Homestar Ruiner Responses (Marzipan's)

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"Good riddance to bad karma."

Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from Marzipan's House in Homestar Ruiner.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.

A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.



When Marizpan is home
MARZIPAN: Don't touch the balloons, do you know how hard it is to find eco-friendly mylar?
When Marizpan is not home
STRONG BAD: {singing} Takin' Marzipan's balloons, and I don't know why...
STRONG BAD: {Strong Bad floats a few feet in the air} Whoah! These are some pretty powerful balloons! I feel like I'm walkin' on the moon with these things!

Cell Phone → Marzipan

When Marizpan is home
STRONG BAD: Only an amateur tries to make a prank phone call while standing within earshot of the prankee.



When Marizpan is home
STRONG BAD: Whoah, that is one seriously ginormous version of Homestar.
MARZIPAN: Do you like it? The paper is made from 100% vegetable products from my prize-winning organic garden.
STRONG BAD: I always suspected Homestar was a big vegetable.

STRONG BAD: How come Homewad gets a float?
MARZIPAN: Because he's my boyfriend. This week, anyway.
When Marizpan is not home
STRONG BAD: That's Marzipan's immense veggie-table paper maché representation of Homestar's stupid head.

STRONG BAD: I can't believe that Homestar gets an entire poorly-made float... or that his stupid head is so much bigger than mine.
After being burned
STRONG BAD: Looks like my work here is done. Well done.

STRONG BAD: I don't know about you, but I like Homestar a lot better this way. His head matches his arms now.

Hedge Shears → Float

When Marzipan is home
MARZIPAN: What do you think you're doing!?
STRONG BAD: Umm, giving your Homestar float a much-needed shave? And a haircut? Two bits?
MARZIPAN: Keep those things away from my art!

MARZIPAN: Knock it off, Strong Bad!
When Marzipan is not home
STRONG BAD: Why hello, Mr. Enormous Noggin Homestar. What can I do for you today?
STRONG BAD: {imitating Homestar} Nothing to fancy, Mr. Old Timey Barber Strong Bad. Just a little bit off the top.
STRONG BAD: Anything you say, sir... {Strong Bad decapitates the float, in the process knocking over a tiki torch, which then burns the remainder of the float to the ground}
STRONG BAD: Whoah, that went even better than expected. Uh-oh, here comes trouble. {Strong Bad hides as Marzipan enters the scene}
MARZIPAN: That darn Homestar! As if I didn't have enough to do without pointlessly running back and forth... {sees the smoldering remains of the float} What the?! {Marzipan sees the float's head poking up from behind a bush, where it is held by a concealed Strong Bad}
MARZIPAN: Did you do this? {The head moves slightly} Nothing to say? Well fine, you party-wrecking dummy! I hope you lose your precious Race to the End of the Race! {Marzipan leaves}
STRONG BAD: {speaking to head} Man, I'd hate to be you right now, Homestar. Or would I?

Front Door

When Marizpan is home, outside
{Strong Bad rings doorbell}
MARZIPAN: {camera zooms out, showing back of house} I'm back here, Strong Bad.

{Strong Bad rings doorbell}
MARZIPAN: {camera zooms out, showing back of house} I said I'm back here, Strong Bad.
STRONG BAD: Oh yeah, I forgot already.

{Strong Bad rings doorbell}
MARZIPAN: {camera zooms out, showing back of house} Knock it off Strong Bad.
STRONG BAD: Bwah-ha-ha

{Strong Bad rings doorbell}
MARZIPAN: {camera zooms out, showing back of house} Grrr...
When Marzipan is home, inside
MARZIPAN: Go away, Strong Bad! My mood ring is all brown right now and I don't need you making it any browner! {closes the door}
STRONG BAD: Should I tell her she doesn't have fingers?
When Marizpan is not home
STRONG BAD: Hmm. No one's home. It's almost as if an evil genius had lured her away from her house or something.


When Marizpan is home
STRONG BAD: Victory for Homestar Garden Party. Talk about a counting your armless chickens before they hatch...
MARZIPAN: I like to think of it as positive thinking. If I can visualize Homestar winning the race, then he will win the race.
STRONG BAD: You're about to make me start positive puking.
MARZIPAN: I visualized that yesterday.
STRONG BAD: You know, it kinda sorta looks like this party is more about showing off your garden than celebrating Homestar's unlikely racing prowess.
MARZIPAN: Don't be silly, Strong Bad. I'd never put the needs of my rhododendrons, marigolds, and okra above those of, ummm —
STRONG BAD: Homestar.
MARZIPAN: Right, Homsar.

STRONG BAD: Little does Marzipan know that I, Strong Bad, will in fact be the one who will be winning the race. With my feet. Mwah-ha-ha-ha.
STRONG BAD: Oh, nothing.
When Marizpan is not home
STRONG BAD: This banner will say "Congratulations, Strong Bad" by the end of the day, mark my words. Unless Strong Mad makes it, in which case it'll probably say "Contagulate, Stong Bag"... but still, seriously, mark them.



Before being trimmed
STRONG BAD: I don't know much about shrubbery, but I know an unclipped, red-headed step-hedge when I see one.

STRONG BAD: That hedge is having a serious bad twig day.
After being trimmed
STRONG BAD: Thank you for visiting Strong Bad's Super Discount Cut Clips. See you again in six weeks!

Hedge Shears → Hedge

When Marizpan is home
STRONG BAD: Shears and hedges go together like slo-mo and explosions... {cuts the hedge into the shape of a naked Homestar, censored by a leaf} Hey, I didn't mean to do that!
MARZIPAN: That's a very nice rendering, Strong Bad. Heyyy, are those my shears?
STRONG BAD: These? Oh no, yours are still in the shop. These are... Strong Sad's. But he's off his meds right now, so I took them from him, just to be safe.
MARZIPAN: Well that was very thoughtful of you Strong Bad.
STRONG BAD: Yeah, well you know me. Mister Thoughful.
When Marizpan is not home
STRONG BAD: Hedge clip powers to the maximum drive yeah! {cuts the hedge into the shape of a naked Homestar, censored by a leaf}
STRONG BAD: Now THAT'S what I call an inspirational (and unintentionally revealing) piece of art.


Candy → Hole

STRONG BAD: Eat hot chocolate death, Mother Earth!

STRONG BAD: I love throwing chocolate down a bottomless pit as much as the next guy, but I really think it's time to look for another solution to this problem.

STRONG BAD: I'll just put this candy here, and voila!
THE KING OF TOWN: Mmm, unless my invisible kingly nose deceives me, there's a 3.3 pound box of chocolates in the vicinity! {enters and looks in hole} Oh, dibbledabble, I'll never be able to get that delicious candy way down there. Oh Well. {leaves}
STRONG BAD: Hm. That didn't work out like I expected.

THE KING OF TOWN: Mmm, unless my kingly senses deceive me, there's a 1.5 kilogram box of chocolates in the vicinity! {enters and looks in hole} Oh, ribblerockers, I'll never be able to get that delicious candy way down there. Oh Well. {leaves}
STRONG BAD: Hmm, looks like I'll have to think of something more clever. The King of Town's not as much of a lemming as I thought.
STRONG SAD: {appears out of nowhere} Actually, that's a popular misconception. In the wild, lemmings don't really—
STRONG BAD: You shaddup!
STRONG SAD: Okay {disappears}

Hedge Clippings → Hole

STRONG BAD: {singing} Who puts the clippings on the hole? It's Strong Bad, it's Strong Bad! {places hedge clippings over hole} Presto! A trap fit for a King! At least, I hope he fits...

STRONG BAD: {half singing} Who— clippings— on— hole— Bad. Viola! {pronounced as in the musical instrument}

STRONG BAD: {not singing, speaking extremely quickly} Who puts more freaking clippings on the stupid hole? It's Strong Bad, it's Strong Bad. {places clippings and turns to the camera} Excelsior!


STRONG BAD: That's one heckuva hole, if I do say so myself.

STRONG BAD: Hellooo!


Covered with Hedge Trimmings
STRONG BAD: Before, it was nothing more than a dangerous hole in the ground. Now, it's a fiendishly disguised dangerous hole in the ground.

STRONG BAD: Who's a good trap? Who's a good trap? Yes you are! Such a good trap.
After throwing Candy in
STRONG BAD: I hope the mole people down there are enjoying that candy.

STRONG BAD: I hope the CHUDs down there are enjoying that candy.
When The King of Town is inside
STRONG BAD: Hey there!
STRONG BAD: How's the weather down there?
THE KING OF TOWN: Could I trouble you to send me down a glass of buttermilk, and a spear? I'm getting awfully hungry and the mole queen wants to make me her consort!
STRONG BAD: Uh, yeah. I'll get right on that.

THE KING OF TOWN: Please understand my sweet, on the surface world, it's customary to sign a dietary pre-nup.
QUEEN: {sucking noises}
STRONG BAD: Whoa, I'm not gettin' in the middle of that.

Total Load → Hole

STRONG BAD: What an interesting and not-at-all arbitrarily random idea! {pours some Total Load into the hole} Uh oh, looks like the mole people are totally loading up on that Total Load. {noises} Wow, I've singlehandedly transformed a bunch of scrawny, anemic subterranean scavengers into a race of uber-moles! {growl} Aww, it looks like they want to throw me a present... {Strong Bad receives a Teen Girl Squad idea card} Cool, mole cool.

Loose Dirt

Loose Dirt

In front, near the mailbox
When Marizpan is home
STRONG BAD: Hey, where'd your stupid ficus go? I was gonna pee on it!
MARZIPAN: I've temporarily transplanted Credenza indoors so that he won't get trampled or peed on by clumsy partygoers.
When Marizpan is not home
STRONG BAD: There's usually a dumb-looking ficus here. How it's just a patch of loose soil.

STRONG BAD: It's a... patch of dirt. Yup.
All other holes
STRONG BAD: That's some of the loosest soil I've ever seen. Not that I spend a lot of my time staring at soil or anything. But man! So loose!

Shovel → Loose Dirt

STRONG BAD: {starts digging} {grunts} Ah! {stops, and turns to the camera} Uh, this might take a while. You folks might wanna go out for a minute and stretch your legs, or read a magazine, or relieve your aching energy drink filled bladders or something... {fade to black} {fade in, Strong Bad is just completing the hole} {insincerely} Whew, I'm exhausted.

STRONG BAD: {starts digging, stops and turns to the camera} Hmm, seems like a perfect place for a montage. {heavy metal music begins}
{over the shoulder shot of Strong Bad digging}
SINGER: {singing} Guts, Guts and might.
{view from inside the hole, of Strong Bad digging}
SINGER: Liftin' weights and feelin' all right.
{same angle, Strong Bad empties a shovel full of dirt in slow motion, the camera pans to follow the dirt flying through the air}
SINGER: It's a showdown. Goin' down town you're gonna mess around. Show— {record scratch}
STRONG BAD: {music stops abruptly, and the camera returns to a normal shot of Strong Bad} Whoa, that went a lot faster than I thought.


When Strong Bad gets close

MARZIPAN: Flowers and petals and thorns and nettles!


MARZIPAN: Tra-la-la la-la.

MARZIPAN: Ah, much better!

MARZIPAN: Maybe over here...

MARZIPAN: That looks good!



Marzipan → Party

STRONG BAD: I heard an ugly rumor that there's going to be a party here and I'm not invited.
MARZIPAN: Oh, that's not a rumor...
MARZIPAN: It's a cold hard fact.
STRONG BAD: {stutters} Buh-wha— Why?
MARZIPAN: Do you remember what happened the last time I invited you to a party?
{cut to party scene in Marzipan's backyard. Strong Bad stands on the roof, wearing a black Limozeen T-shirt, with an eyepatch and a pink headband}
STRONG BAD: Behold! I am lord Barglebroth, come for your souls! All will kneel before my style!
MARZIPAN: Look out!
{low grunting noise; Strong Bad takes a flying leap off the roof in slow motion}
{partygoers scatter, cut to side view of cake, Strong Bad flies into the frame at full speed}
{abrupt cut back to present day}
STRONG BAD: No, not really.
MARZIPAN: That figures.

STRONG BAD: I still don't see why I can't come to your stupid party that I hate.
MARZIPAN: Well, I was willing, but Homestar said no way. (Parenthetically, I don't think he likes you very much.)

Marzipan → Marzipan → Angel

STRONG BAD: {patronizingly} Did you make all these decorations?
MARZIPAN: That's so sweet of you to ask. Why yes, all of these party decorations were hand-crafted by me, myself, and I. I grew the bamboo for the tiki torches in my underground terrarium, ground the paint pigments for the victory banner from a variety of rose petals in my garden, and completed a three-week course in iron working at the local community college so I could hand-smelt the cute little Homestar float over there.
STRONG BAD: Wow! That was a lotta words!

STRONG BAD: Did you do something different with your hair? I can't even smell it from here.
MARZIPAN: Why yes, thank you for noticing. I've added just a little bit of muskrat seat to my usual mixture of Henna and flaxseed oil. I know what you're thinking: what about the increased viscosity and split ends you usually get with muskrats? Well here's the secret: free-range muskrats! It's amazing how much high-quality sweat you can get out of a muskrat when it's being raised in a loving and stress-free environment.
STRONG BAD: Yeah. Amazing.

Marzipan → Marzipan → Devil

STRONG BAD: Nice dorkorations, Marzipan!
MARZIPAN: Hey, I've been working on those for a week.
STRONG BAD: Weak is right, maybe you should have tried working on them for a strong. {stifles laughter}
MARZIPAN: Ugh. Go away, Strong Bad.

STRONG BAD: Is there something different about you today?
MARZIPAN: Why yes—
STRONG BAD: Because I can't... really... make anything out... the sheen off your oily forehead... it's too blinding!
MARZIPAN: I don't like to use the word "hate," so I use the word "chonk." I really chonk you Strong Bad. I chonk you with the passion of a thousand exploding whales.

Marzipan → Homestar

STRONG BAD: I can't believe you're throwing such a big party for such a small brain.
MARZIPAN: Who? Oh yeah, Homestar. Well I was just planning to throw a big party celebrating my award-winning organic vegetable garden, but no one seemed to want to come to that, so I added Homestar into the mix, and now everyone's coming!
STRONG BAD: {coughs}
MARZIPAN: Almost everyone.
STRONG BAD: Thank you.

STRONG BAD: So this "Homestar Victory Party" is just an excuse to show off your garden?
MARZIPAN: It's more like one of the universes happy synchronicities... like when a whale eats a fisherman, or you walk into a wall...
STRONG BAD: Hey, I only did that twice!

Marzipan → Hedge

STRONG BAD: That shrub out front looks like it's made out of the ugly sticks that someone beat it with.
MARZIPAN: Isn't it just the saddest thing you've ever seen? I'd trim it, but my hedge shears are in the shop.
STRONG BAD: The hedge-shears fixing shop?
MARZIPAN: Well, Bubs' Concession Stand, but he like to call it a "shop."

STRONG BAD: So your shears are over at Bubs', right?
MARZIPAN: As far as I know.

Marzipan → Snake Boxer

STRONG BAD: Homestar tells me that you've got my Snake Boxer 5 manual.
MARZIPAN: Oh yeah. I was going to use it in my Homestar float.
STRONG BAD: {screaming} Arrgh!
MARZIPAN: Not to worry, I gave the manual to Coach Z. He likes to look at the pictures.

Marzipan → Cancel

STRONG BAD: Hey, look at the invisible time. Bye Now.
MARZIPAN: Bye Strong Bad!

STRONG BAD: Hey, I just remembered I'm here talking to you. I gotta leave!

STRONG BAD: Well, this has been a little slice of torture, but I've gotta run.
MARZIPAN: Good riddance to bad karma.

Onion Patch

STRONG BAD: Mmm, ripe stinky onions. I'd better pick a few in case I need to make an emergency stew later on or somethin'.

STRONG BAD: The rest of these onions need a few more weeks to blossom into their full stinky potential.

Welcome Mat

Candy → Welcome Mat

No hole dug
{Strong Bad places the candy on the doormat, rings the doorbell and hides around the corner}
MARZIPAN: Just a minute!
THE KING OF TOWN: {entering the scene} What's this? A box of chocolate? {picks up the chocolate and eats it} {eating noises} {walks away} That was delicious! {exits}
MARZIPAN: {opens door} Yes? {pause} Hmm.. {goes back inside, closing the door}
STRONG BAD: Rassin frassin King of Town grumble mumble...
Hole dug, but uncovered
{Strong Bad places the candy on the doormat, rings the doorbell and hides around the corner}
THE KING OF TOWN: What's this? Do my squinty kingly eyes spy a box of scrumptious sweets? {walks near hole, looks down} Oh! That was close! {walks around hole, Strong Bad puts his face in his hand} {The King of Town picks up the candy and eats} {eating noises} {The King of Town walks off} That was delicious!
MARZIPAN: {opens door} Yes? {pause} Hmm.. {goes back inside, closing the door}
STRONG BAD: Who would've suspected that the King of Town would have the good sense not to jump in a hole?
Hole dug and covered
{Strong Bad places the candy on the doormat, rings the doorbell and hides around the corner}
MARZIPAN: Just a minute!
THE KING OF TOWN: Ah, chocolate! One of my several hundred culinary weaknesses! {walks over the trap and falls in} Ahhh!
MARZIPAN: Oh look, a box of Bubs fair trade chocolate! {pulls out phone and dials, Strong Bad pulls Homestar's phone out and looks at it, but does not answer} Homestar? It's Marzipan. I want you to know that while I'm still a little bit sore that you burned down most of my backyard, I've accepted your chocolate apology, and am prepared to be your girlfriend again! Good bye!
STRONG BAD: Man. That must be some potent funky cold ma-chocolate.

Welcome Mat

STRONG BAD: Marzipan's welcome mat is where people leave all kindsa stuff, like bottles of freshly squeezed soy milk, underground newspapers, and on special occasions, flaming sacks of crap...

STRONG BAD: The mat says "welcome," but Marzipan's made it clear that doesn't apply to me.
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