Strong Bad's Responses in Poker Night at the Inventory
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Revision as of 19:37, 19 January 2011 by Shadow Hog (Talk | contribs)
Poker Night at the Inventory has a lot of dialogue when the four characters interact with each other. Here are Strong Bad's responses.
General Responses
Strong Bad Folding
- STRONG BAD: The river! I'd like to drown that card's family in a river.
- STRONG BAD: I fold.
- STRONG BAD: I'm gonna fold, and then sit here.
- STRONG BAD: Come on! These cards is bloke.
- STRONG BAD: Fold.
- STRONG BAD: {looks at cards} I don't think so.
- STRONG BAD: Nope.
- STRONG BAD: {in a musical tone} This sucks!
- STRONG BAD: Ha, no way!
- STRONG BAD: I'm foldin' this crap!
- STRONG BAD: Don't you worry about me not playing, guys. I'm gonna keep folding so you don't have to. You can thank me later.
- STRONG BAD: Uhhh, no... Uhh, no... Uh, no.
- STRONG BAD: I'll... fold.
- STRONG BAD: And, I'm out.
- STRONG BAD: And, this is where I kick back and relax, ladies.
- STRONG BAD: OK, that card sucks pretty bad.
- STRONG BAD: These cards suck harder than the King of Town at the bottom of a 72-ounce melt-shake.
- STRONG BAD: Flop, flop crap. Crop. Trying to make it rhyme. See what I was doing there?
- STRONG BAD: Flops are stupid, but floppy disks are analogawesome.
- STRONG BAD: I'm not even going to dignify these cards with my sweet touch when I fold them.
- STRONG BAD: That flop is scarier than most Marzipans I know.
- STRONG BAD: These cards are like the ladies: they WISH they were getting played by me.
- STRONG BAD: Oh, it's the worst three cards I ever saw.
- STRONG BAD: Crap.
Strong Bad Calling
- STRONG BAD: Calling!
- STRONG BAD: I'm calling!
- STRONG BAD: Oh, I'm calling!
- STRONG BAD: Call!
- STRONG BAD: I call.
- STRONG BAD: I'll call.
- STRONG BAD: Oh, yeah! Uh, let's do this.
- STRONG BAD: Can't wait to see me a flippy floppy.
- STRONG BAD: I'm totally in this hand! Total man.
- STRONG BAD: I'm not going to even count how much that is, because I call, and I don't care anymore. I don't care.
- STRONG BAD: Trying to raise me off the pot, 'cause you think I have the wheel? Or the tire? Or the Guatemalan tricycle? I call!
- STRONG BAD: {in a mocking tone} Ooh! The girls will go {emphasizes the word} crazy for a huge bet like that. Ha ha- {quickly changes to his normal voice} I call.
- STRONG BAD: Who do you think I am, that tightwad The King Of Town?
- STRONG BAD: With a bet like that, you better wash your hands. {smilies, raises the pitch of his voice} Cause I know you're holding crap.
- STRONG BAD: Oh, I call your bet! Which is clearly just you trying to impress the ladies... at home. Mmm...
Strong Bad Responding To A Good Card
- STRONG BAD: Ooh! {disinterested} I mean, cool. Whatever.
- STRONG BAD: YES!
- STRONG BAD: Huttah!
- STRONG BAD: Squeedily-WOW!
Strong Bad Responding To A Bad Card
- STRONG BAD: What! {grumble}
- STRONG BAD: Come ON!
- STRONG BAD: Lame!
- STRONG BAD: The pits!
Strong Bad Raising
- STRONG BAD: Raise.
- STRONG BAD: Let's make this a little interesting, shall we?
- STRONG BAD: I'm raising!
- STRONG BAD: Raisin' in the sun!
- STRONG BAD: How do you feel about... another raise? Not the toughest of guys now, eh?
- STRONG BAD: Hmm... OK, I raise.
- STRONG BAD: I am puttin' you alls up in!
- STRONG BAD: I'm raisin', and not even carin'. {unintelligible}
Strong Bad Betting
- STRONG BAD: Betting!
- STRONG BAD: I'll toss a few chippies into the pot! Chippy chippy.
- STRONG BAD: All right, I'LL be the one to put some money in. Scare-dees.
- STRONG BAD: Don't freak out, I'm betting a lot. But I asked your mom last night, and she said it was cool.
- STRONG BAD: I guess I can throw a little money into the pot. And by throw I mean a crane is going to have to lower it onto the table.
- STRONG BAD: {speaks in a monotone} I'll bet a small amount. So you amateurs don't {speaks normally} wet yourselves.
- STRONG BAD: {tosses chips} Yeah, I just bet that. Don't lose your minds.
Strong Bad Checking
- STRONG BAD: Free card!
- STRONG BAD: OK. I check.
- STRONG BAD: I check.
- STRONG BAD: Check, check, check it out.
- STRONG BAD: Maybe I won't check. Ohhhhhhhhhh... check.
Strong Bad Going All-In
- STRONG BAD: Yeah. I'm all in.
- STRONG BAD: I'm all in!
- STRONG BAD: I'm going all in.
- STRONG BAD: It's the moment you've all been waiting for... {making exploding noises before the words} all in. {calmly, shaking his head} That was me saying "all in".
- STRONG BAD: Oh man, I'm so sorry, this is going to make you cry, 'cause I'm all in.
- STRONG BAD: I hope you're all wearing two belts, 'cause I'm about to all in the pants off this muh!
Strong Bad Thinking
- STRONG BAD: Hmm...
- STRONG BAD: Ehh...
- STRONG BAD: This is a harder decision than that time Strong Sad AND Homestar both asked me for dessert and I only had one laxative brownie left.
Strong Bad Taunting
- STRONG BAD: Man, I would hate to play against me.
- STRONG BAD: Call it! Fold! Call it! Fold! I'm inside your head!
- STRONG BAD: {in a mocking tone} Oh, man! Do you even {exaggerates the word} know how to play?
- STRONG BAD: Don't worry about your chippies. Little chippies.
- STRONG BAD: This is as boring as hanging out with the tire when it's in one of its moods.
- STRONG BAD: Maybe you're number and colorblind. Or just blind? Or just number?
- STRONG BAD: Just because those three jokers folded doesn't mean you have to.
- STRONG BAD: Looks like you're gonna have to fooooooold.
Strong Bad Responding To Player Taking Too Long
- STRONG BAD: This is less fun than one of Homsar's late night Jenga-jams.
- STRONG BAD: I'm not getting any younger. But I am getting more dignified.
- STRONG BAD: GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!
Strong Bad Restarting The Conversation After He Was Interrupted
- STRONG BAD: Anyway...
- STRONG BAD: So, as I was saying...
- STRONG BAD: Where was I? Oh!
- STRONG BAD: So, anyway...
- STRONG BAD: Back to what I was saying...
- STRONG BAD: Oh, sooo...
- STRONG BAD: Anyways, I was saying...
- STRONG BAD: What the crap was I saying? Oh, right.
- STRONG BAD: Anyways, back to me.
Strong Bad Wins A Hand
- WINSLOW: Strong Bad wins the hand.
- STRONG BAD: I only play red cards. I mean, good cards.
- STRONG BAD: All I gots is this... winning hand! Psyche! Face! Whoop! Plowmph!
- STRONG BAD: [mocking tone] Oh man, what happened?
- TYCHO: You want me to say you won again?
- STRONG BAD: I guess so. I mean if that's what happened for real and for true. Right?
- TYCHO: Die a sad, pitiful, painful death.
- STRONG BAD: Thanks, juys!
- STRONG BAD: Just gonna keep winning. Same type deal. Twice times. Twice times.
- STRONG BAD: In your collective faces, dorks! Same goes for my previous wins, which were up your collective BUTT.
- STRONG BAD: I win again! Man, I hope this is all being recorded for a VHS box set.
- STRONG BAD: Win again dot exe! ...dot gov. ...dot org.
- STRONG BAD: Oh man, it feels so much cooler to flip over my cards to win all the big ones.
Strong Bad Gets A Draw
- STRONG BAD: Grr...gimme back my chippies! Come back to poopaw!
Strong Bad Responding To An All-In
- STRONG BAD: Jeez St. Jeezum!
- STRONG BAD: Ooh! {turns his head away and speaks softly, feigning indifference} I mean... cool, whatever.
- STRONG BAD: Whoa!
- STRONG BAD: Squeedilywoooooow!
- STRONG BAD: Ooh, that's classic.
Strong Bad Responding To A Large Pot
- STRONG BAD: That pot is like half of the gross domestic product of Strongbadia. And our chief export, {waving his hands, in a singsong voice} potash!
- STRONG BAD: Ooh. I could buy a new Compy with that pot. One with a half-core processor.
Strong Bad Responding to a Check
- STRONG BAD: You keep checkin', and I'll keep checkin' out the {stretches out each syllable} lay-days.
- STRONG BAD: Thank god YOU'RE here.
- STRONG BAD: {mockingly} Watch out everyone! HUUGE check!
Strong Bad Responding to a Fold
- STRONG BAD: Impressive folding, somethingface. Can I get you to fold my laun-dray?
Strong Bad Winning an Item
- STRONG BAD: Maybe I'll use this to bribe The Cheat into doing something hilariously illegal!
Strong Bad Making General Conversation With The Player
- STRONG BAD: Just go for it!
- STRONG BAD: Hmm. Luckily my The Cheat is covering me for any big bets that don't go my way.
Strong Bad Responding To A Player Elimination
- STRONG BAD: Later, loser!
- STRONG BAD: {angrily, with narrowed eyes} There's no quicker way to turn the hotties off than by being a terrible poker player, man.
- STRONG BAD: Ouch, man. I'd feel like a real ouch man if I was knocked out already.
- STRONG BAD: Oh look, a loser! In the wild!
- STRONG BAD: Take it easy man, it's only a game.
Strong Bad Responding To A Player Win
- STRONG BAD: I guess that's a good hand, like a baby hand. You have baby hands.
- THE HEAVY: HA HA! Baby hands!
- STRONG BAD: So, you got some lucky cards. You know you're going to be hit by a truck on the way home, right? It's the inverse property of luck-have.
- STRONG BAD: Anybody can get lucky. But it takes skill to get lucky like Strong Bad.
- STRONG BAD: {in his old Mexican accent} Look at that!
- STRONG BAD: Nice hand, gigantic cheater.
- STRONG BAD: You know this game was rigged, right? By your mom. She paid me to do it. She pays all your friends too. And the woman you call grandma.
- STRONG BAD: So you got a couple lucky cards. You know you're going to get hit by a truck on the way home, right? It's the inverse property of luck have.
- STRONG BAD: That's just great. Tooootal crap.
- STRONG BAD: That's not as great as the time I had a straight flush and a full house in the same hand. A flush house!
Strong Bad Has Been Eliminated From Play
- WINSLOW: Strong Bad has been eliminated from play.
- STRONG BAD: Well, crap.
- STRONG BAD: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...! {voice trails off, slowly shuffles away}
- STRONG BAD: Argh! I was so close! NOOOO! {narrows eyes in an angry manner}
- STRONG BAD: Later, cheaters.
- STRONG BAD: Alright, I'm blowing this popstinkle stand.
- STRONG BAD: I don't know why I even sign up for these things. Lame appearance fees just get gobbled up by The Cheat's Jaffa Cakes problem, anyhow.
The Player Wins The Tournament
- STRONG BAD: You know I let you win, right? I like to see how the other half lives sometimes.
- STRONG BAD: {angrily} Walk away, Strong Bad...walk away...{flails his arms} DON'T...LOSE IT! Kck-kck-kck-kck-kck!
- STRONG BAD: What?! We're really gonna let Talky McTalktake win the whole deal?!
Strong Bad Wins The Tournament
- STRONG BAD: This is my WILD- WILD- VICTORY SONG! DO YOU LIKE IT? CAN YOU SMELL IT? ITS MY VICTORY SONG!
- STRONG BAD: THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE! {Stands on chair, starts rocking it side to side. Falls on floor} Crap.
Strong Bad Wagering The Dangeresque Too Glasses
- STRONG BAD: Oh... uh... I couldn't fit my briefcase full of cash in these pants on account of my ample hind-bosom. But I do have these cool-cool fadey-fadey shadey Dangeresque glasses. They're worth like five ten thousand dollars-es. So, we're good. Right? {quietly} You guys bought that?
- WINSLOW: If nobody else has a problem with it, Strong Bad will be buying in with collateral. Whoever knocks him out will receive his buy-in.
Conversations
Strong Bad and Max Conversations
- STRONG BAD: So... Max. You're like one of those {pronounces as poke mons} pokemons, right?
- MAX: {narrows eyes} My genus and phylum is a mystery to all mankind.
- STRONG BAD: Because I'd love to see some prepubescent pointy-haired kid run in here and stick you inside of a baseball {laughs at the end of the word}. {in a high pitched voice, with a smile} That would be hilarious.
- MAX: Are you talking about the red-capped kidnapper who terrorized the fauna on the Upper West Side for months?
- STRONG BAD: Maybe.
- MAX: Because Sam, Flint, and I caught him trying to stuff a chimpanzee into his napsack, and made him cry for his mommy.
- MAX: Hey Strong Bad, ever visit New York City? It's a dreamland of concrete, schwarmastands, and random acts of violence.
- STRONG BAD: No, but it looks like {referring to Tycho} web-comic over here is a regular visitor to New {puts emphasis on the word} Dork City. He he. {in a high pitched voice, with a smile} I bet he's got {raises his feet up and down} a little snowglobe {raises his arms} that says New Dork City.
- STRONG BAD: You guys should know that {raises his arms and shakes his head} I don't mind playing for such low stakes {narrows his eyes and shakes his head} I know you all must be strapped for cash during these... tough economic times.
- MAX: I had a sizable checking account in 1992, but they closed it when Sam and I used it while learning to launder money...{angrily} For research!
- STRONG BAD: Hey, Bunnym'an. How badly did those Telltales hose you on your licensing agreement?
- MAX: Eh, Sam and I just focus on fighting crime. People have been making money on our exploits for decades.
- STRONG BAD: No, I mean those incompetant dorks who captured maybe an ounce of our charm and charmisma in their terrible video game. Point on this, click on that. How 'bout I use MY fist on YOUR face, Telltales.
- MAX: Um, maybe you have me confused for someone else. Yeah. I disfigure bad guys and fight crime in New York City. That's my thing.
- STRONG BAD: We're being ex-ploi-ted.
- MAX: {excitedly} Ooh, exploitation! Santa Claus subjugated an entire race of elves in Season Two and Three.
- MAX: Hey, boxing glove guy. With a face like that, have you ever considered organized crime? Sam and I could come after you and we'd try not to rough you up too bad.
- STRONG BAD: I dabble in nefarious activities. Like the time I stole the Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People source code from those Telltale chumps.
- MAX: Ooh! That sounds criminal.
- STRONG BAD: Oh yeah. I pulled it off without a hitch. Got the code over to my boys at Videlectrix who turned the game into a triple platinum, triple pixel best-seller. In... Guam.
- STRONG BAD: {in a fake acting voice} Other than homestarrunner.com, do you have any other {pronounces as fay-vor-ite} favorite websites, Max?
- MAX: Huh? Oh, I've got some favorite sites for laying in wait for criminals and general ne'er-do-wells around the city if that's what you're asking.
- STRONG BAD: {angrily} I said, do you have any favorite websites, Max? You're gonna cost me fifty bucks!
- MAX: Oh! {clears throat} {in a fake acting voice} When I'm on the intern-net, I can't stay away from {pronouncing each character} www.telltalegames.com/store. {Max smiles}
- STRONG BAD: I don't trust you one bit, ra-bbit.
- MAX: {cheerily} It's OK. I don't trust myself.
- STRONG BAD: How do we know you don't have a never-ending stack of aces wherever you put your gun?
- MAX: {cheerily} Well, you don't. But you're welcome to look!
- MAX: I don't know a lot about card games, truth be told. But, I take it you're a little bit of a beginner, yes?
- STRONG BAD: Are you talking to {pronounces it as moy} moi?
- MAX: You betcha. You're as green as the bologna in Sam's mini-fridge.
- STRONG BAD: {angrily} Shut up, Stitch.
- MAX: {cheerily} It's OK. It just means you have to adopt a strategy of wanton deception.
- STRONG BAD: Hmm... Not the woist idea I ever hoid.
- MAX: {furrows brow} Get into their heads.
- MAX: In fairness, I'm a disgrace to others. Including women and children as well.
- STRONG BAD: Well, your tiny head is a disgrace to evolution.
Strong Bad and The Heavy Conversations
- STRONG BAD: Hey, Heavym'n? Do you think you could take care of The King of Town for me?
- THE HEAVY: I can assassinate King, yes. Is expensive though.
- STRONG BAD: Whoa, whoa, whoa. By "take care of", I meant maybe you and me sneak into his room and shave off half his mustache.
- THE HEAVY: I am not best at sneaking.
- STRONG BAD: Maybe we could confront him in a dark alley then?
- THE HEAVY: This is better. That way blood wash away in rain.
- STRONG BAD: Oh, man. You're going to totally murder the King of Town, aren't you? {in a happy tone} Oh, well!
- THE HEAVY: Maybe you and I box?
- STRONG BAD: I can't risk hurting my beautiful face. It's the franchise.
- THE HEAVY: {cheerily} We spar. For fun.
- STRONG BAD: I... don't think so.
- STRONG BAD: {angrily} Why do you keep calling me "tiny heavy"?
- THE HEAVY: {cheerily} You are heavy. Tiny. No? You are RED team. You have Killing Gloves of Boxing. You earned these for being great killer. You should try out for RED team.
- STRONG BAD: Hmm... I guess I could join your team of ruthless killers and lame hat-wearers and watch you get grenaded by eight year olds. I will play the role of team mother and Lord High Ragamuffin.
- THE HEAVY: You take many bullets before dying I think.
- STRONG BAD: {happily} I likes the heroically tragic direction of my character.
- STRONG BAD: Hey, heavym'n. What's your current living situache?
- THE HEAVY: {cheerily} I live in RED barracks. Is nice. There is foos table.
- STRONG BAD: What do you say to taking a room at the House of Strong?
- THE HEAVY: {enthusiastically} There is vacancy?
- STRONG BAD: Well, first you have to engage in the time honored tradition of tossing the fat hump of dump that currently occupies your room out the second story window.
- THE HEAVY: {angrily} This is enemy?
- STRONG BAD: Strong Sad won't put up much of a fight. He doesn't put up much of a pulse as it is.
- THE HEAVY: Tiny Heavy.
- STRONG BAD: {in an agitated tone} What is it?
- THE HEAVY: Do you get the nightmares?
- STRONG BAD: I get the jibblie nightmares. There's this one where Homestar is a giant cheese blintz, and Marzipan holds me at gunpoint and makes me eat him, and... uh... uh oh. {shakes and waves his hands} Jibblie, jibblie.
- THE HEAVY: {with wide eyes} I am talking about visions of endless suffering. Dead doctors, everywhere. Spy cannot be found.
- STRONG BAD: No. But that sounds like the jibblies, man.
- THE HEAVY: I do not like this "jibblies".
- THE HEAVY: {cheerily} What weapon do you carry, tiny Heavy?
- STRONG BAD: Oh, you know, I got the bazooka, grappling gun, glue gun, my special nunchuck gun. And, of course, I got {holds up his fists} these babies. {kisses his fists one at a time}
- THE HEAVY: Strong and bad, you wrestle? With mask?
- STRONG BAD: {irritated} No, I'm a wrestle-man. Wrestle-MAN. Not like those hack wrestle-LERS.
- THE HEAVY: Not like Iron Sheik?
- STRONG BAD: No, not like the Iron Stink. He's a "Ler". Ach poo.
- THE HEAVY: This is too bad.
- THE HEAVY: If I bet that much, Sasha will go hungry.
- STRONG BAD: What, is Sasha, like, your Pomeranian or something?
- THE HEAVY: She is my gun. For killing.
- STRONG BAD: Oookay.
- THE HEAVY: A tiny bet the size of the tiny Heavy.
- STRONG BAD: What are you talking about, man?
- THE HEAVY: Oh, tiny Heavy, you are so funny.
- THE HEAVY: Hmm, I must think about this.
- STRONG BAD: Don't hurt yourself there, Comrade Smart-insky...lov.
- THE HEAVY: {to the tune of the death march} Da da da da duh da duh da duh da da.
- STRONG BAD: Don't beat yourself up, Heavy Man.
- THE HEAVY: Sometimes you must wait in cold anticipation for your enemy.
- STRONG BAD: And sometimes you must wait in line for bread and blue jeans.
- WINSLOW: The Heavy has been eliminated from play.
- THE HEAVY: I am stupid, stupid, stupid Heavy.
- STRONG BAD: Don't beat yourself up, Heavyman. I don't think you'd survive.
- THE HEAVY: Thank you, tiny heavy. {leaves table}
Strong Bad and Tycho Conversations
- STRONG BAD: At least this is more fun than poker night at Homestar's. Marzipan is always walking around au-natural trying to get everyone to play no-loser Candy Land.
- TYCHO: What's no-loser Candy Land?
- STRONG BAD: I don't know. Loser!
- STRONG BAD: Your hair looks like a greasy hedgehog... unassociated with any video game license. That went to the barber and said, "Just a little off the suck, please".
- TYCHO: People always assume hedgehogs are greasy. Members of the order Erinaceomorpha are proud and extremely fastidious mammals.
- STRONG BAD: You said it, not me.
- TYCHO: If one can overcome his trepidation at the sight of her spines, the hedgehog can make a wonderful pet. {seductively} Or... companion. {Strong Bad narrows his eyes and stares at Tycho} Their spines are not spines at all, but soft hairs made firm with keratin. At first she may bristle at your touch, {raises eyebrows} but as she warms to you, she may place a tiny paw on the glass, whispering "touch me". {moving his hand like a mouth} "Touch me like no man ever could". {closes his eyes, opens his mouth, and moves his hand over his face in a seductive manner. Then opens his eyes and gets embarrassed} Uh, I'm sorry... you were saying?
- STRONG BAD: {with his eyes still narrowed} Oh nothing. Just puking in my pants.
- STRONG BAD: Hey, nerd-rancher. How many hits does your fansite-for-babies that I hate get a month?
- TYCHO: {with a smug expression on his face} I don't really pay attention to that sort of thing... A couple million.
- STRONG BAD: Ha, right! I get it. A few blajillion. Like on Monday, you got several ka-tillion hits. And on Tuesday, like half a blazill-illion.
- TYCHO: Those weren't even real numbers you just said.
- STRONG BAD: I'm not the only one making up numbers.
- TYCHO: {angrily} No, for real. It's like millions! I don't know how many millions.
- STRONG BAD: Right. Well so does our website, bozo. {quickly} And so does Bozo's website.
- TYCHO: How do you do anything even remotely interesting with hands like that? {gets a smug look on his face}
- STRONG BAD: {angrily, with narrowed eyes} You mean besides punching your groin-face in the face-groin?
- TYCHO: I mean lets say you {raises hand and shakes head} {puts emphasis on the word} somehow get an opportunity with the ladies?
- STRONG BAD: {angrily, with narrowed eyes. Raises arms.} Somehow! I had to cancel, like, five dates with nine supermodels just to be here.
- TYCHO: {quickly} Right, right, right. {narrows eyebrows in a confused manner} But what about the bra factor? How do you work the clasp?
- STRONG BAD: Ha! Like they don't just {raises arms} fly off when they enter my {narrows eyes, shakes his head, and raises his arm} "natural musk fog".
- STRONG BAD: Hey dork, hey dork, hey dork!
- TYCHO: I assume you're talking to me?
- STRONG BAD: What kinda setup you got at home?
- TYCHO: Well, I built my desktop; I got a-
- STRONG BAD: Yeah, yeah, IHateYouWhatever. I got a super cool, quad core Compe, with like a tetra-bat of graphics, and all the bells and whistles! Actually, the entire computer is made from bells and whistles.
- TYCHO: So, it's completely custom.
- STRONG BAD: Yeah, yeah, and those bells and whistles are made out of flutes and oboes! It's OK to be jealous of my style.
- TYCHO: I'll keep that in mind.
Strong Bad, Max, and Tycho Conversations
- MAX: Did I ever tell you the time Flint caught Artie Flopshark, the poker instructor, stealing money from the tenants next store to our office?
- STRONG BAD: No, but this floppyshark sounds like my type of dude.
- MAX: Flint saw Artie going door to door telling some stupid story about having to run really far or a bunch of people were going to die. And people were just handing him stacks of cash!
- TYCHO: That actually sounds like a charity thing.
- MAX: Then why, pray-tell, throughout his entire vicious pummeling did Artie insist he needed "10K"?
- TYCHO: He didn't need "10K", he was running 10 k-lomiters for charity.
- MAX: Well, long story short, Flint broke both of his legs and beat him to within an inch of his life. So... he wasn't running anywhere after that.
- STRONG BAD: I hear the cold ones are pretty good here.
- TYCHO: Aren't you, like, ten?
- STRONG BAD: You, shut face! They also shake up some decent banan-ag. {in a disinterested monotone} Banang. Bana-ang. Ba...
- MAX: Stop it! {throws up his hands in frustration}
- STRONG BAD: Nang.
Strong Bad, The Heavy, and Tycho Conversations
- THE HEAVY: What do you do with life?
- TYCHO: Me?
- THE HEAVY: Yes. What is possible with tiny, frail body?
- TYCHO: {nervously} I occupy myself with simulations... of various kinds.
- THE HEAVY: What is this?
- TYCHO: {nervously} I leverage technology... to augment my imagination. You know. Thereby...
- STRONG BAD: Let me help you, Ivan. He lives in his parent's basement and subsists on cheese doodles and rejection.
- STRONG BAD: Hey, Heavy. You know any {makes quotes movements with his hands} hot Russian spies?
- THE HEAVY: I hate spies.
- STRONG BAD: But you gotta have the inside line on some deadly minxes named Natalya or Khrushchevia, right?
- THE HEAVY: You want hot spy?
- STRONG BAD: Am I not wrestle man? {raises arms} Do I not wrestle bleed?
- THE HEAVY: I have friend {raises his arm in a confirming manner} who get you a hot spy.
- STRONG BAD: {excitedly, raising his arms} Get him on the two-way, man!
- THE HEAVY: His name is Pyro.
- TYCHO: {smugly} Just real quick... the spy is hot in this case, because it is on fire.
- STRONG BAD: {sadly} Oh... not as good.
- TYCHO: All of this card playing has me a bit parched. I could use a stiff drink.
- STRONG BAD: {angrily, with narrowed eyes} What's your poison, nerd-monger?
- TYCHO: {smugly} A gin fizz. Depending on the occasion.
- STRONG BAD: Ha! {points toward Tycho} You're a girl. You pledged in a sorority in college, and you learned to make that drink there. Now, the big beefer, the morning pukies, the dirty sweatsock. Those are the drinks of champee-ons.
- TYCHO: {with raised, narrowed eyebrows} How about you, Heavy Weapons Guy? I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're a vodka guy.
- THE HEAVY: Peach bellini, but bubbles can give me headache.
- STRONG BAD: Hey, Hefty Bag, you ever play video games?
- THE HEAVY: Just one.
- STRONG BAD: Oh yeah? What tickles your fancy?
- THE HEAVY: It is called...
- TYCHO "WoW"?
- THE HEAVY: Nyet. That is not popular. It is called "Where's an Egg?"
- STRONG BAD: {waving his hands} Wh-wh-wh-WHAT? I love "Where's an Egg?"
- THE HEAVY: "Where's an Egg?" is as big as "Tetris" in homeland!
- THE HEAVY: These cards make me angry, like spinning mini-gun of killing.
- TYCHO: May I recommend Strong Bad?
- STRONG BAD: Good luck separating me from these guns.
- STRONG BAD: So, Tycho {emphasis on each syllable, pronounced tai-chow}, I hear you fancy your fancy self a bit of an internet celebrity.
- TYCHO: There's a distinct difference between fancying yourself something and actually being something.
- STRONG BAD: Oh, I'm sorry, I can't hear you because of all the traffic.
- THE HEAVY: I hear no cars...
- STRONG BAD: I'm talking about all my crazy web-traffic, Ivan! This guy thinkgs he's some kind of Strong Bad with his Geocities account.
- TYCHO: Yeah, we have a convention. Last year, like sixty million people came. That's a lot.
- STRONG BAD: Just because your attendees WEIGHED as much as sixty million people does not mean that's how many showed up to your rinky-dink dinky-shrink.
- TYCHO: Well, we'll be sure YOU don't get a pass next year.
- STRONG BAD: HA! Like any convention is worth its salt distilled from the sweat of a thousand gamer-dorks without me.
- TYCHO: ...fucking chuwero.
- THE HEAVY: I am reminded of time Engineer kill entire team.
- TYCHO: Damn, Heavy, that's... uh, heavy. Sorry to hear that.
- THE HEAVY: I search entire base for him. He tries to kill me with turret and mini-turret, but I crush his toys like they are made of paper.
- STRONG BAD: Sound like-a some crappy toys if you ask me.
- THE HEAVY: Then I find him hiding by teleporter. I take his gun away from him.He tries to hit me with wrench! Hahaha! So I take wrench away from him. I take his wrench, and shove it down his throat, all the way to the handle.
- TYCHO: Christ!
- THE HEAVY: Ahahaha! Then, I rip off all his fingers, one by one! Let's see you build toys now! {Laughs heartily} There is blood everywhere, and he's crying! {Laughs more}. I think he cries out for mother, but {laughs} the wrench is stuck in his throat, and it sounds like: {Heavy makes loud gurgling sounds} Is this not the funniest thing?!
- {Max, Tycho, and Strong Bad all look shocked. Tycho nods silently.}
- STRONG BAD: That is some BLEEPED up BLEEP, man!
Strong Bad, The Heavy, and Max Conversations
- STRONG BAD: I wonder if this dump is haunted?
- MAX: {cheerily} Ooh, I hope so. There's something about being able to terrorize a spectral being without it up and dying on you that {furrows eyebrows} I just love.
- THE HEAVY: {sadly, lowers his head} I do not like ghost.
- MAX: It's OK Mr. Weapons. I've got extensive experience with zombies and vampires. {points toward himself} I can handle a little ghost.
- THE HEAVY: {with large eyes} You will take care of ghost for me?
- MAX: {cheerily} You betcha.
- THE HEAVY: {cheerily, nods his head} I like you, tiny rabbit.
- THE HEAVY: Tiny Heavy, who is your favorite to kill in war?
- STRONG BAD: Hmm, in WAR? Probably those Green Helmets. You know, the guys who don't have any cool weapons or gimmicks, and come in a discount three-pack.
- THE HEAVY: To kill spy is glorious thing! How about you, Max? You are killing type.
- MAX: My favorite enemy? {gasps} That's like asking me to choose between my children!
- THE HEAVY: {laughs heartily} You crack me up, little bunny!
Conversations With All Four Players
- STRONG BAD: All right, big pretend killer man. Tell me the most awesome story you have with plenty of super cool senseless violence.
- THE HEAVY: {pauses for a moment to think, scratching his chin} When I was boy, I was at camp being trained in many ways of combat.
- MAX: {smiling excitedly} Assassination camp for kids! Oh boy, this is going to be good.
- THE HEAVY: There was sparrow sitting on fence. Snow falls quietly around me. Without notice, another boy jumps from behind tree and kills sparrow with throwing knife. {looks down sadly} The boy runs away.
- MAX: {off-screen} And then...?
- THE HEAVY: I pick up Sparrow and hear his last breath before digging him tiny grave.
- TYCHO: {sobbing with his head in his hands}
- MAX: {looks on sadly}
- STRONG BAD: {sad expression, looks up at Heavy} That's not even a little bit funny, man.
- THE HEAVY: {shakes his head sadly} No, it's not.
- TYCHO: How'd you guys hear about the Inventory?
- MAX: Sam heard about it when we were on a case out west. And I'll loiter just about anywhere that will pour me a drink with no questions asked.
- THE HEAVY: My engineering friend brought me one night.
- STRONG BAD: The only good thing I got out of those Telltales was a recommendation for a decent hang-out.
- (Note: This one only appears when Tycho is the first eliminated)
- TYCHO: Urgh, fine time to just-- (reaches for pocket)
- {The sound of Strong Bad and Max drawing their guns, Tycho looks worried.}
- {The sound of The Heavy's gun, Sasha, rev-ing up.}
- {Tycho turns to see Max Strong Bad and Heavy threatening him with the Lugermorph, Nunchuck gun and default Sasha respectivly.}
- TYCHO {takes out a "Grotien bar"} --FINISH THE SECOND HALF OF THIS CHEWY GRANOLA BAR, GUARANTEED TO CHEER ME UP AFTER LOSING A KING'S RANSOM. JESUS CRUNCHY CHRIST! {Heavy and Max look regretful}
- HEAVY: Oh. {puts Sasha down}
- MAX: Woopsie! {Throws Lugermorph away}
- {Strong Bad keeps pointing his gun at Tycho}
- STRONG BAD: Hand it over. {Tycho shakes his head and leaves}
Conversations With A Non-Verbal Reaction By Strong Bad
- THE HEAVY: Hmm, I must think about this.
- MAX: Hey, uh. Mister Weapons Guy, I didn't take you for the thinking type.
- THE HEAVY: I think very much.
- MAX: Don't worry. I haven't had a salient thought since Prince put out Purple Rain.
- THE HEAVY: I know this music. Is good! Is new, no? {Strong Bad, Tycho, and Max all look at the Heavy quizzically.}
Players Referring To Strong Bad When He's Not At The Table
- TYCHO: Well, the other proponents of this tournament would spend their winnings on corn dogs, 8-bit video games, or bullets. All worthy purchases actually.
- TYCHO: At least Strong Bad didn't win. That pleases me. {imitates Strong Bad's voice, in a high pitched manner} He needs to be taken down a peg.
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| Poker Night at the Inventory |
|---|
| Produced by Telltale Games |
| Responses | Teaser | Trailer | Make a Scene with Telltale at PAX 2010 |
