[homestarrunner.com]] to not be displayed in [[Flash]], and instead, in an embedded [[YouTube]] player.
*At 31:09, this is not only the [[Toons by Length|longest toon on the site]], but it's nearly four times as long as the next-longest, [[I Killed Pom Pom]].
*This is the second time [[The Poopsmith]] has broken his vow of silence, and the first time he has had spoken dialogue. [[Wikipedia:John Linnell|John Linnell]] of [[They Might Be Giants]] reprised his role as the voice of The Poopsmith from [[email thunder]].
*The [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 16.2|previous Answering Machine]] was released more than 7 years earlier on March 2, 2009, explaining the answering machine's poor condition. This closes the biggest gap ever in between a type of toon with a duration of 2,587 days.
*This is the first [[Marzipan's Answering Machine]] to show a location other than Marzipan's house outside of an Easter egg.
*This toon surpassed [[Teen Girl Squad Issue 10]] as the toon with the most [[characters]] in it to date at thirty-seven.
*This is the only Answering Machine to not be on the Marzipan's Answering Machine menu and is only accessible through the "[[Holiday Toons]]" menu, the "[[New Stuff]]" menu or the "What's New?" button on the [[Main Pages]].
*This Marzipan's Answering Machine has the most messages (68) and the most callers (35).
*One pattern on the answering machine's display includes a digital depiction of Homestar's head.
*To dial Marzipan's phone number, [[The Cheat]] enters eight digits. A telephone number of this length [[Wikipedia: North American Numbering Plan|cannot be used in North America]], although it is valid in some other regions of the world.
**The Cheat's arm does not land perfectly on a button each time, making the actual telephone number ambiguous. However, he does appear to dial the star key ("*"), which is not typically used in phone numbers.
*This toon marks the first time that Homsar has acknowledged his own bizarre speaking habits.
*This is the first time the word "[[Wikipedia:Marzipan|marzipan]]" has been used to reference the almond-based confectionery that is Marzipan's namesake. However, it was previously implied in [[senior prom]].
*This is the first time the [[Visor Robot]] has been referred to as such on the [[homestarrunner.com|website]]. The name "Visor Robot" was originally coined by the wiki when it had no official name. [[The Brothers Chaps]] then started using the name in [[Homestarloween Party#Commentary Transcript|DVD commentaries]].

===Remarks===
*The name of the toon on the [[TV Time Toons Menu]] and [[YouTube]] list the version number as '''17''' as opposed to '''17.2'''.
*The answering machine in this toon is the [[PhoneTime XL8]] instead of the [[PhoneTime XL800]], which was used in the [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 16.2|previous answering machine toon]]. Oddly, the XL8 has a "record" button in this toon.
*Homsar still spoke in a non-sequitur fashion on his answering machine message in [[Homestar Ruiner]].
**Additionally, in [[2 emails]] Strong Sad claims that "Homsar called and said he was a million ladies tall", implying he spoke in non-sequiturs.
*Coach Z tells Marzipan to "coat your hand in Right Guard", even though Marzipan has [[Lack of Visible Arms|no visible arms or hands]].
*When Coach Z (or anyone else) called Marzipan's number during the time period when these messages were recorded, he would have been greeted with the same outgoing message, namely, that she'll be out and about '''for about seven years''', so neither he nor anyone else would have any reason to expect a prompt reply.

===Goofs===
*When Strong Bad rubs his chin while talking about fiber optics, his arm is missing, causing his glove to be disconnected from his body.

===Inside References===
*[[Lite Em Up Dan]] lighter fluid is seen in the living room.
*It appears that Strong Bad is unable to [[How do you type with boxing gloves on|dial the phone with boxing gloves on]].
*Homestar's spoken "text message" is a reference to his message left in [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 13.2]]: "PLZ GET EGGS,MILK?"
*Bubs mentions the [[catch phrases]] "[[seriously]]" and "holy [[crap]]". 
*Coach Z had been incarcerated in juvenile prison in [[Play Date]]; similarly, he is being tried as a minor in this toon.
*[[Craig Zobel]] reprised his role as the voice of [[Kevin]], who initially appeared in [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 6.0]].
*Strong Bad's smooth-and-smarmy public radio impression is from [[radio]], where Marzipan complained that she didn't receive her tote bag, one of the things Strong Bad mentions.
*Coach Z drinks [[Melonade]] from a [[toilet]].
*Strong Bad and Larry Palaroncini are doing anniversaries for [[Everybody to the Limit]] and [[Nite Mamas]], respectively.
**Strong Bad says he needs to complete the song so The Cheat [[Powered By The Cheat|can make a video]], as Everybody to the Limit was animated.
*Strong Bad pretending to be Sharp Dean says that Marzipan is not [[the only girl]].
*Bubs previously dealt in organ trafficking in [[Strong Badia The Free]].
*This toon features two [[made-up real things]]:
**[[Litigation Jackson]] was a movie character featured in an eponymous film in [[A Decemberween Pageant]] and in a sequel, Legal Rampage, in [[rampage]].
**[[Humidibot]] was originally a character invented on the spur of the moment by Strong Bad to mock fans dressing up in highly inaccurate costumes during [[Fan Costumes 2015]].
*Homsar speaking "more articulate on the phone" is in reference to [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 5.0]], which was created before Homsar's tendency to spout non-sequiturs had been established, and thus had Homsar able to create a coherent monologue while calling Marzipan. 
*The King of Town mentions being Marzipan's father at one point in time; this was an old idea that was mentioned in the [[Old Characters Page]] and later scrapped by [[The Brothers Chaps]].
*Homestar previously referenced [[Wikipedia:Google Glass|Google Glass]] in [[W00tstock - 18 Jul 2013|W00tstock 5.0]].
*"I'm sad that I'm trying" is a reference to "[[I'm sad that]] I'm flying".
*Puppet Homestar says "[[Spin my buzzer]]."
*Homestar Runner's lines when he has his older voice are a reference to [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 1.0#Message_5|two]] [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 1.0#Message_3|messages]] in the [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 1.0|first Marzipan's Answering Machine]].
*The answering machine's [[explosion]] is very similar to the one that appeared in the email [[personal favorites]], particularly the way the tape lands.
**The tape reads "farm aid [[1987|'87]]".
*Tucker Donaldson previously called in complaints to [[Mike Chapman|Mike]]zipan from the website halloweensafety.gov in [[Halloween Safety]].
*The living room is set up much like it is in [[your edge]].
*Strong Bad mentions the [[Nintendo#Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES)|SNES]] game [[Wikipedia:Demon's Crest|Demon's Crest]] after the answering machine explodes, where in a similar fashion he [[Couch Mumbling|mutters the names of SNES games in his sleep]].
*Strong Bad's first [[Aliases Used in Prank Calls|prank call alias]] is "Joanie [[All The Time|Allthetime]]".
*Strong Bad's instruction to leave money in a "paper and/or plastic bag" is a reference to [[Strong Bad's Character Video|his character video]].
*The Poopsmith mentions [[bread]].
*Strong Sad insults his former self as being [[Not X|not-depressing]].

=== Real-World References ===
*[[Wikipedia:Yoplait|Yoplait]], [[Wikipedia:Fage|Fage]], [[Wikipedia:Stonyfield Farm|Oikos]], and [[Wikipedia:Activia|Activia]] are all brands of yogurt.
*[[Wikipedia:Robert Siegel|Robert Siegel]] is an American radio journalist.
*Homestar mentions the short-lived internet fad of [[Wikipedia:Planking (fad)|planking]].
*[[Wikipedia:Scarborough Fair (song)|Scarborough Fair]] is a popular English folk song that was recorded by [[Wikipedia:Simon and Garfunkel|Simon and Garfunkel]], among others.
*Homestar is excited for the release of the [[Wikipedia:Ouya|Ouya]], a Kickstarted game console that was met with initial positive reception, but flopped due to poor sales.
*[[Wikipedia:Jeremy Lin|Jeremy Lin]] is an [[Wikipedia:NBA|NBA]] player who currently plays for the [[Wikipedia:Charlotte Hornets|Charlotte Hornets]]. "Linsanity" refers to how Lin, an undrafted free agent out of Harvard, made an immediate impact on the [[Wikipedia:New York Knicks|New York Knicks]] when he signed with them for his second season. He has not achieved that level of notoriety since.
*As the Poopsmith mentioned, [[Wikipedia:Michael Nesmith|Mike Nesmith]] was a member of the 1960s band [[Wikipedia:The Monkees|The Monkees]], where he played guitar and keyboards. His song "[[Wikipedia:Different Drum|Different Drum]]", which he wrote in 1965, was a 1967 Top 20 hit for the band [[Wikipedia:Stone Poneys|Stone Poneys]], which featured a young [[Wikipedia:Linda Ronstadt|Linda Ronstadt]] as lead singer.
*[[Wikipedia:Ron Sexsmith|Ron Sexsmith]] is a Canadian pop-folk singer.
*[[Wikipedia:Mark E. Smith|Mark E. Smith]] is the vocalist for the British band [[Wikipedia:The Fall (band)|The Fall]].
*[[Wikipedia:The Smiths|The Smiths]] were an influential early 1980s British rock band fronted by [[Wikipedia:Morrissey|Morrissey]].
*[[Wikipedia:John Grisham|John Grisham]] is a writer best known for writing legal thrillers; [[Wikipedia:Michael Crichton|Michael Crichton]] is the author of the [[Wikipedia:Jurassic Park (novel)|Jurassic Park]] novels.
*Litigation Jackson's line "so say all of us" in message 32 is a quote from Sir Denis Eton-Hogg, a character in the film [[Spinal Tap|This Is Spinal Tap]].
*"Let's Fhqwhgads Again" and "Let's Nite Mamas Again" refer to [[Wikipedia:Category:Sequel songs|sequel songs]], most specifically [[Wikipedia:Let's Twist Again|Let's Twist Again]], [[Wikipedia:Chubby Checker|Chubby Checker]]'s 1961 sequel to his 1960 hit [[Wikipedia:The Twist (song)|The Twist]].
*Homestar's line in message 35 "maybe we can all be friends" and subsequent comment that it's "like rap music" is a reference to the song "[[Wikipedia:Big Poppa|Big Poppa]]" by [[Wikipedia:The Notorious B.I.G.|The Notorious B.I.G.]].
*[[Wikipedia:Farm Aid|Farm Aid]] is a rock 'n' roll concert series organized for the benefit of family farmers in the United States. It has been held annually since 1985.
*[[Wikipedia:Austin, Texas|Austin]], [[Wikipedia:Portland, Oregon|Portland]], [[Wikipedia:Brooklyn|Brooklyn]], and [[Wikipedia:Silver Lake, Los Angeles|Silver Lake]] are all communities known for their indie music and hipster scenes.
*[[Wikipedia: Igloo Products Corporation|Igloo Products Corporation]] is a manufacturer of coolers and ice chests for various uses.
*[[Wikipedia:Jeff Bezos|Jeff Bezos]] is an American entrepreneur, investor and philanthropist who is best known as the founder and CEO of [[Wikipedia:Amazon.com|Amazon.com]].

===Fast Forward===
*Strong Bad would revisit the character of Sharp Dean in [[Later That Night...]].

== External Links ==
*[[HR:answer17.html|watch "Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 17.2"]]
*[[YouTube:DQO1RHETKy4|watch "Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 17.2"]] on [[YouTube]]
*[[forum:37796|forum thread re: "Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 17.2"]]


{{Marzipan's Answering Machine}}

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[[Category:Marzipan's Answering Machine]]