looking old

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Strong Bad Email #164
watch what i want strong badathlon
"Are you telling me the nightly nacho cheese masks aren't working?"

Strong Bad is in need of an image overhaul.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Three Keepers of Trogdor (Easter egg), The Cheat, Bubs, Strong Mad, Marzipan, Homestar Runner, Homsar, Gavin, Strong Sad

Places: Computer Room, Bathroom of the Brothers Strong, Basement of the Brothers Strong, Bubs' Concession Stand, The Garage, Living Room of the Brothers Strong, Strong Sad's Room

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Monday, January 22, 2007

Running Time: 4:18

Page Title: Lappy 486

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Six


[edit] Transcript

STRONG BAD: {slowly, as clock ticks are heard} Boom, tick. Tick-a-tick-a-tick, email. Boom, tick. Tick-a-tick-a-tick, What? Didgeri—

{Strong Bad reads the sender's name as "Andy, H-S-I-A-O and sometimes Y, from Taiwan."}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Look Andyman, my age is a closely guarded secret, protected by a sect of closely guarded monks high atop the Coches Mountains. {clears screen} They would no sooner dance with a goat than divulge my age. But they will bake you some crustly guarded bread! Anyways, whattaya mean I look old? Are you telling me the nightly nacho cheese masks aren't working?

{As he says this, cut to a shot of Strong Bad in the bathroom, looking in the mirror. His face is covered in nacho cheese, and he then covers his eyes with two corn chips, with jalapeño slices on them. Cut back to the computer.}

STRONG BAD: I can't have the young peoples thinking I'm old! Am I really losing the youth vote? This calls for an EMERGENCY MARKETING MEETING!!!

{Zoom out to a full view of Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: {imitating a siren} Whaaa-donk. Click-click-click-click-click-click-click.

{Cut to The Cheat watching TV.}

STRONG BAD: {echoing voice-over} This is not a drill.

{The Cheat gets off the couch and walks off. Cut to a silhouette view of Bubs' Concession Stand.}

STRONG BAD: {echoing voice-over} Whaaa-donk. Click-click-click-click-click-click-click. This is not a drill.

{Bubs leaves the concession stand and walks off. Cut to Strong Bad with a paper cup of coffee at a desk. There is an easel in the background holding a piece of paper labeled "EMERGENCY MARKETING MEETING!"}

STRONG BAD: Thank you all for coming on short such notice. {during the following, the camera pans left to right along the table, showing the Cheat with another coffee cup, Strong Mad with a one-gallon jug of coffee, Bubs with a half-empty plastic cup of coffee—} You represent the best, the brightest, the people I hate the least. 'Cept you, Marzipan. {—and Marzipan with a box of l'CHAIm kosher tea.} You're here because of legal reasons.

MARZIPAN: Word booty!

STRONG BAD: Now what I need is an image overhaul. Something to reconnect me with the youth of today. Something that says—

{Zoom in on the easel, the front piece of paper is moved away, revealing a badly-drawn picture of Strong Bad on a skateboard and another person on roller skates, with the caption:}

STRONG BAD: "Sup my young parsons, I too am so on the go that I drink my yogurt from a tube". Now what have ya got?

{Cut to The Cheat with an overhead projector.}

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

{He puts on a transparency:}


STRONG BAD: Youth through editing, huh? I'm on board, I'm not bored. So, how would it work?

{The Cheat hits a button on a remote control, and plays a remixed version of the email. Behind everything is techno music consisting of a drum track and occasional The Cheat noises. Several quick repetitions of Strong Bad bringing up the email play, with the tilt angle changing and zooming in on the screen further on each one. Cut to a shot of Strong Bad's head.}

STRONG BAD: Didgeri–dear—

{Cut to an extreme close-up of Strong Bad's eyes, moving across the screen.}

STRONG BAD: Didgeri–dear—

{Cut to an extreme close-up of Strong Bad's mouth, upside-down.}

STRONG BAD: Didgeri–dear Strong Bad.

{Cut to a side-on shot of Strong Bad at the computer desk, with the left side of the screen mirrored onto the right.}

STRONG BAD: You really do look old.

{The last two lines of the email on the computer screen slide into the top third of the screen, Strong Bad's hands on the keyboard slide into the bottom third, and a closeup of Strong Bad's eyes slides into the center third.}

STRONG BAD: Your faithful fan—

{The top and bottom thirds slide away, revealing the rest of Strong Bad's face.}

STRONG BAD: —from Taiwan.

{Pan across Strong Bad's hands on the computer. As he types, "]Look Andyman," appears in large letters along the top of the screen.}

STRONG BAD: Look Andyman,

{Slowly zoom in on the computer screen, tilted at an angle, as Strong Bad types.}

STRONG BAD: My age is a closely guarded secret,

{Tracking lines appear and the shot rewinds to just after "Look Andyman," was typed, as the preceding line plays in reverse. Then a split-screen shot, in all four corners is the same shot of Strong Bad, each with a different color tint – red in the top left, yellow in the top right, green in the lower left and blue in the lower right.}

STRONG BAD: Anyways—

{A normal shot of Strong Bad typing.}

STRONG BAD: —whattaya—

{A close-up of Strong Bad's mouth.}

STRONG BAD: —mean I—

{A close-up of Strong Bad's typing hands.}

STRONG BAD: —look—

{A side view of Strong Bad's head.}


{A close-up of the electrical outlet under the desk. Then static, and we return to Strong Bad at the emergency marketing meeting. The disorienting sound effects from car play in the background, and Strong Bad is having trouble looking straight.}

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Oh... The Cheat... I don't know whether to puke or have a seizure...

{A piece of paper is put on the easel, with silhouettes of Strong Bad throwing up and seizing, labeled "STYLE 1" and "STYLE 2". Cut to Bubs, who has a folder labeled "GOOBAD IDEAS"}

BUBS: Well, I've been noticing how kids love anything with a lowercase "i" in front of it. It's working great for me down at the Concession Stand!

{Cut to the concession stand; on the desk, there is a sign reading "10% OFF ALL iTems!". Pull back to see Homestar Runner and Homsar standing in line. The bottom line of the marquee reads "STAND [IN LINE]"}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {to Homsar} Hey, Homestar. What color iTem are you gonna get?

{Cut back to the meeting}

BUBS: We could try iStrong, or iBad...

STRONG BAD: We already tried that with lowercase "e"s back in the late '90s. We all know where that got us.

{Cut to a large number of boxes, all labeled "eStrong Vague Online Investments". The wind can be heard blowing through, and Gavin crawls in.}


{Cut to Marzipan.}

MARZIPAN: I came up with a few ways to spruce up your look, and add hundreds to your resale value.

{Marzipan pulls out a piece of paper with a diagram of Strong Bad's head on it.}

STRONG BAD: {monotone} I am legally obligated to ask you to proceed.


{Zoom in on the diagram of Strong Bad's head. As Marzipan suggests changes, they appear on the diagram.}

MARZIPAN: First, we're gonna start with a flagstone path leading up to your chin, right here. Then we'll fill the negative space around your head with Forsythia and maybe some Alberta spruce. And last, we install a water feature right here, {Strong Bad's forehead} which I think will create a great focal point for entertaining summer guests. {some outdoor tables and a deck chair appear}

{Cut back to the meeting.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, this'll work great, Marzipan. {dashes up to Marzipan, startling her} If I was a BACKYARD!!!

{As he shouts this, a strong wind blows out of his mouth, blowing Marzipan's hair around and rippling her cheeks.}


{Strong Mad pulls out a card, labeled "were a diper", a diaper decorated with pictures of Nebulon, hanging from the middle from what is labeled "dupp tape", and pictures on the right of "grass", "rocks" and "mounds".}


STRONG BAD: Uh, nice try, bo-hwee-moth, but that's a little younger than I was looking to go.

{Cut back to face Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: These are all terrible ideas! What am I not paying you people for, anyway? It's time to resort to extreme measures, with Gene Hackman. It's time for a lace lift!

{A new piece of paper lands on the easel, with a diagram of the back of Strong Bad's head, an arrow pointing away from the shoelace knot at the bottom of the laces, and the caption "PULL THOSE SUCKAS TIGHT".}

STRONG BAD: The Cheat! Strong Mad! Prep for surgery!

{Cut to the lounge room, Strong Bad, Strong Mad and The Cheat enter from above wearing surgical gowns and masks.}

STRONG BAD: All right, on three.

{Cut to behind Strong Bad, Strong Mad is holding the shoelace knot.}

STRONG BAD: One... Two... Aah!!

{Strong Mad pulls the strings, deforming Strong Bad's head, and stretching out all of his facial features. His mouth is severely stretched, and his speech is mumbled and subtitled. Strong Mad's facial expression becomes surprised, followed by confused.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, yeah. I feel at least 10 years younger. Time to go relate to some 18–24 year olds!

{Strong Bad walks to the dining room, making Homsar's walking noise, where Strong Sad is sitting staring at a plate of food with some peas and corn which he has lined up neatly.}

STRONG BAD: What's up, my fellow young parson?

STRONG SAD: Oh, hey, Great Grandma. When did you get here?

STRONG BAD: I'm not Great Grandma. I'm a young person, like you. I eat my yogurt from a tube.

STRONG SAD: {smiling, amused} That's right! You eat everything through a tube! Well, let's get you back to the home.

STRONG BAD: Wait! I'm a hip young person!

STRONG SAD: Yes, I saw your new hip! It looks great!

{Strong Sad leads the protesting Strong Bad out of the room.}

STRONG SAD: {slowly fading away} Why don't you tell me again about the time the Depression fought Abraham Lincoln naked in your front yard?

{The Paper comes down.}

[edit] Easter Eggs

A closely guarded secret
  • When Strong Bad is talking about the sect of closely guarded monks, click on the words "closely guarded monks" to see the The Three Keepers of Trogdor from Peasant's Quest standing around a chest in brown robes atop a mountain with lightning in the sky.
  • Click on "crustly guarded bread" to see a sample of the bread.
  • Click on the diaper to see a plane fly across the top of the screen with "WEAR A DIAPER!" towed behind it.
  • At the end, click on the fork to see Homestar in the eStrong warehouse:
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {echoing voice} I'll take it! I'll take twelve!

[edit] Fun Facts

[edit] Explanations

  • A facelift is a cosmetic surgery procedure where excess skin is removed from the face, to remove wrinkles.
  • "H, s, i, a, o, and sometimes y" refers to the Latin vowels, which are commonly listed as "a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y".
  • "Chai" means "tea" in Hindi, Arabic, Macedonian, Bulgarian, and Russian and "living" in Hebrew. "L'Chaim" is a Hebrew toast meaning "to life." Chai tea is a type of strong black tea from the Middle East, primarily India, that is boiled in milk and water. A blend of spices and a large amount of sweetener (usually honey or plain white sugar) is added. The tea Marzipan drinks is also certified kosher, meaning that it meets Jewish dietary laws.
  • The "nightly nacho cheese mask" appears to be a type of facial. Usually, avocado is used. Avocados are the main ingredient in guacamole, another popular chip dip.
  • Strong Bad not knowing whether to "puke" or "have a seizure" after seeing the Cheat's editing is a reference to motion sickness caused by the rapidly changing viewpoint, or an epileptic seizure caused by the flashing colors.
  • The word "behemoth", as it is used in this email, refers to any very large person, animal or object. It derives from the name of a creature mentioned in the biblical Book of Job.

[edit] Trivia

  • The floppy disk container reads "drakkhen".
  • This is the first time the Strongs' great-grandmother is mentioned.
  • This is the first email explicitly sent from Asia.
  • There was a 43-day delay between this email and what i want, probably caused by the holidays.
  • This is the first email that was put in New Stuff.
    • This is also the oldest cartoon on New Stuff.
  • This was the first Podstar Runner podcast after a nine-month hiatus. The summary reads, "Strong Bad tries to prove to the young people that he can still eat his yogurt through a tube."

[edit] Remarks

  • During The Cheat's remixed version of the intro, clicking on the Lappy's screen will still produce the usual distortion effect.
    • However, on some shots, the distortion effect is dimmer than usual.
    • It doesn't work when there are closeups that point explicitly to Strong Bad's typing.
  • This email contains another example of Strong Sad smiling.
  • Strong Bad's skull is bigger than the normal shape of his mask.
  • Early in the email, Strong Bad's pants are drawn in an old style.
  • The picture of Strong Bad skateboarding and drinking yogurt has him drawn without boxing gloves.

[edit] Goofs

Yes, my mouth does look like a tube.
  • The text on the poster of Strong Bad talking to the "young parson" shows an apostrophe at the end, while the only apostrophe that could have needed a closing apostrophe was the apostrophe in front of "sup".
    • Additionally, the boy's skates have four wheels on one foot and three on the other.
  • When Strong Bad says "18-24 year olds", the side of his mouth floats off of his head.
  • When Strong Sad says, "Oh, hey Great Grandma. When did you get here?" his mouth is not properly synched to the word "here".
  • When Strong Sad is walking "to the home", his closed mouth is visible under his round mouth.

[edit] Glitches

  • When Marzipan closes her eyes, a dot can be seen flashing near them, due to her trying to blink over her closed eyes. (Her usual closed eyes use a bigger area than that used in the email.) The effect can easily be observed if the email is paused while her eyes are closed.
    • This also occurs in the email marzipan.
  • When the "Wear a Diaper" airplane flies by, the video pauses and lags for a split second. This is due to the sound file for the airplane being loaded.

[edit] Inside References

[edit] Real-World References

A pop artist's take on the wrestleman
  • Eating yogurt from a tube is a reference to Go-Gurt, a brand of "portable yogurt", or "Yo on the go".
  • The "lowercase i" theme refers to the naming scheme Apple uses for their products, such as the iPod, iMac, iBook, iPhone, etc.
    • Perhaps fittingly, this email was the first of the 2008 Podstar Runner podcasts for iPods.
  • Extreme Measures is a 1996 thriller starring Gene Hackman.
  • The split-screen shot with Strong Bad in four different color tints refers to Andy Warhol's art.
  • Strong Bad's statement about using "lowercase 'e's back in the late '90s" refers to the common marketing technique in that era to attach "e" as in "electronic" to a product to ride the coattails of the burgeoning e-commerce industry, which took the "e" in its name from electronic mail, email.
    • The "eStrong Vague Online Investments", and the apparent failure of eStrong are references to the dot-com bubble.
    • eStrong Vague Online Investments, especially the logo, is also a reference to eMachines, now owned and produced by Acer.

[edit] Fast Forward

[edit] DVD Version

  • The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch the DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

[edit] Commentary Transcript

(Commentary by: Matt Chapman, Mike Chapman)

MATT: My brother Mike and I finished and uploaded this email from the {somewhat whisperingly} Sundance Film Festival.

MIKE: {somewhat whisperingly} Ohhh, luxury!

MATT: Redford was there...uh...who did we see? Anthony Hopkins was walkin' around, and a—

MIKE: Crispin Glover!

MATT: Oh yeah, he was—

MIKE: He's the person I saw...most—I forget what he was there for.

MATT: He was standin' next to us at that one party. {short pause} Um...we didn't really h—do any nobbing of hobs, though. Uhh...though our friend Sophia that was with us, she liked this email.

MIKE: Yeah?

MATT: Yeah. {Mike snickers} I remember her laughin'. {Mike laughs} She watched it. {short pause} Uh, I made the...there's an Easter egg right there, with the Keepers of Trogdor?

MIKE: Uh-huh?

MATT: Being, like, the keepers of the crustly guarded bread, I think? Or maybe it's from the one—the Coches Mountains, that's what it's from.

MIKE: Uh-huh.

MATT: But I remember making that at like six in the morning.

MIKE: Well, I think you finished it by yourself, because you got there earlier—before I did.

MATT: Oh, that's right! {pause until Bubs leaves the concession stand} Strong Bad has a—

MIKE: {overlapping} Look at those trees!

MATT: Yeah! Those little—

MIKE: —Where are those trees?!

MATT: {laughs} There are some serious continuity errors here, Mike. {the camera pans down the table at the meeting} A gallon of coffee...{laughing} a to-go iced coffee...Marzipan has {with a guttural "ch"} L'Chaim! {Mike laughs} {with a hard "ch"} L'Chaim! Kosher tea. {Mike laughs} Kosher chai.

MIKE: That's pretty good. Mar—the, uh, "Crisps, A-Soy!"?

MATT: Mmhmm?

MIKE: I always thought was good enough to be an actual product name.

MATT: Yeah. Lookit that kid on his rollerblades! That—I bet you could go—if you go look at...some kind of tubed...kids' food...

MIKE: Mmhmm?

MATT: —...at your gro—in your grocer's refrigerated section, there's probably a kid like that. With helmet and pads...

MIKE: Like, in the actual grocery store?

MATT: Yeah! {both laugh} Skating by, having one of those tubes.

MIKE: {during The Cheat's music video} I forgot about this part of this email, though.

MATT: Yeah. Ohhh! {both chuckle} The rewind style, that is...Cribs loves to do that. {Mike laughs} Rewind and fast-forward? Oh, we're goin' upstairs. {makes a fast-forwarding sound effect; Mike laughs} We went upstairs real faaast!

{Mike laughs at Bubs' folder}

MATT: You like "Goo-d Ideas," Mike?

MIKE: {laughs} Goo-d ideas.

MATT: Make ya chuckle?

MIKE: It's pretty toasty in this...in this room.

MATT: Yeah, it's getting a little hot in here. {Mike chuckles} Uh...Homestar just called Homsar "Homestar," Mike. That's not gonna—the people that think Homsar's name is "Homesar?" That's not gonna help them out at all!

MIKE: There's always some—there's been a few...we talked to somebody recently that was seemingly a pretty big fan, and they called...

MATT: Mmhm?

MIKE: Home—uh, Homsar "Homesar."

MATT: Mike, his name is written on his chest.

MIKE: Yeah. Hom. Sar.

MATT: There is not an "e!" {laughs; Marzipan's plan comes up} Oh, yeah. We had to watch a lot of, uh...

MIKE: Landscape Challenge?

MATT: {both laugh} Landscapers' Challenge.

MIKE: I just started TiVo-ing that again, I missed it. It'd been a few years.

MATT: Yeah?

MIKE: Yeah.

MATT: Did they...do they do a lot of water features, still?

MIKE: Still water features, yeah.

MATT: I'm amazed at how...people on those shows will be—they'll be like {in a mock announcer voice} "Their budget for this is $250,000." {Mike laughs} {regular voice} It's like, I could do...so much more fun with $250,000... {Mike laughs; Strong Mad presents his idea} Dupp tape. Look at that Nebulon dipe'! {Mike chuckles} If I could give {chuckles} my daughter Nebulon diapers...it would be the best day. {Mike laughs} Will you make me some custom Nebulon diapers for Christmas?

MIKE: I will! I will. What—do you want them or do you want me to make 'em for Ida?

MATT: I'd like...my own, {Mike laughs} please.

MIKE: You can get those upstairs.

MATT: {referring to the room in Strong Bad's house with the smoke detector} Oh, look at that! Helium! {sings} Welcome to the High-Voiced Crew...

MIKE: Is that the only other occur—oh, I think maybe the Ladies' Choice...Awards?

MATT: {overlapping} Yeah, the Ladie—Ladies' Choice Awards are there...{in reference to Strong Bad's recent lace-lift} That is terrifying.

MIKE: I just had to draw that guy for the cover of this very DVD.

MATT: That is gross. {laughs}

MIKE: {pause; both laugh} Strong Sad was doing?

MATT: I dunno! Alternating peas and corn.

MIKE: Yeah. And staring at it.

MATT: Yeah. I like that this was what—that's what Strong Bad and Strong Sad's great-grandma looks like, {Mike laughs} is that.

{Pause as they watch the email; both laugh as Strong Bad and Strong Sad begin to leave. Matt makes the Homsar/Lace-lifted Strong Bad walking noise. Mike laughs.}

MATT: Makes you do the—whoa, there was some weirdness with Strong Sad's mouth just then. These cartoons are full of terrible things.

[edit] Fun Facts

  • The Sundance Film Festival is an annual independent film festival and competition held in Park City, Salt Lake City, and Ogden, Utah. It is named for the Sundance Resort, owned by Robert Redford, which was itself named for Redford's character in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Portions of the Festival are often held at the resort, which is approximately 30 miles south of Park City.
  • Anthony Hopkins and Crispin Glover are both actors. It is not unlikely that the Brothers Chaps ran into them at Sundance.
  • Matt's mention of "nobbing of hobs" is an alteration of "hobnob," a somewhat uncommon verb meaning to mingle or associate with.
  • Mike's mention of Crisps, A-Soy! refers to a product from an Easter egg in the email do over.
  • Matt mentions Cribs, an MTV show which tours the homes of celebrities.
  • Landscapers' Challenge is a show on HGTV which features landscapers competing to come up with the best design for a yard.
  • Matt's comment that Mike can get Nebulon diapers upstairs is likely referring to the adult diaper store in the strip mall where their office is located, previously mentioned in the Flashforward 2006 appearance.
  • The brothers mention the Living Room of the Brothers Strong and its previous appearances in the emails helium and 2 emails.

[edit] External Links

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