bedtime story

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Bran muffin!

Strong Bad Email #137

Strong Bad explains how he helps The Cheat go to bed at night.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, The Denzel, Moses Malone, Maggot Man, Strong Mad

Places: Computer Room, Strong Bad's Basement, The Field

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: October 24, 2005

Running Time: 3:43



STRONG BAD: {singing} I'm still here, after all these years, checkin' my email. {high pitched} Checkin' my email! {brings up the email}

{Strong Bad pronounces "latley" as written and "Keller, TX" as "Killer taxes."}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Justin Wagley, huh? Well, this just in, Wagley: I'm not your freakin' babysitter! Or your Dad. Or your dadbysitter. {clears screen} But I am The Cheat's dadbysitter and he's been having some serious problems falling asleep latley {pronounced as before} too, ever since he watched that shock-you-mentary about gingivitis.

{Cut to The Cheat, Strong Bad's basement, with the lights off. The TV is playing, and The Cheat looks scared.}

MAN ON TELEVISION: In the final stages, the gums took on the appearance and taste of chocolate pudding.

{The Cheat screams and turns pale. Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} We've had to cook up such an elaborate go-to-sleep scheme for The Cheat that I believe it's officially reached rigamarole status. Anyways, it all begins by making sure The Cheat has his security, um, item. A groadalated old sponge {Cut to an image of a green sponge with a badly-drawn face, covered in bandages.} covered in Band-Aids which he affectionately refers to as "The Denzel." {The words "The Denzel" appear in quotes at the bottom of the screen. Cut back to the Lappy; Strong Bad continues to type.} Next, we have to prepare The Cheat's favorite bedtime snack. A tall glass of a little concoction he calls SUUDSU. {Cut to a blue screen with "oh my SUDDSU" written in the background. A cup of milk appears with a chime.} Skim milk, {a pile of gummi bears appears} gummi bears, {The gummi bears are placed in the milk and a circle reading "Pure Genius!" appears.} pure genius!

{Cut to The King of Town's grill, without the lid. The Cheat is lying on it, carrying The Denzel and holding a glass of Suudsu.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} So, once he's cuddled up with The Denzel and his glass of Suudsu, {Strong Bad walks up} it's time to begin the bedtime story proper. {no longer a voiceover} Okay, The Cheat, are you ready for tonight's installment of...

{A thought bubble appears from The Cheat, taking over the entire screen. In Powered-by-The-Cheat style, the words "The Ch8t's Cheatventures in Moses MaloneLand" appear as spoken.}

STRONG BAD: {in his Powered-by-The-Cheat voice} The Cheat's Cheatventures in Moses MaloneLand! When we last left our heroes, {a picture of The Cheat and a pair of dark-skinned legs with long socks and red shoes appears. They're standing behind a podium, with Mt. Rushmore to the right.} they had just won a debate against the minds of Mt. Rushmore {said as MOUNT-rush-more} and re-celebrating {A new picture appears, with The Cheat (sporting an unusual hairdo) and the legs standing near a crude rack of items and "le new style" written in the background} by shopping for some new wri- wristbands.

{The Cheat turns toward the rack and points at one of the items.}

MOSES MALONE: {The legs; his right sock moves up and down as he speaks} Dang, The Cheat, you would look good with a pair of monster truck tires!

{A pair of monster truck tires suddenly appear on The Cheat.}

MOSES MALONE: Now we're talkin'! Uh-oh! Maggot Man!

{A man with a pair of pincers in place of a head and no hands appears.}

MAGGOT MAN: Hey, guys! Can I come over and play video games?

{Shift back to Moses and The Cheat, who is seen holding a big knife.}


{The camera moves back, showing that Maggot Man is only a few inches tall compared to Moses, and that they're standing on a football field. Moses kicks Maggot Man away. Cut to Moses and The Cheat in a trophy room with a banner that reads "HALL OF FAME."}

MOSES MALONE: Nice work, little man. What do you say you and I go play some video games?

THE CHEAT: {makes some affirmative The Cheat noises, and his right arm becomes humanoid and gives Moses a thumbs-up.}

MOSES MALONE: All right.

MOSES MALONE: I got first game!
THE CHEAT: {makes noises that seem to match what Moses is saying}

{The Cheat laughs, with his arm temporarily detatching from his body. Cut to a picture of a watch reading "TIME NEXT."}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Next time on The Cheat's Cheatventures in Moses MaloneLand...

{Cut to a room with a banner reading "ALL OF GAMES," with The Cheat and Moses. Moses's hands are in view, and both are holding Nintendo controllers.}

MOSES MALONE: The Adventures of Lolo? You better have s-s-saved the receipt!

{Cut to the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} After I get sick of making up crap about The Cheat and Moses Malone, Strong Mad and I belt out his favorite lullaby.

{Cut to the grill, where Strong Mad is revving up a chainsaw.}


{The Cheat sighs and smiles. Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} And when that doesn't work, we call upon our good friend, 2 or 3 roach foggers.

{Cut back to the grill once more. The Cheat now has two cans of "ROACH KILLA! (GAVIN SAFE!)" by him, and Strong Bad is holding a third.}

STRONG BAD: Good night, sweet prince.

{He tosses the third can onto the grill and slams the lid on it. A small explosion is seen from inside the grill. Then, The Cheat sighs again.}

STRONG BAD: {looking over his shoulder} How're his vitals?

{pan over to Strong Mad in a nurse's outfit, with a heartbeat detector. It beeps once.}


{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} So if we're lucky, The Cheat wakes up alive the next morning and fixes us all a big pitcher of suudsu. No foolin', man. That stuff is G-E-W-D, gewd. Hopefully you were at least able to cop a wicked contact buzz off of The Cheat's bedtime story, Wagley. Or off the fumes from those bug bombs. Either way, {the screen dims} you should be losing consciousness {the email slows to a halt} any second now.

{The Paper appears.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "rigamarole" to see the Certificate of Rigamarolarity.

This paper right here seriously signifies that
  getting the Cheat to freaking go to sleep  
has hereby achieved RIGAMAROLE STATUS
Let it be known from the valleys
to the hills.
Or maybe the dells.

D.L. Rigamarole

Good Lord Rigamarole
  • Click on "Suudsu" at the end to see the Glass of Suudsu and the "Pure Genius" Button to enjoy it for all eternity.
  • Click on "bedtime story" to see more of The Cheat and Moses Malone playing video games.
MOSES MALONE: Bayou Billy? I hope you saved the receipt!

Fun Facts


  • Gingivitis is the inflammation of the gums due to improper cleaning of the teeth.

Real-World References

  • The controllers that The Cheat and Moses Mallone were playing with are similar to those of Nintendo's Nintendo Entertainment System.
    • Adventures of Lolo was a puzzle game for the NES in which the player had to make their way through ten floors to save the country of Eden.
    • The Adventures of Bayou Billy was a multi-genre action adventure game for the NES featuring a beat em up style of game play and a first person shooter.
  • Moses Malone is a former NBA basketball player who also played in the ABA.
  • "Sleep tight, sweet prince" is a reference to Horatio's line in Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act 5, Scene 2, "Good night, sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest."
  • Gummi bears are small, soft, bear shaped confections originally developed by Haribo.

External Links

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