Kick-A-Ball

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 11:38, 10 July 2023

"What perfect teams, huh, guys?"

The Even Stevens take on Little Stevie and the Evens in a game of kickball.

Cast (in order of appearance): Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, Pom Pom, Strong Sad, Strong Mad, The Poopsmith, Bubs, Marzipan, Coach Z, The Cheat, The King of Town, The Umpire, The Announcer, Tim Tom, Onion Bubs

Places: The Athletic Field, Outer Space, A Beach

Date: Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Running Time: 5:24

Page Title: A Kick-a-ball jam named Saturdays

Transcript

{A kickball juts forward on a musical sting, while "Kick-a Ball!" appears around it. The ball zooms in and its blue texture forms the background. The letters in "The Captains!" fall into place. A red bar with Homestar's face and a green bar with Strong Bad's face appear above and below that, respectively. That disappears and "The Draft!" falls into place. The ball zooms out quickly and lands between Strong Bad and Homestar, standing near the Umpire and a number of other characters.}

THE UMPIRE: All right, gentlemen, dukes up! It's one-potato-two-potato see who gets first pick!

{Strong Bad leans forward menacingly, holding both arms forward.}

STRONG BAD: {growls}

{Homestar leans forward too.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {as though growling} Hmmmm!

{Crickets chirp for a few moments as nothing happens. The Umpire looks between both characters, particularly where Homestar's hands would be.}

STRONG BAD: Ummmmm...

THE UMPIRE: Ah, right! Sorry! {produces a Trogdor-themed coin} Coin toss to see who gets first pick!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Wait! Why? I love 'tatoes!

THE UMPIRE: Call it in the air!

{Strong Bad tosses the coin.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uh... Sonic. I mean, Tails!

{The coin lands tails-up.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooh! Yes! Pom Pom, you have been and always will be my dog, but today, I gotta play the strategy card. I'm goin' with Pom Pom.

POM POM: {cocks an eyebrow in confusion, then bubbles and bounces toward Homestar.}

STRONG BAD: The Cheat, get your spotted yellow hinder over here!

THE CHEAT: {excited The Cheat noise, walks toward Strong Bad}

STRONG MAD: YOU CUT ME DEEP! {frowns sadly and sobs}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Let's see, let's see. Who's good in the field? Ooh! I'll take Pom Pom! Surprised he hasn't been snatched up yet!

{Pom Pom lowers his eyes, annoyed.}

STRONG BAD: Um, but you just—

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {stepping toward Strong Bad} Ah, ah, ah! Too late! I called 'im! You'll just have to be quicker next time!

STRONG BAD: {rolling his head around} Ooooooooooooooooooooo... kay. I got Bubs!

{Bubs walks toward Strong Bad.}

STRONG MAD: WHAT THE CRAP?!

POM POM: {quiet bubbles, leaning toward Homestar's ears}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {whispering} Yeah, yeah, good call, he's got a great arm. {loudly} We'll take Pom Pom!

STRONG BAD: What a surprise. All right, Graw Mad, get over here.

STRONG MAD: {singing happily} YOU ARE FORGIVEN!

{Pom Pom looks on in exasperation as Homestar considers.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooh, this one's a toughie, but, we gotta go with Pom Pom.

{Pom Pom lowers his head.}

MARZIPAN: This keeps teetering between hilarious and maybe-we-should-put-him-in-a-home.

STRONG SAD: ...And what wouldn't be hilarious about that?

STRONG BAD: Come on, Poopsmith!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {leaning out from behind Pom Pom} Pom Pom! Let's do this!

{The remaining four characters are shown side by side.}

STRONG BAD: Coach Z!

{Coach Z disappears.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'll go with Pom Pom.

STRONG BAD: K.O.T., you're with me.

{The King of Town disappears.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Pom Pooooooom!

STRONG BAD: {quietly, to the side, and disgustedly} Marzipan...

MARZIPAN: I'm sorry, what was that?

STRONG SAD: {smiling} Oh, I think he picked me! {starts to walk forward}

STRONG BAD: No, I didn't. I picked Marzipan.

STRONG SAD: {turns back, in the same cheerful tone as the last line} Cool!

{By this point, Pom Pom is lying on the ground in sheer annoyance.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Pom Pom! Bullpen! {unintelligible muttering}

STRONG SAD: Well, well, well, look who's—

STRONG BAD: Shut up! You play eighth base!

STRONG SAD: Sounds important!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {looking at the now-empty space where the characters were previously standing} Ouch! Pom Pom! Picked last?! It's okay. You can be on our team.

{Cut back to show the eleven characters split among the teams.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What perfect teams, huh, guys? Even Stevens!

{Cut back to the blue texture on the ball. A red bar with Homestar and Pom Pom appears at the top labeled "the even stevens", and a green bar appears at the bottom with everyone else labeled "vs. little stevie & the evens". The Umpire appears in a circle in the corner.}

THE UMPIRE: All right, kickbaaaall!

{Cut to the playing field. Pom Pom is winding up to pitch the ball. He looks toward the ball.}

POM POM: {bubbles}

{He throws the ball. It flies through the air in an extremely improbable whirling motion. Strong Bad, at the plate, attempts to kick it—}

STRONG BAD: Oop... RAAAH!

{—but misses and falls down with a "whiff!"}

THE UMPIRE: Stee-riiiiike!

STRONG BAD: Hey, no fair! He was tellin' the ball what to do! It's probably one of his cousins or something!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Are you talkin' about little Tim Tom? He's way better-looking than that!

{A kickball rolls across the screen to transition to The Cheat at the plate. He attempts to kick the ball, somehow resulting in both him and the ball flying across the field. He lands just next to first base, but then the ball lands on top of him before he can touch it.}

THE UMPIRE: Yer oooooouuuut!

{Coach Z leans in.}

COACH Z: {angrily} I don't know what kinda low-rent, three-bedroom, two-bath, section 8 sport you're playin' here, {suddenly calmly} but I'm playing women's lacrosse. {He holds up a lacrosse stick.}

{Cut back as Coach Z turns to walk away. He's wearing a pink skirt.}

COACH Z: {singing} Ooo-doo-doo-doo-dooooooo...

{Marzipan steps up to the plate.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, well, well! Look who it is!

{Marzipan stamps the ground twice in preparation.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You got nothin', sister! You couldn't kick your way out of lookin' at a thing in a bag! Your momma wears combat boots! {he pitches the ball} Whoop!

MARZIPAN: She does not!

{Marzipan kicks with a thick boot and the ball goes flying. Homestar tries to follow its movement but falls over. The King of Town is now at the plate and the ball rolls up to him. He jumps as the ball goes past.}

THE UMPIRE: {appearing in a bubble next to the King of Town} Stee-rike three, yer out!

THE KING OF TOWN: {sadly} Guess I'll go on back to the dugout.

STRONG BAD: Uh, that's not what happens when you strike out in kickball.

{The King of Town is then seen being loaded into a catapult.}

THE KING OF TOWN: I never got my sunflower {he's fired from the catapult} seeeeeeeeeeeeds!

{The scoreboard behind him flashes "yer out!" Strong Mad is seen kicking the ball, and it flies over Pom Pom's head, travels around the world, flies over the head of a Pom with identical coloring to the kickball, continues its path, and strikes Strong Mad in the back of the head.}

THE UMPIRE: {again appearing in a bubble} Yer oooooouuuuut!

STRONG MAD: {sadly} Awwwwww...

{Following this is a montage where Bubs catches the ball, Homestar kicks the ball, The Poopsmith throws the ball at Pom Pom, and Strong Sad (standing next to a white 8-shaped "base" on the ground) pats his belly, all four making kickball sounds in time with the music. Cut to The Announcer in a booth nearby.}

THE ANNOUNCER: It all comes down to this! Two outs! Bottom of the ninth! Down by two!

{Cut to a shot of the scoreboard for a moment showing this. "Home" or "HS" has 127 runs, and "Visitor" or "SB" has 125.}

THE ANNOUNCER: Strong Bad has a chance to win it, right here, right now! It doesn't get more exciting than this!

{Cut to Onion Bubs sitting next to the BooOOM Box.}

THE ANNOUNCER: {through the radio} I have no idea who I'm broadcasting to!

{Cut to Homestar, holding the ball. The Cheat can be seen on base behind him.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Two outs, bottom of the ninth, down by two. Strong Bad has a chance to win it, right here, right now. It doesn't g—

STRONG BAD: {yelling} JUST PITCH THE FREAKIN' BALL!!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Comin' up!

{He throws the ball. It rolls toward Strong Bad—}

STRONG BAD: Hyaaaah!

{—and he kicks it! It flies high and far. Strong Mad can be seen on third base, as well as The Cheat on second. Cut to Strong Sad, still standing by "eighth base".}

STRONG SAD: That's four different types of grass I've identified now!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, Strong Sad! Why don't you recite your favorite Cartier Baudelaire couplet?

STRONG SAD: Oh, you mean... {He holds out his arms and closes his eyes as he recites.} The beige malaise can last for—

{The kickball lands in Strong Sad's arms. He grabs it, surprised.}

STRONG SAD: Oooh!

{Strong Bad is about to cross home plate, but...}

THE UMPIRE: Yer ooooouuuut! That's the ball game!

STRONG BAD: What the crap?! B-but he's on my team!

{Homestar walks up.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Au the contrary, Strong Bad. If you'll watch the official tape of the draft, you'll see that Strong Sad is on my team!

{Cut to the "REPLAYTRON", replaying the scene where Pom Pom was lying on the ground.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Pom Pom! Bullpen! {unintelligible}

{The scene rewinds.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Pom Pom! Bullpen! {The tape slows down immensely. In a low, slow voice, out of the corner of his mouth:} And Strong Sad!

STRONG BAD: Aw, but that's cheating! You cheated! {smiles} For once, you cheated, and I win!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: On the contraire, Strong Bad. If you'll review the official rule book,

{He produces said book and looks into it. The page reads:

Official Kick-a Ball Rules

Rule 1. Same rules as
kickball, except with
"-a" added.
AND double side-mouth whisper
drafts are totally legal!
signed, the commish
(not strong bad)
Rule 2. Striking out results
in vehement catapultery.

{The parts in blue are in Strong Bad's handwriting, and a small picture of a fire-breathing Strong Bad is drawn in the same color next to this.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You'll see that double side-mouth whisper drafts have been quite legal since 1989!

STRONG BAD: Aw, the ding and the dang! {He turns around to look at The Cheat, standing behind him.} The Cheat! I told you to check our Cheaters' Almanac to make sure we didn't step on any of our own Cheat-toes!

THE CHEAT: {affirmative The Cheat noises, holds up a bag of "CHEAT-TOES".}

THE UMPIRE: All right, everybody! Line up!

{Homestar, Pom Pom, and Strong Sad stand still, with Homestar inexplicably sad, while Strong Bad, Coach Z, The Cheat, Bubs, Strong Mad, and Marzipan all walk past sadly in turn. Strong Bad's team takes a single step forward one at a time as each visible character says the following simultaneously on each step:}

HOMESTAR RUNNER and STRONG SAD: Good game... (etc.)
POM POM: {bubbling noises}
STRONG BAD, COACH Z, BUBS, STRONG MAD, and MARZIPAN: Yeah, right... (etc.)
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

{As they continue forward, The King of Town flies by in the background.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Yeah, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!!!

{Cut to a final screen reading "end." The circles inside the E and D, and the period, are all kickballs; "back" is written in the corner.}

Easter Eggs

• At the end, click on the period after "end" (a kickball) to see a scene in the announcer's booth.

THE UMPIRE: Honest to God, Mookie Blaylock gave this kickball my aunt, 1984.

THE ANNOUNCER: I simply cannot express how impressive that kickball is!

Fun Facts

Explanations

• "Your Mother wears Military/Combat Boots" is an insult calling the target's mother a prostitute.
• When arguing with the umpire, Coach Z refers to "low rent, three bedroom, two bath, Section 8" sport.
  • Section 8 is a federal voucher-subsidized housing program in the United States. Rental housing occupied by Section 8 participants is indeed generally low rent.
  • It might also refer to a Section 8 military discharge, intended for those mentally unfit for military service, though it has historically been used to bar LGBTQ+ individuals and cross-dressers from service. Accordingly, in the TV series M*A*S*H, Corporal Klinger tried to obtain one of these by wearing women's clothing, as Coach Z does here.
• One potato, two potato is a kind of counting-out game.

Trivia

• This is the first appearance of the Umpire since Where My Hat Is At?, and his first animated appearance. He was previously scheduled to appear in a 2006 Strong Bad Email (according to the DVD commentary), but the Brothers Chaps forgot.
• The theme song for this toon is a remixed version of the theme used in Weclome Back.
• This is the first appearance of Coach Z's new angry eyes.

Remarks

Aerial Homestar

• Although the Umpire told everyone to line up, The Poopsmith was absent in the final scene.
• Even if Homestar did not repetitively pick Pom Pom, he and Strong Bad would be unable to have equal teams because there are nine (i.e. an odd number) players to choose from.
• Homestar blinks at an excessive and erratic rate after lecturing Strong Bad to be quicker when selecting his players.
• Homestar's mouth does not move to "good game" when he is silhouetted.
• Strong Bad's team is at bat in the bottom of the ninth, even though the scoreboard shows them as the visiting team.
• An aerial view of Homestar can be briefly seen as Strong Bad flips the coin, before the view is obscured by it. Homestar, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and The Cheat are also seen from above before Strong Bad's kick.
• During The Cheat's at bat, Homestar appears to be playing both catcher (when The Cheat "kicks") and one of the basemen (when he lands). This could be another example of twin characters.
• When Strong Bad is at the plate the first time, he stands on the wrong side of the plate. He attempts to kick the ball with the foot that is farther from the plate.
• When slowed down, Homestar sounds like he's saying "wait", not "and Strong Sad".
• Homestar, Pom Pom, and Strong Sad also worked as a team in the toon In Search of the Yello Dello.

Inside References

• Trogdor's face (without his consummate V teeth) and tail can be seen on the coin.
• In the Easter egg, the Umpire's conversation with the Announcer about Mookie Blaylock and the kickball closely resembles the Grape Fairie's conversation with the Announcer about Mookie Wilson and the Golbol, seen in Strongest Man in the World.
• Homestar taunts Marzipan, declaring she couldn't kick her way out of Lookin at a Thing in a Bag.
• All three of The Brothers Strong smile in this toon - Strong Mad when Strong Bad picks him for the latter's team, Strong Bad when he learns that Homestar (almost) cheated and lost, and Strong Sad throughout.
• Homestar calls Pom Pom his dog.
• The ball has the exact same design as the one in Theme Song Video, which was also used to play kickball with.
• Coach Z cross-dresses when he claims to be playing women's lacrosse.
  • It may also be an instance of gender confusion.
• The Umpire's cancellation of One Potato Two Potato is a reference to Homestar's lack of visible arms.
  • Marzipan apparently lacks visible legs as well.
• Strong Bad refers to Strong Mad as Graw Mad, as he has in many other toons.
• Homestar, Marzipan, and Strong Mad kick left-footed.
• Cricket noises can be heard while Strong Bad and Homestar are trying to play One Potato, Two Potato.
• Both the years 1984 and 1989 are mentioned in this toon.
• According to the rules, striking out results in vehement catapultery.
• Strong Bad edits the rulebook to make side-mouth whisper drafts legal.

Real-World References

• The page title is a reference to the De La Soul song "A Roller Skating Jam Named 'Saturdays'".
• During the coin toss, Homestar calls out "Sonic! I mean, Tails!" This is in reference to the Sega character Sonic the Hedgehog, and his sidekick "Tails".
• Homestar asks Strong Sad to recite a couplet from French poet Charles Baudelaire.
• The bag of "Cheat-Toes" that The Cheat pulls out is a reference to Cheetos.
  • The bag itself is done in the style of Andy Capp's Fries.
• The Umpire mentions basketball player Mookie Blaylock.
• When Strong Mad yells "YOU ARE FORGIVEN," it is in reference to The Who's "A Quick One While He's Away" of 1966, being a refrain sung in similar rapturous tones towards the end of that song. This song was also referenced in vacation.
• Homestar's statement that Pom Pom "[has been], and will always be, [his] dog" is possibly a reference to the film Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, in which Spock tells Kirk, "I have been, and always shall be, your friend."

External Links

• watch "Kick-A-Ball"
• watch "Kick-A-Ball" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "Kick-A-Ball"
• forum thread re: "Kick-A-Ball"