long pants

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 02:26, 10 April 2005

Light globes

Strong Bad Email #127

The answer to why Homestar doesn't wear pants is finally revealed...almost.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Homestar Runner, The Cheat, Marzipan (easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, Homestar's House (easter egg)

Date: March 28, 2005

Running Time: 3:04

Transcript

STRONG BAD: And if I email you, girl! Woman! {He holds up pieces of paper that say "Girl." and "Woman." as he says those words} Oh, would you email me, girl? Woman? {He holds up the papers again. Then he brings up the email:}

subject: Homestar's pants
Dear Strongbad,
Why doesn't homestar ever wear pants? It's kind of
creepy how he walks around with no pants on all the time.
Anyway, I think you should get him some pants, maybe some
parachute pants would work...yeah, that would work. Or maybe
some clown pants, I don't care, just get him some pants!
Tootles!
Clancy

{Strong Bad skips everything after "Anyway" and before "I don't care" and, instead, says "Blabbity blah, blah blebbity bloo". He also pronounces "Tootles" as "Toot-less" and "Clancy" as "Clanky".}

STRONG BAD: Aw, {begins typing} Too long, Clanky, too looong! Good thing you didn't indent, man, or this never woulda made it past my 2nd paragraph filter: {types 'run "Edga Jr."'} Edga Jr.

{The splash screen for "Edga Jr. The Long Email Killa Filta" comes up}

STRONG BAD: Aw, look at him. He's one o' dem red-haireded rapscalli... wags. {returns to the email} Well, I think we can salvage this one with a little editing. Let me once again call upon the services of my trusty, somewhat dusty, electronic light-pen input high-tech expensive device! Now in HD! {he pulls out a correction pen bearing the words "X-PENSIVE WHITE" and shakes it} Just have to shake up the... expensive electrons here. All set! So, let's see! {he mumbles and says} Expensive high-tech device... {as he whites out the words, producing:}

Dear Strongbad,
Why doesn't homestar ever wear pants? It's kind of
creepy how he walks around with no pants on all the time.
Anyway, I think you should get him some pants, maybe some
parachute pants would work...yeah, that would work. Or maybe
some clown pants, I don't care, just get him some pants!
Tootles!
Clancy

STRONG BAD: There! Now let's see what we got! {re-reads the altered email} Dear Strongbad, Why wear pants? Creepy pants all the time get some. Maybe parachute, maybe clown care. Some ants toot! Clanky. {begins typing} Now there's an email worth answering! Some ants toot. Tee-hee! {clears screen, but the correction fluid remains} So, why wear pants? An age old question. Was it not Adam West who once said, "E–

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from offscreen} Hey, Strong Bad! {camera pans back to show Homestar wearing very short purple pants} Check out my creepy pants!

STRONG BAD: {looking away} Ew, Homestar! What're you wearing them Daisy Dukes for?!

{Homestar's pants shine.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: 'Cuz you said, "creepy pants all the time get some."

STRONG BAD: Get some what?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I dunno. Light globes?

STRONG BAD: {sotto voce} Light globes.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You know, like in a lamp! Light globes! {his pants shine again}

STRONG BAD: So... you put on hotpants in the hopes of getting some lightbulbs.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {correctively} Globes. {his pants shine again}

STRONG BAD: Well, since you're here, let's talk about your pants. Or your lack thereof. Daisy Dukes aside.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What are you talking about, Strong Bad? I wear long pants.

STRONG BAD: Um... no, from what I can tell, you wear no pants and have blue soles glued to the bottoms of your feet. {indicates Homestar's feet}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, that's simply not true. I have long pants, I wear long pants. I'm a long pants man, long pants, long pants! {starts getting upset and dances around}

STRONG BAD: Okay, calm down... I didn't mean to-

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {jumps high into the air, and convulses on Strong Bad's desk} Long pants, Strong Bad! The longest pants! Everybody everybody! Longest pants! {starts teleporting around the room, first appearing in front of Strong Bad, then leaning in behind him, then hanging upside down from the ceiling, then pixellated on the Lappy's screen, then blurred in the very foreground, then upside down under the desk, then in his original position, all while chanting the following} Long long long long long long pants!

STRONG BAD: All right, that's it! We need to get you some serious clown care, man!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: But I was told long pants! Long pants! They said long pants! Always long pants! {leans toward Strong Bad} Long, my pants! Gleaming pants! Glorious pants! {runs away, leaving the Daisy Dukes behind. They fall on Strong Bad's foot.}

STRONG BAD: Bleh! Egh! BLEEEGGEHHEGH!

{He attempts to shake the Daisy Dukes off. He eventually does, and The Cheat appears stage left to burn them with the BMW Lighter. They burn a neon green color and disintegrate completely.}

THE CHEAT: {says something}

{The Cheat leaves, and Strong Bad turns back to the computer.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Noice work, Clanky. You made Homestar go nuts and you've seriously creeped me out. And how am I supposed to get this crap offa here? {Everything starting with the "t" in "get" is obscured by the correction fluid. Strong Bad grabs a cloth and attempts to wipe it off the screen, to no avail. He mutters:} Stupid... made-up technology... that I made up... light pen... {mumbles} The Cheat! Call tech support and tell 'em you broke the Lappy again!

{The Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

• Selecting "Why wear pants" will bring up some fortune cookies, similar to those in the old Fortune Cookies game. As you hover the cursor over each one, it brings up a sentence of Strong Bad's "improved" email.
• Clicking on the socket under the table after Strong Bad says "Clown Care" brings up a business card for the service, Kertified Klown Kare. It reads:

Kertified
Klown Kare

-Pie Injuries
-Giant Foot Problems
-Wacky Malaria
-Grease Paint Poisoning

"Rodeo and Tragic Clown Hot Dogs NOT ACCEPTED"

• Selecting "creeped" at the end of the email reveals a touching moment between Homestar and Marzipan.

  HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Lying in bed with a light bulb next to his head, crying} Lonnnng paaaannnts!

  MARZIPAN: Awww, there there, Homestar. It's not so bad. Everybody thinks I'm a broom.

  HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Sits up suddenly, surprised and upset} You're not a broom?

External Links

• watch "long pants"
• view the Flash file for "long pants"
• forum thread re: "long pants"