Cold One
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Bleu Ninja (Talk | contribs) (Adjust structuring to include Fun Facts, and adding a couple while I'm here.) |
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| + | {{redirects|Beer}} {{for-nothe|other types of beer|Alcohol#Beer}} | ||
[[Image:sbemail39.PNG|thumb|The Cold One motto]] | [[Image:sbemail39.PNG|thumb|The Cold One motto]] | ||
| - | '''Cold One''' is the most popular brand of | + | '''Cold One''' is the most popular brand of {{w|beer}} in [[Free Country, USA]]. They are shipped in brown bottles, with the most common variety using a yellow label; the beer is also available in kegs. The Cold One motto is "A One that isn't cold, is scarcely a One at all." Despite this, cool, room temp-a-ture, warm, and not-so-cold ones have been introduced. |
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==Types of Ones== | ==Types of Ones== | ||
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|- id="co" | |- id="co" | ||
| <center>Cold Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:Cold One.PNG|45px]]</center> || Preferred by [[Strong Bad]]. || | | <center>Cold Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:Cold One.PNG|45px]]</center> || Preferred by [[Strong Bad]]. || | ||
| - | *Seen: [[Where My Hat Is At?]]; [[Theme Song Video]]; [[super powers]]; [[flag day]]; [[Strong Bad's Website]]; [[video games]]; [[Population: Tire]]; [[garage sale]]; [[Senorial Day]]; [[Strong Bad is a Bad Guy]]; [[pop-up]]; [[unnatural]] (Easter egg) | + | *Seen: [[Where My Hat Is At?]]; [[Theme Song Video]]; [[super powers]]; [[flag day]]; [[Strong Bad's Website]]; [[video games]]; [[Population: Tire]]; [[garage sale]]; [[Senorial Day]]; [[Strong Bad is a Bad Guy]]; [[pop-up]]; [[unnatural]] (Easter egg); {{Decemberweenvent Calendar|19}} |
*Mentioned or implied: [[property of ones]]; [[theme party]]; [[suntan]]; [[Peasant's Quest]]; [[for kids]]; [[Commandos in the Classroom]]; [[strongbad_email.exe]]; [[strongbad_email.exe Disc Three]]; [[coloring]] | *Mentioned or implied: [[property of ones]]; [[theme party]]; [[suntan]]; [[Peasant's Quest]]; [[for kids]]; [[Commandos in the Classroom]]; [[strongbad_email.exe]]; [[strongbad_email.exe Disc Three]]; [[coloring]] | ||
|- id="coolones" | |- id="coolones" | ||
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*[[impression]] | *[[impression]] | ||
*[[Happy Fireworks]] | *[[Happy Fireworks]] | ||
| + | *[[pop-up]] | ||
|- id="roomtempones" | |- id="roomtempones" | ||
| <center>Room Temp-A-Ture Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:roomone.PNG|45px]]</center> || A foreign brand brewed in [[:Category:Foreign Lands|Foreign Lands]]. Could possibly be referring to the stereotype that the British prefer drinking their beer at near room temperature. || | | <center>Room Temp-A-Ture Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:roomone.PNG|45px]]</center> || A foreign brand brewed in [[:Category:Foreign Lands|Foreign Lands]]. Could possibly be referring to the stereotype that the British prefer drinking their beer at near room temperature. || | ||
*[[property of ones]] | *[[property of ones]] | ||
| + | *[[pop-up]] | ||
|- id="warmones" | |- id="warmones" | ||
| <center>Wärm Önes</center> || <center>[[Image:warmone.PNG|45px]]</center> || Foreign brand straight from the oven. || | | <center>Wärm Önes</center> || <center>[[Image:warmone.PNG|45px]]</center> || Foreign brand straight from the oven. || | ||
*[[property of ones]] | *[[property of ones]] | ||
| + | *[[pop-up]] | ||
|- id="conone" | |- id="conone" | ||
| <center>Cold None</center> || <center>''not seen''</center> || Not to be wished on anyone || | | <center>Cold None</center> || <center>''not seen''</center> || Not to be wished on anyone || | ||
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*[[Homestar Runner and Strong Bad Screensaver|Strong Bad Screensaver]] | *[[Homestar Runner and Strong Bad Screensaver|Strong Bad Screensaver]] | ||
|- id="colight" | |- id="colight" | ||
| - | | <center>Cold Ones Light</center> || <center>[[Image:Cold Ones Light.PNG|97px]]</center> || A | + | | <center>Cold Ones Light</center> || <center>[[Image:Cold Ones Light.PNG|97px]]</center> || A {{w|Light beer|light}} variation of a Cold One. || |
| - | *[[Ever and More | + | *[[Ever and More]] |
*[[Strong Badia the Free]] | *[[Strong Badia the Free]] | ||
*[[Baddest of the Bands]] | *[[Baddest of the Bands]] | ||
| Line 66: | Line 59: | ||
*[[business trip]] | *[[business trip]] | ||
|- id="codry" | |- id="codry" | ||
| - | | <center>Cold Ones Dry</center> || <center>[[Image:coldonesdry.png| | + | | <center>Cold Ones Dry</center> || <center>[[Image:coldonesdry.png|90px]]</center> || A {{w|Pale lager|dry}} variation of a Cold One, official beverage of [[Taranchula]]. || |
*[[buried]] | *[[buried]] | ||
*[[Strong Badia the Free]] | *[[Strong Badia the Free]] | ||
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*[[Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective]] | *[[Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective]] | ||
|- id="coldsonlite" | |- id="coldsonlite" | ||
| - | | <center>Coldson Lite</center> || <center>[[Image:coldsonlite02.PNG|45px]]</center> || A Cold One-style beverage enjoyed by Coach Z and [[The Cheat]]. It may be a reference to | + | | <center>Coldson Lite</center> || <center>[[Image:coldsonlite02.PNG|45px]]</center> || A Cold One-style beverage enjoyed by Coach Z and [[The Cheat]]. It may be a reference to Canadian beer {{wp|Molson}}, while the can resembles {{wp|Coors Light}} {{--}} a strange coincidence as Molson and Coors announced they were merging in 2004. || |
*[[labor day]] | *[[labor day]] | ||
*[[lunch special]] | *[[lunch special]] | ||
| Line 79: | Line 72: | ||
*[[theme song]] | *[[theme song]] | ||
*[[unnatural]] (Easter egg) | *[[unnatural]] (Easter egg) | ||
| - | *[[Ever and More | + | *[[Ever and More]] |
| - | *[[ | + | *[[hremail 3184]] |
*[[Trogdor!! The Board Game (video)]] | *[[Trogdor!! The Board Game (video)]] | ||
|- id="coesb" | |- id="coesb" | ||
| - | | <center>Cold Ones Extra Stout Black</center> || <center>[[Image:Cold Ones Extra Stout Black.PNG| | + | | <center>Cold Ones Extra Stout Black</center> || <center>[[Image:Cold Ones Extra Stout Black.PNG|67px]]</center> || "So rich, thick, and dark, you can't believe it's a liquid." Seems to refer to {{wp|Guinness}}. || |
| - | *[[Strong Badia | + | *[[Strong Badia the Free]] |
|- id="coldenone" | |- id="coldenone" | ||
| - | | <center>Colden Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:ColdenOnes.png|45px]]</center> || A variation of the Cold One. Enjoyed by Homestar Runner before the [[Nondescript Nouns|Big Game]]. May be a reference to " | + | | <center>Colden Ones</center> || <center>[[Image:ColdenOnes.png|45px]]</center> || A variation of the Cold One. Enjoyed by Homestar Runner before the [[Nondescript Nouns|Big Game]]. May be a reference to "{{wp|Molson}} Golden".|| |
*[[Where My Hat Is At? (toon)]] | *[[Where My Hat Is At? (toon)]] | ||
|- id="ponk" | |- id="ponk" | ||
| - | | <center>PONK!</center> || <center>[[File:Cold Ones Ponk.PNG]]</center> || Enjoyed by Bubs. || | + | | <center>PONK!</center> || <center>[[File:Cold Ones Ponk.PNG|45px]]</center> || Enjoyed by Bubs. || |
| - | *[[ | + | *[[hremail 3184]] |
|- id="icecream" | |- id="icecream" | ||
| - | | <center>Hops and Icy Cold One flavored | + | | <center>Hops and Icy Cold One flavored ice cream</center> || <center>[[File:ColdOneIceCream.png|97px]]</center> || One of the flavors of [[ice cream]] found on the code wheel for [[Peasant's Quest]]. It's claimed to be the favorite flavor of {{wp|Samuel Adams}}. || |
| - | *[[8-Bit | + | *[[8-Bit is Enough]] |
|- id="hardone" | |- id="hardone" | ||
| - | | <center>Hard Ones</center> || <center>''not seen''</center> || Assumed to be the Cold Ones version of hard liquor (Vodka, Bourbon, | + | | <center>Hard Ones</center> || <center>''not seen''</center> || Assumed to be the Cold Ones version of hard liquor (Vodka, Bourbon, etc.) An alleged ingredient in [[Santaman]]'s Chimney. || |
| - | *[[ | + | *[[Dangeresque Puppet Squad: The Hot Jones Hijack]] (mentioned) |
|- id="problemone" | |- id="problemone" | ||
| <center>Problem Ones</center> || <center>''not seen''</center> || Apparently responsible for Homestar and Strong Bad's original designs. || | | <center>Problem Ones</center> || <center>''not seen''</center> || Apparently responsible for Homestar and Strong Bad's original designs. || | ||
*[[@StrongBadActual Tweets 2016#764276734631882752|@StrongBadActual]] (mentioned) | *[[@StrongBadActual Tweets 2016#764276734631882752|@StrongBadActual]] (mentioned) | ||
| + | |- id="noncoldonesaholic" | ||
| + | | <center>Non-Cold Onesaholic</center> || <center>[[File:Kerrek Brau Cap.png|90px]]</center> || [[Kerrek Brau]] {{--}} "Non-Cold Onesaholic" and "4.5% taste". Made with 100% real sweat from the Kerrek's brow. || | ||
| + | *{{Decemberweenvent Calendar|19}} | ||
|} | |} | ||
| + | |||
| + | == The Property of Ones == | ||
| + | {{seemain|Bogus Mathematical Theorems#The Property of Ones|Bogus Mathematical Theorems}} | ||
| + | According to Strong Bad, Cold Ones obey the following [[Property of Ones]]: | ||
| + | <center><math>\mbox{The One}^{\mathrm{itude}}\mbox{ is directly proportional to the Cold}^{\mathrm{itude}}\mbox{ of the One.}</math></center> | ||
| + | Or in other words: | ||
| + | <center><math>\mbox{ The colder it is, the more of a one it is.}</math></center> | ||
| + | |||
| + | == Fun Facts == | ||
| + | [[Image:Cold Ones Light Old Style.png|thumb|Old [[Style]] Cold Ones]] | ||
| + | * Though rarely explicitly referred to as [[alcohol]]ic, Cold Ones are indeed meant to depict beer {{--}} | ||
| + | **The [[Homestar Runner and Strong Bad Screensaver|Strong Bad screensaver]] depicts a "Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones" sign. | ||
| + | **In ''[[Peasant's Quest]]'', the [[Kerrek]] rejects Cold Ones because he is a {{w|Teetotalism|teetotaler}}. | ||
| + | **Room Temp-A-Ture Ones are a variant that is "brewed in [[Foreign Lands]]". | ||
| + | * The [[Strong Bad Email]] [[super powers]] revealed that [[Strong Bad]] can use the blue diamond icon on his head to open a Cold One. | ||
| + | * The "Cold Ones Light" logo closely resembles the [[Wikipedia:Pabst Brewing Company#Old Style|Old Style]] beer logo. | ||
| + | *{{w|Spoetzl Brewery|Shiner Bock}} bottles are used to represent Cold Ones in the live-action [[Strong Sad Paunchbaby]] commercial, likely due to their similar goldenrod-colored labels. | ||
| + | * In [[The Jeff Rubin Jeff Rubin Show Interview - 7 July 2014|a 2014 interview]], [[Matt Chapman]] discussed a time around [[2000]] when [[The Brothers Chaps]] pitched ''[[Homestar Runner (body of work)|Homestar Runner]]'' as a television show to networks including [[Nickelodeon]] and [[Disney]] {{--}} in these meetings, they were told that they could not include references to Cold Ones if the series were to be produced for their networks. This, among a few other concerns about creative control, led to the brothers deciding to continue self-publishing [[homestarrunner.com|online]] instead; [[Run Devil Run Interview|by 2003]], they no longer had any interest in producing a ''Homestar Runner'' TV show. | ||
== See Also == | == See Also == | ||
Current revision as of 04:51, 11 November 2025
- "Beer" redirects here. For other types of beer, see Alcohol#Beer.
Cold One is the most popular brand of beer in Free Country, USA. They are shipped in brown bottles, with the most common variety using a yellow label; the beer is also available in kegs. The Cold One motto is "A One that isn't cold, is scarcely a One at all." Despite this, cool, room temp-a-ture, warm, and not-so-cold ones have been introduced.
Contents |
[edit] Types of Ones
| Type | Picture | About | Appearances |
|---|---|---|---|
| |  | Preferred by Strong Bad. |
|
| | | A nice alternative on spring nights. |
|
| |  | Tempature is 90 degrees or higher, as said on the bottle. Enjoyed by Coach Z and Bubs. | |
| |  | A foreign brand brewed in Foreign Lands. Could possibly be referring to the stereotype that the British prefer drinking their beer at near room temperature. | |
| |  | Foreign brand straight from the oven. | |
| | | Not to be wished on anyone |
|
| | | What the sender of property of ones, Dan Waters, claims to have almost drank. Scarcely a One at all. |
|
| |  | A step up from Cold Ones. | |
| |  | Thrown at a moose lamp. | |
| |  | Enjoyed by Pom Pom, Homestar Runner, and Strong Bad. | |
| |  | From the screensaver. | |
| |  | A light variation of a Cold One. | |
| |  | Enjoyed while on a business trip. | |
| |  | A dry variation of a Cold One, official beverage of Taranchula. | |
| |  | A Cold One-style beverage enjoyed by Coach Z and The Cheat. It may be a reference to Canadian beer Molson, while the can resembles Coors Light — a strange coincidence as Molson and Coors announced they were merging in 2004. | |
| |  | "So rich, thick, and dark, you can't believe it's a liquid." Seems to refer to Guinness. | |
| |  | A variation of the Cold One. Enjoyed by Homestar Runner before the Big Game. May be a reference to "Molson Golden". | |
| |  | Enjoyed by Bubs. | |
| |  | One of the flavors of ice cream found on the code wheel for Peasant's Quest. It's claimed to be the favorite flavor of Samuel Adams. | |
| | | Assumed to be the Cold Ones version of hard liquor (Vodka, Bourbon, etc.) An alleged ingredient in Santaman's Chimney. |
|
| | | Apparently responsible for Homestar and Strong Bad's original designs. |
|
| |  | Kerrek Brau — "Non-Cold Onesaholic" and "4.5% taste". Made with 100% real sweat from the Kerrek's brow. |
[edit] The Property of Ones
- See main article: Bogus Mathematical Theorems
According to Strong Bad, Cold Ones obey the following Property of Ones:
Or in other words:
[edit] Fun Facts
- Though rarely explicitly referred to as alcoholic, Cold Ones are indeed meant to depict beer —
- The Strong Bad screensaver depicts a "Premium Alcoholic Cold Ones" sign.
- In Peasant's Quest, the Kerrek rejects Cold Ones because he is a teetotaler.
- Room Temp-A-Ture Ones are a variant that is "brewed in Foreign Lands".
- The Strong Bad Email super powers revealed that Strong Bad can use the blue diamond icon on his head to open a Cold One.
- The "Cold Ones Light" logo closely resembles the Old Style beer logo.
- Shiner Bock bottles are used to represent Cold Ones in the live-action Strong Sad Paunchbaby commercial, likely due to their similar goldenrod-colored labels.
- In a 2014 interview, Matt Chapman discussed a time around 2000 when The Brothers Chaps pitched Homestar Runner as a television show to networks including Nickelodeon and Disney — in these meetings, they were told that they could not include references to Cold Ones if the series were to be produced for their networks. This, among a few other concerns about creative control, led to the brothers deciding to continue self-publishing online instead; by 2003, they no longer had any interest in producing a Homestar Runner TV show.
