bedtime story
From Homestar Runner Wiki
Strong Bad Email #137
Strong Bad explains how he helps The Cheat go to bed at night.
Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, The Denzel, Moses Malone, Maggot Man, Strong Mad
Places: Computer Room, Strong Bad's Basement, The King of Town's Grill, Moses MaloneLand
Computer: Lappy 486
Date: October 24, 2005
Running Time: 3:43
Contents |
Transcript
STRONG BAD: {singing} I'm still here, after all these years, checkin' my email. {high pitched} Checkin' my email! {brings up the email}
subject: Bed-time StoriesHello Strong Bad,
Keller, TX
I can't seem to fall asleep latley and I was wondering,
you know, if you would tell me a bedtime story.
Good Night.
- Justin Wagley
{Strong Bad pronounces "latley" as written and "Keller, TX" as "Killer taxes." He also puts special emphasis on "you know" and "Good Night."}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Justin Wagley, {shakes head quickly} huh? Well, this just in, Wagley {shakes head again}: I'm not your freakin' babysitter! Or your Dad. Or your dadbysitter. {clears screen} But I am The Cheat's dadbysitter and he's been having some serious problems falling asleep latley {pronounced as before} too, ever since he watched that shock-you-mentary about gingivitis.
{Cut to The Cheat, Strong Bad's basement, with the lights off. The TV is playing, and The Cheat looks scared.}
MAN ON TELEVISION: In the final stages, the gums took on the appearance and taste of chocolate pudding.
{The Cheat gives a scared whine/whimper and turns pale. Cut back to the Lappy.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} We've had to cook up such an elaborate go-to-sleep scheme for The Cheat that I believe it's officially reached rigamarole status. Anyways, it all begins by making sure The Cheat has his security, um, item. A grodalated old sponge—
{Cut to an image of a green sponge with a badly-drawn face, covered in bandages.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —covered in Band-Aids which he affectionately refers to as "The Denzel."
{The words "The Denzel" appear in quotes at the bottom of the screen. Cut back to the Lappy; Strong Bad continues to type.}
STRONG BAD: Next, we have to prepare The Cheat's favorite bedtime snack. A tall glass of a little concoction he calls SUUDSU.
{Cut to a blue screen with "oh my, SUUDSU" written in the background. A glass of milk appears with a chime.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Skim milk,—
{A pile of gummi bears appears.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —gummi bears,—
{The gummi bears are placed in the milk and a circle reading "Pure Genius!" appears.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —pure genius!
{Cut to The King of Town's grill, without the lid. The Cheat is lying on it, carrying The Denzel and holding a glass of Suudsu.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} So, once he's safely cuddled up with The Denzel and his glass of Suudsu,—
{Strong Bad walks up onscreen}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —it's time to begin the bedtime story proper.
STRONG BAD: {onscreen} Okay, The Cheat, are you ready for tonight's installment of...
{A thought bubble appears from The Cheat, taking over the entire screen. In Powered by The Cheat style, the words "The Ch8t's Cheatventures in Moses MaloneLand" appear as spoken.}
STRONG BAD: {Powered by The Cheat, voiceover} The Cheat's Cheatventures in Moses MaloneLand! When we laugh left our heroes—
{A picture of The Cheat and a pair of dark-skinned legs with long socks and red shoes appears. They're standing behind a podium, with Mt. Rushmore to the right.}
STRONG BAD: —they had just won a debate against the minds of Mount Rushmore {said with the accent placed on "Mount"} and re-celebrating—
{A new picture appears, with The Cheat sporting an unusual hairdo and Moses Malone's legs standing near a crude rack of items and "le new style" written in the background}
STRONG BAD: —by shopping for some new wri— wristbands.
{The Cheat turns toward the rack and points at one of the items.}
MOSES MALONE: {only his legs are seen; the sock on the left moves up and down as he speaks} Dang, The Cheat, you would look good with a pair of monster truck tires!
{A pair of monster truck tires suddenly appear on The Cheat.}
MOSES MALONE: Now we're talkin'! Uh-oh! Maggot Man!
{Cut to a sunset view. A silhouette appears over the horizon; when it reaches the foreground, it is revealed to have a pink body, a pair of pincers in place of a head, seemingly boneless arms, and no hands.}
MAGGOT MAN: {flailing his floppy arm} Hey, guys, can I come over and play video games?
{Shift back to Moses and The Cheat, who is holding a knife.}
MOSES MALONE: No.
THE CHEAT: {simultaneously} {emphatic negative The Cheat noise}
{The camera moves back, showing that Maggot Man is very small compared to Moses, and that they're standing on a football field. Moses kicks Maggot Man away, towards the top of the screen. There is a small upside-down mushroom cloud where Maggot Man disappears from the screen. Cut to Moses and The Cheat in a trophy room with a banner that reads "HALL OF FAME."}
MOSES MALONE: Nice work, little man. What do you say you and I go play some video games?
THE CHEAT: {affirmative The Cheat noises}
{The Cheat's right arm becomes humanoid and gives Moses a thumbs-up.}
MOSES MALONE: All right.
MOSES MALONE: I got first game!
THE CHEAT: {simultaneously} {The Cheat noises that roughly match what Moses is saying}
{The Cheat laughs, with his arm temporarily detaching from his body. Cut to a picture of a digital wristwatch flashing a line art depiction of The Cheat in red LEDs. Above it is the banner "TIME NEXT".}
STRONG BAD: {Powered by The Cheat, voiceover} Next time on The Cheat's Cheatventures in Moses MaloneLand...
{Cut to a room with a banner reading "ALL OF GAME," with The Cheat and Moses holding Nintendo controllers. Moses's hands are in view; he has a large gold ring on his right hand.}
MOSES MALONE: The Adventures of Lolo? You better s-s-save {pronounced like "have"} saved the receipt!
{Cut to the Lappy.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} After I get sick of making up crap about The Cheat and Moses Malone, Strong Mad and I belt out his favorite lullaby.
{Cut to the grill, where Strong Mad is revving up a chainsaw.}
STRONG BAD: {attempting to yell over the chainsaw} BRAN MUFFINS!! WHERE ARE YOU STUPID BRAN MUFFINS?!! TRY HARDER TO BE A BRAN MUFFIN!!!
{The Cheat sighs happily, closes his eyes, and smiles. Cut back to the Lappy.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} And when that doesn't work, we call upon our good friend, 2 or 3 roach foggers.
{Cut back to the grill once more. Two cans of "ROACH KILLA! (GAVIN SAFE!)" are now on the grill with The Cheat, and Strong Bad is holding a third.}
STRONG BAD: Sleep tight, sweet prince!
{He tosses the third can onto the grill, slams the lid on it, and then takes cover. A small explosion is seen from inside the grill. Then, The Cheat sighs again.}
STRONG BAD: {looking over his shoulder} How're his vitals?
{Pan over to Strong Mad in scrubs and surgical mask, with a heart monitor. After an interval of straight line, it blips once.}
STRONG MAD: WE'VE GOT A PULSE!
{Cut back to the Lappy.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} So if we're lucky, The Cheat wakes up alive the next morning and fixes us all a big pitcher of suudsu. No foolin', man. That stuff is G-E-W-D, gewd. Hopefully you were able to at least cop a wicked contact buzz off of The Cheat's bedtime story, Wagley. Or off the fumes from those bug bombs. Either way, {the screen dims} you should be losing consciousness {the sound slows and descends in pitch like recorded tape being slowed to a halt} any second now.
{The Paper comes down.}
Easter Eggs
- Click on "rigamarole" to see the Certificate of Rigamarolarity.
CERTIFICATE OF RIGAMAROLARITY
This paper right here seriously signifies that
getting the Cheat to freaking go to sleep
has hereby achieved RIGAMAROLE STATUS
Let it be known from the valleys
to the hills.
Or maybe the dells.
G.L. Rigamarole
- Click on "Suudsu" at the end to see a "real-life" Glass of Suudsu.
- Click on "bedtime story" to see more of The Cheat and Moses Malone playing video games.
- MOSES MALONE: Bayou Billy? WOW STOP ME!
Fun Facts
Explanations
- Gingivitis is the inflammation of the gums due to improper cleaning of the teeth.
- Rigamarole (a variant of rigmarole) is "a complex and ritualistic procedure which may be perceived as petty."
- "Grodalated" is a made-up word that presumably means "has become or been made grody".
Remarks
- When the suudsu is being made, the gummy bears do not cause any liquid displacement to the milk (the milk level does not rise).
- Moses Malone's body does not appear above the "HALL OF FAME" banner or the "ALL OF GAME" banner.
- The first time Moses Malone appears, his socks have one blue and red stripe each. Every time later, his left sock has a red stripe and his right sock has a blue stripe.
Goofs
- The word consciousness on the screen before the fadeout is misspelled as "conciousness."
Inside References
- The Cheat is also referred to as "The Ch8t" during the email mile.
- The whole "MosesMaloneLand" part (including the voices) is all done in Powered by The Cheat style.
Real-World References
- The controllers that The Cheat and Moses Malone were playing with are similar to the original and most recognizable controllers that were available for Nintendo's Nintendo Entertainment System.
- Adventures of Lolo was a puzzle game made by HAL Laboratories for the NES in which the player had to make their way through ten floors to save the country of Eden.
- The Adventures of Bayou Billy was a multi-genre action adventure game for the NES featuring a beat-'em-up style of gameplay and first person shooter sections. It was notorious for poor controls and extreme difficulty.
- Moses Malone is a former basketball player who played in both the NBA and the ABA. He was named one of the NBA's 50 greatest players in 1997, and was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2001.
- "Sleep tight, sweet prince" is a reference to Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act 5, Scene 2, where Horatio says "Good night, sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest" to the dying Hamlet.
- Gummi bears (also known as Gold-Bears in some parts of Europe) are small, soft, bear shaped confections originally developed by Haribo.
- The lullaby played on the chainsaw by Strong Mad is similar to the Jackyl song "The Lumberjack", which features a chainsaw solo played by the band's lead singer Jesse Dupree.
