A Decemberween Mackerel

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Toon Category: Holiday Toon
watch Xeriouxly Forxe Which Ween Costumes?
"My coma's toast..."

Senor Cardgage says he's dying, so Marzipan and Homestar try to cram him with enough Decemberween spirit to save him.

Cast (in order of appearance): Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Coach Z, Senor Cardgage, Strong Sad, Pom Pom, Bubs, Homeschool Winner, Rafferty, Preshy, Champeen, The Hurricane, three Unguraits, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, The Cheat, The Poopsmith, The King of Town, Homsar

Places: The Field, Marzipan's House, Bubs' Concession Stand, Telephone Pole, Basement of the Brothers Strong

Date: Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Running Time: 6:05

Page Title: We Come Down Off Our High Horse!


[edit] Transcript

{Music plays. A silhouette of Homestar and Marzipan can be seen through the falling snow. Lines representing the wind curl by.}

{Cut to Marzipan with earmuffs and scarf holding a dish and Homestar in his brown hat walking through The Field through the snow. Homestar looks distressed.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Marzipan! Explain to me why we're slogging through this blizzard again? I don't think I can slog much further!

{Cut to a tighter shot of the two}

MARZIPAN: I told you, at Decemberween time, it's our duty as people with more than one DVR to help those much, much, much, much, way very, very, very much, really smelly, a lot much less fortunate than us.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: And you think bringing 'em bean sprouts is, ahem, helping?

{Pull back to a wider shot. Marzipan looks angrily at Homestar.}

MARZIPAN: Be quiet and keep slogging. We're almost there.

{A bush comes into view.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ah, man! This guy? {They stop walking} When you said less fortunate, I just assumed you meant Coach Z.

{Coach Z pops up in the foreground from under a snow drift, wearing a Blubb-O's box on his head}

COACH Z: Me too!

{Coach Z disappears}

{A doorbell sounds. Senor Cardgage rises into view accompanied by traffic sounds. He's facing away from Marzipan and Homestar.}

SENOR CARDGAGE: Hello, Chi Minh?

MARZIPAN: Hi, Mr. Senor! Happy Decemberween!

{Cut to a tighter shot of the three of them.}

SENOR CARDGAGE: Is this a frank call?

MARZIPAN: No, no, over here. {Cardgage turns around.} We brought you some food for the holidays.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah. We come down off our high horse to spread a little Decemberween cheer.

SENOR CARDGAGE: Thank you, Hot Pooey. {Homestar looks mad. Zip pan to a close-up of the bush as Cardgage gestures to it.} Would you care to coincide?

{Close-up of Homestar and Marzipan}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Marzipan, did that guy just call me "Hot Pooey"? And invite me inside that bush?

MARZIPAN: {embarrassed} Maybe? {Marzipan smiles nervously}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's it, I'm going back to your house. Later on, we'll conspire.

{Cut back to a wider shot. Homestar walks off screen left. Cardgage is now shivering and groaning.}

MARZIPAN: Oh, you poor wretch. What's the matter?

{Cut to medium shot of Marzipan and Cardgage.}

SENOR CARDGAGE: Oh, not much... I'm just... dying.


{A red title card with a holly border slides in from screen right. Words appear as the singers sing them.}

SINGERS: A Decemberween Mackerel... (The name of this cartoon!)

{Crossfade to Homestar wearing a mistletoe sweater and a red bow lying on Marzipan's couch, the camera slowly trucking back to reveal his entire body.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {joyously} Oh, Marzipan! Is that you? I'm wearing a sweater made out of mistletoe! And what feels like a colony of venomous bugs! {various black insects jump around Homestar's body}

{Cut to a wider shot. Cardgage enters screen right.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ah! You! {sits up}

SENOR CARDGAGE: {pointing at Homestar} Hot pooey.

{Marzipan follows screen right.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Marzipan! What's the big idea of bringing this guy home? {Cut to close-up to Homestar} I was about to give you your Decemberween make-out present. {Homestar winks and clicks with his mouth.}

{Cut back to previous shot as Homestar stands.}

MARZIPAN: This is serious, Homestar. Senor Cardgage is dying! {Cardgage nods}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, cool. Then we'll just make out after. What do you give him, five minutes? No minutes? {Homestar steps towards Marzipan.} No minutes?

{Close-up of Marzipan. She's angry.}

MARZIPAN: Homestar, I don't have time to trick you into making out with a mop again this year. {Her expression clears} Hmm, if we cram him full of enough holiday cheer, maybe he can squeeze out a Decemberween miracle!

{Cut to a medium shot of all three}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, I love cramming holiday cheer. I'll go get my {pulls a black rod wrapped in gold and white tinsel from off screen} tinsel-wrapped cram rod!

{Beat. Homestar glances around once. Marzipan is not amused.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay, I'm back.

{Push wipe up a red card reading "Holiday Cheer Cramlist" "Caroling"}

{Push wipe up to reveal Homestar, Marzipan and Cardgage outside singing at sunset around a bathtub with chains around it. Homestar is waving his cram rod and Marzipan is holding a candle.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER & MARZIPAN: {singing} Coach Z's been drinking non-specific mouthwash-rine.

{A man's arm holding several sheets of paper comes in from the left.}

MAN: I need you to sign here.

{Homestar pushes the papers away with his cram rod.}

STRONG SAD: {echoey} Oh, thanks, guys. That warms my heart.

{Cut to a shot inside of the tub. Strong Sad's face is seen in the bottom right of the frame and a chain around his body. Homestar is looking through the slats above.}

STRONG SAD: Not enough to stave off the onset of hypothermia, of course. But a month-long {cut back to outside. Cardgage is groaning and swaying} coma's nothing I haven't dealt with before.

SENOR CARDGAGE: {groaning} My coma's toast...

MARZIPAN: Time to go!

{Marzipan and Cardgage dash off screen right, while Homestar follows.}

{Cut to the red card as before. Caroling is crossed out and "Greeting Card" is in the center. A musical sting plays.}

{Push wipe down to reveal Pom Pom with a camera on a tripod and lighting umbrellas behind him. He is gesturing with an arm.}

POM POM: {bubbling noises}

{Reverse shot reveals Homestar in his mistletoe sweater, Marzipan with lights in her ponytail and Cardgage wearing an olive green cardigan. Homestar moves slightly to the right in the frame.}

{Reverse shot. Pom Pom gestures his arm up.}

POM POM: {bubbling noises}

{Reverse shot. Marzipan moves up slightly.}

{Reverse shot. Pom Pom gestures to his right.}

POM POM: {bubbling noises}

{Reverse shot. Cardgage moves slightly to the right.}

{Reverse shot. Pom Pom, irritated, gestures his arm and bubbles for a long time.}

POM POM: {bubbling noises}

{Reverse shot. Cardgage continues to move to the right until he is halfway out of the frame.}

{Reverse shot. Pom Pom indicates for Cardgage to stop.}

POM POM: {bubbling noises}

{He picks up Gooblies and squeezes him. There is a white flash and cuts to a card with "Seasoned Greetings", with a picture of Homestar and Marzipan, and Cardgage halfway out of the frame.}

MARZIPAN: Okay, now we need to make the corresponding {cut to a wider shot, showing the card in the lower left, while Marzipan is wearing half-moon glasses.} newsletter to brag about our family. {Marzipan clicks the pen and takes a deep breath, then slams the pen onto the paper, writing. As she starts to write, the words appear behind her. Very rapidly:} This year was so great! Our family is so great! I can't believe Homestar started fourth grade! How time flies. It's so great! Senor Cardgage won first place in sports and was selected to be terminally ill! {She starts writing on the paper in various angles, across already-written words, and in margins.} I am in book club and PTA carpool and redoing the back-splash. It's so great! Warm wishes, {Carves this last line into her table:} The Marzipan-Homestar-Cardgages.

{Cut to Homestar sitting on the arm of the couch with his cram rod. Cardgage is lying on the couch.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {waving cram rod around} Our family is, literally and figuratively, so great! {Cardgage groans}

MARZIPAN: {off-screen} Movin' on!

{Push wipe left red title card. Caroling and Greeting Card are now crossed out with "Waiting In Line" in the center.}

{Push wipe left to reveal Bubs' Concession Stand. A silhouette of Bubs can be seen waving his arms. A line of people can be seen, ending with Marzipan and Cardgage. The camera slowly pans and reveals Homestar in the foreground.}

BUBS: {faintly} I've got a sale on everything. I've got all kinds of sales!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Say, Bubs. {Camera pans to reveal Bubs standing next to Homestar. Homestar pokes him with the cram rod.} What's this line for?

BUBS: The holidays.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Perfect! How long is it?

BUBS: Three miles or eighteen days. {Pull back to reveal Cardgage standing behind them.} Whichever comes first.

{Cardgage turns around groaning. Bubs looks annoyed.}

{Marzipan sticks her head in screen right. Homestar appears stunned and pokes Cardgage with his cram rod.}

MARZIPAN: All right, that's enough. Let's move. Peeow! {She grabs Cardgage and dashes off-screen right.}

{Push wipe right red title card as before. Caroling, Greeting Card and Waiting In Line are all crossed off, with "Tree Lighting" now in the center.}

{Push wipe right to Coach Z standing next to Homestar. Homestar is waving his cram rod.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Nothing crams Decemberween cheer like the annual lighting {Cut to a wider shot of Coach Z, Homestar, Marzipan and Cardgage standing around the telephone pole. Yellow lights are strung from the pole, and an orange extension cord is in the foreground. Cardgage sways.} of the lights attached to a pole in a tree-shaped fashion.

{Cut back to the shot of Coach Z and Homestar. Homestar has picked up the extension cord.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: If this doesn't cure him, nothing will!

COACH Z: Don't I know it! Last year, these lights cured me of chronic athlete's tongue, and the year before that it was rub rash, and then hot pooey—

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Excuse me, you're disgusting. Barf.

{Homestar pretends to throw up (complete with dotted-line imaginary vomit) and turns away. Coach Z looks disappointed. Homestar then plugs in the extension cord.}

{Cut to a wider shot. The lights turn on.}


{Cut to a medium shot of Marzipan and Cardgage. Cardgage is disheveled and his glasses are falling off.}

MARZIPAN: Oh wow, if it was pitch black and I squinted and was a few miles away, {cut to a wide silhouette of all standing around the tree} this would sort of look like a tree almost! {Cut back to the previous shot.} Isn't it wonderous, Senor? A real miracle-inducing spectacle, isn't it?

SENOR CARDGAGE: {moans} Oh, my Toyota Cressida... {Cardgage falls down}

{Cut to wider shot with Cardgage in the snow.}



{Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and The Cheat come in from the bottom of the frame. Cut to a medium shot of Marzipan and Strong Bad, with Strong Mad in a sweater and The Cheat in a green hat behind him.}

STRONG BAD: What's goin' on here?

MARZIPAN: Help, quick! I think Senor Cardgage is dying!

STRONG BAD: And what makes you think that?

{Cut to close up of Marzipan}

MARZIPAN: He told me so when I brought him a hot covered dish to brighten his dismal life.

{Cut back to the medium shot}

STRONG BAD: He told you. {Close up of Strong Bad} You decided to take, at face value, something the guy who lives in a bush and talks to melty candy bars said.

{Cut back to medium shot}


STRONG BAD: And, who not fifteen minutes ago, told me I {cut to the Basement of the Brothers Strong. Strong Bad is standing on the arm of the orange couch and Cardgage is standing next to it. Marzipan's dish is sitting on the couch. Cardgage moves his mouth to match what present-Strong Bad is quoting.} "might paste away if I Dinty Moore." {Strong Bad begins to leap on the dish.}

{Cut back to The Field. Cardgage stirs and holds up an opened can of stew that says "Dented")

SENOR CARDGAGE: You rally might, Pez dispenser. {He collapses}

{Close up of Strong Bad}

STRONG BAD: Besides, everybody knows the way to save Senor Cardgage is to cut a bunch of motor sports magazines in half and pour gravy on a defibrillator. A-like so.

{Cut Strong Mad with magazines that read "Modasports. The 2011 Tomatocycle!!!! Daaaang!" The Cheat is standing next to a defibrillator and a gravy boat. Strong Mad grunts and pulls the magazines apart. The Cheat then takes the gravy boat and pours the gravy on the defibrillator. Music plays and the silhouette of Cardgage can be seen rising.}

{Cut to a shot of Cardgage with rays behind him, standing tall.}

SENOR CARDGAGE: Oh, my grabness, grabness. It really is...

{Cut to a shot of all standing around the tree. Strong Sad is still in his tub, next to The King of Town and Strong Mad. The Poopsmith is standing behind Bubs screen left.}

ALL: A Decemberween mackerel!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {disappointed} And nobody's dying.

{Cut to an emaciated Homsar lying in the snow, his hat faintly wiggling as he speaks}

HOMSAR: AaAaAaAa! I'm your death's door neighbor. Puff. Cough. Toff.

{Red card with End appears}

[edit] Easter Eggs

  • Clicking on the E on "End" at the end of the toon will show a quick scene of Homestar Runner making out with "Marzipan".
    {The door of Marzipan's closet is shown, with some mistletoe leaves scattered outside it. Homestar's voice comes from inside the closet}
    HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh... Oh, I must say... Oh, twice... Marzipan, it's so romantic the way you lured me into this closet! {Marzipan is seen walking by the closet} ...And the way your wet stringy face tastes like seven kitchen floors! {Homestar coughs} ...Cockroach.
  • Clicking on the D on "End" at the end of the toon will show a new product from the makers of "Hot Jones".
    {A mug of Hot Jones is shown}
    ANNOUNCER: From the makers of Hot Jones comes Hot Pooey, our newest holiday sensation! {The mug is replaced by a different mug, the contents of which are censored} Hot Pooey! {A speech bubble that contains the following emits from the new mug, and a Santa Claus-like beard appears on the mug} Oh dear God, what have we done??

[edit] Fun Facts

[edit] Explanations

  • A DVR is a digital video recorder.
  • This toon was released eighteen days before New Year's, which is the time Bubs's "holiday line" lasts.
  • The papers that Homestar is asked to sign might be a cease and desist letter, owing to the fact that Listerine is owned by Johnson & Johnson, which is why they switch the lyrics from Listerine to "non-specific mouthwash-rine".

[edit] Trivia

Surprise! Like an errant reindeer that's come loose from the sleigh, hurtling towards the earth at breakneck speed, bursting into flames, and impact cratering the crap out of your front yard...It's a Decemberween cartoon! Marzipan takes it upon herself to try and improve Senor Cardgage's dismal life. Man! Years go by fast, huh?! Cram that holiday cheer! Cram it!
  • This is only the second toon of 2010, and the first one released since Xeriouxly Forxe eight months earlier. It was also the first "real" update (i.e., a toon with a plot) in over a year.
  • On the Main Pages, when "new holiday toon!" was moused over, its words changed to "for real!".
  • This toon was built at the normal 550×400 size but was shown at four times that size (double in each direction) prior to the post-Flash site update in 2020, and was the first such toon to be displayed in this way.

[edit] Remarks

A Decemberween Miracle, not the name of this cartoon!
Ohh, there's two of them!
  • Much like Homestar Presents: Presents, this cartoon appears to be presented in a higher audio sample rate than usual.
    • In fact, it seems that starting with this cartoon, all future Homestar cartoons will have high-quality sound.
  • For four frames, while the title is coming to the foreground, it reads "A Decemberween Miracle".
  • Hot Pooey, beneath its censored bar, is identical to Hot Jones.
  • When Marzipan and Homestar are walking at the beginning, Homestar has footsteps and Marzipan leaves a solid trail, again hinting her body is actually dress-shaped.
  • Senor Cardgage does not use any female names when speaking to others (as he often does); at one point, he even uses a male name.
  • Marzipan signs her Decemberween newsletter as the Marzipan-Homestar-Cardgages, and not the Marzipan-Runner-Cardgages.
  • When Homestar is asked to sign a document, if the writing on the pages is facing Homestar, the document is stapled in the top right corner. This is the opposite of how conventional English legal documents are stapled.
  • When Strong Bad quotes Senor Cardgage from their earlier affair, Senor Cardgage lip syncs "I" instead of "you".

[edit] Goofs

  • The leaf of mistletoe that falls from Homestar's "sweater" disappears a few seconds later.
  • Senor Cardgage's left hand disappears the moment he finishes rising from the bush. At the same time, a previously-opaque hole in the bush becomes transparent, so a spot of his right hand appears.
  • In parts of the toon, the edge of Homestar’s eye is covered by a diagonal white line.

[edit] Inside References

Rejected for the holidays
  • The silhouettes of most of the rejected characters appear in line for Bubs' Concession Stand. The characters are as follows, from first in line to last: Homeschool Winner, Rafferty, Preshy, Champeen, The Hurricane, and three Unguraits standing on top of each other.
  • The last line of Marzipan and Homestar's carol, "Coach Z's been drinking nonspecific mouthwash", is a reference to the song "O Decemberween" at the end of The Best Decemberween Ever. The original line was "Coach Z's been drinking Listerine."
  • Senor Cardgage appears from hammerspace, accompanied by the traffic noise first heard in Senorial Day, and again in hremail 3184.
  • Pom Pom picks up Gooblies when taking the picture.
  • Homestar saying "Our family is literally, and figuratively, so great" is a reference to Jibblies 2.
  • The tomatocycle previously showed up in Where U Goin' 2?.
  • Homestar pretends to puke when Coach Z tells him about his illnesses.
  • The music that plays when Cardgage comes back to life is similar to the Lappy 486's startup noise.
  • The word "pooey" was first spoken by The Homestar Runner in Decemberween Short Shorts. When he encounters Rumble Red, he says, "Aw, phooey! And after that, pooey! Not you again!"
  • The defibrillator was previously seen in the email specially marked.
  • During the caroling, the candle Marzipan is holding is the same as in the email love poems.
  • This is the second time Senor Cardgage is referred to as "Mr. Senor", the first being in Senorial Day.
  • Strong Bad previously stomped on a casserole in your edge. He also admitted to stomping around in pecan pie in DNA Evidence.

[edit] Real-World References

  • Homestar's quote, "Later on, we'll conspire," is from the Christmas song "Winter Wonderland".
  • Dinty Moore is a brand of canned stew.
  • "Hello, Chi Minh" is a play on the name of Vietnamese revolutionary Ho Chi Minh, for whom Saigon, the largest city in Vietnam, was renamed after the Vietnam War.
  • Senor Cardgage calls Strong Bad "Pez dispenser".
  • Right before Senor Cardgage collapses, he complains about his Toyota Cressida (which, in his case, appears to be an organ and not a car).

[edit] Fast Forward

[edit] External Links

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