Cold One
From Homestar Runner Wiki
- "Beer" redirects here. For other types of beer, see Alcohol#Beer.
Cold One is the most popular brand of beer in Free Country, USA. They are shipped in brown, nondescript bottles. The Cold One motto is "A One that isn't cold, is scarcely a One at all." Despite this, cool, room temp-a-ture, warm, and not-so-cold ones have been introduced. Although there has been some debate as to whether they are actually alcoholic or not, it is shown in Peasant's Quest that the Kerrek rejects Cold Ones because he is a teetotaler. The Strong Bad screensaver displays "Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones", making it clear that a Cold One is a refreshing type of beer. Also, Room Temp-A-Ture Ones are a variant that is "brewed in Foreign Lands".
It is revealed in the email "super powers" that Strong Bad can use the diamond-shaped icon on his head to open a Cold One.
Matt Chapman revealed in The Jeff Rubin Jeff Rubin Show Interview - 7 July 2014 that Nickelodeon and Disney told him that he would have to cease all references to Cold Ones if the series were to be broadcast on their television networks.
[edit] The Property of Ones
- See main article: Bogus Mathematical Theorems
According to Strong Bad, Cold Ones obey the following Property of Ones:
Or in other words:
[edit] Types of Ones
| Type | Picture | About | Appearances |
|---|---|---|---|
| |  | Preferred by Strong Bad. |
|
| | | A nice alternative on spring nights. |
|
| |  | Tempature is 90 degrees or higher, as said on the bottle. Enjoyed by Coach Z and Bubs. | |
| |  | A foreign brand brewed in Foreign Lands. Could possibly be referring to the stereotype that the British prefer drinking their beer at near room temperature. | |
| |  | Foreign brand straight from the oven. | |
| | | Not to be wished on anyone |
|
| | | What the sender of property of ones, Dan Waters, claims to have almost drank. Scarcely a One at all. |
|
| |  | A step up from Cold Ones. | |
| |  | Thrown at a moose lamp. | |
| |  | Enjoyed by Pom Pom, Homestar Runner, and Strong Bad. | |
| |  | From the screensaver. | |
| |  | A light variation of a Cold One. The logo closely resembles the Old Style beer logo (see comparison). | |
| |  | Enjoyed while on a business trip. | |
| |  | A dry variation of a Cold One, official beverage of Taranchula. | |
| |  | A Cold One-style beverage enjoyed by Coach Z and The Cheat. It may be a reference to Canadian beer Molson, while the can resembles Coors Light — a strange coincidence as Molson and Coors announced they were merging in 2004. | |
| |  | "So rich, thick, and dark, you can't believe it's a liquid." Seems to refer to Guinness. | |
| |  | A variation of the Cold One. Enjoyed by Homestar Runner before the Big Game. May be a reference to "Molson Golden". | |
| |  | Enjoyed by Bubs. | |
| |  | One of the flavors of ice cream found on the code wheel for Peasant's Quest. It's claimed to be the favorite flavor of Samuel Adams. | |
| | | Assumed to be the Cold Ones version of hard liquor (Vodka, Bourbon, etc.) An alleged ingredient in Santaman's Chimney. |
|
| | | Apparently responsible for Homestar and Strong Bad's original designs. |
|
| |  | Kerrek Brau — "Non-Cold Onesaholic" and "4.5% taste". Made with 100% real sweat from the Kerrek's brow. |
