Homestar Runner Distraction Pack

Welcome Island

Prior to August 13, 2026, there were 13 different loudspeaker announcements from the characters.

• COACH Z: Attention! Do not attempt to shower in any of those waterfalls around here! Turns out they're public facing and everyone can see your tuckus! Don't ask me how I know this. Also, unrelated, but if anyone could post bail for me that'd be stellar!
• STRONG SAD: Attention, golfers, if you're the driver of that pirate ship, you're {unintelligible} parked behind that sea plane! There's a bunch of tiny coconuts screaming at me over here! Move your boat!
• STRONG BAD: Attention, golfers. Any genetic mutations you may experience as a result of drinking the water found in our courses are strictly... awesome, and cool. Take gross pictures of 'em and send them to me!
• HOMESTAR RUNNER: Attention, kiddos! It's me, Golfo Boo-Ding, the official mascot of Walkin' Around Mini-Golf! For today only, I'm hidin' in the sand traps, where I'll eviscerate your missed putts with my razor-sharp teeth and a bloody shower of family fun. See if you can find me!

Faces

The following faces can be used for player avatars:

• Strong Sad
• Trogdor
• The Cheat
• Bubs
• Strong Bad
• Homestar Runner

Intro

This can also be accessed through the basement posters as "Tourist Crap".

Scene 1

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey Strong Bad! We got zapped into a virtualated reality.

STRONG BAD: Aw man, mini-golf!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Check out this first hole. It's the size of an ocean! {putts into the ocean} Ptoo! Hole in one!

STRONG BAD: Homestar...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ptooie! Hole in one again!

STRONG BAD: I think you're aimin' the wrong way.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ptwah-ha-ha! Hole in one.

STRONG BAD: I finally get teleported into VR and it's a freakin' mini-golf game?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, I thought you'd like it. You're always talkin' about wantin' to play pirate games.

STRONG BAD: I said I want to play pirated games.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, I don't know who Pirate Ted is, but maybe he's somewhere on this island. You should have a look around.

STRONG BAD: {groans}

{A pop-up pops up, reading "Explore the course to find the rest of the Homestar Runner crew!"}

Scene 2

STRONG SAD: Strong Bad, get outta there. I was tryin' to commune with the dead!

STRONG BAD: No way, Strong Sad. I know how skeletons work in video games. This guy's gonna come to life and fight me. Come on! Come to life! Undead evil!

STRONG SAD: This isn't that kind of game. That's just a 400-year-old half-buried pirate.

STRONG BAD: I'd like to half-bury this mini-golf game under 400... of my butts.

STRONG SAD: Real good one.

Scene 3

STRONG BAD: Yes, The Cheat! I knew I could count on you! Let's fire up that pirate ordinance!

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: What do you mean they won't budge?

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Ah, then what good are ya? Might as well ask Pirate Ted for help.

THE CHEAT: {insulted The Cheat noises}

Scene 4

STRONG BAD: Bubs! My favorite shopkeep. Now this game's getting interesting. Let me get one of each of these swords, some doubloons, one of them potions...

BUBS: Sorry, Strong Bad. None of that stuff's for sale. It's all non-interactible. I do have this sword, though! {holds up a balloon animal}

STRONG BAD: That's not a sword! Just some kinda... flop... dog. {the balloon pops} Ahh!

Scene 5

STRONG BAD: Hey, King of Town! Is that full of pirate Cold Ones? Let me get a swig of that grog nog!

THE KING OF TOWN: I already drank all that. It was full of delicious particle effects! {burps, creating particles}

STRONG BAD: {frustrated groan}

Scene 6

STRONG BAD: Coach Z, what are you doing in this dank cave?

COACH Z: It's the closest climate I could find to a locker room! And I been bustin' some dope beats on this pirate barrel! {raps to a beat} Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of whaaat? My name's Coach Z and I'm rockin' the spot!

STRONG BAD: Uh, no, you're not.

COACH Z: No, I'm not?

STRONG BAD: No, you're not!

COACH Z: I believe you.

Scene 7

STRONG BAD: Hey, Pom Pom, you're a ball, right?

POM POM: {bubbles}

STRONG BAD: Maybe I could putt you and get a hole-in-one every time!

POM POM: {bubbles}

STRONG BAD: Easy now... feather touch... tink! {hits Pom Pom, sending him hurtling into the distance} Aah! Sorry, Pom Pom!

Scene 8

STRONG BAD: Whoa, Marzipan! Are you customizing your own pirate firearms? I want one with tiger stripes!

MARZIPAN: No, Strong Bad, this is safety orange. I'm making sure everyone knows these are useless!

STRONG BAD: So that's how it's gonna be, eh, mini-golf game? Gonna dangle a bunch of flintlock pistols in front of me, and not even let me lock one measly flint?

MARZIPAN: I do have this pistol! {holds up a balloon animal}

STRONG BAD: {frustrated stammering} Balloooon!

Scene 9

STRONG BAD: Strong Mad, did you rip this entire ship in half?

STRONG MAD: PHONE BOOKS GOT TOO EASY!

STRONG BAD: Well, at least someone's havin' fun on this golf-forsaken island.

Scene 10

STRONG BAD: Look at that treasure chest! Hey, Poopsmith, dig me up some pirate booty!

THE POOPSMITH: {lifts shovel with a splat sound}

STRONG BAD: Oh. Right. Booty. I s'pose you think you're very clever.

Scene 11

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {head poking out of a cannon} Hey, Strong Bad, over here!

STRONG BAD: Whoa-ho! What chapter of Homestar's Smartest Hits have I turned to now?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I was lookin' for a lost ball and I got stuck in this cannon! You gotta help me get out!

STRONG BAD: Oh-ho, I will help you get out all right.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks, SB. You're a real pal.

STRONG BAD: Avast! Fire the cannons off the portboard stow!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Wait, what?

STRONG BAD: {hits the cannon with his putter, cannon starts to tip over} Oh, come on! Nothin'?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {slipping out of the cannon} Uh, Strong Bad?

STRONG BAD: Why would you put all this cool pirate stuff around and not let me use it?!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I think, uh, something's happening.

STRONG BAD: VR stands for virtual reality...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Little help?

STRONG BAD: ...Not very reluctant! And then in parentheses, to let you use all the cool stuff that's lyin' around.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {falls out of the cannon and bounces into the water} Waaah!

STRONG BAD: Whoa-ho-ho! That was pretty awesome. I should probably go down there and make sure he drowned... I mean, make sure he didn't drown.

Scene 12

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {in the ocean, with a crab on his head} Ouch! Oh! Cut it out! That hurts.

STRONG BAD: Ha ha! You know what, maybe I can mold this lame VR game into something deserving of my style.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I love mold!

STRONG BAD: Shut up. Time to deploy my patented Strong Bad move where I take something that sucks and make it cool! T.S.T.S.A.M.I.C.!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooh, Strong Bad's pulling a {pronounced phonetically} TSTSAMIC!

STRONG BAD: Let's go see what other kind of damage I can do. Hup! {flies off} Wheee!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: OW! Cut it out, crabbo!

{A pop-up pops up, reading "You've unlocked StrongBad's basement. Go there now?" with the options "Heck yeah!" and "Naw, I'm fine here."}

Basement

STRONG BAD: All right, I think I've hacked enough of this mini-golf game to make it fairly tolerable! And check out this VR recreation of my awesome basement! I wasn't quite able to nail that musty carpet/pet deodorizer smell, but I came pretty close.

The basement contains posters leading to the five main activities. The door leads to the main menu. There's a rave switch that plays The System is Down. The boombox can play Trogdor, Song About Sibbie, Because, It's Midnite, and snippets of the radio shows from radio. There's an arcade machine with an endless runner version of Stinkoman 20X6, with Chorches, Browntants, Denholms, and spikes as hazards and Power Crunches as collectibles.

The TV displays the Videlectrix logo and "LOADING FOREV...", followed by a blue screen with the error text:

cd-rom read error
(blowing in it won't help)
/init good.gfx
fail!
run subroutine /init decent.gfx
fail!
sub runroutine /init bad.gfx
just a moment...
just a moment...
THIS IS AS GOOD AS A CD-ROM GAME:
{animated ASCII art of someone sailing a boat}

There are Teen Girl Squad panels on the table, the first of which being the title card.

{In the second panel:}

CHEERLEADER: This just in, my lessers: Group of Soccer Boys invited us to Mount Puttsmore tonight!!

{In the third panel:}

SO AND SO: I can brush up on my short game!

WHAT'S HER FACE: I can hide in the arcade the whole time!

THE UGLY ONE: I can ogle that gorilla statue on hole 14!!

{In the fourth panel, the girls are "PAR 5'd!!" by the Arrow'd Guy shooting a windmill out of his mouth.}

WHAT'S HER FACE: These discount amusements have discount ends!!

Emails

The laptop displays random emails.

Dear Strong Bad,
How do you putt with boxing
gloves on?
- Rob Duri
Hortense, UT

Dear Homestar Runner,
I love you so much more than
Strong Bad. Let's date one time!
-GRifty from Mass

Hi Strong Bad,
Don't delete this email! Don't
you dare! Don't you dare delete
this email! Or else!
Mother of Edgar

Strongo Baddo,
What would your own evil lair be
like? Moat of gators or moat of
fire?
Your partner in crap,
Manzo
Rutgers

Dear StongBag,
Do you still play with action
figures? I do! I do the voices
and everything!
Crap-related sign-off,
Brently

Dear Strong Bad,
What's up with the no-shirt? Put
on some clothes already!
Coverup Carson
Crumite, NM

Say Strong Bow,
Me and my friend think you're
cute! Is that weird? Grandma
says it's weird.
Your admirers,
Enamored and Clamored

Uh Strong Bad,
I think your email is broken.
It's not funny anymore.
Crapfully mine,
Kevex99

StroBro,
How did you first meet The King
of Town? He's my fave!
-Temp Worker

Dear Strong Bad,
Act NOW to protect your credit!
Online scams are the future of
pharmaceuticals!
Legitimate Corpo

yo, SB!
you say crap too much! my mom
won't let me use the internet
anymore!
-dial-up dan in des moines

Crap Bad,
Say your catch phrase or I won't
buy your candy bars no more!
-Marianne

Greg,
I've thought a lot about what
you said and I want to give the
aardvark back to the savings &
loan.
Please don't hate me,
Wendy Almondine

dear strong bad,
how do you text with moxing
gloves on?
-Loobie
Northeim, DM

oh man stong bad!
I love your email show! Check my
email next and make it the
funniest!
Carol with a Z

Dearest Strong Bad,
What would happen if you hit
Homestar Runner in the face with
three darts?
Carl Reggie
Longtime Timer

DearStrongBad,
Ithinkusingthespacebarisoverrateddontyou?
Idontlikeapostropheseither.
BrianBuildingUtahNebraska

They can be deleted, causing one of the following clips to play:

• STRONG BAD: DELETED!
• HOMESTAR RUNNER: DISCREETED!
• STRONG BAD: Yes, deleted.
• STRONG BAD: D'LEETED!
• STRONG BAD: Oh... deleted...
• HOMESTAR RUNNER: RANCH DIP.
• HOMESTAR RUNNER: {screen reads "Computer Over Virus = Very Yes} This does not look good for Homestar Runner.
• HOMESTAR RUNNER: A SHEEP HEAD?
• STRONG BAD: DE-FREAKIN' LETED!

Cheat Commandos Talk-Em-Up Action Playsets

The poster above reads "Pair up the right characters with the right playsets and they won't shut up right before your eyes!"

Silent Rip and Firebert

SILENT RIP: Silent Rip reporting for duty! I'm a master of stealth, and recog...nizance.

Gunhaver and Reynold in Reynold's Apartment

GUNHAVER: Reynold, can you make yourself scarce for a while? Darla and/or Starla's coming over tonight.

REYNOLD: She calls me Dorkems.

Fightgar and Crackotage in Reynold's Apartment

FIGHTGAR: Why are we guardin' Reynold's refridgerator again?

CRACKOTAGE: It's full of our snack treats safe and sound! So by Blue Laser they will... not be found!

Silent Rip and Reynold in Reynold's Apartment

SILENT RIP: Do you have any snacks?

REYNOLD: There's not a body in the fridge!

FIGHTGAR: {muffled shouting}

SILENT RIP: Uh, maybe we just order a pizza?

Firebert and Crackotage in Nana's Backyard

FIREBERT: {The Cheat noises}

FIGHTGAR: Yeah, I'm not buyin' all this hype about Wagyu beef neither.

FIREBERT: {The Cheat noises}

FIGHTGAR: It's nothin' but ground roadkill burgers for me!

FIREBERT: {The Cheat noises}

Reynold and Blue Trooper in Nana's Backyard

REYNOLD: No one understands me... No one understands me...

BLUE LASER MINION: No one understands me...

REYNOLD and BLUE LASER MINION: But yooou!

Crackotage and Blue Trooper in Nana's Backyard

CRACKOTAGE: Hands up, Blue Laser, you're through! 'Cause you didn't invite me to your barbecue!

BLUE LASER MINION: I didn't wanna have to buy more ribs. Those things are expensive, man.

Crackotage and Silent Rip in the Action Figure Storage Vehicle

CRACKOTAGE: Watch out! There's an explosion sound effect in the road!

{Explosion sound effect}

SILENT RIP: Oh no!

Blue Laser and Blue Trooper in the Action Figure Storage Vehicle

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: We've stolen the Action Figure Storage Vehicle!

BLUE LASER MINION: What's the plan now, sir?

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: The garage door opener's in the glove compartment. We'll waltz right into their headquarters!

BLUE LASER MINION: And then we blow them all up?

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: No! Then we raid their superior snack treats!

BLUE LASER MINION: Sounds like a plan, sir. I'm not sure how many more juice boxes of Blue Las-berry Blast I can stomach.

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: That stuff wrecks my blood sugar numbers!

Gunhaver and Fightgar in Cheat Commandos HQ

GUNHAVER: Cheat Commandos, rock, rock on!

FIGHTGAR: Uh, it's just me.

GUNHAVER: Well... start rock, rocking on, soldier!

FIGHTGAR: {hesitantly hums a military-sounding tune}

GUNHAVER: Yeah! Yeah! Get it!

Gunhaver and Blue Laser in Cheat Commandos HQ

GUNHAVER: Blue Laser? How did you get in here?

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: Never mind that, Gunhaver! Hand over all the chewy Cheat Commandonuts!

GUNHAVER: The snack treats are held in an undisclosed secure location! You broke into the wrong playset!

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: Aw, man!

Blue Laser and Blue Trooper in Blue Laser HQ

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: I hate botanical gardens!

Darts

The dartboard is a drawing on the wall that alternates between images of Homestar Runner, the King of Town, and Marzipan when hit three times in a row. When the dartboard is hit, Strong Bad says one of the following phrases:

• Shut up.
• I hate you.
• I don't like you!
• You get a dart!
• Got 'er!
• Don't talk to me!
• Pa-tow!
• Got 'im!
• Oh man, I hate this guy!
• Hit ya, Homestar.
• Knock that stupid crown off your head.
• Aim for the mustache!
• Take that, KOT.
• Ugly wiffleball bat head.
• Eat a dart.
• Nailed it.

Activities

Bubs' Discount Many Golfs

An 18-hole course. It lacks a hard variant, unlike the game's main courses.

The holes are:

1. The Stick
2. Wagon Fulla Pancakes
3. Weird Shrub
4. Death Hole
5. Marzipan's Gazebo
6. Brick Wall
7. Athletic Field
8. Eh!th Steve!
9. The Stone Bridge
10. Curved slope
11. River ramp
12. The King of Town's Grill
13. Inside the King of Town's Castle
14. Whatsit pile
15. Castle roof
16. Spooky Woods
17. The Gremlin
18. Strong Badia

Each hole has a lost ball hidden nearby.

1. Basement of the Brothers Strong wall pattern
2. Homestar Runner logo
3. Marshie's face
4. Homestar Runner's star
5. Strong Sad's face
6. Bubs's face
7. The Cheat's spots
8. Strong Bad's face
9. Pom Pom's stripe
10. Marzipan's skirt pattern
11. Senor Cardgage's face
12. Onion Bubs's face
13. Eh! Steve!
14. The King of Town's face
15. Coach Z's medallion
16. Strong Badia flag
17. Duckie Shirt duck
18. Limozeen logo

Intro

STRONG BAD: Bubs? What have you done to the place?

BUBS: It's a hastily thrown-together cash grab! I mean, mini-golf course!

STRONG BAD: Look what you've done to mighty Strong Badia! Eh— wait. How much cash grab?

BUBS: I'm charging five dollars a putt!

STRONG BAD: Oh, in that case, carry on. I want my royalties delivered quarterly, and in the form of astronaut ice cream!

BUBS: Arooo got it!

Other Dialogue

Double bogey:

• STRONG BAD: Oof! The double boge.

Bogey:

• STRONG BAD: Oh, yeah. That's a putt. Definitely a putt.
• STRONG BAD: A bogey? On that hole?
• STRONG BAD: Donk.
• STRONG BAD: One over par. More like, run over by a car.

Par:

• STRONG BAD: Putt-ding!
• STRONG BAD: Par for the course.
• STRONG BAD: Ka-par!
• STRONG BAD: Average!
• STRONG BAD: Just... par. That's it.
• STRONG BAD: You done golfed.
• STRONG BAD: Putt-make!
• STRONG BAD: OHH— you got par.

Birdie:

• STRONG BAD: Birdie...
• STRONG BAD: {singing} You got birdie... but you prob'ly coulda done better...
• STRONG BAD: Dooj!
• STRONG BAD: Bir-dye!
• STRONG BAD: {singing} Birdie time, yeah yeah, doo-doot doo.

Eagle:

• STRONG BAD: Holy crap!

Hole in one:

• STRONG BAD: That was amazing! I'm buying you a pizza.

Standing near the Weird Shrub produces the following lines from Senor Cardgage:

• Fourteen putts. Is that how many you take?
• Hello-quialism... Ferdinand.
• I fabricated myself indoors.
• You earned my sacred fambly prestice.
• They won't {unintelligible} mouth no more.

Hitting the Drive-Thru Whale produces the following lines:

• Keep it on the up-down, please.
• Relenquish your pipes, please, fellas.
• Offer not malleable in all 50 steaks.
• 9.17, sever your leg please, sir.
• Would you like to try a combo meal?
• Register does not contain more than fifty doctors.
• You're living a lie. Would you like cash back?
• Cave your brown.
• Steve drive around to the seventh window.
• Sever your leg please, it's the greatest day.
• Remember to tape it to your forehead.

Dangeresque: Foxhunt

Description: Solve the mystery.

Instructions: Look through your magnifying glass to investigate the clue.

DANGERESQUE: Name's Dangeresque. I'm the baddest, meanest, and cleanest private eye/crooked cop in all of Brainblow City. My partner Renaldo works part-time for subway security. I'm on my way to meet him there now. {disappears}

{The instructions change to "Dangeresque is supposed to meet his partner Renaldo at Subway Security. Aw man, NOT the sandwich one."}

{After interacting with Renaldo's Fez:}

DANGERESQUE: This is Renaldo's fez! And it's covered in blood... Oh, wait. This is just ketchup. I wonder where he got all this ketchup... {disappears}

{The instructions change to "Renaldo's not dead! Cool deal! He was just headed somewhere ketchup-centric..."}

{After interacting with ketchup bottle:}

DANGERESQUE: Renaldo was here! I'd recognize these ketchup footprints anywhere. But they disappear into that puddle. If I can upgrade the lens on my magnifying glass, maybe I can still track him! That crazy inventor Professor Experimento could probably help! I heard his secret lab's in a camera shop...

{The instructions change to "Experimento's secret lab! Dangeresque heard it's in a camera shop.

{After interacting with the "Not A SECRET LAB!" sign:}

DANGERESQUE: Professor Experimento, I need your help!

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: Renaldo's disappeared. You got any, like, radioactive trace ketchup element... detectors?

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: Oh, you have exactly that! Cool. How does it work?

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: I just aim this where the trail went cold and the invisible footprints will show up?

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: Thanks, Profy!

{The instructions change to "Go back to that fire hydrant puddle to find and follow Renaldo's footprints!"}

{After interacting with sewer grate:}

DANGERESQUE: The tracks disappear at this sewer grate, but Renaldo would only go into the seedy underbelly of Brainblow City if he was being chased! {stiltedly} This must lead to another sewer grate... somewhere.

{The instructions change to "Use the tracker to find another sewer grate where Renaldo may have emerged."}

{After interacting revealing a message on the wall:}

DANGERESQUE: Whoa. Renaldo must've had to do some fancy footwoik to spell out this message. "Dangeresque, they're watching us!" It obviously means I have to disable any and all security cameras in the city with this laser pointer! That's a logical conclusion to reach, right?

{The instructions change to "Take out all the security cameras in Brainblow City. Just aim the laser pointer at the lens and it'll fry em' up good!"}

{After the last camera is disabled:}

DANGERESQUE: That's the last camera. Now it's safe for Renaldo to try and reach out to me! {ringtone plays} Oh, look at that! {picks up phone} Dangeresque, how may I direct your call?

RENALDO: Dangeresque! It's me, Renaldo! I need your heeerlp!

DANGERESQUE: Sweet 'Naldo! Where have they taken you? {Renaldo hangs up} I think I heard pigeons in the background. And... record scratches?

{The instructions change to "Find where Renaldo made that phone call. Somewhere with pigeons and vinyl! Oh and phones. Also prolly look for phones."}

{After interacting with the note:}

DANGERESQUE: It's a note from Renaldo!

RENALDO: Dangeresque! I don't have much time! I can't call ya again but I might be able to sneak ya's an email! Your pal, Renaldo.

DANGERESQUE: Email? How am I supposed to checka my checka my email?

{The instructions change to "Find a lappy where Dangeresque can checka his email."}

{After interacting with the laptop:}

DANGERESQUE: Here's a lappy! I was able to hack into the frameframe and checka my email. Dear Strong Bad— I mean, Dangeresque. If you ever want to see Renaldo alive again, bring all the cash and meet beneath the beef of the burninator. Yours truly, some bad guys. Oh no! Where am I gonna find all the cash?

{The instructions change to "Find some source of funds so Dangeresque can get ALL THE CASH."}

{After interacting with the ATM:}

DANGERESQUE: Beep-boop-boop-boop-boop. Insufficient funds?! I got most of the cash, but I'm a little short! Maybe I could steal some tips from one of those struggling street musicians. Scruples!

{The instructions change to "Steal from a struggling musician to find a few more dollar bills for Dangeresque."}

{After interacting with the money near the drumkit:}

DANGERESQUE: Dangeresque Too? What are you doing here?

DANGERESQUE TOO: I'm working undercover, trying to infiltrate the underground... music scene.

DANGERESQUE: Is that why you're literally underground?

DANGERESQUE TOO: Yeah, that's... what that means, right? Underground music?

DANGERESQUE: Uh, sure. I'm gonna take all this money just to be safe.

DANGERESQUE TOO: Good idea. Underground bands never make any money.

DANGERESQUE: I got the cash! Now to meet beneath the beef of the burninator! Did they mean Trogdor's beefy arm?

{The instructions change to "Meet the bad guys "beneath the beef of the burninator". Maybe they meant Trogdor's beefy arm?"}

{After interacting with Renaldo's medallion:}

DANGERESQUE: Renaldo's medallion! But where is he? {gunshots are fired} Whoa! Whah! It was all a setup! I'm pinned down! Somebody's gotta take out that sniper! Take the shot, take the shot!

{The instructions change to "Return fire!"}

{After shooting the Perducci cutout:}

DANGERESQUE: Phew! That was close. I need to go up there and find out who that shooter was.

{The instructions change to "Go up to the water tower and find out who that shooter was. Duh."}

{After interacting with the Perducci cutout:}

DANGERESQUE: Perducci! I shoulda had known. What did you do to Renaldo?! Where he is?!

PERDUCCI: {coughs} You'll find him... big... red... G. Ho, I'm dying...

DANGERESQUE: Big Reggie? Is that the criminal mastermind behind this whole thing?

PERDUCCI: No, you dummy, I said big red G. Oh, I'm dead.

{The instructions change to "Find Big Reggie- I mean a Big Red G- and you'll find Renaldo!"}

{After interacting with Renaldo's fez:}

DANGERESQUE: Renaldo! You're okay!

RENALDO: Sure thing, Big D. Thanks for bringing me the cash.

DANGERESQUE: You?!

RENALDO: Yeah, I just needed a couple o' two or three bucks to buy a croissaaernt!

DANGERESQUE: Are you tellin' me I got mustered, flustered, puzzled, befuddled, hoisted, foisted, and fetch-quested all for nothin'?!

RENALDO: No way! You can have half! {pronounces the L}

DANGERESQUE: You're all right, Renaldo. You're all right.

{Freeze frame as Today is Alright 4 2Nite plays.}

{The instructions change to "Congratulations! You helped Dangeresque solve the Renaldo Gambado! He gave you his Nunchuk Gun Putter as a reward but kept the croissant for himself."}

Duck Pond Simulator

Description: Single player only. Complete wave 5 to unlock the Homestar Runner putter.

Instructions: Pull trigger and throw bread to feed ducks.

When starting the game, Strong Bad says one of the following lines:

• Mini-golf isn't calming. But feeding the most advanced, photorealistic ducks sure is!
• They filled this course with duck ponds, and didn't give you any ducks to feed. But I fixed it!

During the game, he can say:

• Bread.
• {soothing voice} That's a pond full of sated ducks right there.
• It's full of too many pixels!
• Come and get it.
• No, don't eat that one!
• Ducksplode!
• Uh oh. Duckdooj!
• Basketball reference!
• It's gonna blow!
• Aah! That was kind of awesome!
• No, don't you eat it!
• Dooj!
• {soothing voice} That's how a body... feeds all the ducks.
• Oh, there's two of them!
• {soothing voice} All ducks fed good.
• {soothing voice} I gave a little bread, to a little duck.
• {sultry voice} Ah... I feel at one... with my butt.
• Nothin' but duck.
• {soothing voice} Ooh! Looks like I... fed all the ducks.
• Have a bread cube.
• And a foul.
• {soothing voice} Every duck has his dinner, that's right.
• Swish.
• Sunk it.
• A hoopla!
• {soothing voice} I fed all of my duckies.
• Oh, even more ducks.
• Four of them? Gettin' a little hectic.
• Dwayne.
• Direct hit!
• Come here, duckie.
• {soothing voice} All ducks eatin' good.
• Eat the block!
• Wa-pow! Got 'em!
• Right down the gullet.
• Feedems.
• Breadshot.
• Ra-ha-ha! I love it!
• Get that pixel!

StrongBadZone VR

Description: Single player only. Complete wave 6 to unlock the Homestar Runner hole celebration.

Instructions: Hold trigger and drag to aim your projectile. Release trigger to unleash your fury!

Square projectiles are fastest and must be hit once, maces must be hit twice, boxing gloves must be hit 3 times.

When starting the game, Strong Bad says one of the following lines:

• This is what I'm talkin' about. I don't wanna hit balls into holes, I wanna shoot 'em at my pointy face!
• What in this life isn't made better by a giant vector version of my face?

During the game, Vector Strong Bad says:

• I gonna splo you up
• Ladies luva my face
• Ex Germinate!
• Eat vector death
• Back off baby
• You are not my doge
• No way gimme your money
• Get offa my zone
• I Strong Bad, I hunger
• All heads must asplode!
• Wave complete.
• Next wave.

Trogdor!! Burnination Valley

Description: Single player only. Complete wave 5 to unlock the Trogdor putter.

Instructions: Hold trigger to burninate the village.

During the game:

• STRONG BAD: What a quaint thatched-roof cottage, burn it.
• STRONG BAD: Why, that thatched-roof cottage is scarcely on fire! Trogdor, can you help?
• STRONG BAD: In his natural environment, the wingaling dragon sneaks up on its prey, a thatched-roof cottage, and burns the crap out of it.
• STRONG BAD: Uh oh. Troggy's runnin' outta juice. Better back up off that trigger button.
• STRONG BAD: Watch out for that knight!
• STRONG BAD: Watch out, that knight's gonna step to you!
• STRONG BAD: Oh, now there's four cottages to burninate.
• STRONG BAD: Oh, looks like a knight swarm. Pick them off, Troggy!
• KNIGHT: Charge! It's the last stand of Peasantry!
• STRONG BAD: Yes, nice work! {singing} Burninated all the people. In the low-poly thatched-roof COTTAGEEES!

See Also

• Homestar Runner Distraction Pack for Walkabout Mini-Golf Teaser
• Homestar Runner Distraction Pack Launch Trailer
• Strong Bad Plays Walkabout Mini Golf's Homestar Runner Distraction Pack!
• The Brothers Chaps join us for Homestar Runner

External Links

• Walkabout Mini Golf: Homestar Runner Distraction Pack on Steam
• Release notes on the Mighty Coconut website