Dangeresque Roomisode X: Inspection Certificate on File in Building Office Responses
From Homestar Runner Wiki
These are all of the responses in Dangeresque Roomisode X: Inspection Certificate on File in Building Office.
- Spoiler warning: Plot or ending details follow.
[edit] Intro
- {Dangeresque Too is standing on top of a building. The camera zooms in, swiveling around him in 3D.}
- NARRATOR: High above Brainblow City, Dangeresque Too finishes his nightly vigil...ance. {2D close-up} Vigil-vigilance.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Looks like crime's gone to bed for the night. {his sunglasses sparkle with a "ding!"}
- {Dangeresque Too walks into an elevator, again in 3D.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I'll go in the elevator.
- {Cut to gameplay. Dangeresque Too is standing in the elevator. A monitor buzzes with static, and a silhouette appears on it.}
- BAD GUY: {with a low, distorted voice} Going down, Dangeresque Too?
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I'd recognize that bad guy voice anywhere! It's a bad guy!
- BAD GUY: Allow me to put you on the EXPRESS lift! HaHaHaHaHa!!
- {The elevator plummets. Cut back to the inside.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: {rhythmically} I better find a way, to stop this runaway, eleva- {brief pause} tor.
[edit] Elevator
[edit] Dangeresque Too
- {Dangeresque Too spins his propeller cap and makes a whirring sound.}
[edit] Brolly → Dangeresque Too
- {In the elevator, while it's still falling}
- {Dangeresque Too opens the brolly and holds it up, then closes it.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Huh. I guess that won't slow me down inside the elevator. Always worked when I was a kid jumpin off the shed.
- {In the hatch, while the elevator is falling}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Yeah! I'll open this thing up and it'll slow us right down!
- {He opens the brolly and flies upward as the elevator falls and explodes. Cut back to Dangeresque Too as he floats down.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: It totally worked!
- {The brolly stops moving.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Right?
- {The brolly collapses, sending Dangeresque Too plummeting down the elevator shaft. He explodes at the bottom. Game over.}
- {After the elevator has stopped}
- {Dangeresque Too opens the brolly, then closes it.}
[edit] Washer → Dangeresque Too
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I guess this could make an okay monocle, but I don't think it'll help disguise my identity enough.
[edit] Cuppa Ice → Dangeresque Too
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I daren't go a chomping. This ice looks hard as diamonds.
[edit] Keycard → Dangeresque Too
- DANGERESQUE TOO: There's no room number on it. Guess I'll just have to try it out somewheres.
[edit] Bib → Dangeresque Too
- {If the bib does not have coffee on it}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Maybe this'll help me NOT match those guards' description. {puts it on} Aw man! Whoever ate this was messy in exactly the shape of a star! It still looks like I'm wearing a dang ol' star shirt! {puts it away}
- {If the bib has coffee on it}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: There we go! This messy bib may look and smell like coffee barf, but at least it hides my star shirt!
[edit] Kid Meal → Dangeresque Too
- DANGERESQUE TOO: {puts on bag} Aw man! My propeller poked through! But it still horrifyingly covers up my cool shades. I'll wait to wear until I have all the pieces of my threesguise. {puts it away}
[edit] Hat → Dangeresque Too
- DANGERESQUE TOO: This covers up my propeller cap real nice. Grammaw nice. I'll wait until I have my full threesguise to put it on. {puts it away}
[edit] Any disguise piece → Dangeresque Too
- {When all three items are acquired}
- {Not in the lobby}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I think I have all that I need to conceal my identity! I should prolly head to the lobby. Prolly lobby.
- {In the lobby, the ending plays}
[edit] Any other item → Dangeresque Too
- DANGERESQUE TOO: That's not gonna help me threesguise my appearance from those guys. Threesguise guys.
[edit] Brolly
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Prolly somebody left their brolly. Prolly brolly. {takes it}
[edit] Ceiling Tile
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Looks like an access panel. I could prolly jump up there, but I need to get it open first.
[edit] Brolly → Ceiling Tile
- {Dangersesque Too pokes the ceiling tile, exposing a hole in the ceiling.}
[edit] Open Tile
- DANGERESQUE TOO: {unsubtitled} Doing!
- {Dangeresque Too leaps up into the elevator shaft.}
[edit] Brolly → Open Tile
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I already got it open. I can just doing-jump up there.
[edit] Any other item → Open Tile
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I don't need to chuck nothin up there.
[edit] Buttons
- {First time only, when the elevator is falling}
- {Cut to the button panel.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: These buddins have been tampered with! I'm pretty sure I'm headed for the ground floor no matter what I press at this point.
- {Cut away from the panel.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I shouldn't mess with these until I've stopped the elevator!
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I shouldn't mess with these until I've stopped the elevator!
- {First time only, after the elevator has been stopped}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Only some of the buddins still work. And who knows what floor they'll take me to.
- {Cut to the button panel. There are eight buttons, but only four are functional.}
[edit] Any item → Buttons
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I don't think anything I use is gonna fix these buddins.
[edit] Current floor
- DANGERESQUE TOO: That's the floor I'm already on.
[edit] Poster
- {First time only}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: It's the menu for room service.
- {Cut to the poster.}
[edit] Menu Item
- {First time only}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: "The Romantic Dinner for Teux. Steak with green shreds. Bubbly Champlain and a rose for rose-mance."
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I was really hopin that was egg nog in those glasses.
[edit] More on Back
- {When the glass is not cut}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: It says there's more on the back but that innocent menu is trapped inside this infernal glass frame!
- {When the glass is cut, first time only}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: You're free now, Room Service Menu! Free to be flipped over!
- {The menu flips to reveal the backside.}
[edit] Kid Meal
- DANGERESQUE TOO: The Upside-Down Clown Kid Meal. *Limit one per kidstomer. No sharing fries. Or ketchup. Or joy.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: That clown face is Marshie levels of disturbing.
- CLOWN FACE: {Marshie's voice} You ain't kiddin, Hardcastle!
[edit] Messy Ol' Ribs
- DANGERESQUE TOO: "Messy ol' ribs. Half rack. Full problems. Bib included."
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Kinda looks like a pan flute. {singing} Poooot-poot-poot-poooooot. Pan flute.
[edit] Brolly → Poster
- DANGERESQUE TOO: That poster's behind impact-proof glass and the tip o' this brolly isn't sharp enough to cut through it, laddie.
[edit] Washer → Poster
- DANGERESQUE TOO: That will just make an ear-crawling, skin-curdling screech. So let's hear it! {scratches the washer on the glass, making a high-pitched noise}
[edit] Diamond → Poster
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Let's see if this diamond will cut through that glass frame.
- {Dangeresque Too uses the diamond to cut the glass. The glass cracks and shatters.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Bowlegged!
[edit] Flower → Poster
- DANGERESQUE TOO: GET FLORAL! Nope. Nothin.
[edit] Any other item → Poster
- {If the poster is behind glass}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: That won't help me free this innocent advertisement from its glass prison!
- {If the glass is broken}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I already gave this valiant young menu its freedoms.
[edit] Screen
- {The screen displays a cup of coffee.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: It's one o' those little infotainment screens. That bad guy musta hijacked it somehow.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: It says "Scaldo's Coffee now available on Vending Floor". "Thermal Lava Mitts available in lobby."
- {The screen displays a person walking on a treadmill near a TV.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: It says their "gym" is more than just a TV and a treadmill. But it doesn't specify how.
- {The screen displays a glass of beer.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Nodor's Pub! A place for fine ales and tasty meals. If you can find the entrance.
- {The screen displays a silhouetted person holding a blue rectangle.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Uh, I think that bad guy musta left his camera on. Looks like he's playing a handheld game.
- BAD GUY: IT KEEPS MAKING ME JUMP WHEN I'M NOT PRESSING JUMP!!
- {The screen displays a glistening diamond.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: The world famous Bowlegged Diamond is going to be on display this week.
- {The screen displays a fax machine, and the words "FAX IT".}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: There's a brand new fax machine in the business center. FREE police sketch with every sent page!
- {The screen displays a cup of coffee again, and the dialogue loops.}
[edit] Any item → Screen
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I should just enjoy its informative advertisements and hastily assembled clip art stylings.
[edit] Shaft
[edit] Emergency Brake
- {If the brolly is not hooked onto the hatch}
- {Dangeresque Too pulls the lever. Sparks fly out of it.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: That slowed it down a little, but didn't stop it! I gotta find a way to slow us down even more!
- {If the brake is activated}
- {Dangeresque Too pulls the lever back.}
- {If the brolly is hooked onto the hatch}
- {Dangeresque Too pulls the lever, slowing the elevator to a stop. There is a toolbox in a cubby in the back wall.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: {taking brolly} Phew! That was close. Now I can get back down to the lobby and scramconnoiter out of here.
[edit] Any item → Emergency Brake
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I'm not doin it.
[edit] Hatch
- {Dangeresque Too closes the hatch. It is now labeled "Handle".}
[edit] Brolly → Hatch
- DANGERESQUE TOO: There's nothing to hook the brolly onto.
[edit] Handle
- Dangeresque Too opens the hatch. It is now labeled "Hatch".}
[edit] Brolly → Handle
- {If the emergency brake isn't pulled}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: That slowed things down a little. But there's still a good deal of "plummet to my death" happening.
- {If the emergency brake is pulled}
- {The umbrella opens, slowing the elevator to a stop. There is a toolbox in a cubby in the back wall.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: {taking brolly} Phew! That was close. Now I can get back down to the lobby and scramconnoiter out of here.
[edit] Back Inside
- {Dangeresque jumps back down into the elevator.}
[edit] Any item → Back Inside
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I don't need to drop it down, drop it down.
[edit] Lobby
- {First time only, after stopping the elevator}
- {The elevator door opens to the lobby. Two silhouettes stand in front of the door.}
- LEFT BAD GUY: Is that him?
- RIGHT BAD GUY: He matches the description. Propeller cap, cool shades, star shirt.
- LEFT BAD GUY: Do we shoot him?
- RIGHT BAD GUY: I think so?
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Uh oh!
- {Dangeresque Too quickly ducks to close the elevator as bullets dent the door.}
- {Title card appears.}
- NARRATOR: Roomisode X: Inspection Certificate On File In Building Office!
- {Cut back to gameplay.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Guess I'm not gettin out of here til I DON'T match their description. Star shirt, cool shades, propeller cap. I need a threesguise!
[edit] Elevator Doors
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I can't go out there yet! Those guards will shoot me on sight! I still match their description too much!
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I really shouldn't go out there yet.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Yeah, maybe the guards have left by now.
- {He opens the door. They have not.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Oh, hi guys.
- {The screen is covered in shooting effects, and Dangeresque Too's cool shades and cap tumble to the floor. Game over.}
- {After Kid Meal and Hat have been used on Dangeresque Too}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I still match the guards' description too much! I've got my cool shades and my propeller cap covered up but I still gotta do something about my star shirt!
[edit] Any item → Elevator Doors
- DANGERESQUE TOO: T'willn't help me, that.
[edit] Shaft (Lobby)
[edit] Toolbox
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Some ol' toolbox. Or maybe a lunchbox? {opens it} Definitely toolbox. There was just this metal washer inside. {takes the washer} Which I guess could be somebody's lunch... {dramatic close-up} IF YOU'RE A ROBOT!!
[edit] Any item → Toolbox
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I don't need to use nothin' with this ol' toolbox.
[edit] Keycard
- DANGERESQUE TOO: That's where that thing that Dagger Skew dropped landed! That great orange thing!
[edit] Brolly → Keycard
- {Dangeresque Too knocks down the keycard.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: It's a room keycard!
[edit] Any other item → Keycard
- DANGERESQUE TOO: That's not gonna help me get that thin line of orange and black pixels down there.
[edit] Floor 7 1/2?
- {First time only}
- WOMAN: Ugh! The elevator's stuck in between floors again.
- MAN: How are we supposed to murder Dangeresque Too if the stupid elevators won't work?
- DANGERESQUE TOO: More guards! Good thing they can't see me down here!
[edit] Certain Death
- DANGERESQUE TOO: {crouches down for a moment} I don't think I wanna climb in there.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: On second thought, it's always wise to keep clickin on somethin labeled Certain Death! Here I go! {crouches down}
- {Dangeresque Too falls down the elevator shaft and explodes. Game over.}
[edit] Any item → Certain Death
- DANGERESQUE TOO: When I was a kid I lost a rubber walrus eraser down an elevator shaft. I can't risk losin' nothin else!
[edit] Loafers
- {If the quarter has not been taken}
- {Close up on the woman's shoes. There is a quarter in one of them.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: This lady's wearing a sweet pair of quarterloafers! She must be rich!
- {Cut to elevator.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I'm a snitch one of the quarters!
- WOMAN: Oh! Something touched my foot!
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Or maybe not.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I'm a snitch one of the quarters!
- WOMAN: Something keeps brushing against my foot!
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Or maybe not.
- {If the quarter has been taken}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Boop! {wiggles the shoe}
[edit] Washer → Loafers
- {Before taking the quarter}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Lessee if I can swap out this washer for that quarter without her noticing.
- {Close-up. The swap is made. Cut to elevator.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I did it!
- WOMAN: Did you just touch my feet?
- MAN: Um. Gross, no.
- {After taking the quarter}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Naw, I don't need another quarter.
[edit] Quarter → Loafers
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I don't want to put it back. I might could get me a gumball later!
[edit] Flower → Loafers
- {First time only}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Maybe I can aroma up these stinky feets.
- WOMAN: ACHOO!
- MAN: What was that?! I almost shot you!
- WOMAN: Something activated my allergies.
- WOMAN: ACHOO!
[edit] Any other item → Loafers
- DANGERESQUE TOO: This plus feet is NOT an equation I need to solve for.
[edit] Sneakers
- {Dangeresque Too unties the man's sneakers.}
- WOMAN: Oh, your shoes have come untied.
- {If coffee is not dripping on his head}
- MAN: Huh. That weird.
- {If coffee is dripping on his head}
- MAN: Prolly didn't notice because of this coffee drippin on my head.
- {He bends down to retie his shoes. If wearing a hat, he drops it.}
- WOMAN: Oh, your shoes are untied again.
- {If coffee is not dripping on his head}
- MAN: Huh. That's still weird.
- {If coffee is dripping on his head}
- MAN: Gimme a break! I got a bad case of coffee drippins!
- {He bends down to retie his shoes. If wearing a hat, he drops it.}
[edit] Any item → Sneakers
- DANGERESQUE TOO: This plus feet is NOT an equation I need to solve for.
[edit] Hat
- {Dangeresque Too takes the hat.}
- MAN: Hey! Where'd my hat go?
- WOMAN: You already lost the hat I just gave you?! How gratingly ungrateful!
- MAN: Shut up lady!
[edit] Shaft (Floor 7 1/2)
- {First time only}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Oh good. They can't see me up here either.
[edit] Guy's Head
- MAN: Elevator's stuck again. Y'ever wonder if there's like a tiny floor between the floors?
- WOMAN: No. I have a medical condition where I'm physically unable to wonder.
- MAN: Can you at least ponder?
- WOMAN: Ponder? What've I got to ponder?
- MAN: So how long you been working for our mysterious bad guy employer?
- WOMAN: Not long. I got the job through MoidaPro Henchman Placement Services. I just love a good hench!
- MAN: MoidaPro, eh? I use Staffin' 'n' Stabbin'.
- {Following the man's first line, first time after putting the flower on the lady's hat}
- WOMAN: I'm currently wondering what is going on with my hat! It's itchy and making my forehead break out!
- MAN: It's too bad I don't want or need a hat. I guess you'll just have to stand there and turn all red and puffy.
- WOMAN: Yes, I suppose it's the only way.
- {Following the man's first line, if the flower is on the lady's hat}
- WOMAN: No time for idle chit-chat! I need to get rid of this hat!
- MAN: Wish I could help.
- {If the coffee is dripping from the floor above, and the flower isn't on the lady's hat}
- MAN: Ugh! This coffee drippin on my head sucks! Wish I had a hat.
- WOMAN: If my hat weren't so comfortable I'd let you borrow it. These hypoallergenic plastic flowers are just lovely.
- MAN: I understand. Too bad I can't be bothered to move a few inches left or right.
- {If the coffee is dripping from the floor above, and the flower is on the lady's hat}
- MAN: Ugh! This coffee drippin on my head sucks! Wish I had a hat.
- WOMAN: Well, you can have my hat. It's giving me an allergic reaction all of a sudden.
- MAN: Oh wow! Thanks lady!
- {After he puts on the hat}
- MAN: Aah. That's so much better. Now the coffee's just watering the flowers! Everybody wins!
- {If Dangeresque Too has taken the hat}
- MAN: I guess I'll just let this coffee drip slowly bore a hole through my skull.
- WOMAN: That sounds like a good plan, dear.
[edit] Any item → Guy's Head
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Naw, I don't wanna risk alerting him to my presence.
[edit] Lady with Hat
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Ooh, that hat would make a perfect threesguise component!
- {Dangeresque Too tries to take it}
- WOMAN: Ahh! Salmon and aspic! I think my hat just self-fidgeted!
- MAN: Uh, I'm gonna leave that one alone.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Gotta find another way to get it.
- WOMAN: How long are we going to have to wait here? I wanna murder that nice young private eye.
- {First time only, if coffee is not dripping from the floor above}
- MAN: I dunno. But I heard the stairs were burned down by termites. So it looks like we're gonna have to WAIT.
- {If the coffee is dripping from the floor above}
- MAN: I hope it's soon! This coffee drippin on my head sucks! Wish I had a hat.
- WOMAN: If my hat weren't so comfortable I'd let you borrow it.
- MAN: Yeah, I get it. Too bad I can't be bothered to move a few inches to the left or right.
- {If the flower is on the hat}
- WOMAN: Augh! My hat's gotten itchy all of the sudden! Like I'm having an allergic reaction!
- {If the lady has removed her hat}
- WOMAN: Well, everything is now so great. The end.
- {If Dangeresque Too has taken the hat}
- WOMAN: I hope the elevator starts working again soon. I'd like to murder Dangeresque Too before my Garden Club meeting. The ladies will be all agog! Agog at the murder!
- WOMAN: Let's not talk for a while.
- WOMAN: Tri-fold board. There, I finally said it!
[edit] Flower → Lady with Hat
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Let's add some real flora to this plastic mastery. {places the rose}
- WOMAN: Augh! My hat's gotten itchy all of the sudden! Like I'm having an allergic reaction!
- {If coffee is not dripping on the man's head}
- MAN: It's too bad I don't want or need a hat. I guess you'll just have to stand there and turn all red and puffy.
- WOMAN: Yes, I suppose it's the only way.
- {If coffee is dripping on the man's head}
- MAN: I'll take that hat off your hands. I could use it to block this coffee drip!
- WOMAN: Oh, you're a life saver. Thank you dear!
- {She takes off the hat and puts it on the man's head.}
- MAN: Aah. That's so much better. Now the coffee's just watering the flowers! Everybody wins!
[edit] Any other item → Lady with Hat
- {If she's wearing a hat}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I don't wanna put that on her hat!
- {If she's not wearing a hat}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I don't want her to notice me!
[edit] Vending
[edit] Coffee Machine
- {First time only}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: It's an old coffee vending machine. Still only costs a quarter!
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Lessee, Light Roast, Mild Roast, Hardly Roast, and See-Thru Roast. Aw man, this thing don't got no Hot Jones?
[edit] Washer → Coffee Machine
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Aw man. It doesn't work. Guess I need an actual quarter.
[edit] Quarter → Coffee Machine
- {Dangeresque Too puts the quarter inside. A cup is dispensed. Coffee pours into the cup, melting it.}
- {First time only}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: That scalding coffee straight up vaporized that styrofoam cup! At least it gave me my quarter back.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: It just sits there for a sec and then VOIP!! No more coffee. At least it gave me my quarter back.
[edit] Any other item → Coffee Machine
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Um, I think it only takes quarters.
[edit] Cup
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I got the styro before that coffee went pyro.
- {The coffee pours out from the machine and leaks out onto the floor}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Ooh, Puddleman's Coffee.
[edit] Puddle
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Looks like it might be seepin through the floor tiles.
[edit] Cup → Puddle
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I don't wanna risk melting my great new cup! What a cup that is!
[edit] Cuppa Ice → Puddle
- DANGERESQUE TOO: That'll prolly just melt the cup and the ice.
[edit] Any other item → Puddle
- DANGERESQUE TOO: A bad idea all around!
[edit] Bib → Puddle
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Soppins!
- {He wipes the coffee with the bib}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: The bib is covered in coffee BBQ grodiness now. And the puddle kinda looks n' smells like barf. Hooray!
[edit] Ice Machine
- {Ice comes out of the machine.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: It made the ice go down through the little grate. It was a little great.
[edit] Cup → Ice Machine
- {The cup is filled with ice.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I filled my cup up with ice!
[edit] Any other item → Ice Machine
- DANGERESQUE TOO: That doesn't need any ice.
[edit] Romance Debris
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Whoa! There's no food left. Maybe the Coffee and Ice Machines had a romantic dinner together. A ro-ro din-din! Anyways, I'm takin this flower. Might come in handy. {picks up rose} Happy anniversary you two. May you one day make beautiful cold brews together.
[edit] Shaft (Vending)
[edit] Callbox
- {First time only}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: An emergency callbox! They'll be able to help me!
- ROOM SERVICE: Room Service. How may I help you?
- DANGERESQUE TOO: There are armed guards trying to kill me and the elevator's all messed up! Send help!
- ROOM SERVICE: I'm sorry sir, this line is just for room service. May I take your order?
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Why is there a room service callbox in the elevator shaft?!
- ROOM SERVICE: We get a lot of hungry spies and action heroes in this hotel, sir. There's also a callbox in the ventilation ducts. Should you have to crawl through those. Now may I take your order?
- {A menu appears}
- {If not all items have been ordered}
- ROOM SERVICE: Room Service. May I take your order?
- {Um...}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: How bout an every order of food dog and a manilla cheescoke?
- ROOM SERVICE: I'm sorry sir, you have to order off the menu.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Yes, I'd like twelve please.
- ROOM SERVICE: I'm sorry, twelve what?
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Of them. I'd like twelve of them.
- ROOM SERVICE: I'm going to need an actual menu item.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: 3 bottles of your most requisite Charmande J'eupronde please vou plais.
- ROOM SERVICE: I'm sorry sir, we do not accept pretend French.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Joke joke joke.
- ROOM SERVICE: Order off the menu.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Can I get 10-12 of those fat little ketchup bottles?
- ROOM SERVICE: Maybe. IF YOU ORDER OFF THE FREAKING MENU!
- {Romance Dinner}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Uh yes, I'd like the Romantic Dinner with Steak and Green Item.
- {If Poster was checked, Messy Ol' Ribs and Kid Meal becomes available.}
- {Messy Ol' Ribs}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Lemme get the Messy ol' Ribs please.
- {Kid Meal}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I want the Kid Meal! For a singular kid!
- ROOM SERVICE: Our most popular item.
- {If food is picked, continues below}
- ROOM SERVICE: Very good, sir. What's the room number?
- {If the Penthouse was not identified, a menu appears}
- {Umm...}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Uh, can't you just like triungulate my bluetooths or something? {not subtitled} Locate me that way?
- ROOM SERVICE: I'm sorry sir, I'm going to need an actual room number.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Can you deliver it to the "Business Center?" Y'know that sad little alcove that just has an ancient deskjet and a CAT 1 cable?
- ROOM SERVICE: I'm sorry sir, I'm going to need an actual room number.
- {Vending}
- {When ordering the Romance Dinner}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Uh, just leave it by the vending machines how bout?
- ROOM SERVICE: You want the Romance Dinner Package delivered to the vending machines?
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Yeah! It's where me and my spousetype first met. She was getting ice when I burned two of my eyeballs with hot coffee. She put the ice on my eyes until the governor's chimpanzee—
- ROOM SERVICE: Okay FINE! But just this once. Your order will be there any second.
- {After ordering the Romance Dinner}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Uh, just leave it by the vending machines how bout?
- ROOM SERVICE: I'm sorry sir, I'm going to need an actual room number.
- {The Lobby?}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: You can just leave it in the lobby. Between the armed guards. It's cool, it's cool.
- ROOM SERVICE: I'm sorry sir, I'm going to need an actual room number.
- {Stuck Floor}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Can you just leave it between two floors that I don't know what they are? There were some people there with shoes.
- ROOM SERVICE: I'm sorry sir, I'm going to need an actual room number.
- {If the Penthouse room was identified, continues below automatically.}
- {First time only}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I'm staying in room 802, don't you know.
- ROOM SERVICE: Ah! Our VIP! Right away sir! We pride ourselves on unrealistically fast service! Can I get you something else?
- ROOM SERVICE: That will be at your door in moments. Can I get you something else?
- {If all items have been ordered and the hat is acquired}
- {SEND HELP!}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Get hot water, get some iodine, get some disinfectant!
- DANGERESQUE TOO: If you won't send help, will you send me... um... a letter? Tell me bout your family?
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I need reinforcements!
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Mr. Me-sident, we have a situation. I'd like me to come with me to safety.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: There's a guy! With a spoon hat! And he's tryin to meech me!
[edit] Any item → Callbox
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I don't need to tamper with this call box. I should just use it the way Rob intended. Rob being the inventor of the call box. Lord Robert Callboxon.
[edit] Penthouse
[edit] Room Door
- {First time only}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Huh. It's locked. Doesn't even have a room number. {knocks} Open up! I'm being pursued by sinister agents!
- {The door opens}
- BUBS: Go away! I hate you! {slams the door}
- BUBS: {opens door} Unless you're room service, I don't wanna hear it! {slams door}
- {After ordering the Kid Meal and Messy Ol' Ribs}
- BUBS: {opens door} Now I'm fulla room service! So unless you're a human naptake, lemee 'lone!
[edit] Diamond → Room Door
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Hey, is this your Bowlegged Diamond? Do you want it back?
- BUBS: Can I eat it?
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Prolly not without significant dental trauma.
- BUBS: Then I bid you a goodly bye!
[edit] Keycard → Room Door
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Let's see if this keycard works.
- {The door opens.}
- BUBS: Hey! What the crap?!
- DANGERESQUE TOO: {sounding official} Uh, I was just trying to get into my room. I'm in town for the symposium, I sympose...
- BUBS: You got the wrong room, business man! This is room 802! They coded your keycard wrong!
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Ah yes. I see. Nevertheless, might I come in to peek about for a pair of stylish socks?
- BUBS: GET OUTTA HERE!! {slams door}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Room 802!
[edit] Any other item → Room Door
- {Before ordering the Kid Meal and Messy Ol' Ribs}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Hey occupant, may I interest you in random inventory item?
- BUBS: {opens door} Unless you're room service, I don't wanna hear it! {slams door}
- {After ordering the Kid Meal and Messy Ol' Ribs}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Hey occupant, may I interest you in random inventory item?
- BUBS: {opens door} Now I'm fulla room service! So unless you're a human naptake, lemee 'lone!
[edit] Kid Meal Trash
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Aw man, I was hopin they'd leave the toy surprise. Just the upside-down clown bag. Which is what I like to call perps when I slam em up against the wall! Freeze Clown Bag! Dangeresque Too is breakin up your three ring circus ring/drug ring. Thing. {picks up bag}
[edit] Any item → Kid Meal Trash
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I don't need to use nothin with this stuff.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I should just get what I can from what's left.
[edit] Rib Detritus
- DANGERESQUE TOO: The ribs are all gone. But they did come with a bib! Mine-take! {picks up bib}
[edit] Any item → Rib Detritus
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I don't need to use nothin with this stuff.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I should just get what I can from what's left.
[edit] Shaft (Penthouse)
[edit] Dagger Skew
- DANGERESQUE TOO: It's Dagger Skew! Master cheatburgler and stabby specialist!
- {A menu appears}
- {Whatcha doin?}
- {First time only}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: What are you doin danglin around this elevator shaft?
- DAGGER SKEW: Mmermer Mmhe! {takes out a shiny diamond}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: You stole the Bowlegged Diamond from a guest in this hotel?!
- DAGGER SKEW: Murmurer murmumble meh!
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Well, at least you're not the one tryin to kill me! Best of luck to ya!
- DANGERESQUE TOO: What are you doin again?
- DAGGER SKEW: Mmermer Mmhe!
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Wight, wight. Diamonds.
- {Daggers}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: What's up with that dagger headband? Does it give you an advantage on the 70's-ball court?
- DAGGER SKEW: Hermerman bermerman.
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Oh! They're perfectly spaced for slicin' up eyeballs? Whoa-ho-ho-HO. {steps back} I'll just be over here.
- {This menu item disappears.}
- {After asking what he's doing}
- {Diamond?}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Say, can I have that Bowlegged Diamond?
- DAGGER SKEW: harshymarsh shimsham!
- DANGERESQUE TOO: You'll only swap it for something of equal or morer value?
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Gimme that diamond!
- DAGGER SKEW: Grumbletown!
[edit] Cuppa Ice → Dagger Skew
- {Before talking to Dagger Skew}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: I don't got no reason to give him my hard-fought cup of ice.
- {After talking to Dagger Skew}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Hey Dagger Skew, I'll trade ya that diamond for this cup o' stolen ice! Facets, cuts, clarity! These babies got all the jewel words I know.
- DAGGER SKEW: Mmmrrh MEH!
- {Dangeresque Too gives Dagger Skew the shiny cup of ice. Dagger Skew gives him the shiny diamond.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Pleasure doin bidness witcha!
- {Dagger Skew rappells out of sight. An orange card falls down past the elevator.}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: What was that orange thing?
[edit] Any other item → Dagger Skew
- {Before talking to Dagger Skew}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Do you want this item for reasons unknown?
- DAGGER SKEW: Mrrah mrrah mraah!
- {After talking to Dagger Skew}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Will you trade me that Bowlegged Diamond for this?
- DAGGER SKEW: Mrrah mrrah mraah!
[edit] Using Two Inventory Items Together
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Dangeresque Too never combines items. Except for grit and determination! I mash them into a paste and wear it as a hydrating sleep mask!
[edit] Game Over
{The words "Game Over" appear on black in Dangeresque Font, and are replaced by:}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Or did I?
- {These are following phrases that will appear in the following order, changing every time you lose.}
- That's not wight...
- Oops, you bwoke it...
- Oh hewwo sudden death...
- That did not look good for Dangeresque Too...
- Lies. All lies!
- {The game then cuts back to the moment before you committed the action that led to the Game Over.}
[edit] Ending
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Alright, I think I've got enough to conceal my identity.
- {He puts on the bib, the bag, and the hat}
- DANGERESQUE TOO: Hopefully those guards just let me walktz right out the front door. {steps toward elevator} Waltz-walkin', that is.
- {Dangeresque Too steps out. The doors close.}
- LEFT BAD GUY: AHH! All my childhood nightmares made real!
- RIGHT BAD GUY: Pump it fulla lead!!
- DANGERESQUE TOO: {unsubtitled} The pipes are broken!
- LEFT BAD GUY: OWW!!
- RIGHT BAD GUY: OOF!!
- LEFT BAD GUY: CLOWN!!
- RIGHT BAD GUY: I'm being assaulted by an unknown masked assailant!!
- {Cut to Dangeresque Too leaving the hotel wearing his disguise. The text "Roomisode X Complete" appears.}
- NARRATOR: Roomisode Complete!
- {Dangeresque Too bursts out. His disguise falls off and blinks away. Pan up to the top of the hotel. The sign reads "Swissblonkel Hotel". The letters blink.}
- {Fade to black. "Ended" appears.}
