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Strong Bad Email #94
watch army the bet
"One day technology will catch up with my advanced thinking."
This article is about the Strong Bad Email. For the list of all Homestar Runner games, see Games. For the DVD exclusive email, see Videro Games. For the list of references made to real world video games, see Video Game References.

Taylor R. wants to know what Strong Bad would be like in a video game. Strong Bad explains that it would depend on what system he was on.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Atari Strong Bad, Vector Strong Bad, 3D Shield Guy, Rhino

Places: Computer Room

Computer: Compy 386

Date: Monday, January 12, 2004

Running Time: 3:04

Page Title: Compy 386!!

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Three, Sbemails' 50 Greatest Hits DVD


[edit] Transcript

STRONG BAD: Email is like a prison. A prison with no walls... and no toilet.


{Strong Bad reads "AZ" as "Alcatraz."}

STRONG BAD: Whoa. Somebody on the inside. {lowers and shakes head} Get out soon, Taylor. {typing} What would I be like in a video game? Well, that all depends on what system we're talking about. Like, if it was on one of those really old machines...

{Cut to Atari 2600-style game, with an empty green rectangle imposed on a black screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...the graphics would probably only look kinda like me.

{A red square appears representing Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And I'd run all around a futuristic maze—

{The square starts moving around the screen and some green blocks and blue glowing barriers appear.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —collecting things that look nothing like me.

{A yellow square the same size as Strong Bad's square appears in the center of the maze.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Man, that'd be pretty awesome!

{The red square approaches the yellow square and touches it, thereby "collecting" it. The words "secret collect!" appear on the screen. Cut back to the Compy 386.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Ooh! Ooh! I could also be in one of those 3-D vector games.

{Cut to screen of said game. A corridor ending with a wall is outlined in red. Some moving arrows appear on the walls on either side.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And there'd be this awesome, huge, 3D version of my head floatin' around.

{A vectorized version of Strong Bad's head appears on the screen}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Like, it looks so awesome, girls would probably try to make out with the screen

{Lipstick lips appear on the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} and we'd have to program it to be like:


{As it speaks, the words appear on the screen, then fall down and disappear.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And in this one, the player wouldn't control me...

{Cut to Strong Bad at the Compy, shaking the camera}

STRONG BAD: 'Cuz you can't control me!

{Cut back to the vector game.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Instead, you'd be some kinda 3D shield guy with a shield...

{A generic-looking guy with a shield appears on the bottom of the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Some kind of spikey-headed 3D cyber-shield guy... with a cyber-shield.

{The appropriate changes are made so the shield guy is now spikey-headed and holding a striped "cyber-shield."}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And you'd have to block my perplexing 3D geometric attacks, or face certain 3D doom!

{Vector Strong Bad spits out a rhombus, which the cyber-shield guy blocks. Vector Strong Bad spits another rhombus, and this one hits the cyber-shield carrier in the face, causing it to explode.}


{Again, the words appear on the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Naturally, there'd be some problems with bad translation.

{Cut back to Compy 386.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} On the other hand, it might be cool to be in one of those text-based adventures. You know, for those intellectual people with better imaginations.

{Cut to a black screen with a green arrow at the top (and moving green lines), similar to the Tandy 400.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} It'd be like...

{reading text}

{Strong Bad doesn't say the last sentence.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And you'd be all like...

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And it'd say,

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And you'd just have to sit there and imagine why on Earth you can't get ye flask! Because the game's certainly not going to tell you.

{At this the screen adds "I'm certainly not going to tell thou."}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And there's no precious graphics to help you out, either!

{At this the screen adds "Graphics, shmaphics." and a few seconds later, " . . for sooth!" Cut back to the computer.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} But oh, man. The best thing ever would be if I was in one of those brand new super-photorealistic games that take like tons of migs and megs of memories just to play it.

{Cut to a blue screen. A 16-bit version of Strong Bad appears.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I'd look super-cool, runnin' around on some grass, maybe.

{The background changes to a 16-bit field against a blue sky.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Where there'd be like, um... a rhino there, too.

{A rhino falls down from the sky and some music starts playing.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} A hungry rhino!

{A food bowl appears in front of the rhino and it starts whining, jumping and turning red. Strong Bad runs around.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And I'd have to, I guess... feed him.

{A box labeled "FOOD" appears. Strong Bad brings it to the rhino's bowl and it calms down, eating the food.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And, umm... snakes?

{Snakes pop up, wriggling up and down the screen. The rhino charges. Cut back to Compy 386.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} So hopefully one day technology will catch up with my advanced thinking, so all the ladies can start making out with their TV screens.

{Strong Bad stops typing; he turns around as he continues talking. He is holding a Cold One.}

STRONG BAD: Until next time, Taylor, this one's for you, and all my peoples got sent up the river.

{He pours his Cold One on the floor.}

{The Paper comes down. After about five seconds, the four games appear in their boxes.}

[edit] Easter Eggs

[edit] Fun Facts

[edit] Explanations

  • Strong Bad's statement about bad translation of StrongBadZone is a reference to the ubiquitous bad translation of Japanese-made NES-era games, the most infamous of which gave rise to the phrase, "All your base are belong to us," which was from the Sega Genesis port of the arcade game Zero Wing.
  • "Migs and megs of memories" refer to computer megabytes and memory.
  • When Strong Bad mistakes Arizona for Alcatraz and says "Whoa... Somebody on the inside," he is referring to Alcatraz Federal Penitentiary, a famous maximum-security prison in operation from 1934 to 1963.
  • Secret Collect is playable on the FunMachine, while Rhino Feeder is playable on the Super FunMachine. The names of these systems are references to the NES and Super NES, respectively.
    • However, the jump in graphics quality between the two games is more a reference to the graphics advances between the Atari 2600 and its successors, the Atari 5200 and 7800.
  • Forsooth (misspelled here as "for sooth") is an archaic word originally meaning "in truth" but now usually used to express disbelief.
  • Strong Bad pouring his Cold One for Taylor is a form of libation, a tradition where liquid is spilled to honor the memory of those who have fallen.

[edit] Trivia

  • The label on the disk in the floppy disk container reads "bio menace".
  • Even though Strong Bad threw out his Tandy long before this email, the text game he created seems to be on it instead of his Compy.
  • The YouTube description for this email is "Strong Bad describes what his video game would be like on various systems."

[edit] Remarks

  • When Strong Bad says "YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME!" and he shakes the camera, the contrast on the computer can still be changed.
  • The StrongBadZone game contains the "BACK OFF BABY!" sequence, though it's only accessible when played with a seek bar or playing the Nintendo Wii version.
  • Although this email was supposed to be about if Strong Bad was in a video game, in Thy Dungeonman his involvement with the game is only through what he types at the command line.
  • Strong Bad mispronounces the word "ye" in "You can't get ye flask!" English used to contain two different symbols for the "th" sound (Þ and Ð), but the first printing presses, built in Germany, did not contain those symbols, so English printers used the "y" character to approximate the "th" sound in the word "the". "Ye" (the article) is commonly confused with a different word, "ye", which means "you" (plural).
  • Strong Bad mentions that no one can control him, yet he is the playable character in both Rhino Feeder and Secret Collect. Further releases contradict this claim as well, as Strong Bad is the playable character in the Egg Throwing Game, Fishing Challenge '91, Strong Bad's Treat Snatcha, and perhaps most notably, Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People.

[edit] Goofs

  • When Strong Bad pours the drink out for Taylor, some of the dust at the top of the Compy's screen from the previous email is still there, though it was not visible in the rest of the email.
  • When Strong Bad clears the screen after reading the email, the a> covers the text above for one frame.
  • When Strong Bad shakes the camera after saying "BECAUSE YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME!", the top of the Compy has a thin white line above it.

[edit] Real-World References

  • Strong Bad's intro is possibly a reference to Pete Rose's book, "My Prison Without Bars," which was released the week before this email.
  • The graphics in StrongBadZone closely resemble Virtual Boy games that used vector graphics, such as Red Alarm. The Virtual Boy used only black, and three shades of red. See the DVD commentary below for several other titles that The Brothers Chaps liken it to.
  • The name Strong Bad Zone is likely a reference to Battlezone, another popular vector game.
  • The "3D doom" feature could be a reference to the 3D arcade game Discs of Tron, where if the player didn't repel the disc, they were destroyed.

[edit] Fast Forward

[edit] DVD Version

  • None of the four games are playable. As well, the game boxes don't automatically come up. Instead, they are accessible via the hidden Strong Bad icon on the Compy 386 screen.
    • For the DVD, the Easter egg consists of samples of music from each game in turn.
  • Strong Bad's Cold One continues pouring after The Paper comes down.
  • The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch the DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

[edit] Commentary Transcript

(Commentary by: Matt Chapman, Mike Chapman)

MATT: So this is an email we've been getting since probably the first week that we did Strong Bad Emails.

MIKE: Yeah, and—

MATT: {simultaneously} Remember when we—

MIKE: For whatever reason, we always shied away from it.

MATT: Yeah.

MIKE: And then, for whatever reason, we just came up with the idea.

MATT: This was like the Japanese cartoon one, we got that a lot.

MIKE: Yeah. Sometimes it just clicks when you read it and some, you just think of a good idea and sometimes you think of bad ideas, like maybe we'll get a really good idea for how to answer the "How do you type with boxing gloves?" email. Dark... dark night.

MATT: Umm—

MIKE: So our friend, uhhh, and, uhh—

MATT: Collaborator.

MIKE: Compat-compatriot. {laughs}

MATT: Contemporary.

MIKE: {laughs} Jonathan Howe, we, uhh, I don't know—he threw all these together in, like, three or four days, maybe.

MATT: Less than that, probably, yeah, we told him—

MIKE: Hey, we had done it early in the—

MATT: {simultaneously} —when we were doing this email.

MIKE: I mean like midweek, probably. Tuesday or Wednesday, we, uhh—

MATT: Yeah. Those are really good-looking kissy lips.

MIKE: Thanks, man.

MATT: I like that.

MIKE: {laughs} Jiggles the camera.

MATT: Yeah, he gets really close up to it.

MIKE: Umm, so this is, y'know, like a vector game, like Tempest

MATT: Battlezone.

MIKE: Battlezone... yeah.

MATT: The original Star Wars game.

MIKE: Yeah.

MATT: Ohh... there you go.

MIKE: He said, "Your head a splode".

MATT: I think we were gonna make it ori—if you, when you killed him, he said, "My head splow up". {Mike laughs} That was the other thing he was going to say. Umm, so yeah, we figured if we were going to do the, uh, this is all sort of—comes from Mike and I, if we ever wanted to make a video game—

MIKE: Don't tell 'em.

MATT: Never mind.

MIKE: {laughs} Nu-huh—

MATT: {slightly more insistently} Never mind.

MIKE: {laughs} We're not going to tell you.

MATT: {simultaneously} I'm gonna need you all to sign a non-disclosure agreement before I reveal this. Umm, so this is sort of, uhh... I remember... what was it called? Vampire, I think, was one of the text games I played earlier on, and that's what had parapets in it. Was the first thing that—

MIKE: Oh yeah, I remember parapets, yeah.

MATT: {simultaneously} And I had no idea what para—I remember, like, getting the dictionary out and, because, I thought that would, like, when I'd fin—found out what parapets meant—

MIKE: That was how you won the game.

MATT: Yeah, then—

MIKE: {simultaneously} That was like— {laughs}

MATT: I would like, it was like the key to it, and I'm just like, "What? It's just like a wall, tower in a castle?" Umm... {long pause} That rhino looks great, too, Mike.

MIKE: Thanks, Matt.

MATT: I think that noise, the noise the rhino makes {Mike laughs} is just that string on a key—on the synthesizer. There's like, it's supposed to sound like strings of a guitar, like when you're sliding your fingers down, yeah, so are the snakes, and they're just really slow ones and really fast ones. Fret—fret noises, that's what I'm—

MIKE: Fret magic.

MATT: Fret magic, really... magazine. Bio Menace, that was a Psygnosis game.

MIKE: Yeah, with, uh, what was the other one?

MATT: {menacingly} Blood Money.

MIKE: Blood Money.

[edit] Fun Facts

[edit] External Links

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