portrait
From Homestar Runner Wiki
Strong Bad Email #139
Strong Bad tries to make a portrait of himself.
Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner, Strong Mad
Places: Computer Room, Strong Mad's Room, Strong Bad's Basement, The Field (Easter Egg)
Computer: Lappy 486
Date: December 4, 2005
Running Time: 3:37
Contents |
Transcript
STRONG BAD: Hey everybody, it's a musical Strong Bad Email this week! {presses enter} {singing} Doo doo doo Dear, Dear Strong Bad, oh I was wondering—{stops singing} I can't keep this up.
subject: portraitDear Strong Bad-
I was wondering if you ever wanted to have somebody
paint a portrait of your greatness.
guess what, it's-
Dylan Bragers (aka Coolio da Fabio)
Texas
STRONG BAD: {typing} Guess what? Nobody calls you Coolio da Fabio (aka quit making up nicknames for yourself.) I'm just gonna call you Dealin' Burgers, which I assume doubles as an accurate job description.
{Clears screen.}
STRONG BAD: Moving onwardly, I suppose my greatness is worthy of portraiture. Perhaps one done by a Deutsch Master.
{Cut to a portrait of Strong Bad holding a toy with a duck's head on the end.}
STRONG BAD: The kind that are always getting stolen or vandalized by art bandits.
{The Cheat appears from the top and paints a robotank with spraypaint and a stencil, along with the words "RAD, RAD ROBOTANK".}
STRONG BAD: {not typing} Thanks little buddy; now it's worth something.
THE CHEAT: {makes noises like Strong Bad is welcome}
{Cut back to the Lappy.}
STRONG BAD: {resumes typing} Or what about one of those black and white ink portraits you see in all the rich-guy newspapers.
{Cut to a rich-guy newspaper. An image of Strong Bad holding a cell phone is on it.}
STRONG BAD: Well apparently they're not rich enough to afford any color. Or even solid lines... Just a bunch of dots and dashes. I look like Morse Code. {imitates speaking as though in Morse Code} Dah dah dah dee dee dee... I-I a-am h-hold-i-ing a-a r-re-eal-ly o-old c-cell ph-phone.
{Cut back to the Lappy. The screen has cleared.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Oops. No. Hey, I got it! A painting of such greatness demands only the finest materials. And what could be finer than black velvet in a cheap imitation wood frame? It would be showcased—
{Cut to the velvet painting. It shows Strong Bad holding a skunk. A lamp with a moose on it can be seen to the left.}
STRONG BAD: —in only the fanciest double-wide trailers. Oh, and look! I finally caught that skunk. I been chasing after that little scamp for—Whoa!—
{The shot suddenly shifts to the right to reveal a poster of a unicorn. Another moose lamp is seen on the right.}
STRONG BAD: —Is that a blacklight poster of a unicorn riding a snowmobile?! Now that is some esteemed company.
{A Cold One Ice flies at the lamp and shatters it.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks for breaking my moose lamp.
{Cut back to the Lappy.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Unfortunately, I don't know anybody with a useless Master of Fine Arts degree, so I might have to settle for something a bit more, how you say, made by Strong Mad or The Cheat.
{Cut to The Cheat, who is noisily gnawing Strong Bad's face into a log.}
STRONG BAD: Very... uh, slobbery, The Cheat. This isn't quite what I had in mind when you said "sculpture."
{Music starts playing.}
STRONG BAD: You're really just... goin' to town there, aren't ya?
{Strong Bad stares at The Cheat working for a moment.}
STRONG BAD: I'm gonna {motioning with his glove} leave you two alone.
{Strong Bad backs away. Cut to Strong Mad's room. Strong Mad is sprinkling glitter over a macaroni picture. Strong Bad walks up.}
STRONG BAD: Oh, nice work, Chef Boyardee.
{Cut to a close-up of the picture.}
STRONG BAD: Like I couldn't have gone down to the kindergarten and hired a five-year-old to make me one of those. {Cut back to the wide shot.} ...Except that sounds pretty creepy and I'd probably go to jail.
STRONG MAD: I'LL WAIT FOR YOU!!
{Cut back to the Lappy. Strong Bad sits down.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Well, thanks to my no-talent minions, it looks like a self-portrait is the only way to go. And I will render it in nothing less than the classic style of the Trüe Mästers.
{Cut to a shot of Strong Bad, who has somehow fit his head into a cardboard cutout of a muscular man holding a sword with a keyboard on it. The man has "SB" written on his stomach and is holding a falcon. His one visible leg wears a boot that looks vaguely similar to a 'Lectric Boot. There are also two cans of paint nearby, labeled "Some Paint" and "Some More Paint". There is also a cutout of a mermaid at his feet with an empty space for a head. He paints it with a small brush.}
STRONG BAD: Ah, at last: A self-portrait that accurately depicts who I am, where I'm from, and my passing interest in falconry.
{He tries to get out.}
STRONG BAD: Uh, oh. {keeps trying} How do I get outta this thing?
{Cut to the reverse angle. He can be seen hanging by his head.}
STRONG BAD: How did I get into this thing? {kicks his legs together a few times}
{Cut back to the front view. He holds up the duck-head toy from the first portrait.}
STRONG BAD: {making the bird talk} Quack, quack.
{Cut to a close-up.}
STRONG BAD: Why, Lord Quackingstick, how nice to see you. You don't happen to have a hacksaw in your pocket, do you? {making the bird talk} Quack, quack.
{Cut back to the wide shot.}
STRONG BAD: Oh, too bad. {looking down at the mermaid} Well, what about you, Princess Shellbra?
{He moves the bird-on-a-stick into the face hole for the mermaid.}
STRONG BAD: {making the bird talk in a high, sultry voice} Quack, quack. {speaking normally} But of course. I love to serenade you anytime with my {looks down to his right} mystical key-sword-tar. I mean it's not like I'm goin' anywhere... anytime soon.
{The Paper comes down.}
Easter Eggs
- Click the white card by the portrait by the Deutsch Master to see an "Adventures of Strong Badman" comic book.
- Click the key-sword-tar at the end to see a printable version of the robotank stencil the Cheat used to vandalize the painting.
- Click Lord Quackingstick at the end to see Strong Bad show off his key-sword-tar to Homestar.
- {Cut to The Field with Homestar and Strong Bad holding the key-sword-tar, his head still in the hole, although it has been broken off from the rest of the portrait.}
- STRONG BAD: So that's when I realized I don't even need lamaze classes.
- HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Bad, there's something different about you. Did you get a haircut?
- STRONG BAD: No, but I did get this new key-sword-tar. Maow, maow, maoooooooow. {falsetto} Keyboard, keyboooooard. {normal} Maow, maow, maooooooooow. {falsetto} Fight some brigands!! {Homestar holds up a SAAB lighter, Strong Bad's voice returns to normal} Maow Maow, Maoooow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-owwowwoww-whammy-barrrrruh.
Fun Facts
Trivia
- This email was released late Sunday night Atlanta time, but the website claimed that its release date to be on Monday.
- The card next to the first portrait reads:
Strongio da Baddio
DaVantres
c. 1658
- The picture's captions read "Sell phones or Cell phones?" above and "Strong Bad" below. A lower headline reads "Banks have "money"".
- The left side of the newspaper reads:
Mulligatawny
stew rose high in
the markets today
fter rumors spread
a really sweet deal
over at my place
usually get started
d nine and go until
who knows when!
Pork bellies will be
erved around 8-ish.
tures to follow at 9
ase bring your own
pkins if you're into
that crap. Not me.
ipe hands on pants,
yo. Anyways, I'm
ally rich and money
s still very valuable.
- The right side of the newspaper reads:
Gigantic cell phone
making a 4th quart
comeback as the the "it'
toy of the Decemberwe
season. "Who wants to
put a phone in their poc
when you can carry aro
a seperate suitcase just
for a portable, wireless
mobile, take-anywhere
cellular telephone. Ma
analysts predict all the
cool kids will be luggi
these stylish jobbies fr
prom dance to soccer
practice in 2006.
"I want a cell phone
that is quite large," say
the sleepy rabbit.
The technology sector is anticipating
other woodland creatures to be amon
early adopters of the new technology
Goofs
- The second small line on the right newspaper paragraph repeats the word "the".
- In the Easter Egg, when Strong Bad is moving the cardboard cutout of the keysword guitar around, the picture reverses direction.
Remarks
- The lighter in the key-sword-tar Easter egg is a Saab lighter, as opposed to the usual BMW one.
- The fours in The Cheat's 4rt b4ndit shirt are another example of Leetspeak in the toons.
- Strong Bad mentions a whammy bar, or tremelo, while playing his key-sword-tar (a pun on the Keytar). However, only actual guitars have these.
Inside References
- Homestar's line "Thanks for breaking my moose lamp" is a reference to caper, where he thanked Strong Bad and The Cheat for breaking his cow lamp.
- A Strong Badman comic appeared in connection with a "Deutschman" in haircut.
- The velvet painting of Strong Bad holding the skunk was done by Lem Sportsinterviews.
- The gnawing pose for The Cheat was last used in personal favorites. In the DVD commentary, The Brothers Chaps mention wanting to use that pose again.
- Strong Bad has a blacklight unicorn painting, as seen in the Strong Bad's Room Main Page.
- The School Paste in Strong Mad's room was first seen in Strong Sad's room in the Email depressio.
Real-World References
- Mulligatawny is a kind of soup.
- The head of the robotank resembles that of a Transformer, quite likely . Also, the tank looks a lot like the Newgrounds logo.
- This could be in reference to the Newgrounds Stickers which are encouraged to be bought and placed everywhere.
- Chef Boyardee was an Italian chef who is famous for his canned food franchise.
- The black and white portrait of Strong Bad bears strong resemblence to ones found in The Wall Street Journal, which is probably the "rich guy newspaper" he was referring to.
