Disk 4 of 12 - FriendlyWare
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In the first official installment of Strong Bad's Disk 4 of 12, Strong Bad takes a look at the FriendlyWare PC Introductory Set.
Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, D n' D Greg, Sci-Fi Greg, Open Source Greg, Japanese Culture Greg, Homestar Runner, What's Her Face, Basica
Places: Computer Room, The Show
Date: Friday, February 12, 2021
Running Time: 14:00
Page Title: Turkey Farm Dreams!
Contents |
Transcript
{A live-action case filled with 5 inch floppies sits on a desk next to an old computer. The disk in the front has a handwritten label reading "Disk 4 of 12". Strong Bad's gloves reach into the shot, open the case and begin rifling through the contents.}
STRONG BAD: {singing} When I check my email,
{Strong Bad holds up a disk labeled "Old Game".}
STRONG BAD: —there are some old games.
{Strong Bad inserts the disk into a disk drive and then types on a keyboard with boxing gloves on.}
STRONG BAD: Now I'm gonna play them for you.
{The monitor comes to life, showing a screen reading "Strong Bad's Disk 4 of 12". A disk reading noise plays.}
{Fade into a shot of Strong Bad's desk, zooming in on the container of floppy disks, the frontmost one reading "friendly ware".}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} This episode's game comes from sbemail 65: unused emails. And this game, oh man, it's the greatest game!
{Cut to live-action. Strong Bad's gloves display the game's case, which is a small, white, 3-ring binder containing 3 diskettes and some legal and instructional papers.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} The FriendlyWare P.C. Introductory Set was a series of games and... productivity... programs?
{Cut to a shot of the computer, which displays a blank screen.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —that were made to introduce the early-1980's family—
{The screen displays the family from QWERTY.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —to their new personal computer.
{Cut back to the case}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Let's take a look here.
{Strong Bad flips the contents of the case to the instructional sheet at the front.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Woah! Look at—
{Cut to a close-up of the sheet, which has illustrations of the oversized Control, Alt, and Period/Delete keys.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} the size of those Control-Alt-Delete keys! Those things look like... family sedans!
{The illustration of the Alt key grows four wheels and drives out of frame, complete with exhaust smoke, screeching sounds, and tire marks left behind on the sheet. Cut to black, then to a red curtain which parts to reveal the previously seen keyboard keys with Ctrl, Alt, and Del (with period) on top on them. The keys have crude drawings on them to make them resemble vehicles. "Ctrl" is being driven by a crude drawing of Marzipan, "Alt" is occupied by several faces, and "Del" contains a King-of-Town-like figure wearing a hat similar to that worn by Perducci, as well as a disembodied face resembling that of Strong Mad. "New for 1981" fades into the bottom left.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Introducing the complete fleet of 1981 keyboard {lighted The-Show-style orange sign reading "FAMILY SEDANS" slides in from top} family sedans.
{Cut to a closeup of the Ctrl car, panning up and right. A red burst reading "16 Ashtrays!" spins into the top right}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} The Control, for moms on the go.
{Cut to a closeup of the Alt car, panning up and left. A red burst reading "Optional Seat'belt'" spins into the top left}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} The Alt, for big families.
{Cut to a closeup of the Del car, zooming in. A red burst reading "Body already in trunk!" spins into the bottom left}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And for the shady businessman, the Delete.
{Fade out, cut back to Strong Bad attempting to flip through the instructional sheet, but failing due to his boxing gloves}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Let's see, what else we got in here? Oh yeah, I gotta call out this specific passage. This is amazing:
{Cut to a closeup of the instructional sheet, with the paragraph Strong Bad reads being highlighted and zooming in}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Whereas the great majority of microcomputers have a total addressable memory of 64k or less, the PC's attainable range of addressable memory is theoretically {text bulges out as he reads it} nearly 1 Megabyte. {stops reading} Can't you just see a bunch of bearded Palo Alto types sittin' around with pipes?
{Cut to a 4 Gregs scenario with the Gregs all with beards and pipes. D n' D Greg is sitting on a chair with "d n' d greg (early adopter)" on his shirt, Sci-Fi Greg sitting on the ground with "same old greg" on his shirt, Open Source Greg standing twirling his pipe with "GNU project greg" on his shirt, and Japanese Culture Greg standing with bubbles coming out of his pipe with "mostly just starblazers greg at this point" on his shirt}
OPEN SOURCE GREG: Uh, gentlemen, the data is there! {raising his pipe} We WILL reach 1 megabyte by century's end!
{D n' D Greg is crushed by a monitor with a built-in floppy disk drive, with (A)BORT! written above. Sci-Fi Greg is crushed by a larger monitor without a drive, (R)ETRY! written above. Open Source Greg is not crushed by anything, instead gaining a shocked expression, (i)GNORE! written above. Japanese Culture Greg is crushed by a large tower with a reel-to-reel tape recorder built in, (F)AiL! written above, which later changes to (C)RASH!.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Abort! Retry! Ignore! Fail! Or crash, sometimes.
{Cut to Strong Bad closing the instructional sheet}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Alright, let's check this game out! Please insert disk 4 of 12.
{Cut to black, disk reading sound is heard. Cut to the title screen saying "WELCOME TO", the letters of FriendlyWare come in from the right of the screen}
STRONG BAD {voiceover} F-R-I-E- {speeding up} N-D— {unintelligible} That's a pretty dynamic animated logo. {presses enter to pull up the programs menu} Ooh, and look at all these options! Immediately the words "Killer" and "Battle" {those words are surrounded by a pink box} jump out at me. All right, let's go with killer.
{Strong Bad selects "Killer Maze".}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} "Would you like instructions?" No!
{A colorful 3D ASCII maze generates. Strong Bad is facing east.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Oh man, look at this maze! This multicolored labyrinth stretching on for infinity! Who knows what dangers lurk inside the Killer Maze? {navigating, mumbling} North, turn to the west, and go north again! And then west again! And then that's a dead end. And then all the way around... south... no. Yes! Back to {chuckling} where I was before. Go... keep going... take this left! Over here, north... and then to the east! Okay, so far my main question is where are all the, like, demons and bad guys, and why can't I shoot? Wait a minute... is this like that Hallrunner game {the Hallrunner player character appears onscreen, running} where the bad guys were pop quizzes?
{A Hallrunner prompt appears onscreen:}
POP QUIZZES MAKE GOOD BAD GUYS BECAUSE:
- 1) OH WAIT
- 2) THEY DON'T
- 3) NEVER MIND
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Get outta here!
{The prompt and the runner vanish.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} South... {makes a series of grunts of concentrated navigation} Kinda feel like I'm going in a circle... I shoulda got some graph paper before I did this! {voice starts to speed up} Oh, I have no idea where I am...
{The video fast-forwards as Strong Bad continues to walk through the maze, speaking in sped-up squeaks. It finally returns to normal speed as Strong Bad faces what looks like an exit to the north.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...oh! Look at that! It looks like the end! It's gotta be where the big end boss is waiting for me! Let's go! {walks several paces north until the end of the hall materializes into... a wall} Let—aw man! A wall? {keeps navigating} Um, this must have been set on easy. Because there don't appear to be any bad guys in here. I haven't found a single med pack or some ammo clips. {ASCII graphics of these items appear onscreen as he mentions them} Okay.
{He rounds a corner to find, to the east, a blinking EXIT sign.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Wait! EXIT! The exit! D—did I do it?
{He goes east. The screen rewards him with the words, "You Made It !!!! in 82 Moves. Would You Like To Try Again? <Y/N>"}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I made it! In 82 moves! And there was absolutely no reward! Are you freakin' kidding me?! There's nothing killer about that maze! That is the safest maze I've ever been inside of! Can't I at least get, like, a ASCII cackledemon as a reward?
{Cut back to one corridor of the maze, where an ASCII cacodemon appears.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} That would've been enough! I'm playing DOS games here! My expectations are only, like, ankle high!
{He exits to the main menu.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} All right, let's see, what else we got? "Eye & Hearing Test"? {the program is highlighted} How'd they sneak that one onto the top menu? That should definitely be between, like, the Amortaninazation Calculator—
{Option E, "Sea Battle", is replaced with "Amortaninazation Calculator" as Strong Bad speaks; the name is so long that it pushes option I, "Tic Tac Toe", off to the right.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —and like, Edgar's Checkbook Balance Blasta.
{A program appears on the screen as Strong Bad speaks:}
[≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈] | | | Edgar's Checkbook | | ¥ Balance Blastas! ¥ | | | | |> *$$* | | | | programmed at | | length in dark corners | | | [≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈]
{The red arrow symbol shoots the dollar sign symbol a few times. The program disappears.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} All right, let's see, what else we got? Let's go to menu two.
{Strong Bad advances to menu two, offering a new set of programs.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Ooh, let's try Match!
{Strong Bad selects match. The program asks him if he wants instructions.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} "Would you like instructions"? Sure!
{An instruction screen comes up. Strong Bad reads from it.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} "In this game, you will try to match prizes on the game board before your opponent does!"
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Oh, this sounds like a two-player game, Strong Bad!
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Aw man!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} That's right! As our resident game show host, I figured I should be your partner in this endeavor, Strong Bad!
STRONG BAD: {voiceover, very flatly} Okay greeeat!
{He advances to the next screen, which prompts him for his first name.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} "Player 1, please enter your first name." {typing} Oldenbut. {hits enter, and a prompt for player 2 appears below}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} "Player 2, please enter your first name." You know I gotta go with my all-time favorite, {typing} Bernau. {hits enter}
{The screen briefly reads "One Moment While I Generate A Game Board", then a game board consisting of five columns (lettered A to E) and eight rows (numbered 1 to 8) prints. A prompt reads, "BERNAU , What Is Your FIRST Choice?" A message at the bottom of the screen reads "Strike <F10> To Leave This Game".}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Whoa, this looks like the old Family Feud grid!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} "Bernau, what is your first choice?" I'm going with D7.
{Space D7 is revealed to be ROLEX CAMERA, worth $90.00. The prompt now asks for Bernau's second choice.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Ooh, a Rolex camera! I know they're trying to fool me, but I know the match is at D8.
{D8 is revealed to be 6 PACK/COORS. The message reads, "SORRY BERNAU , But No Match".}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Did that say a six-pack of Coors?
{The board resets and Oldenbut is prompted for his first choice.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} "Oldenbut, what is your first choice?" Let's go over here to B6.
{B6 is VOLKSWAGEN, worth $5,500.00. Cut to Homestar Runner on The Show set with his microphone and cue cards.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: A horrible Volkswagen!
{The background lifts to reveal the "Ctrl" sedan from earlier as The Show's theme plays. Homestar sings along to it. Cut back to the game.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Shut up. Uh, this thing's definitely at D4.
{D4 is MOBILE HOME.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Mobile home?!
{The board resets; Bernau is asked for his first choice.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} I'm going with A4.
{A4 is GOLD RING, worth $300.00.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Gold ring! I betcha that increases my defense!
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} It's not that kind of a game, Homestar.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} They always try to fool me—I'm going with A5.
{A5 is TRIP TO JAPAN.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Trip to Japan!
{The board resets; Oldenbut is asked for his first choice.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Are you always just gonna check the one right below the one you just picked?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Yes ma'am.
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Augh. A2.
{A2 is 6 PACK/COORS, worth $3.15.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover, excited} Six-pack of Coors! That's right, it was over there, at D8!
{D8 is 6 PACK/COORS. The prompt reads, "ALLRIGHT, A Match !! OLDENBUT, For $3.15 In Prizes, Guess My Secret Number <10 to 99>".}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Nice! A six-pack of Cold Ones! "All right, a match! Oldenbut, for {laughing a little} three dollars and fifteen cents in prizes" — ooh! That's a cheap six-pack! — "guess my secret number, 10 to 99." Oh man. You know I gotta go with 54.
{54 is "Sorry, Too High. But Still Your Turn."}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Still too high?
{The board now has spaces A2 and D8 missing. Oldenbut is prompted for his first choice.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Okay, I get to go again. Uh, B6.
{B6 is VOLKSWAGEN, worth $5,500.00.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} That Volkswagen. Did I already do that?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover, singsong} I'm not telling!
STRONG BAD: {voiceover, pained} What if Homestar's right and it's the one right below it? Aaagh, you got in my head!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover, smoothly} That's what I do, Strong Bad. It's allll mind games.
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I'm doing it! B7!
{B7 is FRIENDLYWARE.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} D'awh! FriendlyWare?!
{The board resets; Bernau is asked for his first choice.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Ha ha! My turn! D3.
{D3 is MX-80 PRINTER, worth $550.00.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} An MX-80 printer! Preeeow!
{The Paper prints with the word PREEEOW in ASCII bubble letters.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Oh man, that doesn't date this game at all!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} And let-me-think-about-it D4.
{D4 is MOBILE HOME. The board resets and Oldenbut is prompted for his first choice.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I'm going with C5.
{C5 is CORVETTE, worth $25,000.00. A red ASCII art Corvette drives by under the board over Strong Bad's next line.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} A Corvette! Yes! All right, it's gonna be in E7!
{E7 is FRIENDLYWARE.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} FriendlyWare?!
{The board resets; Bernau is asked for his first choice.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Ooh, now I know what that is. B7...
{B7 is FRIENDLYWARE, worth $49.95.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} And E7.
{E7 is FRIENDLYWARE. Bernau is asked to guess the computer's secret number for $49.95 in prizes.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Ding ding ding ding ding! Whoa, FriendlyWare costs $49.95?
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And them's 1983 dollars!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} "Bernau, guess my secret number, 10 to 99!" Uh, 23.
{A message reads "Congratulations BERNAU You WIN !!!" before every space on the board is revealed and the message changes to "Strike Any Key To See Your Prizes". The Show music plays.}
| TAKE ONE | SNORKEL & FINS | TAMPA NUGGET | TURKEY FARM | LOSE ONE |
| SURF BOARD | BETAMAX | MX-80 PRINTER | TAKE ONE | |
| BRICK HOME | CB-RADIO | CORVETTE | MX-80 PRINTER | SNORKEL & FINS |
| GOLD RING | TURKEY FARM | CB-RADIO | MOBILE HOME | MOBILE HOME |
| TRIP TO JAPAN | TAMPA NUGGET | CORVETTE | PATIO SET | GOLD RING |
| BETAMAX | VOLKSWAGEN | LOSE ONE | BRASS BED | BRASS BED |
| BRICK HOME | FRIENDLYWARE | ROLEX CAMERA | ROLEX CAMERA | FRIENDLYWARE |
| TRIP TO JAPAN | VOLKSWAGEN | PATIO SET | SURF BOARD |
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} "Congratulations Bernau! You win!"
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} What the crap?! You can just guess a stupid number and win the game?! Aw man. I coulda won a Betamax, a brick home, whatever a Tampa Nugget is... and a turkey farm! {emotional} You cheated me out of my turkey farm, Homestar!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Hey, check it out! The MX-80 printer actually followed my double-up style! {the two MX-80 printers are highlighted}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I'll double up your style if you don't get outta here!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover, distant} I already left your house!
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Good riddance! F10!
{Strong Bad exits to the main menu.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Let's see, what else we got on here? Uhh... let's check out... Intro Menu 2.
{Strong Bad changes the menu}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} (mumbling) Blackjack, Dominoes, boring, boring, boring... Woah! Personal Biorhythms! That sounds awesome!
{Strong Bad selects "Personal Biorhythms". The program asks if he wants instructions.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} In the spirit of BioForge and Bio Menace! {The title screens for these games show up as Strong Bad mentions them.} I bet you "Biorhythm" is gonna really deliver! No, I don't need instructions!
This section of the page is incomplete. You can help the Homestar Runner Wiki by expanding it.
Fun Facts
Trivia
Inside References
- As explained in the episode, FriendlyWare first appeared on a floppy disk in the floppy disk container in unused emails.
- Scenes from this episode were previously shown in various @StrongBadActual Tweets:
- Most of Strong Bad and Homestar's Match game was seen on 12 Dec 2020.
- The ASCII "cackledemon" was shown on 12 Feb 2020.
- A couple of lines from the Sea Battle sequence were shown in the Disk 4 of 12 sneak peek on 1 Feb 2020.
- Hallrunner is mentioned, with the player character and an obstacle dialog box appearing.
- At the end of the episode, Strong Bad writes a BASIC infinite loop.
Real-World References
- Star Blazers is the name given to the English translation of Space Battleship Yamato.
- The match game resembles Concentration, a memory-based game show that aired from the '50s to the '70s and was revived from 1987-1991.
- Strong Bad makes several references to Doom while playing the maze game.
- "Abort, Retry, Fail?" is an error message in MS-DOS.
- The Family Sedan keyboard keys are from a Model F keyboard, more specifically the IBM Model F XT.
This section of the page is incomplete. You can help the Homestar Runner Wiki by expanding it.
External Links
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