I Killed Pom Pom

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What? Murder? Nah, that doesn't sound like something I would say. I was probably talking about the crazy cool air, the falling leaves, definitely not MURDER!

POM POM: bubbles

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Nah man, you're hearing things, I was just talking about MURDER. And like this time of years there's sometimes a little bit of MURDER, and maybe a little bit of MURDER. I would never say anything about- WAH! Murder! Pom Pom! What happened? Did you get popped? Say a few bubbles! You can't be dead! You're my only friend and concubine! Oh I should really look up what that word means!

STRONG BAD: Woah, what manner of stitch witchery have I stumbled upon this Hallows-eve?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh Strong Bad, I think my evil jealous side secretly killed Pom Pom without even telling my dopey lovable side!

STRONG BAD: Okay, Homestar. Unckie Strong Bad is gonna help you get through this. Now, tell me exactly what happened.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, it all started 117 days ago...

{A sign pops up that say four hours later. Cut back to The Field at night, with Strong Bad and Homestar in costume.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: ...and I turned back around, and there was a puddle of Pom Pom at my feet!

STRONG BAD: And no one else saw anything?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: No one! Well, there was that inflatable pumpkin, but I'm pretty sure he said he had a previous engagement. Man, I like that pumpkin. I should really get his phone number.

STRONG BAD: Well, it definitely sounds like you killed Pom Pom. First thing you need to do is dispose of the body. Here, go to Bubs' and get everything on this laminated murder cover-up check list. Plus a twelver of Cold Ones and a dozen Maple Bismarck's. For the cover up. Than meet me back at my basement.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks Strong Bad, you're a real cartoon pall!

STRONG BAD: Oh, this is gonna be a real good night. cut to Bubs' Concession Stand

BUBS: Heh heh, I'd like to see those teenagers try to egg the concession stand this year, now that I own an ostrich farm!

COACH Z: Boy I'll say! And these piña coladas are top notch!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh hey there, say there Bubs!

BUBS: Happy Halloween, Homestar!

COACH Z: Yeah! And I'm standing here!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Just the essentials tonight, just the essentials. A 50 gallon drum of bleach...

BUBS: Check.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: ...and a 50 gallon drum of saw blades...

BUBS: Sounds good.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: ...and a 50 gallon drum of body bags.

BUBS: Reasonable.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Boy Homestar, you've got this. These guys don't expect a thing! Just order these last few everyday items and we're in the clear! Um... I need a... twelve-pack of cold ones, and um... a dozen maple bismarcks I DON'T KNOW WHAT BISMARCKS ARE I KILLED POM POM.

BUBS: Simmer down Homestar, we've all made quote unquote mistakes.

COACH Z: Yeah, who hasn't slipped up and engaged in a little, quote unquote, pre-meditated murder in cold blood. Am I right?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: So what do I do now?

BUBS: You need to establish an alibi!

COACH Z: Yeah, with witnesses! And if you's can swing it, wetnesses!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay, I can do that, I can do that, I can do that, I can do that-

BUBS: Homestar!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yep, sorry, got it, pweow!

BUBS: Good kid, that Homestar... should we light him up?

COACH Z: Absalortly!

{Cut to the castle. The Poopsmith and the King Of Town are standing out front.}

KING OF TOWN: Gah, I keep telling you Poopsmith, I didn't do it, stop acting like my dad!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {talking into a "burner" phone"} What? Yeah, I've been here all the live-long day. At the KOT's castle, or as I like to call it, alibi city. Who? Pom Pom? Never heard of him! Sounds like someone who is still alive, though. Okay corroborating witness, bye! Click!

KING OF TOWN: Ahem!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh! Hey Can Of Town, Tootsmith, you guys hear that legitimate conversation I was just having? So legitimate.

KING OF TOWN: So you've been here at the castle all day?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yep! Right here! Innocent as charged!

KING OF TOWN: Ah-ha! I told you I didn't eat your pile of whatsit! It was him!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh crap... literal crap...

{The Poopsmith raises his claw-hand menacingly.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ah! Objection! Leading the witness! {runs off}

{Cut to The Basement. Strong Bad, Strong Mad, The Cheat, and Pom Pom are sitting around.}

STRONG BAD: ...and he totally thinks the inflatable pumpkin is you, Pom Pom!

POM POM: bubbles

STRONG BAD: He also tried to get its phone number, which is more than a little weird.

HOMESTAR: Unkie Strong Bad, I need more help!

STRONG BAD: Pom Pom, quick, hide!

POM POM: bubbles

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Things have gone downhill, not only did I murder Pom Pom, it's also on record that I ate fifteen hundred pounds of crap.

STRONG MAD: laughs

THE CHEAT: laughs

STRONG BAD: (laughing) Oh ho, stifle a laugh. Well, you know what you gotta do now, don't you?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I will literally do whatever comes out of that sweet rectangular mouth next.

STRONG BAD: Uh, in that case, you gotta get me... sixteen dozen maple bismarcks.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Done!

STRONG BAD: These are collaches, I said bismarks!

STRONG BAD: {eating} Now that's more like it! Now you gotta find a patsy and pin that murder on him like a corsage on a puffy-dressed prom date!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You mean like with a lot of blood and them going, "Ow, ow, Homestar, ow, quit it, I'm not going to prom with you anymore! And I hate Bennigan's!"

STRONG BAD: Yeah, something like that. Now go stash Pom Pom's body at their house!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: But who I'm supposed to pin this murder on?

STRONG BAD: The most unsuspecting saps you can find...

{Cut to Marzipan's house. Strong Sad is sitting on the couch}

STRONG SAD: {hisses}

{Marzipan walks in.}

MARZIPAN: Hey Strong Sad, there's a bad horror movie on. Wanna make snappy comments and obscure references while we watch it?

STRONG SAD: You know I can't see, I just drew these eyes on my hands.

MARZIPAN: Why don't you just take your hands down?

STRONG SAD:: Uh, because I might have super glued my eyes shut...

MARZIPAN: What?

STRONG SAD: For authenticity! I was trying to be a cosplay-don-air!

MARZIPAN: That's a word you just made up!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {entering} Ah-ha! I knew you two were up to something!

STRONG SAD: Ahh, cosplay-dang!

MARZIPAN: Okay, I admit it! My homeade cabucha is just apple cider vinegar with Strong Sad's... phlugus floating in it.

STRONG SAD: My secret shame slash finest hour!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Don't play games with me, you blew up Pom Pom! You stuffed his body right here under the couch all day probably, this murdered him.

MARZIPAN: This again?

STRONG SAD: I hear a yonder ruckus!

{Cut to the field, The King Of Town, The Poopsmith, Bubs, and Coach Z come in.}

KING OF TOWN: Gah, what's all this noise? It's so lame!

COACH Z: What's the what's the scenario?

{Pom Pom appears behind a bush.}

STRONG SAD: Look! A specter rises!

{Strong Mad and The Cheat throw Pom Pom into the air}

STRONG BAD: Oh no, Homestar! It's Pom Pom's ghost come back to haunt you! Don't you want to, you know, pee your pants, or do something else embarrassing while all these people are here?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: No way Unkie- {runs into the point of Strong Bad's costume} Ow! Sharp... No way Unkie Strong Bad, you guys have shown me the light! It's time to fight murder with {breaks off the point of Strong Bad's costume} murder!

STRONG BAD: No, wait!

{Homestar jumps up and throws the point at Pom Pom, who explodes.}

STRONG BAD: Homestar, that wasn't a ghost! That was actually him! You just... you... you...

ALL: You killed Pom Pom!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uhh, duh!

{The "I Killed Pom Pom" title card comes up again, which changes into card reading Next Season}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {narrating over the title card.} Next season on Homestar Runner dot com...

{Cut to the field, Homestar, dressed in his normal attire, is standing next to the inflatable pumpkin.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Dang inflatable pumpkin, you're a way better best friend than floaty old Pom Pom ever was.

{The ghost of Pom Pom deflates the pumpkin and brandishes the point from Strong Bad's costume.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ahh!

{cut to a title card, which shows Homestar cut in two, reading "I Killed Hometar." This fades into the cast standing in the field.}

Easter Eggs

Click on the Poopsmith's shovel after he intimidates Homestar to see a scene with Homsar:

{Cut to the field, where Homsar is standing. Homestar runs past.}

HOMSAR: Ahhh. If you need me, I'll be loped after dark.

At the end, click on Bubs:

STRONG BAD: Can't stand it, Cochese, I know you planned it.

BUBS: Imma set it straight, this watergate!

{the fish eye lens sound effect plays.}

At the end, click on Strong Bad:

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey Strong Bad, I really like your Jay Leno costume. That guy had a really pointy forehead.

STRONG BAD: Nah, come on, don't you remember? {signing} Oh its a good time for large headed monstrosities. Oh! To sell you cheeseburgers. Hey! Strong Bad tonight!

At the end, click on Homestar:

STRONG SAD: {laughing} Hey Homestar, where does the dark lord Sauron live again?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What you talking about like Mordor? The land of Mordor? Where the shadows lie?

STRONG SAD: {laughing} Yeah, and uh, what illegal act did you commit against Pom Pom again?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, you mean murder?

STRONG SAD: {laughs}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You know come to think about it, theres a lot of murder in Mordor. Orcs murdering wargs, wargs murdering orcs, {uniteligible mumbling. Homestar coughs up some candy and starts talking in an extremely human-like voice.} Excuse me, orcs murdering wargs in the land of Mordor. Heh heh, thats better.

STRONG SAD: Ahh!

At the end, click on Coach Z:

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey Coach Z, you really nailed that evil aqua fresh costume

COACH Z: {rapping} Back in the days on the boulevard in London, we used the corporate teens, and the prices was fortin'

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ew, maybe you were fortin'.

At the end, click on Strong Mad:

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey Strong Mad, I really like your muscle toy costume. I had a bunch of those little pink guys. I used to play with 'em in the sand box... 'till the cat started pooping in there.

STRONG MAD: I'M A BABALITY.

At the end, click on Pom Pom:

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey Pom Pom, I really like you Daub Delouise costume. I definitely know why that guy was famous! Boatnicks, use is the boatnick maybe? Can I get a boatnick!

STRONG SAD: Boatnick!

Fun Facts

Explanations

A burner phone is a phone generally used to conduct illegal business, with the intent being to not have the phone be able to be tracked back to the owner.
A cosplay is a form of costumes roll-playing, most well-associated with Anime and comic culture.
A concubine is a woman who lives with, and has a relationship with, a man to whom she is not, and cannot be, married to. Typically, she is of a lower class than the man and his wives.

Trivia

This is the longest Homestar Runner toon to date.
Pom Pom's death was first speculated upon by Strong Bad in pom pom

Real-World References

Homsar's Easter Egg refers to Lōc-ed After Dark, 1989 album by Tone Loc.
The dialog in Bubs' Easter Egg are lines from "Sabotage", the Beastie Boys song his costume is from.

External Links

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I Killed Pom Pom

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