being mean

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Strong Bad Email #199
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Nice Dad comes to Strong Bad for advice on teaching his kids... not to be like Strong Bad.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Hungry Shark, Homestar Runner, The King of Town, Coach Z, Marzipan, Strong Mad

Places: Computer Room, The Field, The Classroom

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Monday, September 8, 2008

Running Time: 3:26

Page Title: Lappy 486



STRONG BAD: I had to pay my doctor just to have this email removed. A-so smooth.

STRONG BAD: {typing} You're coming to me for nice lessons? You expect me to tell your wussy kids that being mean isn't the best choice? I wonder what other gems are in your sent mail outbox.

{Strong bad types in other_gems.exe, bringing up another email, accompanied by a ding.}

{Strong Bad picks up a drawing of a bloody-toothed shark at a computer with the caption "HUNGRY SHARK EMAiLS" when he says "thought of you."}

STRONG BAD: And there's probably one like...

{Strong Bad types more_other_gems.exe as he says this, bringing up a third email.}

{Strong Bad picks up a drawing of a goblin with the caption "GOBLiN KEEP SiEGE" when he says "Goblin Keep Sieges."}

STRONG BAD: {typing} The only time I know of when being mean isn't the best choice is when someone nearby is holding a really tall ice cream cone.

{Cut to the Field. Homestar has an ice cream cone that towers above the top of the screen. Ice cream truck music plays in the background.}

STRONG BAD: Hey wow, Homestar. That's a great same-shirt-you-always-wear you have on today.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks, Strong Bad. Did you want some of my...

{Strong Bad approaches him and kicks him in the leg, sending the ice cream cone flying and landing on his face in pieces.}


STRONG BAD: Wahahahaha!

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Oh, wait. Being mean is the best choice there too. Look, this is clearly not a job for me Nice Dad (translation: Uncool Dad). When it comes to teaching kids about behavior and choices and various other words from parenting books, there's only one place to look for answers, the Drama Club!

{Cut to the King of Town in the Classroom. The camera "rotates" around him until it faces him straight-on.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Listen up, class. Instead of watching me doze off for the last ten minutes like we usually do, I've got a special treat for you all today. The drama club is going to perform a state-required skit about being nice, so we can avoid losing our accreditation! Now, give it up... for Coach Z's Nicetown Players!

{Cut to the side of the room. The lights dim as Coach Z, Marzipan, and Strong Mad enter. They get into various still poses. A couple claps are heard.}

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} You suck.

{Slow music begins to play. A spotlight goes up on Coach Z.}

COACH Z: Oh, man. What a great pratty. I wonder what kid's house this is.

{The spotlight goes out, and another one comes up on Marzipan.}

MARZIPAN: I wonder if he likes me. Will I make the team? I wish my parents would stop fighting.

{The spotlight goes out, and a third comes up on Strong Mad.}


{The lights go up. Zoom in on Coach Z.}

COACH Z: Hey, Pants Pull-Upper! Nice pulled-up... pants!

{Camera Pans right to Marzipan.}

MARZIPAN: I shouldn't laugh, but I want to fit in. Good one, Head Male Cheerleader!

{Zoom out showing all three. Strong Mad runs away.}


{Close-up of Coach Z and Marzipan. Coach Z moves closer to Marzipan as she leans away from him.}

COACH Z: My parents' room is out of town in my car. Wanna go park out?

MARZIPAN: But what about that poor nerd?

COACH Z: Ah, who cares about...

{Wide shot of original stage area. Strong Mad runs in brandishing a baseball bat with spikes on the end. Marzipan screams. He swings it at Coach Z and then they all freeze. Marzipan comes forward as the lights dim. Strong Mad taps Coach Z with the bat, laughing while Coach Z says "Ow." "Stop." "Quit it.", while she speaks.}

MARZIPAN: This is why be'sing mean is not always the best choice.

COACH Z: Drap it! {A rap beat begins to play.} Now being mean ain't the greatest choice! My name's Coach Z and I—

{The King of Town appears in front of him.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Aaaand we've run out of time.

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} You suck.

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} See how lame that was Nice Dad? I'm sure your kids could learn all sorts of crap-kicked-out-of-them lessons from superbly acted dramatizations like that. But don't take it from me, let's hear from our resident parenting expert, Hungry Shark.

{He holds up the Hungry Shark Emails picture again.}

HUNGRY SHARK: Sometimes the taste of blood in the water is just so sweet, makes me wanna... I just gon... uh, I'm gonna eat your kids.

{New Paper comes down. Strong Bad moves the picture out of its way.}

Easter Eggs

  • When the King of Town is in the middle of the screen, click on the right-hand side of the chalkboard to change the image. It switches between an image of a gun shooting the King labeled "BANG" and a blob on the other side of him labeled "BRAINS", an Olympic stadium with a torch bearer setting the King's head ablaze, striped horns on the King's head labeled "croissants?", a monster ready to maul the King, ice cream in the King's crown labeled "ice cream 99¢", and a spear impaling the King labeled "THUCK!"
  • Click on the logo on Hungry Shark's computer to hear the rest of Coach Z's rap song. The scene cuts to an album cover labeled "COACH Z GETS NOICE!" with an insert that says "Learn all sorts of crap-kicked-out-of-you lessons!" and shows Coach Z holding a large Ice Cream cone like Homestar.
COACH Z: Drap it! {The rap beat begins to play.} Now being mean ain't the greatest choice! My name's Coach Z and I likes to get noice! If you don't believe me, listen to my voice; I'll tell ya why being nice is the greatest choice!

Fun Facts


  • Around its release, this email was listed as "being mean" in the Strong Bad Email menu, but "being nice" in the Toons menu.



  • Coach Z's arms are messed up; they are separated at the elbow.

Inside References

  • The music that plays during the ice cream cone scene is the music from Bubs' Baloney Sammich truck.
  • Marzipan mentions the word "be's", in the same way as Homestar in candy product.
  • The croissant-like horns in the King of Town Easter egg are a reference to 3 Wishes.
  • This is another instance of blood.

Real-World References

  • The bad acting presentation and Coach Z's rap song parody after-school good-behavior shorts popular in the late '90s, such as Don't Copy That Floppy.

External Links

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