Museum of Trogdor
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An ominous document drenched with peasant tears has been archived digitally in the digital Museum of Trogdor.
Cast (in order of appearance): Peasant Handsomeface (written), Trogdor (mentioned)
Date: Friday, January 13, 2023
Page Title: I get all Library Science-tific on ya's!
Contents |
Transcript
> connect trogdor.museumoffreecountryusa//.burn/:22566
> Connecting...
> Connection established.
WELCOME TO...
{"THE MUSEUM OF TROGDOR" spelled out using ASCII art}
You have logged on to Free Country USA's PREMIER Gopher-protocol museum service! Prepare to experience the ONLY museum dedicated exclusively towards the world's most excellent burninator.
As a guest, you are allowed 1 request(s) per day.
You have 1 request(s) remaining.
> echo artifact_2525.txt
ARTIFACT: "The Story Of Peasant Handsomeface And Trogdor"
DESCRIPTION: Several pages of crudely home-made paper, constructed mostly out of rags and lint.
ORIGIN: Recovered from the remains of a burninated thatch-roofed cottage. Papers seemed to have escaped complete combustion due to being so moist.
DATE: Unknown.
TRANSCRIPT:
****************************************************************************************************
THE STORY OF PEASANT HANDSOMEFACE AND TROGDOR
BY ME, PEASANT HANDSOMEFACE
My story begins with my parents, Mr. and Mrs. Handsomeface, who produced me, Dave. I soon went exclusively by my last name because it was so much better, and which certainly worked as good P.R. for my, if we're being completely honest, extremely handsome face. Life was good until TROGD[TEXT BURNT]rrived! How do I describe this monster? Imagine an "S", but placed beside another, slightly different "S". He had a single muscley arm whic[TEXT BURNT]umate Vs. He took one glance at me and my wonderful thatched roof and roa[TEXT BURNT]IRE NATION SHALL BE BURNT, HENCE THE WORD, 'BURNINATION''. I could only blink in surprise, stunned as I was by his even handsomer fa[TEXT BURNT]caped with my life, but and all that I had worked towards was naught but ruinati[TEXT BURNT]n't even ask for this, just wanted to farm and smell like a farm in peace, but N000, this guy had to sho[TEXT BURNT]ate my face significantly less handsome, and for that I shall NEVER fo[TEXT BURNT]oke's on him, because I have a backup house with a backup roof! Now, having having soaked this document in my beautiful, beautiful tears and stuffed into my roof, I'm certain that my story will FINALLY be told. If you are reading this, please, heed my words! TROGDOR may sound like fun and games, but we handsome peasants have families! Handsome families! Why are WE to have our homes destroyed for your entertainment? Who are YOU to [TEXT BURNT]
****************************************************************************************************
ANALYSIS OF TEXT: It's fine. It's probably nothing. We should all just ignore it.
ESTIMATED VALUE: $0
Fun Facts
Explanations
- This page was unveiled by the @StrongBadActual Twitter account on Trogday 2023, referred to as a lost piece of "Gopher-query Fiction" by Ryan North, originally written for the Trogdor!! The Board Game Kickstarter campaign.
- Gopher protocol is an alternative Internet protocol that fell out of use by the end of the 1990s.
Trivia
- Despite the document being composed entirely out of plaintext, the page itself displays the document as an image, with no actual webpage text to be found.
Inside References
- The surname Handsomeface shows up in Teen Girl Squad Issue 10 with Strong Bad's self insert character Hotbod Handsomeface.
External Links
