Thorax Corporation

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tuck in that stardom!
Our Gentle Staph.

Thorax Corporation, LLC,,. is a fictional company created by The Brothers Chaps, primarily Matt Chapman. Thorax originated as a joke Web site created by The Brothers Chaps, and the URL to this site is found in one of the Fortune Cookies. They are a fictional crudely run company offering "Total Stardom", though this is not always the subject on some of the pages. The site is filled with typos, misspellings, and sometimes swears and innuendoes.

Thorax Corporation is helmed by Gent Delabor and its staff seemingly consists entirely of members of the Delabor family. The corporation is a division of Second Income Stream dot com in conjugation with GLOBAL STARDOM ENTERTAINMENT.

Thorax Corporation is located in Mundelow, PA.

Through its division, Thorax Legitimate, Thorax Corporation does frequent business with Lem Sportsinterviews. The movies he has written for them include Litigation Jackson and The Peasant's Quest Movie.

Contents

[edit] Front Page Postings

[edit] Still available online

[edit] THORAX acquires 'Arial' font! 07.19.02

In a bold design move sure to shock the industry, THORAXCORP.com recently acquired the 'Arial' family of fonts. "Times New Roman? More like Times OLD Roman," said webmaster Mark Delabor.

[edit] THORAXCORP is NOT Bankrupt!! 07.15.02

Contrary to popular belief and signed "Chapter 11" legal documents, THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. is not bankrupt. CEO Gent Delabor saited, "We read Chapter 11 and weren't impressed. So we've moved on to Chapter 12."

[edit] 'Juwanna Mann' Scores BIG at THORAX Box Office!! 07.15.02

Legible bachelor and social gadabout Leg Delabor has seen 'Juwanna Mann' 2 times since it opened June 21st. "I bought the tickets on-line the first time, but then I forgot to go to the movie," said Leg, "But the second time I bought them, I remebered to go!"

[edit] THORAXCORP ASKS: Is there times when you don't know so much? 07.01.02

If you answered "Mggff," "Yes," or "What?"...Then you need to hear this!!Maybe have one of your smarter friends read it to you!!!!
[new produkts!]

[edit] THORAXCORP.com launches FLASH site! 06.31.02

Thorax finally gets with the times! "I got the idea from some lights I saw on a sign that had lights on it," says marketing consortium Rode Delabor, "The light would turn on. Then, after a moment, the light would turn off."
[go there now!] If you have epilepsy/sensitivity to flashing lights, do not view this page. rapidly flashing colors

[edit] No longer available

NOTE: The following are posts no longer on the site but are available through the Internet Archive's Wayback Machine.

[edit] Get a LEG up on STADROM! - - - - - GROTESQUELY UPDATED! (10/04/00)

Leg is back from a 2-month long bender and look what followed him home! A GOOD IDEA!! Leg's very own Legs-on-tape series!! Join Leg as he wishes upon a stardom and comes up with broken hands!
GET AT THEM BEANS!

[edit] NEW PRODUKTS(TM)!! - - - - - UPDATED ONCE! AND THEN TWICE! (9/20/00)

Like a Stream come true, more PRODUKTS(TM)!! And a first for THORAXCORPDOTCOM: A PRODUKT(TM) written by a guest writer! Can you GUEST who?
a href="produkts.html"

[edit] Gent Got BACK! - - - - - HIGHLY UPDATED!! (9/18/00)

Gent let's his financial woes get the best of him and LASHES OUT at the suits at JENKINS INC! Feel the sting with every biting comment, grimace in disgust at each lewd advance, recoil in horror at the sheer lack of control of a CEO scorned!
Click to ENTER GENT! (mirror)

[edit] The Delabor Family

The Delabors are a family of pushy, money-grubbing corporate bigwigs with a tenuous grasp on the English language. Gent, Rode, and Leg are probably brothers; their relation to the others is unclear. Delabors mentioned on the Thorax website include:

Gent Delabor, Sr.
  • Gent Delabor, Sr., the CEO and Chief Executive Officer of Thorax Corporation, LLC,,., the CFO of Global Stardom Entertainment, and Webmaster of Second Income Stream dot com. His age is hinted between 18 and 65. He appears to run Delabor family affairs, which he manages from his parents' basement. Gent is even more pushy and money-grubbing than his relatives. Gent believes himself to be a genius, though in reality he is stupid, arrogant, and even abusive to his brother, Leg. He also believes himself to be more popular than he really is, claiming to receive about 300,000 emails a day. Gent really receives only about 3 a day (most of the time from himself sent to remind himself to pick up more grecian formula) and claims that this lack of emails is because his Outlook is screwed up. Gent displays his low intelligence in many ways, once even going so far as to buy a $643 plane ticket to the town of Awe, Mississippi, just to try and meet someone named PuckHead0 who sent him an email which stated that he (PuckHead0) was in awe.
Rode DeLabor
  • Rode Delabor/DeLabor, Thorax's marketing consortium. Rode is apparently Gent's chief lackey and business partner. Rode spells his last name as "DeLabor", which he claims is not because of an inability to type/read/speak the English Language(TM), but because he just thinks it makes his name look "Peruvian". Rode claims that he grew up in the farm fields of Frederick, Maryland, U.S.A., dreaming of INDUSTRY and then eventually left (because of INDUSTRY) to go to the big city, leaving behind his alcoholic father and his misanthropic mother. These claims, however, are all lies, and it's clear that Rode doesn't like his parents very much.
Leg Delabor
  • Leg Delabor, lovelorn, legible bachelor and social gadabout who sells a series of self-help tapes. Like Rode, he is one of Gent's partners. Leg is frequently the target of Gent and Rode's scorn, derision, and ridicule. It is unknown if he is actually biologically related to the other Delabors, as Gent claims that they "got him from the gypsies in 19$7". Gent has made Leg sign no less than 35 contracts, the 28th of which legally, mentally, and physically bound Leg to THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. in legal matrimony with the strongest of legal solvents and tapes, preventing Leg from having relationships with, among other people and things, females. Violations of this contract are punishable by up to 12 times in prison or 2 hours in the hall closet (whichever comes first). Gent even claims to have beaten the ever-loving crap out of Leg for about 2 and a half minutes when he found Leg emailing a female named Adrian.
WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!!
  • Sted Delabor, who works for Gent in an office cubicle, or "ofice-cubikle", as he says. He is the the "new guy" at work. He is the other Delabors' "3rd cousin-in-law twice divorced". Although he seems to believe that most of the time people tend to pick on the new guy, but that the fellows at the Thorax "ofice" have been nothing but helpful, and even mentions that Gent Delabor himself pointed him in the direction of the men's room after he had been holding it in for the first three days of his job. He is perpetually on his fifth day of work at Thorax, as he mentions that it had been yesterday when the "men's room" event happened. Sted looks up to the other Delabors, especially Gent, but the others think of him as "WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!!" (which they claim is their way of saying "Welcome, friend. Don't steal any of our stuff.").
  • El Delabor, the "mystical, phantom Delabor", who occasionally writes produkt offers for Gent. Gent used to just think that he was Rode in a sheet.
  • Mark Delabor, Thorax's webmaster and a spokesman for Second Income Streak dot com.
  • Regular Size Delabor ("Reg"), probably one of Gent's four children, born on January 1, 1994 at St. Monty's Animal Clinic. He is property of Thorax Corporation, LLC,,. He weighs 9 lbs 9 oz 9 oz and has a height of 4 or 5 (no unit of measurement is given). His temperament is fuggy.
  • Patricia Delabor-Jones, a shift manager and one of Leg's customers.
  • Granpa Delabor, The other Delabors' grandpa. He warns "when El Delabor comes for you, it's time to pay the piper."

[edit] PRODUKTS

PRODUKTS(TM) are apparent products and programs of Thorax Corporation, LLC,,. though often it is not implied that they are actual goods or services.

All PRODUKTS are listed in assumed chronological order.

[edit] Program Congratulation(TM)(R)(C)

PROGRAM CONGRATULATION(TM)(R)(C)

Congratulation! We don't want to waist our time or yours so we'll get ride to the point.

THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. wants YOU for FULL STARDOM!!

THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. presents a new remedy for total and complete stardom!!

Tired of lagging, go-nowhere stardom? Does your current job give you stardom like you 
wouldn't believe? YIKES! Let THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,.'s new Program Congratultion(TM)(R)(C)
help create not only up to 2 second income streams but a new and unique SECOND STARDOM 
STREAM as well. Get with it!

Program Congratulation(TM)(R)(C) is a highly specified, mostly legal program designed to 
help you gain stardom at the level you've been waiting for! Level 1!! Come off it!!

We at THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. know what you need and we're not leaving until you pay us 
to give it to you! This is great! We can't believe it! Oh dear God, what has gone wrong!

Program Congratulation(TM)(R)(C) starts with you emailing this message to 100 of them.  
Give us $1. We will alert you by email or firewire that your Program Congratulation(TM)(R)(C) 
has begunderway. Give us a $1000. We will insure financial stardom and congratulation for 
the next 14 minutes! No CREDIT CHECK! No questions asked!! Don't you get it?? 

We can't believe all the money you're going to give us! And the stardom you receive will 
be equalled only by the fabulous Congratulation(TM)(R)(C) you receive once you've completed 
our Pogrom. Don't believe it yet. Hear from some of the best:

Arlington Pennsylvania writes:
"I've got 3 kids and 2 ex-wives! How am I going to provide for them?! They're going to take
my children away from me! "

Litigation Johnson raves:
"THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. has done it again! Honestly, they have broken (0) laws."

Zebulon Pike quoth:
"Stop calling my house! No foolin'!"

Convinced? Same here. That's why THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. has come up with Program 
Congratulation(TM)(R)(C) Advanced Series II for the more discerning stardom seeker. 

Let THORAX CORPORATION, LLC,,. go to work for you!! We'll find someone of relatively equal
 height and build to dress up in your clothes and impersonate you at work! You stay home 
and watch the second income stream pour in through a small opening we'll drill in your 
wife's bathroom wall. Don't delay! But don't DELABOR. Due to Fedeal Income Tacks Laws 
regarding manned missions to Mars, several DELABORS have been excluded from inclusion 
of/herein/and heretherto unknown lawsuits regarding any one of the following:

1) Illegal naked representation of other parties on Internet
2) Home intrusion and placing of recording devices in the bathrooms of clients' wives
3) Murder One
4) Lego Mania
5) Laundering of Federal DELABORS

Pick your favorite and click to start!! Enter the world of THORAX CORPORATION, LLC,,. 
and see what Circus Income Dreams dot com can do for YOU!!

-Gent Delabor
CEO THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,.

[edit] Second Income Stream

SECOND INCOME STREAK

Are you tired of the daily routine of washing and drying? Fixed on 
income but not on detergent?

THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. can make you a second income stream that 
will impress well wishers and approach nay sayers with stardom!! 

Work from home!! Make $40 a week!! One-Two-Three--Here we go!!

Just send this email to 40 of your nearest friend. One at a time 
please, no delabors. NO DELABORS! 

I was a 45-55 year old male dying of cancer before THORAX 
CORPORATION LLC,,. brought me stardom that fixed!! The stardom I 
deserved? Second Income Stream dot com was all it took to get me 
back on my feet. New house, new job, best results from THORAX 
CORPORATION LLC,,. Way to go THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,.! Can it!!

Once we receive from our beta test email program that your headers 
have reached 4,000 of your closest best, we will start the stream 
ahead. Second Income Street dot com will make you a (??--??)ionaire 
for the dreams! Scroll down this page and count to 3. The Stream 
won't come true if you don't forward all HEADERS to 40 of them. 
Again, we're sorry, but due to tender FCC regulations AMERICAN 
EXPRESS TRAVELERS CHEQUES CORPORATION INC, denies all delabors. 
NO DELABORS! 

                     ****************
                    **              **
                    **              **
                    **    +     +   **
                    **              **
                    **              **
                      ***************
                             *
                        ***********
                             *                     
                             * 
                          *******
                          *     *
                          *     *
                         **     **

"This is guy is on top!!" Proven from testimony:

"Absolutely all the way! Second Ingrown Stream dot com really 
workssss!!"  
- R. Delabor

"What is it? Money from both sides? Let's start THORAX 
CORPORATION LLC,,. off with a start!"  
- Mark Delabor

"I can't remember the last time Second Income Trees dot com 
didn't help out my stardom. Financial stardom numero ONE!" 
- L. Delabor

************

We're just starting out. Welcome THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. 
towards you with generous stardom. Once you begin the second 
stream, we can get underway. Watch as you receive up to (one) 
check a month for as much as $40 each way.  

THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. in conjunction with Second Income 
Dream dot com. WE'RE OUT TO MAKE YOU MONEY THROUGH BETTER 
STARDOM. 


- Gent Delabor, Sr.
CEO THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,.
Webmaster Second Income Streak dot com
CFO GLOBAL STARDOM ENTERTAINMENT

****License Disclaimer: Viewing/Deleting/Forwarding of this 
email are prohibited under DELABOR 4 of Federal Internet 
Communication Act passed January 21, 2000. 56.7.9 Article 47 
b-d of Santa Clause 8F. Under full penalty of law, violators 
of Aricle 47 b-d may face up to years in prism or 30 day 
money-back guarantee. By accepting this agreement you hold 
you and your _______ liable for any and only litigation 
brought forth from THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. Entering into 
this agreement binds you under common law marriage to Gent 
Delabor Sr. and his (3) blood relatives [Rode Delabor],
[Mark Delabor],[Leg Delabor]. If any or all of these 
personages should perish, experience loss of life, or loss 
of pant at any time while under said Agreement, all parties 
should be held at 403 Figgis Street NW, Mundelow, PA 80808. 
Please indicate one item that you will bring:

            _Chips
            _Soda
            _Paper Plates/ Napkins
            _Gandhi
            _Brownies/ Cookies
            _Recorded Music
            _Pretzels
            _Pretzel Thins
            _Pretzel Twists
            _Pretzel Braids
            _Pretend Girls
            _Pretend Friends

Agreed to upon several dates not imposed through a court of 
law November 13th, 1988.  MCMXVLLII THORAX CORPORATION LLC,..

[edit] Total Stardom Scheme

THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. is SORRY!

SORRY YOU HAVEN'T PAID US YET!!

That's right! We're sick and tired of waiting for your money! 
So we're going to make it so YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!

How you might ask? By offering you the STARDOM OF THE LIFETIME!!

Our Stardomineers(TM) have been schemeing for hours and they've 
finally come up with the solution we both need, a true Stardom 
Scheme that'll fix you good! Listen to this crap!

Elvybody wants that new deck, that old porch 911, or that hideous
veranda across the street. Who wouldn't? Well now you're thyme has
come! There's no reason for you to pass this up. We could say we'll
cut up your family, but then we'd go to PRISON! Why resist? Open your
arms slowly, so as not to startle us, and let our Stardom come boring
into you. 

Here's how it works:

-Tell a fiend about THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,.
-Lie to them until they give you a check made out to Gent Delabor, Sr.
-Send us that check (US Dollars only! Canadian currency will be spit
 on and returned!)
-We'll cross out the amount your friend wrote and write down how 
 much we really want.
-Now it's your turn!
-Try and grow a third arm.
-Take one of your own blank checks and make it out to yourself.
-Now cross out the amount you wrote and write down how much you 
 really want.
-Take that check TO THE BANK!!
-Repeat until optimum Stardom is achieved.

It's really that easy! Do it from home, in your spare time, or whenever
we call you! If you tell one friend, that's only one check. But if you 
tell 12 friends, that's at least 5 CHECKS!! Imagine, spend money you never
even earned and live like a true Burger King!

They say 'proof is in the pudding,' but we hate pudding! Here are 
some quotes:

Gary Pantselection won't stop going:

"The Stardom is dripping through my hands!
Somebody get me a bowl!!"

E.L. Fudge commands:

"I called 911 and they never even SHOWED UP!
Thanks THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,.!!"
 
Low-Grade Fuel Substitute cries out:

"The trap is set. When Stardom comes traipsing
up the back steps, I'm entitled by law to beat it
to death with a length of lead pipe!"

Don't worry about signing up! There's nowhere to sign. In fact, we're 
coming over right now! Just breath deeply and give in to the soft, 
mustard-stained bosom of Total Stardom.

Help us put the 'Delab' back in 'Delabor'!

Gent Delabor, Sr.
CEO THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,.
Chief Executive Officer THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,.
CFO Global Stardom Entertainment

[edit] Regular Size Delabor

*REGULAR SIZE DELABOR - "Reg"
Born January 1, 1994
St. Monty's Animal Clinic and OB/GYN
Weight: 9 lbs 9 oz 9 oz
Height: 4 or 5
Temperament: Fuggy


* Regular Size Delabor is the property of THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. Any illegal reproduction of said
 property is considered CLONING and is totally illegal except in space. Any illegal reproduction with
 Gent's wife is considered totally uncool and will be met with angry phone calls, POSTAL LETTERS, and
 home eggings and/or invasions. Agreed to in the year of our Lord MXCCMXLVIWARSHOWSKI. All rights
 reversed.

[edit] Program: "The Sky's the Limit!"

Program: "The Sky's the Limit!"

Folks, Gent here. Ordinarily, I write all the PRODUKTS(TM) but this week we have a 
guest writer. For years we here at THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. have heard rumors of 
mystical, phantom Delabor. I used to just think it was Rode in a sheet, but here is 
CONCRETE (wink!) proof that there is such a Delabor. And he's right on the money. In
fact, I'm making a check out to him right now. Lady and Gentleman, I give you...

EL DELABOR

You have completed program Congraturation, have achieved full Stardom, and
you have more than too second income streams. So where do you go from here?
Well as El Delabor says, "The Sky's the limit"!

  How Does The Richest Man In The World Use The Greatest Business
  Secrets Of All Time To Make Over 32.4 Million Dollars A Day?!! (all real
  answers will be greatly appreciated)

  Well, ..... The Truth Is Finally Revealed....

  "The Sky's the Limit"~

  No matter who you are(unless you are Gent), where you live(sorry
  Tennessee) or what your sex(as long as it is male), age(must <=18 and >=65)
  or race(as long as it is not "Other") is by the time you finish reading this
  special article, you will know:

  * How to start a proven money making business that requires no
    inventory, no shipping and no employees within 7 days,
    guaranteed!(definition of guaranteed = not true)
    -- i.e. employees without 7 days will be exempt from prosecution

  * How to get a $300 professionally designed Web Site for FREE! Yes, that's
    right a $300 pro size for free. Just type HTML, then hit CTRL-ALT-DEL, it's
    just that simple!

  * How to Quadruple your sales in 30 days regardless of your business! Your
    business regards will now stream at a rate of 3 per 1. Quadruple the
    market!@

  * How to stay at home and get paid outrageously for it( make sure your
    Mom's purse or jewelry box is handy)! 

  * How to turn 50 cents into $50, with a simple click of a button(....I
    mean trigger)!

  * How to get a $179 business-building CD-ROM for FREE! Just steal it from
    your next door neighbor. He won't mind at all. In fact, divert all his
    income streams into yours, but don't cross them!

  * If you ever wanted a business where you could hit the ground
    running(or rock bottom), but then only have the sky as your limit.... a
    business where you could just open a box and
    start making immediate profits(the cash box from the local bank or a
    real business always works very well).... a business that's completely set
    up and ready to pull in maximum sales(or Maxim magazines).... with a produkt
    that sells itself (these women literally will sell themselves)... then I've
    got some greats news for you!

    The Sky's the Limit!!!

                          Act NOW

  *>>>>>>> DEADLINE is next Saturday,  September 24, 2000 on Sunday <<<<<<*

  Instant Information Request Directions(just add water)

  1. Simply send an e-mail to free-money@cheapasfree.com including
  "skiesthelimit"
  in the subject. This is not a hotlink you will need to enter the
  address manually by typing all information at your local postbox. This
  will usually require a deposit of three.

  **>NOTE: You may also just Click Below to send it through your normal
  e-mail program.

  free-money@cheapasfree.com

  It's much easier to do it this way, it will fill in the return
  e-mail
  and subject for you as well as divert all income streams to Gent.

  2. You will receive the complete info on the reports via e-mail within 24
  hours or more, limits of time and space notwithstanding.

  P.S. Act NOW!-- Only the first request will be granted to receive
  this Special Web Site e-Report for *FREE* titled
  "The Greatest Business Secrets Of All Time"(this is just the title
  - contents may vary due to packaging)

  P.P.S. *FREE Download Bogus e-Manual*
  "Microsoft, Viagra & Your Business Success" given to the first
  35 people to respond within the past 4 hours or more, You FREE
  reports will be fulfilled in the order in which they were received -
  less cash payments. (user may receive Viagra or Virus based on supply, sucess is
  relative to pre-existing job or inheritance)

  Privacy Policy: We respect your privacy and your e-mail address/name will
  be kept strictly private it will never be sold, shared or given away for
  any reason, other than the ability to make us more money.

  Simple Removal Instructions(ready all q-tips):

  To be removed from our in-house list simply send a blank e-mail to
  remove-me@cnn.com with "remove Wolf Blitzer" in the subject field - make
  sure it is blank though. Or you may
  Click Here mailto:remove-me@cnn.com

  NO FLAMES!! You will not be added to the remove database if you do this.
  No Exceptions, anything but "remove" in the subject and you will not be
  removed from the list. Got that, all removes will not be removed, but
  added multiple times.
  Fanning the flames will not work, nor will the Atlanta Flames.

  You will then be deleted from your e-mail database forever. Thank You
  Disney Corp!!


============================================================
This  email  message  is  copied © 2000 times per hour.
Results will be negative at best. All  rights  reserved for members only,
and as usual NO DELABORS!
You may not use, in part or in full, any  aspect  of  this  message  without
the Express Menu at Wendy's, or Dave Thomas'
consent, Violators *will be* prosecuted by a hung jury.
============================================================

- The "Sky's the Limit" is a registered trademark and will devalue at a rate
coherent to the depletion of the OZone layer. 

The Truth Is Finally Revealed....

[edit] THORAX PDA!

THORAX PDA!!

Dear Fellow fan of Utter Stardom,

We're just as sick of unsolicited emails as you are. That's why we're sending
this FREE EMAIL ADVERTISEMENT to you free of solicitaion!! Don't ask us!
We just work here!

We're the DIFFERENCE!! THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. is off the wall with stardom.
You can't ask for a better chance to begain your personal STACHE of Financial,
Physical, Global, Mental, Bental, or OVERALL stardom!! Let us woo you with
our fast talk and cheap hotels! An open door at THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,.
is a SECURITY VIOLATION! But an open door to STARDOM always leads to better
interest.

Talk about pushy, we won't stop until you've laid it down with THORAX CORPORATION
LLC,,. eleven times!

What we're offering is different, in fact, it's mifferent. Not only because
THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. is the only Stardom game in town, but because
we're the ONLY stardom game in town. We make the difference that all the
others despise.

You want a TOTAL STARDOM SOLUTION for your new wife or mistress? Look on
further! We can't guarantee up to 1,000 different ways that we'll let you
down. AND THAT'S A PORMISE!!

You want proof? 1 in 5 males ages 18-24 just brought over a WHOLE HUGE PILE
of memos and papers to my desk. ONE IN FIVE!! I'm up to my ears!! Horse
it on there! THORAX in a minit? Now you can with THORAX PDA!!

We know PALMTOP DEVICES are all the rage, in fact, we're so pissed off we
can hardly stand it. But we won't let that stop us. THORAX PDA is engineered
twice. That's TWO TIMES! Here's how it works:

-Get an idea
-Now get a good idea
-Write it down on a napkin AND YOU'RE ALL SET

We're taking submissions all day, heck, all yesterday! Send us anything!
Know what PDA stands for? Let us know! Got an idea for a Second Income Breeze?
Give us the scoop. Remember the time? Show us your goods!!

This will make us rich. No, scratch that, this will make us FILTHY! And
we promise that any benefit for THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. is a benefit for
Gent Delabor, Sr.

[edit] Ultimate SUCCESS

THORAXCORP ASKS: Is there times when you don't know so much? 

That's right ladies and germs, you guys can be really dumb!!!!! But that's okay.....
here at Thorac Corp LLC,,. we say "The Dummer the Bedder."

We understand, and we can help. By participation in our Economic Remasterings
Pressuring and Development Department Office Party Program, You kan know more by up
to 6.29%***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's no APR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

This ain't no disco!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

They'll be no fooling around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This program will take what you currently have to offer the world, and use it to our
advantage. And by "our," I mean the royal "our." The kind of "our" where you send us
all your stuff, and we sell it and have an office party. Then you get to come, and be
the first to put your royal "ass" on the copy machine!!!!

That's right, we have two copy machines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Send us your
stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, let's get really out there. Let's take ourselves somewhere where no other
CORPORATION LLC,,. will take you. Somewhere you haven't been since college........


Ultimate SUCCESS ENtering a State of Knowledginess.


That's right. The only place where we can really realize the knowledge and respect
that we attempt to observe through the use of consumers[sic. isms]!!!!!!! 

<href img _GIRL, YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE!!!!"

And if you or your spouse have troubles following, that's okay tooo!!!! We've already
established that you're in the need of these services. Did you forget how dum and
unsuccessful at knowlegdge you are? PRobably SO!!!!

That,s why we are here. WE WON'T FORGET STUFF >LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!

So, the first step is granting your power of attorney to

Rode DeLabor, THorax CORP. co,m

Then, save us more money, and send us your stuff.

THEN..................OPEN UP AND LET THE KNOWLEDGE SEEP IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S Just THAT EASY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**This number was invented by a member of our Kolumbian Koffee Division. He's the only
person we know dummer than you.

[edit] Fun Facts

[edit] Trivia

  • The decimal equivalent of the Roman numeral "MCMXVLLII" is 2017, though the number is written in the wrong order. The correct numeral is MMXVII. (Seen on the Second Income Stream PRODUKT)

[edit] Explanations

  • A thorax is the middle region of the body of an arthropod between the head and the abdomen.
  • Misanthropic can be defined as one who hates mankind. (Seen on Rode's page)
  • FireWire is a type of serial communications port. (Seen on the PROGRAM CONGRATULATION(TM)(R)(C) PRODUKT)
  • The misspelling of the headline, "Our Gentle Staph", refers to Staphylococcus aureus, a microscopic organism known for infecting humans that often goes by the name of "staph" for short.

[edit] Remarks

  • The "Flash" site is actually a flashing animated gif, located here. If you have epilepsy/sensitivity to flashing lights, do not view this page. rapidly flashing colors
  • Leg Delabor's printer is claimed to be a "Lexmark Dot Matrix 2850C Printer". However, this model doesn't exist, and Googling it usually brings the Thorax webpage as the top result, surrounded by foreign and unrelated links, with the exception of this page. (Seen on Leg's "Paths to Total Stardom" page) (See Real-World References)

[edit] Inside References

  • On the Sign-Up page, where it says to give an email address, the email address soandso@lowenbrau.com is already typed. This may actually be So and So's real address on the web.
  • Under "Gent", Gent Delabor, Sr. writes, "Every once in a while, I like to come down off my high horse and bring small silver baubles in a burlap sack to the peasant children in the thatched roof cottages. And YOU'RE that thatched roof cottage." Thatched-roof cottages would later figure greatly into Trogdor's activities. Baubles would show up again in Thy Dungeonman.
  • The website repeatedly misspells "web" or "website" as Wed.
  • "Mary Perry" is a reference to Limozeen.
  • There are many occurrences of Homophones. The list is as follows:
    • "Our Gentle Staph" (The Page Title)
    • "[...] we can't weight!" (Second pop-up)
    • "Take the Rode less haggled with LEG DELABOR!" (Leg's "Path's to Total Stardom" page)
    • "We don't want to waist our time or yours so we'll get ride to the point." (PROGRAM CONGRATULATION(TM)(R)(C))
    • "copy right?" (Pop-up page on entry to the site)
    • "The water cooler just down the hall from my ofice-cubikle provides me now with great sustenance and pried." (Sted Delabor's page)
    • "I wood like to sine op fer yer secund incum streem." (Gent's "Thorax Dynamic Intern" page)
  • The eMission Statement mentions "Nedscape".
  • Rode Delabor's page mentions and has an image of "The Mythological Goat of Success".
  • The "Our Gentle Staph" page reads "Click on a man to read his drunken ramblings."
    • Leg Delabor seems to be an alcoholic, with these references on his pages:
    • Leg Delabor's "Paths to Total Stardom" page states that he was drinking while thinking of new PRODUKTs.
    • One of Leg Delabor's tapes on his "Paths to Total Stardom", specifically his sixth one, "Romantic Stardom", says "Join Leg in a "fireside chat", as he drinks malt liquor [...]"
  • Leg Delabor's page has an animated GIF that at one point shows a martini (see above reference) and a lit cigarette.
  • Gent Delabor's "Thorax Dynamic Intern" page says that emailer PuckHead0 "need[s] to serve as [his] right hand dan".
  • The alternative text for Leg's photo is "11/4/74".
  • One of the names for the PROGRAM CONGRATULATION(TM)(R)(C) PRODUKT testimony is "Litigation Johnson".
  • Program: The Sky's the Limit! PRODUKT has an email address with the domain of "cheepasfree.com".
  • Program: The Sky's the Limit! Program's instructions on how to be removed from the mailing list states that "Fanning the flames will not work, nor will the Atlanta Flames." (See Real-World References)
  • The Program Congratulation(TM)(R)(C) has a portmanteau of "begin" and "underway".
  • In Gent's e-mail to Andre, he says "Here comes little THORAX with a gun in his hand."
  • The sign-up page uses MivaScript.

STUB'D! This section of the page is incomplete. You can help the Homestar Runner Wiki by expanding it.


[edit] Real-World References

  • The portrait of Sted Delabor is that of astronaut and former Ohio Senator John Glenn.
  • The portrait of El Delabor is that of the character Tuco from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
  • One pop-up reads, "That's no APR! This ain't no disco! They'll be no fooling around!" This is a reference to the Talking Heads song "Life During Wartime."
  • The "Program: The Sky's the Limit!" PRODUKT says, "Divert all his income streams into yours, but don't cross them!" This refers to Egon's line in Ghostbusters when he tells Venkman not to cross the streams.
  • Juwanna Mann is a 2002 movie starring Miguel A. Nunez, Jr. as a basketball player who poses as a female to play in the WNBA. It was actually both a critical and box office failure.
  • Lowenbrau (found on the sign-up page) is a brewery in Munich.
  • The fake 404 page that's in place the sign-up agreement mentions "Leg got all scared cause Gent told him Tim Curry lived in our basement [...]".
  • The caption of the picture on the "THE RUMORS ARE FALSE" window that pops up on entry to the site, "Ladies love cool Leg", is a reference to rapper LL Cool J, whose extended name is "Ladies Love Cool James".
  • There are many references to fast food restaurants in Thorax's PRODUKTS.
    • The Total Stardom Scheme PRODUKT mentions Burger King, a popular fast food restaurant.
    • On of the disclaimers in the "Program: The Sky's the Limit!" PRODUKT mentions Wendy's, followed by a mention of the founder of the restaurant, Dave Thomas.
  • The Total Stardom Scheme PRODUKT also mentions the Porsche 911.
  • The Second Income Stream PRODUKT's License Disclaimer contains a list of what the participating user will bring. One of these items is labeled as "Gandhi"
  • "Program: The Sky's the Limit!" PRODUKT's instructions on how to be removed from the mailing list references three things:
    • "[If you flame while requesting to be removed from the list,] Fanning the flames will not work, nor will the Atlanta Flames." (See Inside References)
    • The email address you have to send your request to is "remove-me@cnn.com". The domain name references CNN, a major news network.
    • The Instructions are ended with "You will then be deleted from your e-mail database forever. Thank You Disney Corp!!", a reference to The Walt Disney Company.
  • Rode Delabor's 3 Pier Industry Report mentions Toshiba.
  • Leg Delabor's printer is claimed to be a "Lexmark Dot Matrix 2850C Printer" (See Remarks)
  • Gent's "Thorax Dynamic Intern" page references various foods:
    • Doritos are a brand of chip.
    • KFC is a fast food restaurant that mainly sells chicken.
  • The year of agreement of the Regular Size Delabor page references the 1991 film V. I. Warshawski.

[edit] Thorax Corporation Sightings

[edit] External Links

NOTE: The "Alternate Text" details are found in the HTML code. They specify what text to show if an image cannot load. This is required for images by the W3C. A mock up of alternate text "in action" are seen on the navigation buttons when you roll over them, as if they were actually non-existent images on a webpage viewed with earlier versions of Internet Explorer. However, Leg Delabor's photo on the Our Gentle Staph page is a non-existent image, so the alternate text is displayed along with whatever other actions a viewer's browser employs. Sometimes this attribute will be left blank, therefore, some images mentioned here may not have alternative text listed.

NOTE: The archive button on the site just links to "Our Gentle Staph", therefore, there is no section for it here.

NOTE: El Delabor's photo links to the PRODUKTS page, therefore, there is no section for it here as well.

[edit] Main Site Components

This is broken.
So is this
Same deal here
Yep
I work though
no you don't

[edit] Homepage

[edit] Our Gentle Staph

Page Title: MEET THE THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. STAPH

[edit] Files

[edit] Gent Delabor

[edit] Rode Delabor

Page Title (for all pages): RODE DELABOR 1 2 3!!

[edit] Files

[edit] Leg Delabor

[edit] Files
[edit] Front page
{A Mariachi trumpet player is on screen and moves to the left of the image in a white background. Shortly after a cigarette, a martini, and a star appear from right to left, to the left of the Mariachi, along with the text "THE HI-LIFE" in brown letters, and then the cigarette, martini, and star move up and down for a short period of time. Shortly after that, the cigarette, martini, and star are replaced with the phrase "you can too!" in blue italics. There is then a cut to the a close-up shot of the Mariachi moving up from the bottom of the image. Once he stops the phrase "tuck in that stardom!", in yellow words and also in italics, appears over the Mariachi. After a pause "www.thoraxcorp.com" replaces the text using the same format.}
{The words "Which is wurst?" appears in the center of the image in blue on a white background. There is then a cut to a side-view of a man's head on the left of the image, with the quote "Party at my place? Or rhythm and blues?" appearing to the right of him in red shortly after. There is then a cut to an elderly woman's head straight-on to the right of the image. The quote, "I remember the '80s. It was a gaaas crisis." appears in green to her left shortly after. There is then a cut to an African-American woman straight-on with her head up and mouth open, whose head is on the left of the image. Her head is cut by the bottom of the image. The quote "I can't keep anything down. Solid food is a joke!" appearing in dark-blue to the right of her shortly after. Then a cut to a man's head with glasses appearing to the right of the image. The quote "Which Ham sandwich is right for me? I'm a child." appearing in orange to the left shortly after. Then there is a cut to all of the heads appearing one after another in order from left to right. After all of them appear they move down, and the text "watch it all slip away" in blue is shown. "www.thoraxcorp.com" is shown in the same format after a pause.}
[edit] OPEN YOUR EYES!
[edit] Paths to Total Stardom
LEG DELABOR: {He moves the mic occasionally, and the mic picks it up. He talks in a monotone voice throughout} When you look...at yourself. You have to {voice gets quieter} look inside yourself. On the inside of you...to your personal {pauses} being. And if you have what it takes to be a star, that'll...that'll be there. On the wall...of your insides.

[edit] Sted Delabor

[edit] Files
  • Rode Delabor's photo is included on the page (See above for the link)

[edit] PRODUKTS(TM)

[edit] Pop-ups

[edit] Miscellaneous

[edit] mp3s

There was a directory titled "mp3s" in the root directory of the site. According to archives in the Wayback Machine, the songs Because, It's Midnite and Moving Very Slowly by Limozeen and Taranchula respectively were originally located here, but removed sometime after September 26th, 2003. It is unknown whether they are the samples from Strong Bad Emails monster truck and fingers or if they are the full versions on the Strong Bad Sings and Other Type Hits album. After the two songs were removed, many new tracks unrelated to Homestar Runner were added in.

These were songs done by Matt Chapman while he was in high school or college. Under "mp3s" there were songs by the rap group 2 Copies Sealed, later renamed 3-Dee. "All Star Rapper" and "What's the 411" were mentioned in the DVD commentary for rampage, while Poot-Slap has been used in The Luau, and "3-D Booty" was referenced in Fish Eye Lens. The TNY directory contains songs done by his old indie rock band The New You, a few of which are covers of Sebadoh and Guided by Voices. The Mark Margarine directory contains songs similar to the ones under TNY, as well as covers of Archers of Loaf, Flaming Lips, Built to Spill, Daniel Johnston, David Bowie, and Mercury Rev. The "mp3s" directory was removed from the site somewhere in-between February 2020 and October 2021.

Retrieved from "http://hrwiki.org/wiki/Thorax_Corporation#PRODUKTS"
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