Dangeresque: THREE in 3D
From Homestar Runner Wiki
Strong Bad finally makes good on his promise of making Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective in 3D!
Cast (in order of appearance):
- Strong Bad as Dangeresque
- Coach Z as Renaldo
- Bear Holding a Shark as a prehistoric robot dinosaur
- Homestar Runner as Dangeresque Too and Uzi Bazooka
- Marzipan as Cutesy Buttons
- The Cheat as Craig
- Strong Mad as Killingyouguy
- Senor Cardgage as Dadgeresque
- Cardboard Marzipan as Cutesy Buttons stunt double
- Strong Sad as The Stunt Double
- Bubtronic Security Robot as DangeCar-esque Autopilot
Places: Office, Strongborneo, Brainblow City Prison, DangeCar-esque, The Sun
Running Time: 8:16
DVD Exclusive: SBCG4AP Collector's DVD
[edit] Transcript
{Opens to a black screen. Music starts to play. White text appears: "Find some 3D glasses/and put them on!". Then the text gets a blurry shine effect. Text is wiped off the screen and music ends.}
{The screen fades in on The Cheat's flipper-like hand holding up a crude title card reading the movie title, backed by the Smokey Office. All the footage is in black and white, with magenta and cyan overlays for the 3D effect. The Cheat then removes the card as Strong Bad as Dangeresque says the following line:}
STRONG BAD: {talking on the phone} Yeah, well, I don't care what the FBI, CIA, RGB and XFL say! I already returned the priceless paintings that were evidence!
{Strong Bad hangs up the phone and faces the camera}
STRONG BAD: Dangeresque plays by his own rules!
{Strong Bad turns his head to his right (the viewer's left) as he hears the door knocking.}
{Cut to establishing shot through the "jungles" of Strong Borneo, and zooms in to Strong Bad and Coach Z sitting in the Riverquest Safariventure box.}
STRONG BAD: So here we are, braving the rapids of this turbulent river deep in the heart of the jungle. {cut to low shot} Gangs of angry street piranhas circle beneath us! {Cut to shot behind Coach Z} Cannibals and volcanoes close in from all sides! And behind us, {zoom in on Strong Bad} just out of view, is the three-hundred-foot jaggedy waterfall from which we just safely dropped.
COACH Z: {close-up} Your quick thinking and superior skills are the only reason we survived.
STRONG BAD: True, but we aren't out of the boat yet. {Jumps out of the boat} Now we are out of the boat.
{Jump cut. Strong Bad is aiming the Nunchuck Gun}
STRONG BAD: Freeze, scumbot! Uh-oh, jammed! Good thing there are two sides to every gun!
{Swinging the nunchucks, Strong Bad jumps on Coach Z's head, then onto the bear holding a shark. The bear falls to the ground with Strong Bad on top, flailing at it with his nunchucks.}
STRONG BAD: Take that! And this! Oh, was that your liver? Well here's my fist! {Strong Bad flies into the air} And a boot to the head! And one for Jenny and the wimp! {Jumps back over the fence}
COACH Z: What happened to the monster?
STRONG BAD: {Dramatic pose} He's history. {Zoom in; normally} ... And biology. And a little metal shop. Did you get the formula?
COACH Z: {Straightens up and holds out a handful of dust.} Oh no! I must have grabbed it too hard! It's turned to dust!
STRONG BAD: {Reproachfully} Renaldo!
COACH Z: Not to worry! I know someone who can help, but you're not gonna like it.
{Cut to Strong Bad climbing to the roof of Bubs' Concession Stand.}
STRONG BAD: {grunt} Come on guys, according to... {pulls himself onto the roof with another grunt} ...Perducci's plans, the best way to break in is through the roof!
{The camera swings around, showing Homestar present in the scene.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's what I wanted you to think! You fell right into my trap!
{The camera pans out to show him standing near Strong Mad and the Cheat, with Marzipan standing behind them. The camera then changes viewpoint to show Strong Bad, now standing near Coach Z and Senor Cardgage.}
COACH Z: Holy gorsh! It's Dangeresque Too?
STRONG BAD: {shocked} Dangeresque Too? How could you? And with such an awesome name. {raises his fist and speaks bitterly and slowly} I thought we were friends!
SENOR CARDGAGE: {walks around behind Strong Bad} Is this where I pawnder my old pidgeon?
{Camera view changes back to Homestar.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: You thought wrong, Dangeresque! Call me... UZI BAZOOKA!
THE CHEAT: {lowers his bazooka} Mehr!
HOMESTAR: Now, give me the formula and I'll give you this computer disk of highly important rocket launch codes! {holds up a floppy disk}
{Marzipan walks to Homestar's left and pinches the disk from him.}
MARZIPAN: I've got the disks! Good work stalling them until I could clear an escape route, Dangeresque!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, you tricked me! Take 'em down, Killingyouguy!
STRONG BAD: {turns away from Homestar, with Marzipan and Coach Z doing the same} Uh oh! Looks like we're gonna have to jump!!
{All three prepare to jump. The scene cuts to the jump being enacted by their respective stunt doubles - Strong Sad, Cardboard Marzipan and a bonsai tree with Coach Z's Z, though Cardboard Marzipan and the bonsai tree are the wrong way around. All three of them land flat on their faces. Cue a jump cut to Strong Bad, Marzipan and Coach Z standing up from that position, in the same order as they were on the roof.}
COACH Z: That was close! {points ahead of him} Uh oh, here they come!
STRONG BAD: Everybody scatter! We'll meet up at the rendez-vous {pronounced "rondess-vouce"} point!
{All three run in different directions. After they all leave, Coach Z walks to the other side of the camera's viewpoint, presumably to turn it off.}
{The camera zooms in towards the car, with Strong Bad driving in it. The Cheat can be seen in the background moving a tree back and forth, simulating the car's movement.}
STRONG BAD: {holds a VCR to the side of his head} You got the- you got the Big Daddy D calling all agents! Please check in!
MARZIPAN: {voiceover} Breaker, breaker! I lost track of Renaldo, but I'm catching up fast! I'll be there as soon as I can! Over! {imitates static}
STRONG BAD: Make it snappy, Yellow 5! {camera zooms out to show Strong Mad "chasing" him} I've got a smokey on my six... and this round... sixes are wild! {puts down the VCR}
{The camera moves to give the illusion of the car taking hard corners.}
STRONG BAD: AND MY BRAKES HAVE BEEN CUT! Looks like I'll have to do some extravehicular activities. Good thing my car was recently upgraded to receive voice commands... which I'll probably only use this one time and then forget about it forever. Take over, auto-autopilot!
{Strong Bad jumps up onto the roof of the car, with the autopilot - Bubs's security robot - taking over the driving.}
{The scene opens with Strong Bad performing the theme from Dangeresque 1: Dangeresque, Too? as he stealthily descends the stairs to the laundry room, modeled as a station hallway. He starts by looking at the room upside down, then jumping down from the middle step with his back turned to the camera, and turns to it while finishing the song with a "chicka-wow".}
STRONG BAD: {walks into the room} Hold it right there, Uzi Bazooka!
{The camera falls over. Jump cut to the other side of the room, where Homestar is standing near Coach Z, pinned onto a prop machine by his wrists.}
COACH Z: Dangeresque!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {turns to Strong Bad nervously} Hang on there, Big D. This is not what it looks like!
STRONG BAD: Oh, I think this looks exactly what I think this looks like exac...
{One of the windows falls from place, grabbing Strong Bad's attention. Cue jump cut to the next line, with the window back in place.}
STRONG BAD: You back stabbing traitor! Looks like I caught you red handed!
{From the other side of the room, The Cheat walks in, along with Homestar}
THE CHEAT: {Satisfied The Cheat noises}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm afraid you're too late Dangeresque, and Dangeresque Too!
{Cut to the other side of the room. Homestar can be seen near Coach Z again.}
STRONG BAD: {confused} WHAT?!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's what I was trying to tell you! I'm not Uzi Bazooka, that guy is an impostor!
STRONG BAD: How long have you known about this?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Pretty much from the beginning of the movie.
{Homestar walks off-screen. The screen transitions to two separate recordings of Homestar standing near one of the windows and performing as Dangresque Too and Uzi Bazooka respectively, with a subtle split screen applied.}
LEFT HOMESTAR (UZI BAZOOKA): None of that matters now! Soon, my electro magnetic plasma solar drill will rip through this space station and kill you all, while we get away in our secret escape pods!
RIGHT HOMESTAR (DANGERESQUE TOO): {walks to the left} Oh no, you didn't!
{Change perspective to the right-hand-side Homestar approaching Strong Sad as a stunt double for the left one, wearing a giant Homestar costume.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Take that! {proceeds to fight and dodge} Ow! Hey! No nails!
STRONG SAD: {proceeds to fight and take beatings, speaks simultaneously with Homestar} Oww. Oww. Hey. Stop! Watch it! Djo! Whut! Hey!
COACH Z: Quick Dangeresque, shoot him!
{Strong Bad draws his nunchuk gun and points it at Homestar and Strong Sad. Strong Bad fires the bullet, which is actually a toy bullet being held onto a stick off-camera. When it comes close enough to Homestar, he kicks it in the direction of Strong Sad, leaving him to crash onto the floor.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {on the floor} Owwww! You got me!
{Change camera perspective to Homestar as Dangeresque Too, looking down at the floor menacingly.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: You got what you had coming to you, Toe-fu! {pre-recorded voiceover, monotonously} Ha, ha, ha, ha...
{Change camera perspective to Homestar as Uzi Bazooka standing up. He now has a motherboard taped to his chest.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {monotonously} Ha, ha, ha, ha...
COACH Z: {off-screen} What a totally unexpected twist! {The camera focuses on Coach Z.} Uzi Bazooka is a robot {pronounced "ro-bat"}! And he's really working for...
{The camera changes perspective, showing The Cheat at the door.}
THE CHEAT: Meh!
{Strong Bad looks on, his glasses dipping down. The camera focuses on The Cheat again as he walks into the room.}
VOICEOVER (PBTC HOMESTAR RUNNER): {dubbing The Cheat} Yes, I am the mastermind behind this whole thing. I am... I am... Craig! {The Cheat raises his right arm.}
{Homestar and Strong Bad look at each other puzzlingly. The latter shrugs.}
VOICEOVER (PBTC HOMESTAR RUNNER): {dubbing The Cheat} I have brilliantly orchestrated the demise of the greatest action team in history! {The Cheat stops directly in front of Strong Bad.} And I don't mean the Channel 5 Action Cool 5 News team! {leaves the room} Now my robot will finish you off as I make my greatest escape!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {as Dangeresque Too} Not if I can help it! {leaves} You take the big guy!
{A sloppy camera pan is done from the room entrance to Homestar as Uzi Bazooka guarding it. Both he and Strong Bad stare at each other, the latter raising his glasses back up.}
{Cut to Strong Bad as he messes with the orbiter controls. The camera turns so that it gives the illusion of the room's gravity tilting to the left.}
STRONG BAD: {struggling to maintain his balance} Hang on to your butts!!
COACH Z: I'm gonna be sick!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {maintaining his balance, speaking monotonously} Maintaining balance.
{The drill gets pulled down towards Homestar. The camera perspective changes to show Strong Sad taking the stunt of having the tip strike his chest.
STRONG SAD: Owwww! {falls over}
{Strong Bad laughs sadistically off-screen. Jump cut to Homestar lying on the floor.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {pretending to malfunction} Bzzt bztt!! Dangeresque, you were the only one... bzzt bzzt... who could destroy me!
STRONG BAD: And you, Uzi Bazooka, had the coolest name of any robot I ever smashed with a giant solar {pronounced "so-laar"} drill.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {pretending to malfunction} Perhaps in another life... bzzt... {powers down when speaking} we could have... been... part... ners... {closes his eyes}
STRONG BAD: No dice, Bazooka! I work alone.
{Change camera perspective. Homestar is replaced with a Homestar costume lying in his place.}
STRONG BAD: {turns to the camera} Except when I work with Renaldo. {admittedly} Or Dangeresque Too... or—
THE CHEAT: {off-screen} {Angry The Cheat noises}
{Strong Bad turns towards the entrance}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {off-screen, as Dangeresque Too} Dangeresque, help!
{Cut to The Cheat jumping on Homestar near the airlocks.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oww. Oww. Oww. Oww. Oww. Oww.
THE CHEAT: {simultaneously} {Frustrated The Cheat noises}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oww! Oww! Stop it, Craig! Oww!
{Strong Bad walks into the room.}
STRONG BAD: Hey Craig! Why don't you step outside for a little... AIR... lock.
{Through a series of dramatic panned camera shots, Strong Bad kicks The Cheat into the open airlock, with it closing behind him.}
THE CHEAT: MEH! MEEHH! MMMEEEEHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh... {Camera view changes to The Cheat standing with a space background behind him, with the illusion of him floating through space.} Mrrreehhh!
{The perspective changes back to the hallway. Homestar stands up and puts his glasses back on.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks. I owe ya one, buddy.
STRONG BAD: One? You owe me, like, fifty!
{They both then fakely laugh at each other. Then, the camera starts the shake, giving the illusion of the station about to explode.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {struggling to maintain his balance} Uh oh. What now?
STRONG BAD: {struggling to maintain his balance} That drill must have damaged the stace spation more than I thought!
HOMESTAR RUNNER AND STRONG BAD: {simultaneously with each other} Looks like we're gonna have to jump!
{They both lift one leg in the air and freeze on the spot. The film's credits scroll to Today is Alright 4 2Nite. Partway through it, the screen gets turned off.}
[edit] Fun Facts
- The music that plays on the opening screen is from Toikey TV, and is used for the Race Track in Homestar Ruiner.
