the facts

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Revision as of 02:24, 2 January 2005

Strong Mad in Cubeland

Strong Bad Email #114

Strong Bad tells Jess G. why Strong Mad can't have his own cartoon. Meanwhile, Homestar is determined that his "own cartoon" will be a #1 hit.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Strong Mad, Homestar Runner

Date: September 20, 2004

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} I'm checkin' e-mail, I'm checkin' e-mail. Hey, hey, I'm checkin' e-mail, I'm checkin' e-mail.. {Strong Bad reads the email out loud}

Dear Strong Bad,

I was just wondering, why doesn't
Strong Mad have his own cartoon. 

Your fan,
Jess G. OH

{He pronounces "Dear Strong Bad" as "Dah Sto Bo" and "Jess G. OH" as "Jess... G'oh!!"}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Well, Jess, as much as I cherish brother Graw Mad, let's look at the facts:

{A grid appears on the screen and lines "scan" across from top to bottom and then left to right, revealing an image of Strong Mad next to which it says "Fact 1:"}

STRONG BAD: Fact one: The guy's got a pretty tenuous grasp on the English language. {"Tenuous grasp of the English language" appears on the screen.} Por ejemple:

{Cut to Strong Bad at his desk. He turns on his stool and calls off screen.}

STRONG BAD: Hey, Strong Mad! What, uh.. what's my favorite movie?

STRONG MAD: {from off-screen} GARBLEDINA!

{Cut back to the screen where it says "Fact 2:"}

STRONG BAD: Fact two: "Garbledina". {'Garbledina' appears on the screen and the illustrated Strong Mad's eyebrows raise. Strong bad strikes a key and "Fact 3" appears.} Fact three: he's like a big square, this guy. {"Like a big square" appears and a box encloses the image of Strong Mad, which looks around nervously. The left and bottom edges are labeled "88 in."} I don't really know if that has anything to do with why he doesn't have his own cartoon. But it's just weird, is all. {"Just weird is all" appears on the screen} Un.. settling. {"Unsettling" appears}

{Cut to a landscape filled with blue and pink cubes and a yellow sky. Strong Mad appears with a loud "thud".}

STRONG BAD: I guess if he lived in Cubeland it might work, but.. Cubeland {A "Cubeland" logo flies in from the right and comes to rest in the upper-left corner.} is a place I just made up, so.. on to fact four.

{Cut back to Strong Bad's screen which now reads "Fact 4".}

STRONG BAD: Zero volume control. {"No volume control" appears on the screen.} Once again, obsoyve. {The Strong Mad image glances at the text.}

{Cut to Strong Mad sitting behind a table with a small orange clay dinosaur and yellow and green clay upright cylinders. Strong Bad enters from the left.}

STRONG BAD: {whispering} Hey biggest bro. Mom says to keep it down 'cause baby Strong Sad's sleeping.

STRONG MAD: I CAN BE THE QUIETEST MOUSE! {holds up his right hand, index finger and thumb together to demonstrate something very small, like a mouse} I LIVE IN THE QUIETEST HOUSE! {holds up his other hand in the same position}

{Cut back to the screen. "Fact 5" is on the screen.}

STRONG BAD: Fact five: Directorial inexperience. {"Directorial inexperience" appears on the screen.}

{Pull out to Strong Bad typing the e-mail.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Considering the only movie Strong Mad's ever made is 'Doug the Dino,' I doubt he'd be able to handle an entire cartoon on his own.

{Cut to the television. After some static, a grainy video appears. A title made out of clay which says "DOUG THE DiNO" (the "O" in Dino is in the shape of an egg) appears.}

STRONG MAD: {narrating} DINOSAUR! {Cut to the two clay cylinders. The clay dinosaur enters. Strong Mad makes various noises to go along with the action. Doug the Dino roars. The green cylinder flips over like a Slinky and a smiling face appears on it. Suddenly, Doug the Dino attacks it and it spills clay blood. While Doug is eating the green cylinder, a tape dispenser can be seen for a few frames. The yellow cylinder appears to flee as Doug licks his lips. A clay toilet enters and Doug presses the flush lever. The seat lifts and a red appendage appears out of the toilet, grasps Doug by the face, and pulls him in. The green cylinder "sits up" and smiles and Strong Mad's hand can be seen leaning on the table for a few frames.}

{Cut back to Compy 386.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Y'see? Misguided direction, no comedic timing, and the script is riddled with gaping plot holes. {not typing} And finally, {typing} Fact 6: Have you seen his computer?!?

{Cut to Strong Mad's room, where Strong Mad has decorated a paper bag to look like Tandy 400 (with the word "DISK" on the screen) and an up-turned cardboard box to look like Strong Bad's Floppy Disk Container (which says "disks").}

STRONG MAD: E-COMMERCE! E-BUSINESS!!

{Cut back to Compy 386.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} So let's review. Fact 1: Ehgh--

{Pull out to Homestar Runner sitting on the desk, facing away from Strong Bad.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I want my own cartoon, Strong Bad.

STRONG BAD: What? I'm over here!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh. {turns to face Strong Bad} I want my own cartoon, Pom Pom.

STRONG BAD: Homestar, a cartoon starring you would be horrible. It'd just be you saying "Sewiously" all the time and acting like a moron.. all the time.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: No, no! Not no more! I got a new catchphrase!

STRONG BAD: No.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You wanna hear it?

STRONG BAD: No!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'd be all the time sayin' "That's bubkes!" {whispering} Oh, sorry. "That's bubkes!"

STRONG BAD: What are you whispering for?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {whispering} Because! baby Strong Sad is sleeping!

STRONG BAD: Now, you see this disgusting little chit-chat we're having here? This is what your cartoon would be like.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Then it'd be a number one hit! {singing} And that's the end of my show! DONK!

{The Paper comes down.}

STRONG BAD: Hey!

Easter Eggs

• Clicking on "Script" shows the entire script for Strong Mad’s epic film, 'Doug the Dino.'

int: dinosaur - day
go dougie!!
RAWR!!
toilet. (drawing of a toilet)

• Click on Homestar's star at the end to see Homestar's commercial break message.

{A screen featuring Homestar holding a popsicle and the words "We'll Be Right Back!" appears}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing, voiceover} Homestar Runner will be right right back!

Homestar Runner will be right right back!

Homestar Runner will be right right back!

We're coming right back after these messages!

We're coming right back after these messagesssss...

Fun Facts

• This is The Brothers Chaps' claymation debut.
• Strong Bad says "Dear Strong Bad" in Strong Mad's voice.
• The disk in the Floppy Disk Container is labeled Thexder.
• If Strong Bad's measurements are correct, Strong Mad is 88 inches, or 7'4" (2.26 meters) tall and wide. However, The Cheat implied in i she be that Strong Mad was 6 feet tall. Meanwhile, according to a page that is no longer on the main site, Strong Mad weighs 900 lbs and is eight feet three inches tall. Of course, since it is known that Strong Mad is not actually a square; in fact, he's actually about 7.25% taller than he is wide. So, based on the dimensions given, if he were 88" wide, he would be approximately 95" tall. On the other hand, if he were 88" tall, he would only be about 82" wide. Finally, if he were 6' (72") tall as mentioned earlier, he would be a mere 67" wide.
  • In Marshmallow's Last Stand, Strong Bad's and Strong Mad's weight combined is 1,000,000 Pounds. If Strong Bad weighs 150 pounds, then Strong Mad weighs 999,850 pounds! This contradicts Strong Bad's quote saying that He is 900 pounds
• This is the second time Strong Mad has shown his affection for dinosaurs, the first being his MSPaint drawing of a brontosaurus in lunch special.
• This is the third time we've seen inside Strong Mad's room (the first being in unused emails, the second old comics). Twice, Strong Mad has been doing something artistic (the other time he just ate pasta salad out of his underdrawers drawer).
• Strong Bad saying "Checking my email" sounds a lot like the cartoon character Woody Woodpecker.
• The TV set that "Doug The Dino" plays on is the same TV from the old toons menu. Channel 3 was The Reddest Radish, and in a later version of the menu, it was The King of Town.
• This is the fourth time Homestar Runner has confused another character with Pom Pom: he confuses Marzipan with Pom Pom in Marzipan's Answering Machine versions 4 and 10.2, and confuses himself with Pom Pom in the email pom pom.
• The green cylinder in the claymation and Cubeland may be a reference to Gumby.
• Strong Bad's pronounciation of 'Jess, G'oh' is a possible reference to The Simpson's catchphrase 'D'oh'.
• The box on Strong Mad's desk that says disks on it also reads 'NOT CAR PARTS' upside down.
• The VCR (in which the display is still blinking 12:00) is the same one that appears on the "Characters" menu and the emails 12:00 and dangeresque 3.
• The email used to have a glitch in it. If you clicked the eject button on the video recorder during 'Doug the Dino', it would bring you back to the loading screen and freeze there. The glitch has been removed, though. The eject button is now unclickable. - This may be due to the VCR being copied from the "Characters" menu. On that screen, the eject button pops out Homsar's tape.
• In the part where it shows Strong Mad's room, it seems that Strong Mad is trying to make Doug the Dino, as there is a toy dinosaur and a green cylinder shaped block on his table.
• Strong Bad calls Strong Mad Graw Mad. This is in similar style with car when he refers to Strong Sad as Gron Sad.
• The claymation in this movie could be in homage to the Knox Claymations that have become popular over sites like Flashplayer.com and Newgrounds.
• Homestar's new catchphrase includes the word "Bupkis", which is one of those yiddish words that is in common usuage in the English language. Bupkis is tricky to explain. It means "nothing" or "not here". Like, if you were looking for your cat, and your mom said that she saw it in the breadbox, you would open the breadbox and if your cat is not there you would say "Bupkis!". So Homestar's "That's bupkis!" makes very little sense, if he be all the time sayin' it.
• This is the second time a scene of blood has been shown in a Homestar toon. But apparently it was just in a clay animation the Strong Mad made.

External Links

• watch "the facts"
• view the flash file for "the facts"
• forum thread re: "the facts"