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Strong Bad Email #205
watch dictionary sbemail 206
"You name it! I'll videographa... fize it!"

Robert McSwain needs a "videographer". Strong Bad is happy to oblige.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, Videlectrix Mascot, Homestar Runner, Grandmaw Auntpaw (Easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, Living Room of The Brothers Strong, The Classroom, Dining Room, The Field, Marzipan's House, Basement of The Brothers Strong, Coach Z's Locker Room, The Garage, Homestar Runner's House

Computer: Compé

Date: Monday, October 5, 2009

Running Time: 3:30

Page Title: Compy Compé


[edit] Transcript

{Strong Bad is at the Compé. The wallpaper is a picture of marshmallows.}

STRONG BAD: Checkin' emails with boxing gloves. The sweet computer science. {double-clicks on the sbemail.exe icon}

{Strong Bad reads "aka" as written, "and take on" as "to take on", and "ITS Department" as "Iiiit's Da Partment!"}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Well McSwobert, that works out perfectly, because "videographer" is just one of my many professions that have quotes around them.

{clears screen}

STRONG BAD: {typing} I'm also a—

{A photo showing Strong Bad in his living room wearing nurse's scrubs and holding a chainsaw appears over the scene. It is labeled:}

STRONG BAD: {voice over, still typing} "heart surgeon",

{The photo disappears and another photo appears. This photo depicts Strong Bad in the classroom wearing a lab coat. He's still holding the chainsaw. It is labeled:}

STRONG BAD: a "licensed technician",

{The photo is replaced with an image of Strong Bad at a dining table. A rusty pan with a single chicken wing sits on the table in front of him. Again, he is holding the chainsaw.}

STRONG BAD: a "poultry farmer",

{The photo is replaced with an image of Strong Bad at The Field. There is a can of lighter fluid and a can of gasoline on the ground nearby. He's holding the chainsaw again, but the chainsaw is now on fire.}

STRONG BAD: and a "fireman".

{The photo disappears.}

STRONG BAD: And you say you're getting married in August? So like, 2 months ago? Also, not a problem. My videograph will have so many fancy wipes, fades, and transitions, your wife will never even know you guys aren't in it! Take a look at my demo reel.

{Cut through static to a miniature screen of Strong Bad in The Field behind a scrolling background with "Demo Reel" written. It disjointedly gets larger until it fills the entire screen}

STRONG BAD: Hello there. I'm famed quotation marked videographer Strong Bad. {The word "Videog-rapher" appears onscreen, taking up two lines} Do you like quick zooms and solarizing effects? What about diamondy transitions, pixelated wipes, or slow fade-outs? {an example of each of these effects is shown as Strong Bad names them} All these effects and more will make your cherished event that happened last month be cherished forever.

{Diamond cut to the locker room}

STRONG BAD: Jimmy's lacrosse debacle never looked so good.

{The screen briefly solarizes. Static cut to Strong Bad's shoes at The Field}

STRONG BAD: {Unintelligible mumbles poorly imitating a cheering crowd} Little Jimmy is playing lacrosse! {More mumbles, the POV briefly switches up to a view of the sun} Oh, he scores the winning... lacrosse point! {A whistle is heard}

{Pixel wipe to three lacrosse sticks being held in the air}

STRONG BAD: Oh, and his dad was totally there and not at Applebee's! {The camera lowers to reveal The Cheat holding the sticks before clock-wiping back to Strong Bad's shoes} {the text "Good Shot, Johnny!" appears on-screen} Good shot, John—Jimmy! {the on-screen caption corrects the name}

{Static cut to the garage. There are four VCRs stacked on the table. Strong Bad is holding a CD with "Seedy Rom" written on it.}

STRONG BAD: Add panache, pizzazz, and pep with a Seedy Rom worth of unanimated clip art and copyright-free classical music.

{Videlectrix Mascot-wipe to a title screen reading "Video Evidence of Homestar & Marzipan's 2nd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, and 10th Anniversary Celebration!!!" Classical music plays}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voice-over} Are you sure this will work, aka Strong Bad?

{Videlectrix Mascot backwards-wipe to Homestar in his living room}

STRONG BAD: {voice-over; whispered} Definitely! Just act like you're celebrating!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {dancing and throwing confetti} Oh, twice! I'm a lavish gift-giver!

{Cut back to Strong Bad in the garage}

STRONG BAD: {As he says each name, a tape reading those words appears from each of the VCRs.} Weddings? Bar-mitzfvfahs? Bar-Fvfights? First steps? Droopy {snickers} drawers? {a photo of Lil' Strong Sad's backside appears.} You name it! I'll videographa... fize it!

{Cut to Strong Bad in a cowboy outfit at a table}

STRONG BAD: {in a faux-cowboy accent} Take family meatloaf night back to the ooold west! {normally} Did somebody say—

{Cut to a meatloaf on the table. The image changes to sepia tone as Strong Bad speaks.}

STRONG BAD:sepia tones? {"Here Comes The Strong Bad" theme music plays, and the text "FAMILY MEATLOAF NIGHT" appears over the image}

{The music cuts out with a record scratch.}

VARIOUS VOICES: {voice-over} Uh, no. I don't... think so. I definitely didn't.

{Cut to Strong Bad in the kitchen, with four toasters bearing the current logo of Video Toaster}

STRONG BAD: And with our new sweet, sweet suite of video toasters, {the four toasters pop out VHS tapes, one per toaster} your precious memories will have titles that defy the very laws of reason.

{Cut to a picture of a decoration. The caption "YOUR WEDDING VIDEO" appears on-screen. The word "Your" twirls around in 3D, while a rocket sound plays.}

VOICES: {voice-over} Oooh!

{Cut to a picture of a rose. The text "The Union of ROBERT McSWAIN: VIDEO MEDIA TECHNOLOGIST and THE LADY HE MARRIED IN AUGUST" appears on-screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voice-over} Hopefully that will be enough to keep your wife from wondering why her video media technologist husband wasn't smart enough to think of putting a video camera on a tripod across the room and press record.

{Cut to the computer room}

STRONG BAD: {typing} But you could probably also get away with just putting—

{Cut to a shelf of VHS tapes. Two are labelled "blank", and a third is labelled "especially blank". Another with a blue label is titled "Problem Child 1-8"}

STRONG BAD: {voice-over} —a label that says "WEDDIN TAPE" on a VHS cassette— {Strong Bad places a piece of masking tape marked "WEDDIN TAPE" over the Problem Child video's label}

{Cut back to the computer room}

STRONG BAD: {typing} —since none-out-of-none couples actually ever watch their wedding video. Unless of course a baby drops an f-bomb, somebody pukes in their toupee, or Grandmaw Auntpaw rolls down the stairs in her wheelchair. In which case you simply post it online and turn it into internet gold! And I can definitely arrange for some of that stuff to happen at your wedding, if you enlist my services as an "event coordinator." {stops typing; the words "event coordinator" shift slightly on each syllable} A-heh heh heh, heh heh heh-HEM.

{The Compé-per comes up}

[edit] Easter Eggs

  • Clicking on "Grandmaw Auntpaw" at the end shows a short clip of Strong Bad showing off his video camera.
    STRONG BAD: My state-of-the-art camera has a state-of-the-art microphone mounted right next to the giant videotape motor. So you're guaranteed to hear mostly that, and not what Grandmaw Auntpaw just said on her hundred-and-ninth birthday.
    {Title card reading "Grandmaw Auntpaw's 100-Somethingth Birthday Stand-around" appears. Cut to a scene showing a wall and the shadow of an old woman sitting in a wheelchair just out of frame. The recorder's motor plays loudly.}
    GRANDMAW AUNTPAW: {barely audible} I never loved any of you.
  • Clicking on "internet gold" at the end brings up a scrap of paper showing the YouTube video ID (_Z-C8NU3SVM) for Coach Z pukes in dude's toupee.

[edit] Fun Facts

[edit] Explanations

  • Lacrosse is a field sport played with a solid rubber ball and long-handled sticks with nets on the end. The object of the game is to score the most goals by shooting the ball into the net, much like hockey.
  • The sport of boxing is sometimes referred to as The Sweet Science.

[edit] Trivia

Strong Bad says - A self-proclaimed Video Media Technologist apparently needs to hire me as 'videographer' to videotape his wedding. If I ignore the inherent creepitude that comes from putting 'videographer' in quotes *shudder*, then I'm still left with the fact that a Video Media Technologist couldn't figure out how to put a tripod in a corner and press REC. That's like King Tut asking you to mummify his cat for him, right? That analogy is solid gold!
  • On July 13, 2010, 281 days (about 9 months) had elapsed since the posting of this email, marking the longest ever hiatus between two Strong Bad Emails. It broke the previous record between the postings of email thunder and hremail 3184. The hiatus was broken on April 1, 2015 when sbemail 206 was released, marking a new record of 2004 days (about five and a half years).
  • In the Grandma Auntpaw Easter egg, Strong Bad's "state of the art" video camera is almost the same camera as Kevin's videro camera in Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon.

[edit] Remarks

  • Clicking on "internet gold" originally linked directly to the YouTube video. This was changed later that day.
  • "None out of none" is a meaningless ratio, since division by zero is undefined.
  • Matt can be heard cracking up when Strong Bad says "droopy drawers".

[edit] Goofs

  • After the camera zooms out in Marzipan's kitchen, the cabinet in the background is gone.
  • The "sbemail.exe" text overlaps the Email window for a single frame.
  • The Back button leads to the TV Time Toons Menu, instead of the Compé Email Menu.

[edit] Inside References

[edit] Real-World References

  • Applebee's is a US chain of family dining restaurants, formerly based in Atlanta.
  • Video Toaster is a hardware and software system for editing and adding effects to videos. A version of the logo appears on Strong Bad's toasters.
  • Problem Child was a series of early 1990s films and an animated series about a bratty child. However, there were only three films in the series.

[edit] External Links

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