Cold One

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{{redirects|Beer}} {{for-nothe|other types of beer|Alcohol#Beer}}
[[Image:sbemail39.PNG|thumb|The Cold One motto]]
[[Image:sbemail39.PNG|thumb|The Cold One motto]]
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'''Cold One''' is the most popular brand of [[Wikipedia:beer|beer]] in [[Free Country, USA]]. They are shipped in brown, nondescript bottles. The Cold One motto is "A One that isn't cold, is scarcely a One at all." Although there has been some debate as to whether they are actually alcoholic or not, it is shown in [[Peasant's Quest]] that the [[Kerrek]] rejects Cold Ones because he is a [[Wikipedia:Teetotalism|teetotaler]]. Also, since the [[Strong Bad]] [[Homestar Runner and Strong Bad Screensaver|screensaver]] displays "Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones", and that Room Temp-A-Ture Ones are "brewed in Foreign Lands", the conclusion must be that a Cold One is a refreshing type of beer. In addition, "Room Temp-A-Ture Ones" could possibly be referring to the misconception that the English prefer drinking their beer at near room temperature.
+
'''Cold One''' is the most popular brand of {{wp|beer}} in [[Free Country, USA]]. They are shipped in brown, nondescript bottles. The Cold One motto is "A One that isn't cold, is scarcely a One at all." Despite this, cool, room temp-a-ture, warm, and not-so-cold ones have been introduced. Although there has been some debate as to whether they are actually [[alcohol]]ic or not, it is shown in [[Peasant's Quest]] that the [[Kerrek]] rejects Cold Ones because he is a {{w|Teetotalism|teetotaler}}. The [[Strong Bad]] [[Homestar Runner and Strong Bad Screensaver|screensaver]] displays "Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones", making it clear that a Cold One is a refreshing type of beer. Also, Room Temp-A-Ture Ones are a variant that is "brewed in Foreign Lands".
It is revealed in the email "[[super powers]]" that Strong Bad can use the diamond-shaped icon on his head to open a Cold One.
It is revealed in the email "[[super powers]]" that Strong Bad can use the diamond-shaped icon on his head to open a Cold One.
 +
 +
[[Matt Chapman]] revealed in [[The Jeff Rubin Jeff Rubin Show Interview - 7 July 2014]] that [[Nickelodeon]] and [[Disney]] told him that he would have to cease all references to Cold Ones if the series were to be broadcast on their television networks.
== The Property of Ones ==
== The Property of Ones ==
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:''Main article: [[Bogus Mathematical Theorems#The Property of Ones|Bogus Mathematical Theorems]]''
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{{seemain|Bogus Mathematical Theorems#The Property of Ones|Bogus Mathematical Theorems}}
According to Strong Bad, Cold Ones obey the following [[Property of Ones]]:
According to Strong Bad, Cold Ones obey the following [[Property of Ones]]:
<center><math>\mbox{The One}^{\mathrm{itude}}\mbox{ is directly proportional to the Cold}^{\mathrm{itude}}\mbox{ of the One.}</math></center>
<center><math>\mbox{The One}^{\mathrm{itude}}\mbox{ is directly proportional to the Cold}^{\mathrm{itude}}\mbox{ of the One.}</math></center>
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|- bgcolor=#eeeeee
|- bgcolor=#eeeeee
! Type !! Picture !! About !! Appearances
! Type !! Picture !! About !! Appearances
-
|-
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|- id="co"
| <center>Cold Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:Cold One.PNG|45px]]</center> || Preferred by [[Strong Bad]]. ||  
| <center>Cold Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:Cold One.PNG|45px]]</center> || Preferred by [[Strong Bad]]. ||  
-
*Seen: [[Where My Hat Is At?]]; [[Theme Song Video]]; [[super powers]]; [[flag day]]; [[Strong Bad's Website]]; [[video games]]; [[Population: Tire]]; [[garage sale]]; [[Senorial Day]]; [[Strong Bad is a Bad Guy]]; [[pop-up]]; [[unnatural]] (Easter Egg)
+
*Seen: [[Where My Hat Is At?]]; [[Theme Song Video]]; [[super powers]]; [[flag day]]; [[Strong Bad's Website]]; [[video games]]; [[Population: Tire]]; [[garage sale]]; [[Senorial Day]]; [[Strong Bad is a Bad Guy]]; [[pop-up]]; [[unnatural]] (Easter egg); {{Decemberweenvent Calendar|19}}
*Mentioned or implied: [[property of ones]]; [[theme party]]; [[suntan]]; [[Peasant's Quest]]; [[for kids]]; [[Commandos in the Classroom]]; [[strongbad_email.exe]]; [[strongbad_email.exe Disc Three]]; [[coloring]]
*Mentioned or implied: [[property of ones]]; [[theme party]]; [[suntan]]; [[Peasant's Quest]]; [[for kids]]; [[Commandos in the Classroom]]; [[strongbad_email.exe]]; [[strongbad_email.exe Disc Three]]; [[coloring]]
-
|-
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|- id="coolones"
| <center>Cool Ones</center> || <center>''not seen''</center> || A nice alternative on spring nights. ||  
| <center>Cool Ones</center> || <center>''not seen''</center> || A nice alternative on spring nights. ||  
*[[property of ones]] (mentioned)
*[[property of ones]] (mentioned)
-
|-
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|- id="notsocoldones"
-
| <center>Not So Cold Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:notsocold.PNG|45px]]</center> || Enjoyed by [[Coach Z]] and [[Bubs]]. ||  
+
| <center>Not So Cold Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:notsocold.PNG|45px]]</center> || Tempature is 90 degrees or higher, as said on the bottle. Enjoyed by [[Coach Z]] and [[Bubs]]. ||  
*[[property of ones]]
*[[property of ones]]
*[[impression]]
*[[impression]]
*[[Happy Fireworks]]
*[[Happy Fireworks]]
-
|-
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*[[pop-up]]
-
| <center>Room Temp-A-Ture Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:roomone.PNG|45px]]</center> || A foreign brand brewed in [[:Category:Foreign Lands|Foreign Lands]]. ||  
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|- id="roomtempones"
 +
| <center>Room Temp-A-Ture Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:roomone.PNG|45px]]</center> || A foreign brand brewed in [[:Category:Foreign Lands|Foreign Lands]]. Could possibly be referring to the stereotype that the British prefer drinking their beer at near room temperature. ||  
*[[property of ones]]
*[[property of ones]]
-
|-
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*[[pop-up]]
-
| <center>W&auml;rm &Ouml;nes</center> || <center>[[Image:warmone.PNG|45px]]</center> || Foreign brand straight from the oven. ||  
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|- id="warmones"
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| <center>Wärm Önes</center> || <center>[[Image:warmone.PNG|45px]]</center> || Foreign brand straight from the oven. ||  
*[[property of ones]]
*[[property of ones]]
-
|-
+
*[[pop-up]]
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|- id="conone"
| <center>Cold None</center> || <center>''not seen''</center> || Not to be wished on anyone ||  
| <center>Cold None</center> || <center>''not seen''</center> || Not to be wished on anyone ||  
*[[property of ones]] (mentioned)
*[[property of ones]] (mentioned)
-
|-
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|- id="onenotcold"
-
| <center>One That Is Not Cold</center> || <center>''not seen''</center> || The sender of [[property of ones]] almost drank this brand. Scarcely a One at all. ||  
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| <center>One That Is Not Cold</center> || <center>''not seen''</center> || What the sender of [[property of ones]], Dan Waters, claims to have almost drank. Scarcely a One at all. ||  
*[[property of ones]] (mentioned)
*[[property of ones]] (mentioned)
-
|-
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|- id="xtracold"
| <center>Xtra Cold Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:Xtra Cold One.PNG|45px]]</center> || A step up from Cold Ones. ||  
| <center>Xtra Cold Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:Xtra Cold One.PNG|45px]]</center> || A step up from Cold Ones. ||  
*[[Cheat Commandos (toon)|Cheat Commandos]]; [[theme park]]
*[[Cheat Commandos (toon)|Cheat Commandos]]; [[theme park]]
-
|-  
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|- id="coice"
| <center>Cold One Ice</center> || <center>[[Image:Cold One Ice.PNG|45px]]</center> || Thrown at a [[Cow Lamp|moose lamp]]. ||  
| <center>Cold One Ice</center> || <center>[[Image:Cold One Ice.PNG|45px]]</center> || Thrown at a [[Cow Lamp|moose lamp]]. ||  
*[[portrait]]
*[[portrait]]
-
|-
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|- id="oldone"
| <center><nowiki>'</nowiki>old One</center> || <center>[[Image:Oldone.PNG|45px]]</center> || Enjoyed by [[Pom Pom]], [[Homestar Runner]], and [[Strong Bad]]. ||  
| <center><nowiki>'</nowiki>old One</center> || <center>[[Image:Oldone.PNG|45px]]</center> || Enjoyed by [[Pom Pom]], [[Homestar Runner]], and [[Strong Bad]]. ||  
*[[Summer Short Shorts]]
*[[Summer Short Shorts]]
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*[[Play Date]]
*[[Play Date]]
*[[hiding]]
*[[hiding]]
-
|-
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|- id="sbpaco"
-
| <center>Strong Beer Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:Cold_One_Premium_Alcoholic_Screen_Saver.png|180px]]</center> || From the [[Homestar Runner and Strong Bad Screensaver|screensaver]]. ||  
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| <center>Strong Beer Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:Cold One Premium Alcoholic Screen Saver.png|180px]]</center> || From the [[Homestar Runner and Strong Bad Screensaver|screensaver]]. ||  
*[[Homestar Runner and Strong Bad Screensaver|Strong Bad Screensaver]]
*[[Homestar Runner and Strong Bad Screensaver|Strong Bad Screensaver]]
-
|-
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|- id="colight"
-
| <center>Cold Ones Light</center> || <center>[[Image:Cold Ones Light.PNG|97px]]</center> || A [[Wikipedia:Light beer|light]] variation of a Cold One. The logo closely resembles the [[Wikipedia:Pabst Brewing Company#Old Style|Old Style]] beer logo ([[:Image:Cold Ones Light Old Style.png|see comparison]]). ||  
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| <center>Cold Ones Light</center> || <center>[[Image:Cold Ones Light.PNG|97px]]</center> || A {{w|Light beer|light}} variation of a Cold One. The logo closely resembles the [[Wikipedia:Pabst Brewing Company#Old Style|Old Style]] beer logo ([[:Image:Cold Ones Light Old Style.png|see comparison]]). ||  
-
*[[Ever and More!]]
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*[[Ever and More]]
 +
*[[Strong Badia the Free]]
 +
*[[Baddest of the Bands]]
*[[Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective]]
*[[Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective]]
-
|-
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|- id="expenseones"
| <center>Expen$e Account Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:Expense Account Ones.png|45px]]</center> || Enjoyed while on a [[business trip]]. ||  
| <center>Expen$e Account Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:Expense Account Ones.png|45px]]</center> || Enjoyed while on a [[business trip]]. ||  
*[[business trip]]
*[[business trip]]
-
|-
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|- id="codry"
-
| <center>Cold Ones Dry</center> || <center>[[Image:coldonesdry.png|180px]]</center> || A [[Wikipedia:Pale lager|dry]] variation of a Cold One, official beverage of [[Taranchula]]. ||  
+
| <center>Cold Ones Dry</center> || <center>[[Image:coldonesdry.png|90px]]</center> || A {{w|Pale lager|dry}} variation of a Cold One, official beverage of [[Taranchula]]. ||  
*[[buried]]
*[[buried]]
*[[Strong Badia the Free]]
*[[Strong Badia the Free]]
*[[Baddest of the Bands]]
*[[Baddest of the Bands]]
*[[Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective]]
*[[Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective]]
-
|-
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|- id="coldsonlite"
-
| <center>Coldson Lite</center> || <center>[[Image:coldsonlite02.PNG]]</center> || A Cold One-style beverage enjoyed by Coach Z and [[The Cheat]]. It may be a reference to [[Wikipedia:Molson|Molson]], a Canadian beer. It looks suspiciously like a can of [[Wikipedia:Coors Light|Coors Light]] &mdash; a strange coincidence as Molson and Coors announced they were merging in 2004. ||  
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| <center>Coldson Lite</center> || <center>[[Image:coldsonlite02.PNG|45px]]</center> || A Cold One-style beverage enjoyed by Coach Z and [[The Cheat]]. It may be a reference to Canadian beer {{wp|Molson}}, while the can resembles {{wp|Coors Light}} {{--}} a strange coincidence as Molson and Coors announced they were merging in 2004. ||  
*[[labor day]]
*[[labor day]]
*[[lunch special]]
*[[lunch special]]
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*[[theme song]]
*[[theme song]]
*[[unnatural]] (Easter egg)
*[[unnatural]] (Easter egg)
-
*[[Ever and More!]]
+
*[[Ever and More]]
-
|-
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*[[hremail 3184]]
-
| <center>Cold Ones Extra Stout Black</center> || <center>[[Image:Nophoto.PNG|180px]]</center> || "So rich, thick, and dark, you can't believe it's a liquid." ||  
+
*[[Trogdor!! The Board Game (video)]]
-
*[[Strong Badia The Free]]
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|- id="coesb"
 +
| <center>Cold Ones Extra Stout Black</center> || <center>[[Image:Cold Ones Extra Stout Black.PNG|67px]]</center> || "So rich, thick, and dark, you can't believe it's a liquid." Seems to refer to {{wp|Guinness}}. ||  
 +
*[[Strong Badia the Free]]
 +
|- id="coldenone"
 +
| <center>Colden Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:ColdenOnes.png|45px]]</center> || A variation of the Cold One. Enjoyed by Homestar Runner before the [[Nondescript Nouns|Big Game]]. May be a reference to "{{wp|Molson}} Golden".||
 +
*[[Where My Hat Is At? (toon)]]
 +
|- id="ponk"
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| <center>PONK!</center> || <center>[[File:Cold Ones Ponk.PNG|45px]]</center> || Enjoyed by Bubs. ||
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*[[hremail 3184]]
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|- id="icecream"
 +
| <center>Hops and Icy Cold One flavored ice cream</center> || <center>[[File:ColdOneIceCream.png|97px]]</center> || One of the flavors of [[ice cream]] found on the code wheel for [[Peasant's Quest]]. It's claimed to be the favorite flavor of {{wp|Samuel Adams}}. ||
 +
*[[8-Bit is Enough]]
 +
|- id="hardone"
 +
| <center>Hard Ones</center> || <center>''not seen''</center> || Assumed to be the Cold Ones version of hard liquor (Vodka, Bourbon, etc.) An alleged ingredient in [[Santaman]]'s Chimney. ||
 +
*[[Dangeresque Puppet Squad: The Hot Jones Hijack]] (mentioned)
 +
|- id="problemone"
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| <center>Problem Ones</center> || <center>''not seen''</center> || Apparently responsible for Homestar and Strong Bad's original designs. ||
 +
*[[@StrongBadActual Tweets 2016#764276734631882752|@StrongBadActual]] (mentioned)
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|- id="noncoldonesaholic"
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| <center>Non-Cold Onesaholic</center> || <center>[[File:Kerrek Brau Cap.png|90px]]</center> || [[Kerrek Brau]] {{--}} "Non-Cold Onesaholic" and "4.5% taste".  Made with 100% real sweat from the Kerrek's brow.  ||
 +
*{{Decemberweenvent Calendar|19}}
|}
|}
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*[[Alcohol]]
*[[Alcohol]]
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{{no-image}}
 
[[Category:Food and drinks]]
[[Category:Food and drinks]]

Current revision as of 01:24, 2 March 2024

"Beer" redirects here. For other types of beer, see Alcohol#Beer.
The Cold One motto

Cold One is the most popular brand of beer in Free Country, USA. They are shipped in brown, nondescript bottles. The Cold One motto is "A One that isn't cold, is scarcely a One at all." Despite this, cool, room temp-a-ture, warm, and not-so-cold ones have been introduced. Although there has been some debate as to whether they are actually alcoholic or not, it is shown in Peasant's Quest that the Kerrek rejects Cold Ones because he is a teetotaler. The Strong Bad screensaver displays "Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones", making it clear that a Cold One is a refreshing type of beer. Also, Room Temp-A-Ture Ones are a variant that is "brewed in Foreign Lands".

It is revealed in the email "super powers" that Strong Bad can use the diamond-shaped icon on his head to open a Cold One.

Matt Chapman revealed in The Jeff Rubin Jeff Rubin Show Interview - 7 July 2014 that Nickelodeon and Disney told him that he would have to cease all references to Cold Ones if the series were to be broadcast on their television networks.

[edit] The Property of Ones

See main article: Bogus Mathematical Theorems

According to Strong Bad, Cold Ones obey the following Property of Ones:

The Oneitude is directly proportional to the Colditude of the One.

Or in other words:

The colder it is, the more of a one it is.

[edit] Types of Ones

Type Picture About Appearances
Cold Ones
Preferred by Strong Bad.
Cool Ones
not seen
 A nice alternative on spring nights.
Not So Cold Ones
Tempature is 90 degrees or higher, as said on the bottle. Enjoyed by Coach Z and Bubs.
Room Temp-A-Ture Ones
A foreign brand brewed in Foreign Lands. Could possibly be referring to the stereotype that the British prefer drinking their beer at near room temperature.
Wärm Önes
Foreign brand straight from the oven.
Cold None
not seen
 Not to be wished on anyone
One That Is Not Cold
not seen
 What the sender of property of ones, Dan Waters, claims to have almost drank. Scarcely a One at all.
Xtra Cold Ones
A step up from Cold Ones.
Cold One Ice
Thrown at a moose lamp.
'old One
Enjoyed by Pom Pom, Homestar Runner, and Strong Bad.
Strong Beer Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones
From the screensaver.
Cold Ones Light
A light variation of a Cold One. The logo closely resembles the Old Style beer logo (see comparison).
Expen$e Account Ones
Enjoyed while on a business trip.
Cold Ones Dry
A dry variation of a Cold One, official beverage of Taranchula.
Coldson Lite
A Cold One-style beverage enjoyed by Coach Z and The Cheat. It may be a reference to Canadian beer Molson, while the can resembles Coors Light — a strange coincidence as Molson and Coors announced they were merging in 2004.
Cold Ones Extra Stout Black
"So rich, thick, and dark, you can't believe it's a liquid." Seems to refer to Guinness.
Colden Ones
A variation of the Cold One. Enjoyed by Homestar Runner before the Big Game. May be a reference to "Molson Golden".
PONK!
Enjoyed by Bubs.
Hops and Icy Cold One flavored ice cream
One of the flavors of ice cream found on the code wheel for Peasant's Quest. It's claimed to be the favorite flavor of Samuel Adams.
Hard Ones
not seen
 Assumed to be the Cold Ones version of hard liquor (Vodka, Bourbon, etc.) An alleged ingredient in Santaman's Chimney.
Problem Ones
not seen
 Apparently responsible for Homestar and Strong Bad's original designs.
Non-Cold Onesaholic
Kerrek Brau — "Non-Cold Onesaholic" and "4.5% taste". Made with 100% real sweat from the Kerrek's brow.

[edit] See Also

Retrieved from "http://hrwiki.org/wiki/Cold_One"
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