Minor Teen Girl Squad Characters

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 14:32, 20 July 2006 by Crystallina (Talk | contribs)
Jump to: navigation, search

Some characters make a very brief appearance in Teen Girl Squad, often hurting one of the girls. Usually they are never seen again, but in the 10th Issue special, many of these characters made cameo appearances at The Ugly One's Sweet Someteen Birthday Bash.

A party of minor characters


Issue 1

Image Description
A Helicopter

This helicopter attacked some birds with machine guns. Surprisingly, this aircraft was the first object to harm living creatures in the entire series, yet its victims did not include one of the girls. Strong Bad supplied the rapid fire noise of its deadly projectiles.

Bend It Like Beckhamasaurus Rex
The Dinosaur

The dinosaur punted What's Her Face across the cartoon. Just after this, she was heard to remark, "Dag, yo." She is presumed to have died upon landing. The dinosaur also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza, where it was revealed to have bloody teeth.

Issue 2

Image Description
Bad weather
Cloud Monster

As the girls go to look so good, a cloud in the background grows angry eyes and a mouthful of sharp teeth. It then quickly chomps on some birds.

No "I" in dead either
No "i" in team boy

He is a boy who goes out with So and So, which causes her friends to get jealous. When So and So mentions that she's totally crushing, the boy gets hit by a school bus (driven by Arrow'd Guy) marked "CHILDREN". He also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza. He appears again, silhouetted, in an Easter egg in the email death metal.


The Vulture and the Bat

The Vulture swooped The Ugly One when she got jealous of So and So's getting the "No 'i' in team boy" to date her. The Bat grasped Cheerleader for the same reasons as the vulture.

Issue 3

Image Description
Buzzsaw Sun

The sun turned into a buzzsaw, and chopped up some birds in this episode.

Boy or girl?
Thrift Store Person

This person is found at the thrift store that What's Her Face shopped at, where she stays behind a rack of shirts, holding a sign that reads, "1 or 2 cent each item." In the Teen Girl Squad Issue 3 DVD commentary, Strong Bad says that she is a "homeless woman."


A wave of possums, announced by a menacingly voiced "Poooosssssummmmms...!" attacked What's Her Face as she walked home from the thrift store. They got her dirty and tore her clothing, but didn't kill her. When she met up with the other girls, one possum was seen still attacking her. The possum attack apparently made What's Her Face's blood hurt. They also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

Issue 4

Image Description
Cupid strikes back
Brett Bretterson

Brett is an imaginary person who So And So made up in first grade. He is mentioned in Teen Girl Squad Issues 4 and 10. Ignoring her friends' denial of Brett's reality, So And So interacts with "Brett" as if she could actually see and hear him. This causes the other girls to be weirded out. Brett and So And So were going to study together when their plans were ended abruptly by falling in the Fighting Growlbacks Bottomless Spirit Pit.

So And So is in love with Brett, and when she thinks of him hearts appear over her head. One of them grew a face just as it was pierced with an arrow.

In the tenth episode, So And So states that she and Brett Bretterson are "Splitsville".

Brett may or may not be a real person, too; he is listed in the credits for Limozeen: "but they're in space!" as the "Worst animator". Strong Bad confirms this in the DVD commentary for best thing.


The quarterback for the Fighting Growlbacks is a target of the affections of Cheerleader. He dismisses her with the quip "How's about you get some brains?" This causes Cheerleader to get CEREBELLUM'D by Arrow'd Guy's Giant Brain Mech. He also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

Giant Brain Mech

The Giant Brain Mech is a giant brain with lips and an eye patch. It is apparently mechanical, because Arrow'd Guy can be seen controlling the brain under a glass dome. The brain CEREBELLUM'D! Cheerleader when the Quarterback suggested that she should go get some brains.

Issue 5

Image Description
Fat Bird

The fat bird is first seen in Issue 5, perched on the "meanwhile, ON VACATION" sign in the transition scene. Later in the cartoon, when The Ugly One gets nervous and sticks her head in the sand, the fat bird flies down and perches on her side. The bird doesn't seem to do anything after that. It just sits there with its tongue hanging out for the rest of the cartoon.

Lying around...
Olda Boys

The olda boys are college boys that were at the vacation beach with Cheerleader, So and So, and The Ugly One. One misses video games, but the other misses his mom even more. They can combine their sayings into a pretty cool jam. The longer-haired one earned a Quote of the Week. They also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

Cool or famous
Henry Rollins, Abraham Lincoln, and George Washington

These are the "cool or famous" people who look at the nervous The Ugly One and then parasail with So and So. They also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza. There, Henry Rollins was revealed to be an odd red color, a likely reference to the music video for "Liar" (from the album Weight--Henry Rollins Band, Imago Records 1994).

Issue 6

Image Description
Now with more 3-legged action!
Gift Exchange Lion

This lion, who seems to be missing a leg, appears in Decemberween Teen Girl Squad. Cheerleader, So and So, and The Ugly One all dive into its mouth in pursuit of Decemberween presents, but What's Her Face declines. For some reason the inside of the lion looks like the inside of a whale. He also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

A nose from the happy judge
Smiley Face Man

This happy fellow is a judge in the Decemberween Teen Girl Squad. He and the other two judges (who are both Arrow'd Guy) TWO'D The Ugly One for her cannonball into the Gift Exchange Lion's mouth. He rates Cheerleader's dive into the lion's mouth a "nose" along with the other judges. Noticeable is the fact that he can move his arms along his skinny body. His "shoulder" is not visible until he lifts up the sign. Little else is known about this person, or what the value of a "nose" is in competitive Lion's mouth jumping. He also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

Singing about babies
Hawaiian Guy

This musician wears a Hawaiian shirt and plays a ukulele. He sang "Wave o' Babies" as a wave of babies appeared. He also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

A virtual tsunami of infants.
Wave o' Babies

These babies are in a giant wave that crashed into What's Her Face. They are seen caving onto What's Her Face, but the actual crash is not shown. It is possible that the wave just swept past without stopping. This is further supported by the fact that after the crash, only two babies are visible clinging onto What's Her Face, while all the others are gone. They also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

Bonus: Half-Digested!
Gazelle Carcass

This half-digested animal is presented by The Ugly One at the very end of Decemberween Teen Girl Squad to Cheerleader to her dismay. All of the other girls seem to be pleased at the sight of the dead animal, despite the negative aspects of decomposing carcasses.

Issue 7

Image Description
Fat Man

He's a fat man who wears a singlet similar to Strong Mad's. He fell down a slide and squished Teeny Tiny Cheerleader while she was throwing a tantrum. He bears a striking resemblance to pro wrestler King Kong Bundy.

The bell tolls for thee
Bill Bellamy

This is the bell seen in Issue 7 in the Teeny Tiny Girl Squad's preschool. His role is similar to that of the Intercom, but specific relationship details are unknown. He bears the same name as actor and comedian Bill Bellamy.

Issue 8

Image Description
Who's that hiding in the wheel?

The intercom is a feature of the Teen Girl Squad's school. As it is hanging up high in the girls' classroom, it is responsible for announcing things like the school lunch and commands. Later in the cartoon, the Intercom is seen mounted on a robot body, hosting the Battle of the Bands. It introduced the bands "Fatty's Big Chance" and the Teen Girl Squad "Kissyboots." It also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party on its stand, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza, nursing a martini.

Floor Tom, the evil drum
Floor Tom

When The Ugly One does her 16-hour drum solo, she was rudely interrupted by an evil floor tom when it FLOOR TOMMED her by biting her top half off. This was just one of three events that stopped her drum solo, as she was also STEP-MOMMED and POM-POMMED.

Mrs. So-and-so-erson

Mrs. So-and-so-erson is So and So's "step-mom". "She" resembles Arrow'd Guy in lipstick and a jogging suit; it's debatable whether she is in fact the same person. As Cheerleader states, she has questionable taste, which is agreed upon by What's Her Face after observing the many jogging suits in her walk-in closet. She "STEP-MOMMED" The Ugly One by pouring ranch dressing on her during her 16-hour drum solo. Apparently, her name is Judith, as seen in Issue 11.

Consider it Picked!

Fatty is the sole member of the one-man saxophone band, "Fatty's Big Chance." He played before Kissyboots in the Battle of The Bands. With his two tone suit and rousing chant of "pick it up, pick it up," Fatty is a ska machine. He also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.


The trolls enter So and So's dressing room while So and So is preparing for the Battle of the Bands. In their native tongue, they ask her for her autograph. Apparently So and So can understand them, and is happy to oblige. But before she could sign, she was TWELVE-SIDED DiED!, inexplicably by a 20-sided die. They also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza. One of the trolls appears again, silhouetted, in an Easter egg in the email death metal.

A seaworthy bass
A Shark

At the Battle of the Bands, What's Her Face's bass guitar suddenly transforms into a shark, causing her to comment "My bass feels seaworthy". The shark then bites off the upper half of her body. "Ahhh! My most of me!" she laments.

Amazingly, the shark can also play a mean bass even without fingers. Cheerleader keeps him on to play backup and the remaining member(s) of Kissyboots finish the performance respectably. Alas, after the song ends, the shark can be heard snacking on Cheerleader.

Issue 9

Image Description
Learner's Permit Girl

This girl first appears in Teen Girl Squad Issue 9. She is not a very good driver, and ends up DRiVER'S ED'ED...DEADing Cheerleader. On the plus side, she gives Strong Bad a ride to Babbage's. She also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

He knew she'd come back to him
Science Fiction Greg

Science Fiction Greg is an old boyfriend of What's Her Face, and, judging by his name, is a science fiction fan. After Cheerleader died, he admits that he knew that she (What's Her Face) would come back to him. He also claims that his experience points went into triple digits and he has since needed to keep the ladies and valkyries off with a two-handed +3 broad sword. As these are all Dungeons and Dragons terms, this claim bites D N' D Greg's style. He also attends "Cosplayer Camp" in Teen Girl Squad Issue 11, where he dresses as a space man. His bare chest can create a "Blinding voip", as Cheerleader discovers the hard way.

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum
Friends of Science Fiction Greg

Putative friends of Science Fiction Greg. They listen patiently as he brags about his relationship with What's Her Face and his experience points. The character on the left bears a resemblance to an overweight character often found in Gary Larson's Far Side cartoons.

Doesn't like his style bitten
D N'D Greg

An apparent Dungeons and Dragons expert. Science Fiction Greg's boasting bites his style. He attends Cosplayer Camp in Teen Girl Squad Issue 11, where he dresses as a knight.


When Mr. Pitters tries to join the Teen Girl Squad, these fiendish birds tell him that he "ain't no Teen Girl" before eating him at a fancy dinner. According to the second vulture, Mr. Pitters tastes "quite good, quite good." They may be an evolution of the vulture from Issue 2. They also appeared in the sweet someteenth birthday party, part of the Tenthennial Extravaganza.

Starring Johnny Rite There as some sort of king.

Port-O-John is a portable outhouse that came to life by growing eyes, a nose, a moustache, a mouth, hands and feet. A sign on his side reads Johnny Rite There. It put on a play with So and So once Cheerleader died in Teen Girl Squad Issue 9. It didn't get very good reviews, however, and he is killed by Arrow'd Guy.

Issue 10

Image Description
Corn-based products are no place for him
A Mighty Warrior

A samurai armed with a naginata who bursts twice from corn-based products: "corn and corn alone" and corn chips. Both times he does so because they are "no place for a mighty warrior." After emerging from the corn chips, he lathe'd a spinning What's Her Face in two with his naginata. He also appeared in an Easter egg for myths & legends, fighting the corn army.

We're not sure what they're talking about, either
Olympic Man and Coach

A lonely pair at the "Olympic Race," Olympic Man and Coach prepare for some type of sporting event after being ditched by Cheerleader. Coach apparently brings this about by telling Cheerleader over the phone that "the olympics are soooo dumb!", though Coach vehemently denies this to his well-muscled companion, who apparently has no hands.


This "uppaclass" trio of burly, bearded, kilted Scots were drinking a frothy brew from a keg marked "XXX" when they were interrupted by Cheerleader's flirtation. Predictably, she was rejected and caber-tossed only 23 metres away for her efforts.

Manolios Ugly One

The Ugly One's father. Owns Manolios Ugly One's Lectro-pawn, specializing in used and broken electronic goods. See main article: Manolios Ugly One

Issue 11

Image Description

Death appears on the horizon as the girls drive off to summer camp. He forbodes and then bites into a hamburger. The girls do not take notice of him.

Shirt Folding Store Manager

The Shirt Folding Store Manager is So and So's manager at Shirt Folding Store. She is rude to So and So, calls her "Mark" and tells her to "get to minimum wagin'". The manager is the only character in episode 11 not black and white. Her hair and face are constructed from a magazine photo of Mary-Kate Olsen.


The astronaut suddenly appears in Shirt Folding Store and punches the manager who becomes unconscious. The astronaut claims that she killed his dog. His voice is distorted by the loudspeaker system built into his suit, and he starts each sentence with "Ckhk". He can fly.

Seventeen shots
Raccoon Girl

Raccoon Girl is What's Her Face's bunkmate at the camp. She is weak and emaciated, feels unloved, and needs heavy medication.

Not his wife!

A customer at Shirt Folding Store. He needs a present for his wife for their anniversary. He coughs so much that So and So thinks that the present is for his coughiversary. Eventually he coughs up a stadium complete with spectators and announcer, and he feels it necessary to point out that this is not his wife.

Tentacle Camera

This floating camera with tentacles is the security system of Shirt Folding Shop.

Camp Counselor Shortshorts

Camp Counselor Shortshorts is trying really hard to not be thought of as a square by the girls by using random "youthful" quotes. He only succeeds in winning over the girls by singing a song with them.

He stapled it down!
Chumbly Wumbly Bear

The Chumbly Wumbly Bear appears in the song that the girls sing with the counselor. He didn't sell beans or eggs. Instead, he "stapled it down".

Maniac In A Speedo

Maniac In A Speedo suddenly turns up during the camp's singing activity and Maniac In A Speedo's the counselor, Cheerleader and The Ugly One.

C-dogg and Naptime

C-dogg and Naptime share a cell with So and So. It's not clear who is who (except for So and So). Rubble D is apparently also in that cell, but we do not see or hear him.


Image Description
jugga jigga wugga

Seen in death metal, Brainkrieg is a death metal band in Strong Bad's imagination that seems to use all of the wrong "d-e" words in their song. They also frequently use the phrase "Jugga jigga wugga". They have a large, poorly drawn audience watching their performance. Cheerleader seems to be a fan—she comes for the wuggas, but stays for the jiggy juggas. They also received last place in The Battle of the Crappy High School Bands.

No match.
The Corn Army

The army debuted in an Easter Egg in myths & legends. It is apparently led by Cephas Cornwall, but is no match for A Mighty Warrior.

Quotes of the Week

Personal tools