the movies

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This article is about the email describing movie theater experiences. For a list of movies within the Homestar Runner universe, see Electronic Media and Film#Movies. For the email describing movie genres, see rated. For the email about Strong Bad narrating movies, see narrator.
Strong Bad Email #167
watch unnatural your funeral
"Good eef-ening, Bontilda. Forty-twone will be on your lest."

Strong Bad's annoyance with fellow moviegoers builds to an explosive climax.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, Senor Cardgage, Pom Pom, Coach Z, Strong Sad, The King of Town, The Knight, The Hornblower, The Blacksmith, Homestar Runner

Places: Computer Room, The Movie Theater, The Field (Easter egg)

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Running Time: 3:51

Page Title: Lappy 486

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Six, Sbemails' 50 Greatest Hits DVD

Contents

[edit] Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} Coach Z is not that cool; here comes an email.

{Strong Bad reads the name and address as "A person called Cooper, from the city of Franklin, in the state of Tennessee."}

STRONG BAD: Told you I could do it.

THE CHEAT: {offscreen} {grudging The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Oh, I feel ya, Coopreme. It's a good thing they make you turn off your bazookas before movies man, or every one of my theater-going experiences would end in smoldering crater fashion.

{Cut to a cinema entrance lobby. Posters for Dangeresque 3 and King Bubsgonzola Supreme hang in the background. Senor Cardgage is an usher; Strong Bad, The Cheat, and Pom Pom walk in.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} The experience starts out promising enough...

SENOR CARDGAGE: Good eef-ening, Bontilda. {takes Strong Bad's ticket and tears it} Forty-twone will be on your lest.

STRONG BAD: Just you watch, The Cheat. Some day I'm gonna be the one tearing tickets and telling folks that forty-twone will be on their lest.

{Cut inside the cinema. Coach Z is watching the movie screen, fidgeting and thinking hard.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} It begins with the genius who can't resist answering the oh-so-challenging film trivia slides they show before the movie.

COACH Z: Oh, I know this one! The Brat Pack! Pan-and-scan! Spencer Tracy!

{Cut to Strong Bad. The Cheat is visible on the right.}

STRONG BAD: Real impressive, Ebert. We've only seen this slide ten times since we all sat down.

ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} If you answered "B", you're ready for film school.

{Cut back to Coach Z}

COACH Z: Awr, it was {hits himself} ice cold refreshment.

{Cut to the screen, which reads:}

MOVIE & REFRESHMENT TRIVIA*

The correct answer was :
B: Ice Cold Refreshment

*ACTUALLY JUST REFRESHMENT TRIVIA

COACH Z: I should've known.

{Another slide is shown on the screen, with a picture of a bazooka with six tally marks on it, labeled "Please Be Considerate. Because no one wants to watch a smoldering crater."}

ANNOUNCER: Be considerate of others. Please turn off your bazookas before the progrum.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Then, once the movie starts, don't forget the guy who insists on rattling off the complete filmographies of each of the actors.

{Cut back to the audience, and pan from Pom Pom to Strong Sad.}

MOVIE: {voiceover} —but when I returned, the DNA evidence was gone!

STRONG SAD: Ooh, {points at screen} and he had a cameo as Stevedore #2 in the prequel, and he was in that car commercial with the wisecracking transmission, and he has a Bacon number of 4! {holds up four fingers}

STRONG BAD: {gets up and turns back to face Strong Sad} And this is my FIST! {raises said fist} You might remember it from Bloodied Pulp, the amazingly true story of your face in five seconds! {sits back down}

STRONG SAD: {pointing at Strong Bad} He was in Dangeresque 1 and 2!

{Cut to The Cheat, who is sitting next to Strong Bad and eating popcorn.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And if you think the guy sitting next to you munching popcorn is bad, {Strong Bad's head turns slowly in The Cheat's direction} try going to a theater where people regularly sneak in their own all-you-can-eat fajitas!

{Cut to the King of Town, who is holding a frying pan covered in sizzling food, with a stack of similar pans in the seat beside him.}

THE KING OF TOWN: {Looks at the camera, popping his crown} What?! This was all in my box of Milk Duds.

{Pan back, behind the King of Town, there are the Knight (with a guitar), the Hornblower (with a horn) and the Blacksmith (with maracas). The three of them play a brief Mariachi melody. Cut back to Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And that brings me to the little girl behind me who wouldn't shut up.

{Pan behind Strong Bad, Homestar Runner is standing there, wearing a viking helmet.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} Ever and more! Ever and more! Ever and more!

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} This is the kind of person that likes to talk to the movie. But not in the usual {Homestar mouths Strong Bad's words} "Don't go in there!" or {Homestar mouths Strong Bad's words again} "Oh no he di'n't!" type of way. He just... makes small talk with the characters, and chit-chat.

{Cut through white to some time in the movie. Homestar is sitting on his seat, with the viking helmet on the seat next to him.}

MOVIE: {voiceover} Well, I figured out their plan.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, I figured I'd just cut up some iceberg lettuce, throw some tomatoes on there, maybe a little catalina. Nothing fancy, nothing fancy.

{Cut through white to later in the movie. Homestar is lying on his seat, with his head resting on the helmet.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, man, have you ever been to a ground-breaking? I mean, what is the point of those things?

{Cut through white again, Homestar is lying upside down on his seat, with his legs in the air.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You know where the real money is? {shakes his legs} Phone books.

{Cut through white yet again, Homestar is sitting up normally.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I wonder how you spell tabasco. {stands up} TABASCOooo!

STRONG BAD: {Gets up from his seat again and turns around.} What is wrong with you people?! Do you not notice the giant movie over here? Were all the local sit-around-and-suck-out-loud places closed?!

{Strong Bad picks up a bazooka, holds it beside his head like a cell phone, and imitates a ringtone.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, di-a-lo-do, da-a-lo-do, di-a-lo-do, die!!

{Strong Bad lowers the bazooka to point at the camera and fires it. Fade back to the computer room.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} So, that's why I'm not allowed at the movies anymore. But I don't care. I brought my movie viewing into the digital age. And I dig-it-all!!! Check it out!

{Strong Bad runs "karatecar.exe". An ASCII art movie starts. A stick figure man walks along a street, with buildings in the background, and a car drives across. The stick figure jumps and does a somersault over the car just before he gets hit.}

STRONG BAD: {quietly} Oh, look out, Mister Slashy-Man!

{The movie cuts to a closeup of the car.}

STRONG BAD: {quietly} Ooh, something exciting!

{The movie cuts to a closeup of the stick figure man, who says "Now THAT was a sports car!". He then does some karate moves and says "Hi-YA!".}

STRONG BAD: {quietly} Aah, I guess I'm talking during the movie! Kind of a hypocrite! Gonna shut up now!

{The Paper comes down.}

[edit] Easter Eggs

No one wants to watch a smoldering crater. With the apparent exception of Homestar.
  • Click on the "Hi-YA" at the end to see Homestar in a smoldering crater sitting in a theater seat with a frame of a movie poster protruding from the side of the crater:
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh man. This movie has it all. Cinema has never Luked so Wilson.
  • Click on the "@" at the end to see a film trivia screen.

MOVIE & REFRESHMENT TRIVIA*

What can you get at the concession
stand for $10, $10 or $13?

A. Luke Wilson
B. 16:9 Anamorphic
C. Hot, Hot Buttery Popcorn
D. 'Battleship Potemkin'

*ACTUALLY JUST REFRESHMENT TRIVIA

[edit] Fun Facts

[edit] Explanations

  • Pan and Scan refers to a technique by which film originally shot in widescreen format is transferred into a format compatible with the shape of common TV screens. In contrast, DVDs made using an anamorphic widescreen technique automatically fill high-definition television screens that have a 16:9 aspect ratio and make full use of the available resolution.
  • Catalina is a type of salad dressing made from tomato ketchup and sugar.
  • ASCII art is an artistic medium that makes pictures entirely out of typed characters.
  • A groundbreaking is a photo-op ceremony in which executives or other noteworthy people dig the first shovel of dirt from a lot in which a new construction will be built.
  • The slashes on the bazooka in the "Be Considerate" ad are a common mark on guns, tanks, and war ships to show how many kills they've made.
  • A stevedore is a person who works at or is responsible for loading and unloading ships in port.
  • The Knight, The Hornblower, and The Blacksmith are playing instruments as if they were in a mariachi band.

[edit] Trivia

  • The release date on the Dangeresque 3 poster is:
    COMING JUNE 2004
    APRIL 2005
    MEMORIALS DAY 2005
    AUGUST 2006
    WE'LL SEE...
  • Dangeresque's Cool Shades in the poster have three lenses, relating to it being the third film. The number "3" is also visible, reflected in the center lens.
  • The summary for the Podstar Runner RSS feed reads, "Strong Bad rants about why he hates fellow moviegoers."

[edit] Remarks

  • Despite the lack of a specific release date and that it just says "We'll see", the frame around the poster for Dangeresque 3 still labels the film as "Now Playing".
  • Note that the ASCII art is actually not real ASCII art as some of the characters are of different font sizes.
    • This includes italicized fonts, including backward-italicized 1's and I's.

[edit] Inside References

[edit] Real-World References

[edit] Fast Forward

[edit] DVD Version

  • The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch your DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

[edit] Commentary Transcript

(Commentary by: Homestar Runner, Mike Chapman)

HOMESTAR: Welcome to the King of Town's... DVD... extras bonus!

MIKE: Nah, this is, uh, Strong Bad Email, Homestar!

HOMESTAR: Yeah! The King of Town's...

MIKE: {overlapping} Hey! Hey! Take me to the movies.

HOMESTAR: {laughing} Yeah!

MIKE: You ever—you ever say that?

HOMESTAR: {laughing} Yeah, I do! All the time.

MIKE: All right.

HOMESTAR: Ahhh...

MIKE: {underneath} Have you—

HOMESTAR: What?

MIKE: Have you ever been... to the movies before?

HOMESTAR: Yeaaah!

MIKE: You...

HOMESTAR: Sometimes I go... and I s—I wear... my viking helmet.

MIKE: Oh, that's right. An—

HOMESTAR: {interrupting} And I sing my favorite anthem of anthems!

MIKE: "Ever and More?"

HOMESTAR: {playing up his impediment} Eva and moow, ev' and moow, evew an' mooooow!

MIKE: I think you're getting worse with your Rs.

HOMESTAR: When is Strong Bad gonna make that {with a soft 'g' throughout} Dangersqueal Three? Dangersqueal Three: {Mike laughs} The...Squealiest Danger. {pause} Who's that guy? Who's that skinny Strong Bad?

MIKE: Uh, that's...Cardgage.

HOMESTAR: Ohhhh, yeaah.

MIKE: Cardage. Is Cardage real? Homestar?

HOMESTAR: {confused} Is Cardage real?

MIKE: Yeah.

HOMESTAR: {Coach Z shouts out trivia answers} I don't like the trivia before movies, Mike.

MIKE: It's usually pretty easy, and Tom Hanks is usually the answer.

HOMESTAR: Yeah! I don't wanna look at no silhouettes of Tom Hanks' head no more! {Mike stifles a laugh} ...and guess which curly-headed man this is! {Mike laughs aloud} That's what it always asks me.

MIKE: {laughing} That's a... very poor trivia question.

HOMESTAR: {laughing} I know! "Guess which curly-headed Tom Hanks this is." And I always—it's always Bachelor Party.

MIKE: {laughs, regains his composure} It's not, uh... ahh, I was gonna say Johnny Dangerously, but that's Keaton, right?

HOMESTAR: Yeaah.

MIKE: Gung Ho?

HOMESTAR: Yap.

MIKE: {laughing} Mr. Mom?

HOMESTAR: Him and Tom Hanks are kinda the same.

MIKE: {snickers} Until Tom Hanks got all legit and... winning all those Oscars in the '90s.

HOMESTAR: Bantam.

MIKE: Multiplicity never got...

HOMESTAR: Tom Hanks—

MIKE: {underneath} never got...

HOMESTAR: Tom Hanks was Bantam, though.

MIKE: Well... no.

HOMESTAR: And Kiefer was Keaton. {Mike snickers} Ummm....

MIKE: So what movie were you guys watching here?

HOMESTAR: Uh, this... must've been... SooSoos!

MIKE: Seuss? Like—

HOMESTAR: Soos-sayer!

MIKE: Soothsayer.

HOMESTAR: {struggles to get out the 'th'} Soothsayer.

MIKE: Ohhkay.

HOMESTAR: {the King of Town appears} Oooh! Look at those fajitas! That is a sizzling plate! {Mike laughs} You better watch out. {at the pan to the mariachi band} Wooo!

MIKE: The guys.

HOMESTAR: It's the Kingsm'n. The Kingsm'n trio! {short pause} Umm... {Strong Bad mentions the "little girl"} Here's my big scene!

MIKE: Ohhh, you're—you were—

HOMESTAR: {overlapping} We're—we were probably seeing the Vikings on... the Seas! ...movie. And so I was just singin' along.

MIKE: Eric the Viking?

HOMESTAR: He tries to pick me as if I was some kind of an annoy-ance. But I'm really—

MIKE: {overlapping} You were just part of the movie?

HOMESTAR: Yeah, it's like that movie where you throw... toast.

MIKE: Ohh, yeah. Rocky Horror? Yeah.

HOMESTAR: No, Rocky IV.

MIKE: {laughing} Rocky IV?

HOMESTAR: The Rocky IV Picture Show!

MIKE: {laughs} When you throw toast at Drago?

HOMESTAR: Yeah! And you throw syringes at... Nikita Jamson. {Mike laughs aloud, Homestar stifles laughter} What's her name? She's tall and blonde.

MIKE: Brigitte Nielsen?

HOMESTAR: Jaquitte! {both laughing} Jaquitte Ribston! Throw some syringes!

MIKE: {overlapping} Y'know, she and... Rocky got married.

HOMESTAR: Rocky?

MIKE: Maybe. I can't—I can't remember— {quietly} —S—y'know, Stallone.

HOMESTAR: Oh.

MIKE: I dunno if it was after or before... Rocky IV.

HOMESTAR: {overlapping} I think he got married—I heard he got married to that robot... that's in... Rocky IV.

MIKE: The robot?

HOMESTAR: His son has a cool robot.

MIKE: {laughing} Oh, he does!

HOMESTAR: Um, Strong Bad...does Strong Bad really have a bazooka, Mike? I think this is him imagining things, 'cause I feel like if he really had a bazooka, we'd all be in some biiig troubles.

MIKE: Uhhh... is that—that was a rocket launcher, though. Wasn't it?

HOMESTAR: What'd I call it?

MIKE: A bazooka.

HOMESTAR: What's the diff?

MIKE: Uh, I don't really know, but—{Strong Bad is watching karatecar} Ooh, look at that movie. That's a good movie.

HOMESTAR: Yeaaah! I remember one time some guy made that movie {entirely unintelligible through his impediment} Stuwws. All with... little letters.

MIKE: Star Wars? ...was made...?

HOMESTAR: {overlapping} Stuwws. {Mike chuckles; Mr. Slashy-man takes his final pose} {as a greeting rather than an exclamation} Hiya!

[edit] Fun Facts

  • Homestar's line about Dangeresque seems to indicate that this commentary was recorded sometime before the release of Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective. The DVD was released about a month later.
  • Homestar and Mike mention a number of Tom Hanks and Michael Keaton films from the late '80s and early '90s, including Bachelor Party, starring Tom Hanks, and Johnny Dangerously, Mr. Mom, Gung Ho, Multiplicity, and Batman, all of which starred Michael Keaton.
  • Homestar's mention of Tom Hanks playing "Bantam" is probably typical Homestar confusion; Michael Keaton played Batman in the 1989 Batman and its sequel Batman Returns, but Tom Hanks never played any character named Bantam.
  • Homestar confuses Rocky IV with The Rocky Horror Picture Show, a movie which is well-known for having audience participation, including throwing toast at the screen during one scene.
  • Despite Matt and Homestar's confusion, there is no real distinction between a bazooka and a rocket launcher, as "bazooka" has not been a technical term since World War II and "rocket launcher" has never been a technical term for man-portable weaponry. The truly correct term is "shoulder-launched missile weapon".
  • Homestar is correct; the original Star Wars has been entirely made in ASCII. It can be viewed here.

[edit] External Links

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