property of ones

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This article is about the Strong Bad Email. For the theorem, see Bogus Mathematical Theorems.
Strong Bad Email #39
watch helium vacation
A needlepoint moral

Strong Bad talks about Cold Ones, with a few tweaks at standard algebra.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad

Places: Computer Room

Computer: Tandy 400

Date: Monday, August 5, 2002

Running Time: 1:19

Page Title: Tandy 400: Still Bloke.

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc One


[edit] Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} Gimme some of this and gimme some of thiiiiis... Gimme some of this. {stops singing}

{Strong Bad pronounces TX as "Tejas"}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Aw, Dan, you dodged a bullet, man. Because lemme tell you... a One that is not cold, is scarcely a One at all. Allow me to demonstrate with one of my bogus mathematical theorems. {stops typing} I call it {resumes typing} "The Property of Ones." {stops typing} It goes like this: {resumes typing} The ONEitude is directly proportional to the Colditude of the ONE. So you got that, Dan? The colder it is, the more of a one it is. Because you don't want to end up with a Cold None. I wouldn't wish that on anybody. But now in foreign lands, they've been known to drink {stops typing} Not So Cold Ones {a bottle of "Not So Cold One" appears}, Room Temperature Ones {a bottle of "Room Temp-A-Ture One" appears}, and even Warm Ones {a bottle of "Wärm Öne" appears}. Whoa! {clears screen, resumes typing} But where I come from, it's CUH-HOLD ONES. Though I have to admit, on certain evenings in late spring, a Cool One can be very refreshing. {stops typing} Ooh... That's a good One.

{A needlepoint picture of three "Cold One" bottles with the caption "A One That Isn't Cold, Is Scarcely A One At All" appears on the screen. The Paper comes down.}

[edit] Fun Facts

[edit] Trivia

  • This is the last email that has no Easter Eggs until email #133, "bottom 10".
  • The bottle of Not So Cold One states that they are served at "90 degrees or higher." This would make them far warmer than Room Temp-a-ture Ones, room temperature being somewhere in the low to mid 70s, but cooler than Warm Ones, which come "straight from the oven."

[edit] Remarks

  • The needlepoint saying is improperly punctuated; it shouldn't have a comma between "cold" and "is."
  • The back button has been written in needlepoint, but it is on the frame of the picture.
  • Ironically, beer loses its flavor at colder temperatures.
  • When Strong Bad types "the less of a one it is", he doesn't capitalize the word "one".

[edit] Inside References

[edit] Real-World References

  • The page title, "Still bloke" may be a reference to the Japanese language pronouncing "l" and "r" the same. When switched, it's "broke", which actually fits contextually.
    • It is possible that this is a double reference, since the "foreign land" where they drink Wärm Önes would be assumed to be England or the British Isles, where a "bloke" is a casual reference to a male, generally equivalent to the vernacular "guy".

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[edit] External Links

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