replacement
From Homestar Runner Wiki
| Strong Bad Email #105 |
|
Strong Bad looks for a replacement for when he retires from answering emails.
Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, Strong Sad, Strong Mad, Bubs, Coach Z, Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Homsar
Places: Computer Room, The Field, Basement of the Brothers Strong, Marzipan's House, The Stage
Computer: Compy 386
Date: Tuesday, June 8, 2004
Running Time: 3:22
Page Title: Compy 386!!
DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Four
Contents |
[edit] Transcript
STRONG BAD: Our next show, is a family show. It... is... the email.
{reading}
Dear Strong Bad,
Have you ever thought who will take
your place when you retire?
Your friend,
Jeffrey Desterhoft
STRONG BAD: {typing} You've got a good point there, Jeffy. I suppose I can't keep checking these e-mails forever. I never really thought about finding an heir to my throne before. Come to think of it, what ever happened to my throne?
{Strong Bad stops typing, picks up a phone, and talks into it, making a sound like a loudspeaker in a supermarket}
STRONG BAD: Attention The Cheat. Customer needs assistance in email. Customer needs assistance in email.
{Strong Bad puts down the phone, which is not attached to anything. The Cheat arrives in a blue employee's vest with his name on it}
STRONG BAD: The Cheat, didn't I used to have a throne of some kind?
THE CHEAT: {points at the stool and makes The Cheat noises.}
STRONG BAD: No, no, no, this is my stool. I'm talking about a throne. You know, it had, like... gold nuggets on it, and... a hundred cup holders... some of them velvety cushions... you know, a throne. And I think I had a motorcycle, too. See if you can find those.
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises, leaves}
STRONG BAD: {typing} I guess the best way to find a replacement is to subject a bunch of applicants to the same rigorous screening process that I subjected myself to {begins to sound unsure of what he is saying} when I started checking these emails?
{Cut to Strong Bad and Homestar standing in the Field.}
STRONG BAD: I'm gonna hold up a last name, and you make fun of it. {holds up a cue card with the word "Gargleman" written on it} Gargleman.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Crapface.
STRONG BAD: {holds up a cue card that reads "Dumweiner"} Dumweiner.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uhhhh, Crapface.
STRONG BAD: {changes cue card to "Butkus"} Butkus.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Crapface.
STRONG BAD: {changes cue card to "Crambert"} Crambert.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Crapface?
STRONG BAD: {changes cue card to "Desterhoft"} Desterhoft.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {without hesitation} Let me think about it Crapface.
STRONG BAD: Whoa! Perfect score!
{Cut to the computer room with Strong Bad and Coach Z in front of the Compy.}
STRONG BAD: Let's hear your best "deleted."
{He presses a button on the keyboard and the Compy displays DELETED on a blue background, making the standard DELETED sound.}
DELETED!
COACH Z: DELORTED!
{The Compy flashes DELORTED on a dark yellow-green background and makes a distorted version of the DELETED sound. Strong Bad looks surprised.}
DELORTED!
{Cut to the basement with Strong Bad and Bubs and a cardboard box with Strong Sad drawn on it sitting on the couch.}
STRONG BAD: Strong Sad's on the couch, watching TV. What do you do?
BUBS: Kick him in the teeth!
STRONG BAD: That's good, that's good, even though he might not have any teeth. What else?
BUBS: Kick him in the grill! {pumps his elbow}
STRONG BAD: Yeah, yeah! Keep going!
BUBS: {turns to face Strong Bad} Kick you in the grill!
{Bubs starts to approach Strong Bad, waving his arms and yelling menacingly}
STRONG BAD: {nervously} No, no, Bubs, calm down, this is only a drill!
{Cut to Marzipan's house with Strong Bad and Marzipan holding Carol.}
STRONG BAD: Let's hear your best "scroll buttons" song.
MARZIPAN: {singing and playing the guitar} And that's why I like to scroll, with scroll buttons!
STRONG BAD: {sarcastically} Oh, right, right, the worst song I ever heard. Play another one!
MARZIPAN: {singing and playing the guitar} Scroll buttons are good, they move you up and down, they take you to...
{Strong Bad groans. Cut to the basement, with Strong Bad, Strong Sad, and the same cardboard box with Strong Sad on it.}
STRONG BAD: Okay, Strong Sad, Strong Sad's on the couch, watching TV. What do you do?
STRONG SAD: Go make him some hummus!
STRONG BAD: Hummus?! No, try something else.
STRONG SAD: Uh... Give him a foot massage!
STRONG BAD: {looks at Strong Sad's soolnds, mouth agape} Those are not feet!
{Cut to the field with Homestar, Strong Bad and The Cheat. The Cheat is wearing a cardboard box that has a drawing of himself on it.}
STRONG BAD: Now I want you to pretend this is The Cheat, and give him a good, swift, kick in The Cheat!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {bends one of his legs back, then pauses} Umm... {puts his leg back down} Crapface.
{Cut to Strong Bad in front of his computer}
STRONG BAD: Ugh. {typing} This screening process is neither processing nor screening very well. I suppose I should cut to the chase and haul out the big guns...DANCE CONTEST!
{Cut to a stage. Music is playing. We see the top part of Strong Bad's head watching each contestant.}
{The first contestant is Marzipan, who spins her ponytail around while moving her head left and right.}
{Cut to Coach Z, who taps his right foot while waving his arms behind his head one after the other.}
{Cut to Strong Sad, who is simply pointing his fingers.}
{Cut to Bubs shaking his arms while leaning forward and then jumping up and down.}
{Cut to Strong Mad, who simply stands in place and yells:}
STRONG MAD: I'M STRONG MAD! I'M STRONG MAD!
{Cut to Homsar, who shuffles his feet all along the stage.}
{The camera then cuts to and zooms in on Homestar, who is lit by a spotlight. The music changes to the ending of a slow, dramatic song.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} And then I put it on my faaaaace...
{Cut to Strong Bad at his computer.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Uh, this dance contest is neither contesting {pronounces "contesting" as "CON-test-ing"} nor dancing very well. Looks like I'm gonna be checking e-mails and kicking Cheats 'til the day I die. {stops typing} Whoa, that'd make an awesome tattoo! Or an even better epitaph!
{Cut to the field at night. A blank tombstone is on the foreground, and as we hear Strong Bad's voice, his words are carved on the slab.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Here lies Strong Bad
{underneath, in slightly smaller letters}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} "Checking e-mails and kicking Cheats in the hereafter"
{underneath}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Buried with his hundred girlfriends
{underneath}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And like, a jillion dollars
{underneath, in even smaller letters}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Please don't dig up the grave.
{The Paper comes down}
[edit] Easter Eggs
- At the end, click on the word "Cheats" to see another exchange between Strong Bad and The Cheat.
- {Cut to The Cheat near his light switch, still wearing his uniform.}
- STRONG BAD: {offscreen, into speakerphone} A-ttention The Cheat!
- THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
- STRONG BAD: Have you found that motorcycle yet? {slight pause} Maybe check in our... stock room.
- THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises, leaves}
- STRONG BAD: And Dana needs more quarters on register three.
[edit] Fun Facts
[edit] Explanations
- Hummus is a paste of pureed chickpeas usually mixed with sesame oil or sesame paste and eaten as a dip or sandwich spread.
[edit] Trivia
- The label on the disk in the floppy disk container reads "alone in the dark".
- The YouTube description for this email is "Who will check his emails when Strong Bad retires? Aforementioned Strong Bad tries to find out."
- Since the font called Engravers MT is used, the first quotation mark on Strong Bad's gravestone is backwards.
[edit] Remarks
- Strong Bad uses a disconnected telephone.
- Strong Bad doesn't interview Strong Mad or Homsar, yet they still take part in the dance contest; he also doesn't interview The Cheat.
- The visible "DELET" part of the DELETED text is the same size as the "DELOR" part of Coach Z's "DELORTED". At that size, part of the final D and the exclamation point (which are included in the Flash file) wouldn't fit on the screen.
- When Strong Bad types "DANCE CONTEST!" the initial D appears unusually close to the final period in the preceding ellipsis, probably as a result of trying to avoid splitting the phrase at a line break.
- Homsar's walking sound is not heard as he walks back and forth.
[edit] Goofs
- When The Cheat turns to exit, his nametag switches sides and is reversed.
- The sign above Marzipan normally reads "Thank You". In this email, it appears to be blank due to a positioning error in the Flash file.
- At the end of the email the moon is facing the back of the gravestone, but the shadow is in front of the moon and the other side is bright.
- Marzipan's hair spins in front of her dress, as if it were going through her neck.
- When Strong Bad asks Coach Z for his best "DELETED!", the computer screen displays the text he typed before asking The Cheat about his throne.
[edit] Inside References
- Homestar's repeated use of "crapface" is related to the way he answered his first email in 50 emails.
- Bubs's moves in the dance contest come from the game Dancin' Bubs.
- Strong Bad first kicked The Cheat in little animal.
- Strong Bad previously mentioned gold nuggets in his character video.
[edit] Real-World References
- The Cheat is wearing a blue uniform, typical of Wal-Mart employees, but Strong Bad uses a red phone, typical of Target stores.
- The name "Butkus" refers to Chicago Bears Hall-Of-Fame linebacker Dick Butkus.
- A grill often refers to the dental object people (most prominently rappers) wear on their teeth, but can also mean the mouth/teeth themselves.
- Coach Z's dance is similar to a popular hardcore dance referred to as "Shootin' the arrow".
[edit] Fast Forward
- Marzipan's first scroll button song was later used on the Strong Bad Email Menu, despite him saying that it was the worst song he ever heard.
- Strong Bad would later decide to not die at all in your funeral.
- Marzipan's dance moves would be seen again in nightlife.
- The graves for the eleven former Kings of Town would be shown, in similar style to Strong Bad's grave, in original.
- Strong Sad was shown to have teeth after all in narrator, where he can be seen brushing them. He does this again in concert.
[edit] DVD Version
- The DVD version features hidden creator's commentary. To access it, switch the DVD player's audio language selection while watching.
[edit] Commentary Transcript
(Commentary by: Matt Chapman, Mike Chapman)
MATT: What's he's saying right now is from an old audio recording that I made.
MIKE: Yeah, Matt, before we had a video camera, he and his friend, you know, would just make movies and...
MATT: Radio plays!
MIKE: On, aha, on audio cassette! He had a bad tape recorder.
MATT: And our friend TJ said that, and he could, he was like four or something and couldn't talk very well, or at least couldn't re-memorize lines at the time 'cuz he was so young, and it was called "The Hostess Cake": "Our next show is a family show. It is... The Hostess Cake"... Mike, how did he do that with his voice?! That phone's clearly not plugged in!
MIKE: It's like Coach Z's phone from another cartoon. I dunno. I dunno, Matt. I just make the cartoons.
MATT: That's clearly a Wal-Mart vest that The Cheat is wearing there, I think, Mike.
MIKE: Also, there's "Alone in the Dark" back there. Is that... this is, okay, this is before that horrible "Alone in the Dark" movie that just came out.
MATT: Oh, yeah, did that already come out?
MIKE: Yeah! It was just in the theater for, like, two days.
MATT: Yeah. Bad idea.
{pause}
MIKE: So, what are we— Which one is this? Replacements?
MATT: Yeah, he's trying to find an heir to the throne!
MATT: Oooooh.
{pause until Strong Bad holds up the "Desterhoft" card}
MIKE: {sarcastic "surprised" voice} Hey, that's the name of the guy that sent the email!
MATT: {similar voice} That's a funny name.
MIKE: {imitates the "Deleted" buzzer, then again as Strong Bad deletes the email}
MATT: {of "DELORTED"} Oof. That brown screen is gross. I like it. Now this is our friend Craig Zobel, who... you all know. His favorite thing ever on our website is right here where Bubs attacks Strong Bad.
MIKE: That's just me being ba—being a lazy animator. It wasn't supposed to be funny.
MATT: {partially over the last line} No, that was you being a genius.
MIKE: It wasn't supposed to be funny.
MATT: It's hilarious.
MIKE: Didn't you record Strong Bad singing one of these scroll buttons songs for the scroll button menu?
MATT: Mm-hmm. I did.
MIKE: We oughta use that.
MATT: Never have. Maybe we should. It's been the same one for a while now.
MIKE: Yeah.
MATT: {of the box with Strong Sad's image} That Strong Sad drawing is pretty great. The Cheat clearly drew that for him. {after Strong Bad's "Those are not feet."} What are they called, Mike?
MIKE: Soolnds?
MATT: Soolnd.
{pause}
MATT: Um...
MIKE: So we got a dance party coming up where Coach Z is doing our friend Claire's dance.
MATT: Mm-hmm. I remember... that's a good dance.
MIKE: There it is.
MATT: The Claire dance. I don't know if Claire knows that we have Coach Z doing her dance.
MIKE: Does she know we have a name for her dance?
MATT: I don't know if she knows that either. I hope she doesn't get mad.
MIKE: I did all this. That's why the dances are pretty lame.
MATT: Homestar is singing in a dance contest, Mike. He doesn't, he obviously doesn't know what's going on.
MIKE: Even if it was a singing contest, it was a pretty bad song.
MATT: Yeah.
MIKE: I dunno what he's talking about, but I dunno what he just put on his face.
{they laugh}
MATT: It's a great song, I think. It's very interesting. It makes you wonder. What did— and what happened that spawned that?
MIKE: I don't wanna know.
{pause until The Paper}
MIKE: {sighs} That's it.
MATT: Preeeow.
[edit] Fun Facts
- Hostess is a manufacturer of various snack cakes and pastries, most famously the Twinkie.
- The critically panned 2005 film Alone in the Dark, a box-office failure, was based on the video game of the same name, which was in the Floppy Disk Container in this email.
[edit] External Links
- watch "replacement"
- watch "replacement" on YouTube
- watch "replacement" on the old Flash site
- view the Flash file for "replacement"
- forum thread re: "replacement"
