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...and bring out your cute baby brother or holy-crap-adorable pet!

Strong Bad Email #135

Strong Bad goes back 6 years ago to the first email he ever answered to show how he gave advice on

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, The Announcer, Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Strong Sad, Mustachioed Homestar Runner (Easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, Arena, The Field (Easter egg)

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: August 8, 2005

Running Time: 4:25



STRONG BAD: {singing in falsetto} Why do I check emails the way I do? I don't know. {begins reading}

{After reading "could never get any ladies", Strong Bad says "Oooh, something I would not openly admit." He inserts a long pause between "lady" and "ing."}

STRONG BAD: 2nd and 3rd best friends?? What about Fabrosi? What'd you two do to Fabrosi? Eh, whatever. That guy's probably out lady-ing with that fake mustache he always wears. It's only gonna attract gold-diggers. {hits return} Desperate losers or not, you guys should remember that I addressed this issue, like, 5 or 6 years ago. In fact, I think it mighta been the first email I ever checked. The Cheat, roll that beautiful email footage!

{Cut to the computer desk. The Cheat walks in holding a laserdisc.}

STRONG BAD: Ooh, a laserdisc. {music starts and The Cheat spins the disc as Strong Bad sings} The Cheat's playin' something on a laserdisc. Everything is better on a laserdisc. Whatever happened to the laserdisc? Laserdisc! {The Cheat and Strong Bad touch hands as the music stops.}

{The Cheat walks to the left. Cut to the old loading screen from Marshmallow's Last Stand, then to the Arena from the same toon. Closeup on the Announcer.}

ANNOUNCER: And in the red corner, hailing from Parts Unknown, {holds microphone closer} the Ramblin' Wreck of Email Check, Strong Bad!

{Cut to the corner of the wrestling ring, which contains a table with the Tandy on it. Strong Bad pops out from a trapdoor.}

STRONG BAD: Greetings all you morones. Holy crap! Welcome to the Strong Bad show, where I check a real email from one {leans in toward the camera} a-stupid idiots.

{The crowd boos. Strong Bad produces an anvil and hurls it at them.}

STRONG BAD: Ah, you a-shut up!

{Someone in the crowd meekly says "Ow!" Strong Bad laughs at him.}

STONG BAD: Now let's a-holy crap get to business!

{Strong Bad walks over to the Tandy and brings up the email somehow. He reads:}

STRONG BAD: But of course. When it comes to the ladies, I've got no... competition! {He pronounces the last word like on the Strong Bad talker. He jumps up and shakes as he says it.} Holy crap.

{Cut to a close-up}

STRONG BAD: First, Fabrosi, you've got to look as much as possible like the Strong Bad. {He points to himself with both hands.} Take off your shirt, {produces some sandpaper} sand off your nipples, {rubs it on his chest; the camera pans down to his feet} and wear tight pants that accentuate all your sublteties {pronounced "subbleties"}. {He shakes his body around once.} But sometimes {shakes it again} that's not enough, and you have to douse yourself in the finest {produces a can of gasoline} Mongolian aftershave lotion.

{He douses himself as the crowd cheers "Yay!" Strong Bad walks off and over to Homestar Runner (sans cap) and Marzipan. Gasoline fumes eminate above Strong Bad's head.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, Marzipan. Do you want a-my bod!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uh, Strong Bad, why do you smell like a garage?


STRONG BAD: Why, you... Take a-this!

{He leaps at Homestar, somersaulting over and over with a helicopter-like noise. He lands right on Homestar's head. There is a huge explosion of stars as Homestar is knocked to the mat, stars spinning above his eyes.}


{Cut to a close-up of Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: The ladies also can't resist... {All of the sudden his chest is very defined; his biceps bulge up.} ...muscular wrestling moves... {The camera pulls back.} the top rope!

{Strong Bad leaps from the top rope and crashes right on Homestar, who is still down. There is another starry explosion.}


{Cut to Marzipan.}

MARZIPAN: Ooh, that's resistable.

STRONG BAD: And if that doesn't work, bring out your cute baby brother {Strong Sad walks up but falls through the ground when a trapdoor appears} or holy-crap-adorable pet {The Cheat walks in from the right}.

{The Cheat flashes his bright blue eyes.}

MARZIPAN: Now it smells like a garage with a litter box in it.

STRONG BAD: The Cheat, I told you to wear finest Mongolian aftershave lotion!

{The Cheat hums and blinks his eyes some more. Strong Bad kicks him out of the ring.}

STRONG BAD: If all else fails...

{Cut to a table set up in the ring, complete with a tablecloth, two candles, and a serving platter. The Cheat flies overhead and crashes.}

STRONG BAD: ...employ the secret weapon: {The lid lifts off the serving platter to reveal:} A candlelit dinner with caviar burritos and finest cigars!

{Strong Bad, who still is emitting the gasoline fumes, holds a cigar up to one of the candles to light it. Naturally, it explodes}


{Strong Bad's head begins to crack and then shatters, leaving just his mouth.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You see, Strong Bad? What the lucious ladies really want is a guy that still has a face and head.

MARZIPAN: {leaning toward Homestar} Yeah, me too!

STRONG BAD: {still mostly headless} Holy crap.


{He leaps into a freeze frame. The background turns orange and the words "The End" appear in the corner as the old old theme music plays. Cut back to Strong Bad, now asleep and snoring at the Lappy. He wakes up with a start.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Aught? What? Ooot? Oh, yeah. Boy, those old cartoons still pack a whallop. Uh, so yeah, Danny. Now's a great time to plant cucumbers. Stocks are up, stipes are down. And old Strong Bad's got a date with a bowl of creme brulee ice creme. Cream.

{He gets up. After a couple of seconds, the camera pans right to reveal him still at the table, snoring away. The Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

  • At the end, click on the word "And" to see Homestar following Strong Bad's advice... sort of.
    {Homestar and Marzipan are standing in The Field. Homestar appears to be wearing a very wide fake mustache}
    HOMESTAR RUNNER: So, ladytype, I'm wearin' tight pants {shakes a pantless leg} so as to accentuate all my bubbleties!
    MARZIPAN: Have I broken up with you yet?
    HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, a couple times.
  • Click on the Floppy Disk Container to see a bottle of "Genghis Khan" lotion for women ("Smell like a Warlord!").
  • Click on Strong Bad's head to see a brief dream of him somersaulting over a canyon.

Fun Facts

Inside references

Real-World References

  • "Roll that beautiful email footage" is a reference to the Bush's Baked Beans Commercials "Roll that beautiful bean footage."
  • "Ramblin' Wreck of Email Check" is a reference to the Georgia Institute of Technology, whose athletic teams are known as "Yellowjackets" or "Ramblin' Wreck". In fact, the first line of the Georgia Tech fight song declares, "I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech".
  • Strong Bad does a flip jump like Samus in Metroid games.
  • Laserdisc was the first optical-disc storage medium, and the precursor to modern DVDs.

External Links

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