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Homestar Runner Goes for The Gold! (animated version)

The following transcript has been made using unofficial sources and may have transcription errors. Read at your own risk. (Not of the risk of death, but the risk of getting the words of a dumb animal cartoon wrong.) Although we're pretty sure everything's fixed now.

"The Homestar Runner Goes for The Gold!"

Homestar Runner and Strong Bad go and dust off some memoirs. Shown at both of the Homestar Runner 20th Anniversary Shows.

Cast (in order of appearance): Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, The Homestar Runner (storybook), Pom Pom, Mr. Bland, Strong Mad, Tiny-Handed Strong Bad, Strong Sad, The Cheat, Dijjery-Doo, The Announcer, The Grape Fairie, The Fat Bee, The Sneak, The Prince of Town

Places: The Field, Storybook World

Running Time: 6:00

Transcript

{The Field is visible in the background in full color as the foreground is silhouetted with a shed to the left. The entrance of Homestar Runner's house is seen to the right in the same silhouetted fashion. Music begins playing and Homestar Runner and Strong Bad are seen leaving the house and walking towards the shed.}

{Zoom in full to the shed with Homestar Runner and Strong Bad}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh man, Strong Bad. You're not gonna believe this thing. {opens front shed door} Wait until you see this thing! {Takes out a large container, drops it in front of Strong Bad, and opens the lid} This thing's gonna take a life! Blow your mind! Break your nose!

STRONG BAD: And shut the dang up and let's see it already!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay. Okay. Um. It's um... It's right... Um... {starts looking back and forth frantically}

STRONG BAD: Homestar, did you ramble on for some long that you forgot what you were going to show me?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Um, no. And furthermore, no. {looks into the container} And it, um, is... {pulls a rubber burger out of the container} Squeakburger. {squeezes it twice} Burger burger.

STRONG BAD: {looking down into the container} Whoa! Look at this! {grabs an item from the container}

{Cut to view of Strong Bad holding the book}

STRONG BAD: The Homestar Runner and The Brothers Strong? An unfinished second children's book by Mike & Craig?! {Mike's name is covered with a brown marker and Craig's name is blurred out as Strong Bad says them as well as censor beeps when he says their names.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I've never heard of either one of them. I think those are terrible!

STRONG BAD: Come on, let's read it right dang now!

{Cut to a storybook cover of Homestar Runner standing in front of a red and yellow submarine with a white star on it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: The Homestar Runner and the Bathyscaphe. A book where I take an underwater intrigue, man. Underwater pant.

{The storybook cover bursts as a cloud}

STRONG BAD: Uh, maybe I should read it.

{Cut to storybook cover of Homestar Runner and the Brothers Strong}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} The Homestar Runner and the Brothers Strong, aka Homestar Runner Goes for the Gold aka, old glue turns gross and brown and you let it sit around for 10 years. {the title changes as he says the alternate names}

{transition to the first page of the book}

STRONG BAD: Everyone loves the Homestar Runner. He is a terrific athlete.

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: {moves up} Ding!

{page turn}

STRONG BAD: Tomorrow is the annual triathlon. {Cut to a scene with Pom Pom, Homestar Runner, and Mr. Bland all practicing} Homestar Runner's team, the All-Stars {says All-Stars sluggishly and the respective words sink on the page} is practicing as we speak.

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whistle loud, Pom Pom! {blows his whistle} Come on guys! Whistle to the max! {blows his whistle multiple times}

{Cut to Strong Mad, Tiny-Handed Strong Bad, and Strong Sad in the Storybook Field with the Jam Box.}

STRONG BAD: The Homestar Runner's rivals, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and Strong Sad {says Strong Sad sluggishly and the respective words on the page sink} are having a hot team meeting.

TINY-HANDED STRONG BAD: Strong Sad. You are too weak. You must be replaced by ... {The Cheat walks up from the right and makes a The Cheat noise} Dijjery-Doo! {The word "Dijjery-Doo" does not appear in the text box below. Dijjery-Doo walks up from the right side as The Cheat makes a displeased noise and black smoke rises from his head.}

{Cut back to Homestar Runner and Strong Bad reading the storybook in the Storybook Field}

STRONG BAD: The heck is Dijjery-Doo?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I tried to warn ya. I washed my hands before this whole affair.

STRONG BAD: I guess he looks kinda cool. Maybe he'll turn out all right.

{Cut back to the storybook with Tiny-Handed Strong Bad and Dijjery-Doo}

DIJJERY-DOO: Hey Strong Bad. I just want to say how happy I am to be part of the team. And the— ah! {Dijjery-Doo's right tooth falls out as both Dijjery-Doo and Tiny-Handed Strong Bad look at it. The last sentence does not appear in the text box.}

TINY-HANDED STRONG BAD: I'm immediately regretting this decision.

STRONG BAD: Said uncharacteristically candid Strong Bad.

{Cut to the All-Stars training as Strong Sad walks dejectedly in the foreground}

STRONG BAD: Rejected, Strong Sad moped pass the All-Stars.

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: What's {blows his whistle multiple times} wrong? {blows his whistle even more}

STRONG BAD: [asked The Homestar Runner.] said the greatest communicator on the planet.

{Cut to close-up shot with just Strong Sad and The Homestar Runner}

STRONG SAD: My brothers kicked me off the team and replaced me with Dijjery-Doo. {Strong Sad is interrupted at "Dijj—"}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: {interrupting} Yeah, yeah. We know all that. Chin up and start getting ready for next year.

{Cut to wider shot of Homestar and Pom Pom walking to the right as Mr. Bland does cartwheels.}

STRONG BAD: ...said The Homestar Runner as they left to compete.

{Cut to a silhouetted shot of everybody at the starting line}

STRONG BAD: All the teams lined up for the first event. {cut to shot of the banner above the starting line} Running!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm getting chills to see how I dominated this one!

{Pan down to the starting line with just Pom Pom and Strong Mad}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Wait, what? {music stops} Pom Pom?

{Cut back to Homestar Runner and Strong Bad reading the book in The Field}

STRONG BAD: I'm more worried about how this is clearly roller-skating. Is that what they called running in the mid-nineties?

THE ANNOUNCER: Ready! Set! {Strong Mad starts skating} Go! {Pom Pom starts skating}

STRONG BAD: Strong Mad gets an early lead. And wins!

{Cut to a scoreboard}

STRONG BAD: After the first time, the Strong Stars have a lead. {The Grape Fairie appears and changes the Strong Star's score to 1} On to the next event: {Cut to The Homestar Runner and Tiny-Handed Strong Bad at the pool} Swimming! {Cut to The Homestar Runner on his submarine} The Homestar Runner wins! What?!

{Cut back to Homestar Runner and Strong Bad in The Field}

STRONG BAD: You get a friggin' submarine and all's I get is a fish crammed through my head?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, you know. Standard Collegiate Swimming Rules. Please chant them.

{Cut to the Grape Fairie with a giant scroll with the title "Standard Collegiate Swimming Rules"}

THE GRAPE FAIRIE: Rule 1: The Homestar Runner gets a state-of-the-art bathyscaphe-type situation. Rule 2: Strong Bad... fish crammed through his head.

STRONG BAD: Now his team is even with Strong Bad's team. Whoever wins the last event gets the gold!

{Cut to the Storybook Field with a banner above it reading "FLYING!". Mr. Bland and Dijjery-Doo and seen, with Mr. Bland a pair of wings and Dijjery-Doo a small propeller.}

STRONG BAD: Everyone's ready for the flying event! {Cut to a close-up of Mr. Bland as The Cheat walks up to him} Suddenly, Strong Bad's minion {The Cheat makes agreeing noises} the sneak, {The Sneak, with no storybook stylizing, walks up in front of The Cheat in front of Mr. Bland with a wooden baseball bat in his mouth. The Cheat walks away angrily with black smoke over his head.} cripples Mr. Bland. {Mr. Bland and The Sneak devolve into a fighting cloud of dust as The Sneak emerges fine and Mr. Bland badly injured and his wings beaten up} Everyone else takes off. {Dijjery-Doo's propeller begins to turn and he abruptly takes off}

{Cut to Pom Pom and The Homestar Runner looking at the crippled Mr. Bland}

STRONG BAD: What will the All-Stars do?

{Cut to The Homestar Runner in the foreground and Strong Sad in the background}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Sad, come take these broken wings {holds up Mr. Bland's broken wings} and learn how to fly.

{There is a white flash as it cuts back to before The Homestar Runner says his line to Strong Sad}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Sad, you've got to fly. {holds up Mr. Bland's broken wings} Fly to the angels.

{There is a white flash as it cuts back to before The Homestar Runner says his line to Strong Sad}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Sad, you're motoring. {holds up Mr. Bland's broken wings} What's your price for flight?

STRONG BAD: said Homestar.

{Cut to a team picture of Pom Pom with skates, Strong Sad with the broken wings, and The Homestar Runner with swimming equipment}

STRONG BAD: Strong Sad was now an All-Star. They were back in business! {cut to a silhouette of the Storybook Field as Strong Sad and Dijjery-Doo are both in the sky flying} Strong Sad was making all kinds of ground. {Cut to a close-up of Strong Sad} He sure has a knack for this flying stuff.

STRONG SAD: I'm glad that I'm flying! {Strong Sad suddenly sports long legs with red heels, akin to Strong Glad's design. He starts flying faster, and he looks behind at his new legs.} Woo-hoo!

{Cut to Tiny-Handed Strong Bad}

TINY-HANDED STRONG BAD: Ewww!

{Cut to The Homestar Runner}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Um...no {pause} Just no.

{Coach Z pops up from the side of the screen}

COACH Z: I am into this!

{Cut to Bubs}

BUBS: I don't like it! And I am now in this book.

{Cut back to the cover of Homestar Runner and The Brothers Strong as a sticker reading "now with 100% more Bubs!" is slapped onto it}

{Cut back to Dijjery-Doo in the sky}

STRONG BAD: Dijjery-Doo was being passed by the high-flying Strong Sad.

TINY-HANDED STRONG BAD: Dijjery do something, Dijjery-Doo.

STRONG BAD: said master wordsmith Strong Bad. {cut back to Dijjery-Doo} He made a last-ditch effort to sabotage the All-Stars.

DIJJERY-DOO: Okay, Strong Bad. I've got {pulls out a red and yellow missile} this little thing here. Oh! {Dijjery-Doo fumbles with the missile as his right tooth falls out. He falls from the sky with the missile in his hands.}

{Cut to Tiny-Handed Strong Bad looking up as Dijjery-Doo's disembodied right-tooth pierces Strong Bad's head and he falls on his back. Dijjery-Doo lands on top of Tiny-Handed Strong Bad as the missile subsequently explodes. Dijjery-Doo's propellor is destroyed and part of Tiny-Handed Strong Bad's head is blown off.}

STRONG BAD: Dijjery-Doo's plan backfired. {music stops} Uh, yeah, you think? You sure you didn't want to use any more adjectives there? Like, catastrophically head-chunkularly {both words are are added to the book in Strong Bad's handwriting} backfired? Maybe?

{Cut to the scoreboard as The Grape Fairie raises the All-Star's score to 2}

STRONG BAD: The All-Stars win! {cut to the whole storybook crew as Strong Sad stands in the middle with a medallion and glamerous legs} Getting the gold for The Homestar Runner changed Strong Sad. He is now Strong Glad.

{The music in the background raises in volume as Strong Sad begins to dance. The rest of the storybook characters begin to back away.}

{Cut to Homestar Runner and Strong Bad in The Field reading the storybook}

STRONG BAD: Yo, is this gonna leave Strong Sad with those... {his mouth trembles} those...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: HLLs? Hot Lady Legs? Yeah. I told you it was terrible!

STRONG BAD: Yeah, man. That piece of masking tape knows what it's talking about. That was some premium grade-A {cut to masking tape with the words "old H*R crap" written on it} old Homestar Runner crap.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, hey, look! {holds up whistle} I found my old whistle! {makes whistle sounds, but not with the whistle}

STRONG BAD: Yeah, uh, I don't think you're using that right.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {continues to make more whistle noises} And so dings a great new era in Homestar Runner talk! {makes more whistle noises}

STRONG BAD: Oh...

{Homestar Runner makes more whistle noises as he walks off-screen to the right}

STRONG BAD: Fantastic.

{Cut to silhouette of the shed and the house as Homestar Runner walks to his house while making whistle noises}

STRONG BAD: I sure hope this continues for the next 20 years. {Homestar peeks out of his house making more whistle noises}

{Cut to the Homestar Runner logo with the star replaced with a whistle and the numbers "1996—2016" below it. The whistle moves as Homestar Runner makes more whistle noises}

Fun Facts

Explanations

• Mike and Craig are references to Mike Chapman and Craig Zobel, the writers of the original Homestar Runner book.

Trivia

Remarks

Inside References

• Dijjery-Doo, Strong Glad, and the book itself were all in sketches from the Museum sketchbook.
• Strong Sad's line "I'm glad that I'm flying!" is a reference to the "I'm sad that I'm flying" inside joke.

Real World References

• "You're motoring. What's your price for flight?" is a lyric from the song Sister Christian.

External Links

• watch "Homestar Runner Goes For The Gold!" on YouTube
• forum thread re: "Homestar Runner Goes For The Gold!"

Fancy Suits

"Then I've got to go stand around in this tuxedo..."

While most residents in the Homestar Runner universe typically wear casual clothing, there are instances where characters will wear formal suit jackets.

Appearances

• The Announcer is always seen in a purple suit jacket or a black tuxedo jacket.
• Main Page 11 — Homestar wears a blue suit jacket.
• The House That Gave Sucky Treats — Homsar wears a black suit jacket and a red tie as part of his costume.
• Email stand-up — During the talent show, Strong Bad wore a fake tuxedo T-Shirt.
• Email sb_email 22 — The Cheat wears a suit as Strong Bad's public relations advisor.
• Ballad of The Sneak — The Barbershop Trio all wear suit jackets. They appear again in Fish Eye Lens.
• Email different town (Easter egg) — Eh Steve! wears a tuxedo in a drawing by Lem Sportsinterviews.
• Email rampage — Strong Bad wears a black suit jacket as a part of his legal rampage.
• Email modeling — Strong Bad poses with a black suit jacket and purple shirt.
• Teen Girl Squad Issue 10 — Arrow'd Guy is seen wearing a cyan suit jacket while proposing to The Ugly One.
• Email senior prom — Homestar wears a black tuxedo for the senior prom and all members of All the King's Men! wear blue tuxedo jackets.
• Halloween Awards Show — Bubs is shown wearing a black tuxedo jacket and a tuxedo front.
• Email your funeral — Homestar wears a black suit jacket and tie for Strong Bad's funeral.
• Email rough copy — The Cheat wears a suit as Strong Bad's lawyer.
• Email business trip — The Cheat wears a suit for his framed company portrait.
• Email hremail3184 — Strong Sad is shown wearing a black tuxedo.
• I Killed Pom Pom — Strong Bad wears a dark gray suit as part of his Mac Tonight costume.

Gallery

First fancy suit on the site!	Homestar Runner Action News!	"I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for some candy today!"	"Is it cardboard or is it pizza?"
The Junior Executive Of Not Having To Go On Pointless Business Trips	[some image caption]	Eh! Steven!	Arrowed II!

This gallery is incomplete. You can help and stuff by expanding it.

Background Emails

Occasionally, a Strong Bad Email will be seen in the background of a toon and not be acknowledged or explained. These include emails that were sent to Strong Bad as well as responses to emails that it seems that Strong Bad has typed.

Appearances

• Email personal favorites — In two Easter eggs, two unanswered emails are shown on Strong Bad's computers.

Dear Strong Bad,

Are you are real wrestle-man? I'm hope that u r.
-Pred

Sup Strong Bad,
Do that thing you do that one time. I
wasn't watching and I missed it.
Forever young,
Zebbadee

• Email 2 emails — During the fast-foward, Strong Bad is seen deleting an email on the Compy 386.

Hey Strongbad.
I was just wondering what you
thought of Delaware.

Danny

• Email the paper — During the flashback showing past experiences with The Paper, several emails are seen in the background.

a> See there Tompo,
wasted youth. I
six or eleven

a> Kick the booty all day long, I
say. But, ya know, maybe not.

]Look, Darius, if you want me to eat a Philly cheesesteak
instead of answering an email this week, you got it. No
skin off my back. I'll eat a couple-a Tastykakes while I'm
at it, too. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta skee-dat.

• DNA Evidence — While Homestar Runner is in the computer room, an email is shown on the Lappy 486.

Hi. Yeah, go ahead and very safely enter most of your
credit card numbers onto this Lappy. It will safen it all
out.

Thanks,
The Strong Badagement

• The Homestar Runner Gets Something Stuck In His Craw — When Strong Bad finishes reading the story, text is shown on the Compy 386 in the background.

a>So there you have it Mondy. That's
why I always wear leaky boots to
thrift stores and real
estate seminars. Don't you
wish you could too?

For To

The phrase "for to" is a phrase used by the characters in the Homestar Runner universe that is used in the place of "for" or "to".

Appearances

• Store Thank You Messages — The page title is "Thank you so much for to buying our crap!!".
• Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 8.0 — Strong Bad mentions that he's waiting in the bushes "for to give [Marzipan] the million punches in the face".
• slumber party (DVD Commentary) — Matt Chapman says "For to take slumber".
• Strong Bad Classics! — The Porridge Maiden catches an ocelot "for to sup".

See Also

• Might Could
• Deliberately Poor English

YouTube Uploads

List