Editing Donut Unto Others

<!--Do not change any instances of the word "doughnut" with "donut."-->
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[[Image:Doughnut.png|thumb|"But, do you dough-''not'' want one?"]]
Homestar Runner opens his own [[doughnut]]<!--sic-->  stand, sparking a fierce marketing war between himself and Bubs.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' {{film|Homestar Runner}}, {{film|Marzipan}}, {{film|Bubs}}, {{film|The King of Town}}, {{film|Strong Bad}}

'''Places:''' [[Marzipan's House]], [[Do-Nots]], [[Bubs' Concession Stand]]

'''Date:''' Monday, April 6, 2009

'''Running Time:''' 3:56

'''Page Title:''' Hey There, Doughnut<!--sic--> Rush!

==Transcript==
''{Homestar is seen cutting out dough rings in Marzipan's Kitchen. Marzipan enters}''

'''MARZIPAN:''' Oh, that's sweet! Are you making me homemade doughnuts<!--sic--> for the 16th anniversary of our 17th breakup?

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Um, no. No way. Um, no way. You know how I've always dreamed of being my own boss at the doughnut<!--sic--> factory!

'''MARZIPAN:''' ''{looking annoyed}'' No, since when?

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Why, just last night! ''{Clouds fill the screen, then recede to the edges. A scene depicting Homestar's dream is shown. He is seen wearing a shirt with the Mexican flag on it, standing next to a high-jumping pit. He has only one leg} {voiceover}'' I dreamt that I was a French long-jump champion with eight wooden legs!

'''MARZIPAN:''' And... that made you want to start a doughnut<!--sic--> shop?

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Yes sir! Like I said, it's a boyhood dream of mine. Could you pass me that recipe?

'''MARZIPAN:''' ''{Picks up a small note from the table}'' There's just this square of TP that says... ''{cut to a close-up of the note}'' "dog-nut" on it.

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Yeah, yeah. That's it. My secret recipe. 

'''MARZIPAN:''' ''{Sighs}'' I'm gonna go talk to anyone else but you.

''{Cut to The Field. Homestar is in a makeshift doughnut<!--sic--> stand formed from a large cardboard box marked "Do-Nots" with a window cut out of it. A fat fryer can be seen bubbling in the back.}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' I honestly wonder how many million doughnuts<!--sic--> I'll sell on my first day. Three? Four? Eight? I've gotta be ready for the 3:09 p.m. doughnut<!--sic--> rush, you know? Ooh, here it comes.

''{Bubs, with a red face and an exceptionally furious expression, enters from the right. As he speaks, cartoon smoke clouds emit from his head.}''

'''BUBS:''' ''{with forced restraint}'' Well, hello, Homestar!

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Hey there, doughnut<!--sic--> rush. What can I get for you?

'''BUBS:''' ''{continuing his forced restraint}'' It's really great to very see you, Homestar!

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' ''{nervous}'' Umm... it's good to see you, too, I guess.

''{As Bubs says the following, we cut to a shot revealing that Homestar's stand is right next to Bubs', facing it, and that Homestar's legs are outlined under the window in dotted lines}'' 

'''BUBS:''' I'm ''delighted'' you've decided to set up shop about ''ten feet away'' from me!

''{cut back to Homestar and Bubs}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Yeah, we could be a conglomerate, like KFC-Taco Bell-Radisson-Texas Instruments-NASA!

'''BUBS:''' Yes! That is a really ''{holding out his right fist}'' outstanding ideeeaaaa! ''{places his fist down}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Um, Bubs? Are we in a fight?

''{as Bubs speaks, his face slowly returns to its normal blue color}''

'''BUBS:''' ''{slightly calmer}'' What do you think, man?! You opened up a competing doughnut<!--sic--> place right across the street from me!

''{zooms out to the gap between the stores. Note that there is no street, but a field}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' The street?

''{Bubs and Homestar both examine the grass between the two stands}'' 

'''BUBS:''' Right across the way from me!

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' But I thought you sold questionable medical coverage.

''{Cut to a close-up of Bubs, with his Concession Stand visible in the background with a sign "Why not Donuts?" on the original sign.}''

'''BUBS:''' That was two hours ago. ''{changes to his normal expression, now speaking normally}'' Now I'm in the doughnut<!--sic--> bidness. ''{with a straight line eyebrow}'' How's that coverage working out for you, by the way?

''{Cut back to the two and the box.}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' ''{holds up a big stack of paperwork}'' Great so far!

'''BUBS:''' ''{back to an angry face}'' I gotta get ready for the big 3:09 p.m. doughnut<!--sic--> rush. When next we meet, 'twill be on the doughnut<!--sic--> field of battle! ''{Cut to a silhouette of the scene. Bubs marches to his stand imitating a military drum cadence}'' Dubba dup dup dup, dubba dup dup dup, dubba dup dup da daa ba dup dup dup!

''{Cut to a shot of a clock that strikes 3:09. Cut back to a shot of the two stands. The King Of Town appears in a puff of smoke.}''

'''THE KING OF TOWN:''' Oof! All right, gentlemen, here's how this is gonna go down. I need fried dough so bad it hurts! According to the data I got back from Taco Bell-NASA, ''{places a hefty stack of paperwork on the ground}'' we're gonna need in the 3 to 8 million range to maintain my caloric intake. Now, commence marketing bombardment!

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Mine's is homemade! ''{holds up a spoon with some doughnut<!--sic--> batter and a few hairs on it}''

'''BUBS:''' Mine's is shipped from a 3rd world country named Homemáde, so I can legally print "From Homemade" on the prepackaged package. ''{holds up a package of his doughnuts<!--sic--> that says "FROM HOMEMÁDE!"}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' I've got grit, gumption, and an adorable speech ''{exaggerating his usual speech impediment}'' impootaboot.

''{The King of Town pops his crown up in surprise and turns to see an angry Bubs putting his right arm in a curl.}''

'''BUBS:''' My name's Bubs, I talk hard and fast.

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Available in 57 different varieties!

'''BUBS:''' One flavor ''{the word "regular" appears above his head}'', over a hundred different names for it! ''{various names that all are variations of "regular" appear around Bubs}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' ''{holds up a newspaper}'' Marzipan raves "Hey! Get outta my kitchen, you!"

'''BUBS:''' ''{cut to a shot of a box of toothpaste labeled "Bubs' Donuts!"; as he says each description, it appears onscreen}'' Fights Cavities! Cleans Teeth! ''{A cartoon Bubs appears in the bottom right corner, bearing the following message in a speech bubble}'' The American Dental Association does not approve the preceding statements.

'''THE KING OF TOWN:''' All right, all right, all right. You both make excellent cases, but I've come to my decision.

'''BUBS:''' ''{sticks his right arm out in alarm}'' Health Inspector! Cheese it, everyone!

''{Bubs closes his stand}''
 
'''THE KING OF TOWN:''' Ooh! ''{he disappears in another puff of smoke}''

''{Strong Bad, in silhouette, is seen coming up and walks towards Homestar with a clipboard in his hand.}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Hey potential customer, would you like several million doughnuts<!--sic-->?

'''STRONG BAD:''' No. I don't want ''one''.

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' But do you dough-''not'' want one? Hmmm?

'''STRONG BAD:''' I'm the health inspector, here to hopefully shut you down.  Now rub this swab under your grease trap and bring it back.

''{Homestar takes the swab and rubs it on the fat fryer.}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Yes sir, Inspector Heath! ''{Homestar starts humming the theme to Inspector Gadget}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{To himself}'' ...And we'll do a little ''{rolls the l}'' bit of ''this''! ''{Strong Bad slaps a note marked "F" on the side of Homestar's stand, causing it to fall over. Smoke begins to rise from it.}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Ah! My face!

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{laughs and walks away}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' My delicious fried face! Bubs, is this covered by my questionable medical coverage? At least questionably so? Bubs?

''{Cut to a long shot of both stands in silhouette. Bubs opens the back of his stand and is seen sneaking away.}''

'''BUBS:''' ''{to the tune of "Mysterioso Pizzicato"}'' Root, root, root, root, doodloodloodloodloodloo, doot doot doot doo...

''{A circle of "ends" appears, the top of which is pink. A back button appears.}''

== Fun Facts ==
===Explanations===
* The toon's title is a pun on the [[Wikipedia:Ethic of reciprocity|ethic of reciprocity]], commonly known as the "Golden Rule", which is often expressed as "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
*Bubs's line about being able to legally say his doughnuts are "from Homemade" is a reference to an [[Snopes:business/genius/usa.asp|urban legend]] in which Japan supposedly renamed one of its cities to "Usa" in order to claim that its products were "Made in USA".
*The music Bubs hums at the end is a piece called "Mysterioso Pizzicato" and is commonly used as stock music for sneaking characters or villains.

===Trivia===
*The [[News Articles|newspaper]] reads:
{| style="border-collapse: collapse; border: 3px solid #999"
| style="color:#999; font-family:Times New Roman,serif; font-size:1.5em; line-height:1em; padding:5px; text-align:center;" | The Imaginary Newspapes
|-
| style="font-family:Times New Roman,serif; font-size:2em; padding:5px; text-align=center;" |<font size=5>MARZIPAN RAVES:</font>
|-
| style="color:#999; font-family:Times New Roman,serif; font-size:1.25em; text-align:center;" | Hey! Get outta my kitchen, you!
|-
| style="font-family:Times New Roman,serif; font-size:1.1em;" | FCUSA - The Marzipan was stunned<br>today when she woke to find a totally<br>legit donut <!--[sic]-->  enterprise operating out<br>of her own dang kitchen. Mexican<br>high jumper Homestar Garcia Colon<br>was unavailable for comment but<br>French long jumper Chateau 'Octo'<br>Etoile broke out the ol' soft shoe. 
|}

*The different names for Bubs's donut flavor are:
<table width="25%"><autocolumn cols="3" width="33%">
:*regular
:*commonplace
:*ordinary
:*plain
:*customary
:*standard
:*usual
:*typical
:*orthodox
:*lawful
:*sanctio[{{--}}]
:*[{{--}}]lent
:*bona[{{--}}]
:*[{{--}}]oved
:*run[{{--}}]
:*[{{--}}]ing
:*le[{{--}}]
</autocolumn></table>
*Removing Bubs' silhouette at the end of the toon with a Flash decompiler reveals that he's wearing [[The Thnikkaman]]'s "tH".
*The [[YouTube]] description for this toon is "Homestar Runner opens his very own doughnut stand."

===Remarks===
*[[Trivia Time]] can be seen in the Kitchen.
*In Marzipan's kitchen, the sink seen in [[Where's The Cheat?]] has disappeared.
*When Bubs warns that the health inspector is coming, he looks and points in a direction different from the one from which Strong Bad (as a health inspector) comes.
*[[Nationality Confusion|Though he claims]] he dreamt he was a French long-jump champion with eight wooden legs, Homestar is seen with a [[Spanish|Mexican flag]] on his shirt with one leg in front of the high jump. ''(See Real-World References)'' ''(See Inside References)''
*As evidenced by the mat behind him, Homestar appeared to be in a high-jump competition, not a long-jump.
*Bubs's larger eye changes color depending on the color of his skin.
*The King of Town says "I've come to my decision" at the 3 minute 9 second mark of the cartoon, taking "the 3:09 doughnut rush" to new levels.
*The King of Town says he'll need 3 to 8 million doughnuts to maintain his caloric intake, which would be 780 million to 2.08 billion calories, if Homestar's and Bubs's offerings are similar to a Dunkin' Donuts regular glazed doughnut (260 calories).

===Goofs===
[[Image:Bubs_head_fade_glitch.png|thumb|I'm delighted you've decided to set up a solid color line about ten feet away from me!]]
* Homestar's "secret recipe" is not on the table before he has his dream flashback.
* A line on Bubs's face delays changing color when he calms down after arguing with Homestar.
* As Strong Bad enters the scene in a silhouette, the left side of Homestar's doughnut stand is not completely touching the ground.
**As well, a piece of the yellow background is visible underneath the bottom-right corner of Bubs' Concession Stand, as if it were not level on the ground.
* When closing his eyes while speaking to Strong Bad, a part of Homestar's eye does not disappear, resulting in a small black spot on his forehead.

===Inside References===
*Homestar claims he was a [[French]] long-jump champion.  The French name in the newspaper, "Chateau Etoile", roughly means "Home<!-- Not necessarily "castle". --> Star". ''(See Remarks)''
*Homestar writes his secret recipe on [[toilet paper]].
*Strong Bad [[Strong Bad Smiling|smiles]] in this short.
*Strong Bad pulls the F slip out of [[hammerspace]].
*In Homestar's newspaper, Marzipan is once again referred to as "The Marzipan" as she was in [[Date Nite]]. This is another example of [[integral article]]s before names.
*When the Health Inspector comes up, Bubs says, "Cheese it!", which is what Strong Bad says to Strong Mad and The Cheat when they steal Marzipan's radish in [[The Reddest Radish]].
*Homestar also used the words "Dough-''not''" in place of "not" in [[Weclome Back]].
*"Do-Nots" is phonetically similar to the phrase "doe not", used by Senor Cardgage in [[Senorial Day]] ("You doe NOT want to miss any Senorial Day savings action!!")
*The song played when Bubs and Homestar "fight over" the King of Town is also played during [[No Hands on Deck!]].
*The fanfare playing during Homestar's dream sequence is the last half of the 2007 [[Strong Badathlon]]'s fanfare.
*The newspaper mentions Marzipan's "[[Own Dang X|own dang]] kitchen".
*Bubs is said to sell [[Questionable Services|questionable]] medical coverage.

===Real-World References===
* Homestar hums the theme to [[Wikipedia:Inspector Gadget|Inspector Gadget]].
* The flag that Homestar wears in his dream is the [[Wikipedia:Flag of Mexico|flag of Mexico]].
* The companies that Homestar lists as a conglomerate are real companies:
** [[KFC]] and [[Wikipedia:Taco Bell|Taco Bell]] are restaurants owned by [[Wikipedia: Yum! Brands|Yum! Brands]] that often share a building.
** [[Wikipedia:Radisson Hotels|Radisson]] is a hotel chain owned by [[Wikipedia:Carlson Companies|Carlson Companies]].
** [[Texas Instruments]] is a semiconductor and electronics maker.
**[[Wikipedia: NASA|NASA]] is the United States space agency, not part of a conglomerate.
*Homestar's line about "57 different varieties" refers to the slogan of the American condiment company [[Wikipedia:H. J. Heinz Company|Heinz]].

==YouTube Version==
*The audio quality is significantly higher than the Flash version.

==External Links==
{{nextlinks|{{HR||||}}||15231|youtube=uAzzoGCYw2U|old=doughnutstand}}
[[Category:Shorts]]