Coffee Town with Homestar + Mike
From Homestar Runner Wiki
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For the thumbnails this stream is based on, see Fake YouTube End Screens.
Homestar Runner and Mike Chapman sit down to produce the 86th episode of Coffee Town live on Instagram.
Cast (in order of appearance): Puppet Homestar, Mike Chapman
Date: Thursday, August 24, 2017
Running Time: 5:30
Contents |
[edit] Transcript
{Opens with Puppet Homestar in front of a corner table on which are coffee making supplies. On the walls are framed shirts from the Store. A sign in the lower right reads 'COFFEE TOWN WITH HOMESTAR + MIKE'.}
MIKE CHAPMAN: {from out of frame} We're live.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Live what?
{Mike walks into frame from behind the camera and sits down next to Puppet Homestar.}
MIKE: Live... video. Live phone.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh!
MIKE: We're on live phone right now.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: What is this?
MIKE: Some kind—
HOMESTAR RUNNER: What are we doin'?
MIKE: We're doin' Coffee Town with {looks at sign} Homestar and Mike.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh.
MIKE: I couldn't tell which one of us went first.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I thought that was fake.
MIKE: Nope, it's real. This is episode number 86, I believe?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: What?! We done 85 more of these?
MIKE: Yeah.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's a lotta coffee, Mike.
MIKE: Yeah. So we're gonna be makin' some coffee here, Homestar. {opens bag}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh okay. What type? How many origins does this coffee have?
MIKE: Single. One.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Single origin.
MIKE: Yep.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Those are—
MIKE: Some blue coffee.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm sick of watchin' origin stories.
MIKE: Dark chocolate—
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I want you to get into like episode five of this coffee. You know what I'm sayin'?
MIKE: Yeah.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Where it's fighting the lesser—
MIKE: Sniff?
{Mike holds a spoonful up to Homestar's mouth. Homestar sniffs.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooooh.
MIKE: You sniffed with your mouth.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {laughs} I did. It's my olfactory organ, Mike.
MIKE: Your—
HOMESTAR RUNNER: It's all I got.
MIKE: Your ol' factory?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: It— It's the new factory.
MIKE: Okay.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: What a, what—
MIKE: Get a couple scoops of this.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Wait, but what notes? We gotta talk about the notes!
MIKE: {grabs water pitcher} Smoky notes.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Smoky notes, okay. {about pitcher} What's that thing?
MIKE: Uh, intense notes.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: What are you puttin' in there now?
MIKE: And full— This is called 'water'.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ohhhh.
MIKE: Wanna take a— take a whiff of this with your mouth?
{Mike holds the pitcher up to Homestar's mouth. Homestar sniffs.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, I got notes of—
MIKE: Get some—
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hydrogens.
MIKE: Mmm hmm.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Um, slight oxygens, um—
MIKE: Do you wanna stir it?
{Mike holds the stirrer up to Homestar's mouth. Homestar grabs the stirrer with his mouth. After a beat, he drops the stirrer on Mike's chair.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Pah! I say.
{Mike grabs it and starts stirring the coffee.}
MIKE: Hey you know what—
HOMESTAR RUNNER: That would be a disaster, Mike. Don't— don't ask me to help any more.
MIKE: I'm gonna do a timer for two minutes. {hits buttons on microwave}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay. Two minute timer. Single origin.
MIKE: Yep. {pours water in press}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Blue bag.
MIKE: Smoky.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Smoky.
MIKE: And while we wait, we're gonna wait two minutes for this to brew or steep. I guess it brews, right? {glances down, presumably at Matt}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah don't—
MIKE: I don't know why I looked down there. There's nothing down there for me to— {laughs}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {laughs} Yeah stop lookin' down there, Mike!
MIKE: Hey! {gets up}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: What's wrong with you?
MIKE: I got a treat for you, though.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: What is it?
MIKE: You know how, uh—
HOMESTAR RUNNER: More of a treat than—
MIKE: {sits down holding a tin} You know how I always like to bring something to eat while we make our coffee. Like, it's part of our, part of our little—
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ritual?
MIKE: Livecast, yeah.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Our made up ritual?
{Mike holds up a Pirouline. Homestar gasps.}
MIKE: Pirouline!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {very excited} A Pirouline!
MIKE: Yeah.
{Mike moves the Pirouline to Homestar's mouth. Homestar chomps on it and pieces fall everywhere.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: You know I love 'em!
{Mike laughs and eats a big piece.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Pah! Pah! They're so good I'm gonna spit 'em out!
MIKE: Mmm hmm.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {calmer} Lemme get another one of them Piroulines!
{Mike puts a big piece in Homestar's mouth so that it somewhat resembles a cigar.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {gruff voice} I feel like a gangster, Mike.
MIKE: {laughs}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I feel like a gangster with a cigar {pronounced CEE-gar}.
MIKE: {adjusts Pirouline} Bit more, there you go.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah. There's no room for this town in you and me any— {Pirouline falls out} Awww.
MIKE: {overlapping} 'See'. {catches Pirouline} You gotta say 'see' at the end of your sentence.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: See?
MIKE: There you go.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: There's no room for this town any more, you and me.
MIKE: {takes a bite} Lemme, lemme clean your mouth.
{Homestar opens up and says 'ah'. Mike brushes off Homestar's felt-mouth while Homestar coughs.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: You're gaggin' me! Stop!
MIKE: Alright, got it.
{Homestar sighs. Mike eats the last bit of Pirouline and points at something on the microwave.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Pretty good.
MIKE: Look, the timer went away, it says 1:40— Hmm. Alright.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ummm, my internal timer says it's almost time.
MIKE: Alright. Let's stir it. {starts stirring}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Stir. Rinse. Repeat. Replete.
MIKE: Filter. {puts filter on press}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Is this coffee replete with flavor, Mike?
MIKE: Yes.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Would you say? Hey, get that elbow back up there.
MIKE: Hmm?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Get that elbow back up there!
{Mike inverts the coffee press and exaggeratedly raises his left elbow to press down.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: No, the other one!
MIKE: {raises right elbow} This one?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah.
MIKE: Why?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Get, get it up.
{This time, Mike exaggeratedly raises his right elbow to press down. Homestar starts to bite Mike's elbow. Mike laughs.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: How's that?
MIKE: That's pretty good.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I kinda wanted to chomp on that elbow.
MIKE: Good lookin' elbow.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: So what are you doing now?
MIKE: Now we're, um, vacuum sealing the coffee.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay. That sounds great!
MIKE: Yeah.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {sniffs} Can I make the sound effects?
MIKE: We're doin'—
{Homestar sniffs and the microwave timer beeps.}
MIKE: Oh, there was the—
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Awww! We did it too early!
MIKE: That's okay!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: It's gonna be disgusting!
MIKE: It took me a second to get the timer on, so I think it was probably exact.
{Homestar hums majestically while Mike removes the press to reveal their cup of coffee.}
MIKE: Look at that. Look at that.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Go. Take a sniff.
{Mike holds the cup up to Homestar's mouth. Homestar takes a sniff.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ahh. That—
MIKE: One for my partner?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: No, I can't!
MIKE: {turns handle toward Homestar} This is yours.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Not right now! I'm on a— I already had two cups today!
MIKE: {laughs} Yeah?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah. I'm gonna quit this round.
{Mike takes the first sip.}
MIKE: Mmm. It's good.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Gimme the notes!
MIKE: It's good coffee. {reaches for Piroulines} Uh, smoky.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Are you just makin' that up?
MIKE: Half-bodied.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: You keep sayin' 'smoky'.
MIKE: {takes a Pirouline out of the tin} I don't know anything about these notes, Homestar.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Then use some—
MIKE: Thankfully it tastes like coffee.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Use Mike words.
MIKE: It tastes like good coffee.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay.
MIKE: It's dark.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Dark. What else does Mike say?
MIKE: It's pretty hot.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Dark hot.
MIKE: Yeah.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay.
MIKE: If we weren't live I would have let this sit a second, it's kinda burning my mouth.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {laughs} That's great! Hey, this is probably a great test.
MIKE: {dunks Pirouline in the coffee} You gonna give a little dunk? A little—
HOMESTAR RUNNER: A great screen test.
MIKE: The old soft Pirouline.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay.
MIKE: Gonna pull a soft Pirouline right here.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {laughs} Don't do it!
{Mike takes a bite of the soft Pirouline.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's a figure skating maneuver!
MIKE: Mmm hmm. Mmm hmm.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I think {laughs} Nadia Comăneci used to do a Soft Pirouline.
{Mike takes another bite.}
MIKE: Alright, well good job on number eighty— what'd I say, 85 or 86?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: You said 86, I think.
MIKE: 86. 86 is in the books.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah.
{Mike holds up his hand for a high five. Homestar high fives with his mouth.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Pah!
MIKE: Good job.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, get outta here!
{Mike stands up and walks out of frame behind the phone's camera.}
MIKE: Why don't you, um—
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, make your brother some coffee some time, why don'tcha.
{Mike laughs. Homestar sinks out of frame while humming.}
MIKE: How do I stop it? We're still live.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {very quickly reappears} I don't know! Oh no! I'm gonna eat the sign!
{Homestar begins biting the 'Coffee Town with Homestar and Mike' sign.}
MIKE: There's a couple— it looks like there are four people, maybe? End. There's the 'End' button.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Do it!
{Homestar stops biting the sign and sinks out of frame again.}
MIKE: End live video.
{Homestar very quickly and very briefly reappears.}
[edit] Fun Facts
[edit] Inside References
- Coffee Town with Homestar + Mike first appeared as a recurring fake YouTube "related video" thumbnail.
- From left to right, the framed shirts are the Scalding Lake shirt, the Duck Shirt, the Strong Sad shirt, the Cool Tapes shirt, and the "Support the Municipality!" shirt, all previously available from the Yahoo and Shopify stores.
[edit] Real World References
- Pirouline is a brand of rolled sweet wafer biscuit/cookie, sold by the DeBeukelaer Corporation in the United States.
- Nadia Comăneci is a Romanian gymnast and an Olympic gold medalist.
- Homestar and Mike appear to be making Counter Culture brand coffee.
