Mr. Poofers Must Die

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Toon Category: Holiday Toon
watch the next april fools thing Fan Costumes 2018
"Oh. Sorry. 'The End.'"

Everyone tries to create the perfect story to kill off a dog, but something's not right...

Cast (in order of appearance): Marzipan, Homestar Runner, Mr. Poofers, Old Man Rootbeer, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Strong Sad, Coach Z, Pom Pom, The King of Town, The Poopsmith, Strong Mad, Bubs, Homsar, Character 1

See Mr. Poofers Must Die Costumes for more information on what everyone was wearing.

Places: Marzipan's House, The Field

Date: Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Running Time: 5:30 (TV Time Toons Menu), 9:25 (YouTube; complete with "Easter eggs")

Page Title: A Top Notch Quality Ghost Story!


[edit] Transcript

{The toon opens with Marzipan playing her guitar in her living room, decorated with ghost streamers. Homestar walks up, and Marzipan stops playing as she turns around.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {angry} Marzipan, it's over! {raises his sword prop}

MARZIPAN: {unfazed} Okay.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I can't take another day of this {plants his sword into the floor} garbage relationship!

MARZIPAN: That's fine.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Wait, what day is it?

MARZIPAN: {annoyed} Halloween.

{Homestar produces a book labeled "PLAN THING" and opens it up.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {sheepishly} Oops, sorry! I was looking at next week. This is what I'm supposed to say to you today: {jumps up excitedly} Marzipan! This is it! {picks up and raises his sword} This Halloween I'm finally going to tell a top-notch four-and-a-half-stars-with-over-six-hundred-reviews-quality ghost story! And you know what that means!

{The music Marzipan was playing starts back up.}

MARZIPAN: Um, that you're gonna break up with me next week apparently?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {dramatically} Mr. Poofers must die!!

{Cut to a title screen reading "Mr. Poofers Must Die". Mr. Poofers's eyes occasionally briefly flash in place of the O's in the title. The words "A TOP-NOTCH 4½ STARS WITH OVER 600 REVIEWS QUALITY GHOST STORY" appear at the bottom of the screen.}

MARZIPAN: {voiceover} Who the crap is Mr. Poofers?

{The scene transitions to Mr. Poofers on an orange background.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Hey everyone! Hey everyone, look! Hey everyone, look at Mr. Poofers!

{Mr. Poofers sits down, with an accompanying noise.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Mr. Poofers is a dog—

{Mr. Poofers scratches himself with his hind leg and a question mark appears over his head.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} —but he sounds like this!

{As Homestar says each word that Mr. Poofers "sounds like", Mr. Poofers opens his mouth, and the same word appears inside it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Miffa miffa meeka moo!

{Mr. Poofers looks around.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} That is funny talk for a dog!

{Mr. Poofers stands up.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} What a great cloud with legs Mr. Poofers is.

{Mr. Poofers's fur fluffs out to make him look more cloud-like.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Uh, I mean, what a great dog

{Mr. Poofers returns to normal and scratches himself.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} —Mr. Poofers is!

{The screen changes to a dining room table with three pine cones on it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Mr. Poofers eats pimecones for breakfast, {Mr. Poofers appears and eats half of the first pine cone} lunch, {he eats the second} and dinner. {he eats the third} Imagine that! Pimecones for B, L, and D!

{As he says that last part, placards labeled "B", "L", and "D" fall in front of the half-eaten pine cones. Cut to Old Man Rootbeer, who looks around.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Oh, look! Oh, look, everyone! There's Old Man Rootbeer! Old Man Rootbeer is not a big fan of Mr. Poofers.

{The screen pans over as Mr. Poofers runs up in the background. Old Man Rootbeer shakes his fist at him.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Not really that much of a big fan at all. {As Rootbeer, who points at Mr. Poofers:} That kid eats my pimecones! {normally} Shouted Old Man Rootbeer.

{Cut to Rootbeer and Mr. Poofers, standing near a hammock with four pine cones sitting nearby.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover, as Rootbeer} I'm gonna take a nap on my college hammock, {Rootbeer shakes his fist} so don't eat my pimecones! {normally} Old Man Rootbeer told Mr. Poofers. {as Mr. Poofers} Miffa miffa!

{Rootbeer lies down on the hammock, and his hat falls over his face.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} After a few moments, Old Man Rootbeer had fallen a-slumber.

{Mr. Poofers sneaks closer.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Juuust when the moment was right... Mr. Poofers stole his beard!

{Mr. Poofers takes Rootbeer's beard and runs off. Rootbeer jumps up, his entire face now covered in the remnants of his beard, and shakes his fist.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} What a prize!

{Cut to Mr. Poofers happily hugging the beard. A "ding" sound effect plays as the beard shines.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} An old man's beard, no less!

{Cut to Homestar, standing next to a table with a candle on it, as silhouettes of the other characters look on. White noise plays for a few seconds as he looks around. Cut to a shot of the other main characters.}

STRONG BAD: Ummmm... what did I just listen to?

{Cut back to Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, sorry. "The end."

{Cut to Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: Is that what you dragged us all here for?!

{Cut to Strong Sad.}

STRONG SAD: Wasn't Mr. Poofers supposed to die?

{Cut to Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Aw, man! Did it happen again?! Every time I try and tell a spooky Mr. Poofers story—

{Cut to Marzipan.}

MARZIPAN: Which has now been exactly one time.

{Cut to Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: —he always survives! I thought, if I could finally kill him off, it would definitely become a top-notch four-and-a-half-stars-with-over-six-hundred-reviews-quality ghost story.

{Cut to Bubs.}

BUBS: But it didn't even sound like you tried to off Mr. Poofers in the first place.

{Cut to Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, but I did. Watch this: I'm about to say "Then Mr. Poofers' head fell off and he died, died, died." Ahem.

{Cut to Mr. Poofers walking down the street.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Mr. Poofers was thinking about a branch, {a thought bubble with a branch appears over his head} a hotel, {the bubble expands an a hotel labeled "OH SWELL" is added} and a $350 pair of loafers.

{The bubble expands and a pair of brown shoes marked "350" is added. Then it disappears and Mr. Poofers spins, looking like a tornado.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Gee whiz! That's a lot of Kansas mash right there!

{Mr. Poofers strikes a triumphant pose. The image poofs away and cuts back to Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: See? It's like somethin' takes a hold of ya when you're telling a Mr. Poofers story!

{Cut to Coach Z.}

COACH Z: Eh, what a bunch of balarney. Ain't nobaddy can get fatally irresponsible with an animal like Coach Z! Let me take a whack at it. And I'll try and finish your story too!

{Cut to Mr. Poofers and Old Man Rootbeer standing next to each other near a wall.}

COACH Z: {voiceover} Look, gentlemen! A roundish box!

{A roundish box drops into the scene as both characters take a step back.}

COACH Z: {voiceover} Mr. Poofers {the "oo" is pronounced as in the word "hook"} pretended there was such thing as a roundish box.

{Mr. Poofers pushes it toward Rootbeer.}

COACH Z: {voiceover} He gave it to Old M'n Rootber, {The "oo" is again pronounced as in "hook". Rootbeer scratches his head} who absolutely had not asked for it. {as Rootbeer:} This better be replacement pimecones! {normally} Belted Old M'n Rootber.

{Rootbeer reaches into the box and produces a broken half of a brush with brown hairs stuck to it as an electric sound effect is heard. He looks at it, puzzled.}

COACH Z: {voiceover} It was half a hairbrush. {pronounces the L in "half"}

{Rootbeer turns the brush over. The scene poofs away as we cut back to Coach Z, whose face is covered in sweat.}

COACH Z: {freaked out} Ooooohhhh! That wasn't me! That wasn't me! I tried to kill 'im! I swear!

{Cut to Marzipan}

MARZIPAN: Oh, shut up, Coach Z, you infant. I'll kill the stupid dog.

{Cut to Mr. Poofers sitting on a tiled floor.}

MARZIPAN: {voiceover} "Miffa meeka" {Mr. Poofers's mouth opens wide as those words exit through it.} said Mr. Poofers, out of his entire mouth. Mr. Poofers never complains, except once—

{Scene shifts to Mr. Poofers looking at a table as a bowl of pudding, with a hair sticking out of it, slides in front of him.}

MARZIPAN: {voiceover} —in a cafeteria, with bad, bad pudding.

{Mr. Poofers knocks it away angrily.}

MARZIPAN: {voiceover} I mean, have you ever—?

{The scene poofs away and cuts back to Marzipan, whose face is also covered in sweat.}

MARZIPAN: {distraught} I was wrong! I was so wrong!

{Pan over to Strong Sad.}

STRONG SAD: Oooh, this is getting supernaturally interesting! All right, Poofers, it's time for you to face... the Deathly Pallor! {closes his eyes, tenses up, and starts wiggling his fingers} I invoke protections from the third arcane level and send my mind into the psychic vault! You shall not break through! {opens his eyes and holds his arms wide}

{Cut to Mr. Poofers}

STRONG SAD: {voiceover} Pimecone.

{A pine cone appears. The scene then poofs away and cuts back to Strong Sad, whose face is also covered in sweat, and whose fingers are still twitching.}

STRONG SAD: {panicking} Oooohhh! Oohhh! Lemme out! It was horrible! {The Poopsmith puts his hand on Strong Sad's shoulder.} It was like Homestar's imagination was gushing out of my mouth like fire!

{Homestar leans into the scene}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {chuckling} I know, right?

{Cut to Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: Okay, fine. We all knew it was coming down to this anyway. I will merc Mr. Poofers for you sad sacks! {mutters to himself:} All right, concentrate, Strong Bad. Keep your mind strong! {lifts his head} Bad! See what I did—


STRONG BAD: Okay, sorry.

{Cut to an image of Mr. Poofers on a path, with Old Man Rootbeer standing in the distance.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} It was nearly sunset.

{Mr. Poofers suddenly puffs out, then slowly returns to normal.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Old Man Rootbeer stood at the end of the ave—

{Zoom in on Rootbeer, and a flamethrower appears behind him.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —flamethrower slung 'cross his back. {as Rootbeer:} You 'et one pimecone too many, Mr. Poofers! {normally} Harkened Old M. R... Beer.

{Rootbeer grabs the flamethrower and aims it.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} He took dead aim on Mr. ... {he shows signs of starting to struggle to speak} Poofers...

{Strong Bad appears in the corner of the screen, his face covered in sweat.}

STRONG BAD: Dead aim, you see! And then...

{Cut to Rootbeer holding the flamethrower, whose tip comes aflame.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...he... pulled... the tr— trrrri— trrrrrrrrrrr—

{Sudden cut to a trolley labeled "O.M.R.B." with "POOFERS AVE." marked as its destination. Rootbeer is riding the trolley, smiling widely.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, singing} Trolley 'round the block and then he gave it a ding!

{The trolley's bell rings: Ding! Cut to another view of the trolley, with Mr. Poofers now riding it too.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, singing} Mr. Poofers hopped aboard and they began to sing! How could we ever, how come we never—

{Cut back to the main characters. As they sing, the words appear above them.}

EVERYONE: {singing} Why can't we slice that pie?

{Strong Bad collapses. Everyone else huffs in fatigue.}

STRONG BAD: Awwwww! It's no use! Mr. Poofers is too powerful!

{Cut to Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, I guess we'll just have to start worshiping Mr. Poofers as our dark overlord.

{All overlapping each other:}

STRONG BAD: Eh, sounds good to me.
THE KING OF TOWN: Yeah, sure.
MARZIPAN: I'll try anything once.
STRONG MAD: {unintelligible}
BUBS: {unintelligible}
COACH Z: No other choice.
STRONG SAD: You know I'm down.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: All hail Mr. Poofers.

EVERYONE: Miffa miffa meeka moo!

{As the music picks up, cut to outside Marzipan's house, as a ghostly image of Mr. Poofers rises over it. Then cut to a Bookazon page for "Mr. Poofers Must Die: Homestar's Top-Notch Ghost Story", which starts with no stars and -4 customer reviews, but raises to four and a half stars and 601 reviews. Then, fade to The Field, where everyone is standing in costume. "Homestar as Dirk the Daring" appears next to Homestar.}

STRONG BAD: Hey, Homestar, nice Dork the Daring costume!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, that's who I dressed up as. Dirk {sounds like "dork" due to Homestar's speech patterns} the Daring.

STRONG BAD: No, no, I said Dork the Daring!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Right, right, Diiiiirk the Daring!

STRONG BAD: {groans, then quickly:} Hey Homestar, Duck left!

{The caption disappears as a yellow light flashes on the left side of the screen and Homestar dodges to the left.}

STRONG BAD: No, right!

{A yellow light flashes on the right side of the screen and Homestar dodges right.}

STRONG BAD: No, sword!

{A yellow sword blinks to Homestar's right.}

STRONG BAD: No, left sword!

{A yellow sword blinks to Homestar's left. Then, sad music from Dragon's Lair plays as Homestar turns into a skeleton.}

STRONG BAD: Aw, man!

{Homestar's skeleton collapses.}

STRONG BAD: Mooooom! Can I have 75 more dollars in quarters?

{Homestar returns to normal with a flash. A box reading "Strong Bad as Viewtiful Joe" appears.}

STRONG BAD: Henshin-a-go-go, baby! That's... all that I remember from that game. Cool shading, maybe? Slow-mo? {His scarf starts to move.} Scarf... effects?

{The box disappears but reappears near Marzipan reading "Marzipan as J. Mascis".}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, Marzipan. I really like your thrift store Gandalf costume.

STRONG SAD: Hey, Marzipan! Where you been?

STRONG BAD: Yeah, nobody gets that!

STRONG SAD: {clearly amused} Hey, Marzipan! You're living all over me! Mm-hm?

STRONG BAD: No one gets it!

STRONG SAD: That's okay! Whatever's cool with me!

MARZIPAN: Yeah, I get the joke, Strong Sad, and it's still really lame.

{The box disappears and reappears next to The Cheat, reading "The Cheat as a Korok". He jumps and throws leaves as wood block sound effects play.}

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises imitating Koroks}

{The box disappears and reappears next to Strong Sad, reading "Strong Sad as Tummi Gummi".}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, Strong Sad! I really tend to like your Bill Murray from cartoon Ghostbusters from the voice of Garfield: The Movie dot com costume! Never before has one voice so embodied {half-closes his eyes with orange eyelids, resembling Garfield} half-closed eyelids.

{The box disappears and reappears next to Strong Mad, reading "Strong Mad as Kano".}

STRONG BAD: {accusatory tone} Strong Mad?




STRONG BAD: No, big fella. There are no jokes about your costume. Because no one knows who it is.

{A question mark appears in the box, making it "Strong Mad as Kano?"}


STRONG BAD: Yeah, but you didn't dress up as Judge Dredd, did you?


STRONG BAD: I'm sorry. It's not enough. You're just blue Frankenstein. Better luck next year.

{Strong Mad cries. The box disappears.}

STRONG BAD: Uh, Coach Z?

{The box appears near Coach Z and Pom Pom, reading "Coach Z & Pom Pom as Missy Elliot".}

STRONG BAD: Do I even wanna know how you and Pom Pom are pulling this costume off?

COACH Z: I can assure you: you do not.

{Pom Pom's head pops out.}

POM POM: {bubbles}

COACH Z: Get back in there!

{One of the costume's hands pushes Pom Pom's head back in. The box disappears and reappears next to The Poopsmith, reading "Poopsmith as a Sea Monkey".}

THE KING OF TOWN: Y'all think that's the Poopsmith...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {whispering} This is gonna be about food.

THE KING OF TOWN: But in reality...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: It's gonna be about food.

THE KING OF TOWN: I finally bred sea monkeys large enough to make sea monkey po'boys!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yup, I told ya: about food.

{Cut to Homsar standing on Homestar's porch.}

HOMSAR: IIiiIIiiII've got hyperlinks stashed-a-mundo!

{The box appears reading "Homsar as David St. Hubbins". Homestar pokes out of the door.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, Homsar! I really like your "Doug Henning made his own mustache disappear" costume! {Goes back inside, but then immediately pops out again} It's really good! {Goes back inside, waits a moment, and then pops out again} It’s a really good costume!

{He goes back inside one final time as the scene cuts back to The Field. The box appears next to the King of Town, reading "King of Town as Little Debbie".}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: King of Town? Spot-on Little Debbie costume! Bubs? Serviceable Little Debbie's Dad costume.

THE KING OF TOWN: I always figured Little Debbie was the snack child of Lord Baldrick Entenmann and Dame Sara Lee!

{The box disappears and reappears next to Bubs, reading "Bubs as Stan S. Stanman".}

COACH Z: Say, Bubs. Can ya sell me any previously-owned vessels?

BUBS: {flailing his arms wildly} Check it out check it out check it out check it out check it out check it out check it out check it out check it out check it out!

Even better than the Secretary Appreciation Day special!

{The scene cuts to a fake "Up Next" screen for "The Cheat Commandos Arbor Day Special", showing the Homestar puppet with a single cyclops eye in place of its usual eyes, and figurines of Reynold, Gunhaver, and Silent Rip in its mouth. After a few seconds, cut to a Yonder Website scene. Character 1 walks along and finds a familiar-looking giant ball of fluff.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, in a soothing voice} Say, what's that, Character 1? Why, it looks like someone's left out the cushion from a papasan chair, that's right.

{Character 1 leans on the fluff.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Real comfortable. Take a nap.

{Mr. Poofers's eyes and tongue appear in the "fluff". Character 1 jumps back.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Say, that's no cushion!

{Mr. Poofers stands up.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Why, it's some sort of beast of the apocalypse!

{Mr. Poofers yawns.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Say, Beast of the Apocalypse!

{Mr. Poofers opens his eyes upon being addressed.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} You look like you might need to be a little bit appeased.

{Mr. Poofers puffs his fur out.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Is that right? Well, you know what that means, Character 1!

{An orange falls from the sky in front of Character 1.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} A little bit of sacrificial fruit, that's right.

{Character 1 catches the orange as Mr. Poofers turns around and opens his mouth. Character 1 throws the orange into his mouth.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Make an offering. Avert the apocalypse. Far out.

[edit] Fun Facts

[edit] Trivia

[edit] Remarks

  • Strong Sad previously killed off all the characters in the story told in Homestarloween Party, and spent Doomy Tales of the Macabre killing off or cursing all the members of the main cast.
    • Likewise, Strong Bad also was responsible for his share of the deaths in Homestarloween Party, and frequently kills characters off in violent ways writing Teen Girl Squad.
  • Strong Mad mentions Judge Dredd. It is usually the Poopsmith who dresses in Judge Dredd-themed costumes; he wore a Judge Dredd helmet in Ever and More and dressed as the Mean Machine Angel in I Killed Pom Pom.

[edit] Goofs

  • The end scene says that Coach Z and Pom Pom are dressed up as "Missy Elliot", whose last name is spelled with two T's.

[edit] Inside References

[edit] Real-World References

[edit] External Links

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