Cold One
From Homestar Runner Wiki
(Redirected from Cold Ones)
- "Beer" redirects here. For other types of beer, see Alcohol#Beer.
Cold One is the most popular brand of beer in Free Country, USA. They are shipped in brown bottles, with the most common variety using a yellow label; the beer is also available in kegs. The Cold One motto is "A One that isn't cold, is scarcely a One at all." Despite this, cool, room temp-a-ture, warm, and not-so-cold ones have been introduced.
Contents |
[edit] Types of Ones
| Type | Picture | About | Appearances |
|---|---|---|---|
| |  | Preferred by Strong Bad. |
|
| | | A nice alternative on spring nights. |
|
| |  | Tempature is 90 degrees or higher, as said on the bottle. Enjoyed by Coach Z and Bubs. | |
| |  | A foreign brand brewed in Foreign Lands. Could possibly be referring to the stereotype that the British prefer drinking their beer at near room temperature. | |
| |  | Foreign brand straight from the oven. | |
| | | Not to be wished on anyone |
|
| | | What the sender of property of ones, Dan Waters, claims to have almost drank. Scarcely a One at all. |
|
| |  | A step up from Cold Ones. | |
| |  | Thrown at a moose lamp. | |
| |  | Enjoyed by Pom Pom, Homestar Runner, and Strong Bad. | |
| |  | From the screensaver. | |
| |  | A light variation of a Cold One. | |
| |  | Enjoyed while on a business trip. | |
| |  | A dry variation of a Cold One, official beverage of Taranchula. | |
| |  | A Cold One-style beverage enjoyed by Coach Z and The Cheat. It may be a reference to Canadian beer Molson, while the can resembles Coors Light — a strange coincidence as Molson and Coors announced they were merging in 2004. | |
| |  | "So rich, thick, and dark, you can't believe it's a liquid." Seems to refer to Guinness. | |
| |  | A variation of the Cold One. Enjoyed by Homestar Runner before the Big Game. May be a reference to "Molson Golden". | |
| |  | Enjoyed by Bubs. | |
| |  | One of the flavors of ice cream found on the code wheel for Peasant's Quest. It's claimed to be the favorite flavor of Samuel Adams. | |
| | | Assumed to be the Cold Ones version of hard liquor (Vodka, Bourbon, etc.) An alleged ingredient in Santaman's Chimney. |
|
| | | Apparently responsible for Homestar and Strong Bad's original designs. |
|
| |  | Kerrek Brau — "Non-Cold Onesaholic" and "4.5% taste". Made with 100% real sweat from the Kerrek's brow. |
[edit] The Property of Ones
- See main article: Bogus Mathematical Theorems
According to Strong Bad, Cold Ones obey the following Property of Ones:
Or in other words:
[edit] Fun Facts
- Though rarely explicitly referred to as alcoholic, Cold Ones are indeed meant to depict beer —
- The Strong Bad screensaver depicts a "Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones" sign.
- In Peasant's Quest, the Kerrek rejects Cold Ones because he is a teetotaler.
- Room Temp-A-Ture Ones are a variant that is "brewed in Foreign Lands".
- The Strong Bad Email super powers revealed that Strong Bad can use the blue diamond icon on his head to open a Cold One.
- The "Cold Ones Light" logo closely resembles the Old Style beer logo.
- Shiner Bock bottles are used to represent Cold Ones in the live-action Strong Sad Paunchbaby commercial, likely due to their similar goldenrod-colored labels.
- In a 2014 interview, Matt Chapman discussed a time around 2000 when The Brothers Chaps pitched Homestar Runner as a television show to networks including Nickelodeon and Disney — in these meetings, they were told that they could not include references to Cold Ones if the series were to be produced for their networks. This, among a few other concerns about creative control, led to the brothers deciding to continue self-publishing online instead; by 2003, they no longer had any interest in producing a Homestar Runner TV show.
