Strong Badia the Free Responses (Bleak House)

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"You'll never put out the fire in my people's hearts!"

Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from House of Strong in Strong Badia the Free.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.

A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.


[edit] Game Introduction

STRONG BAD: {singing} I don't know but I've been told, E-mail's best when it don't scroll!
{Strong Bad pronounces "dont" as dahnt and "youd" as ya-ood}
STRONG BAD: Well, Roytee, it goes without saying that I'd be a better ruler than the King of Town. {Clears screen} But seriously, who wants that job? Stuck in a castle all day, stuck making dumb laws, probably stuck in the bathtub... no thanks, man. {Cut to an over the shoulder shot of Strong Bad} And the King of Town's mostly harmless. Sure he's stupid looking, {Cut to drawing of the King of Town on a sheet of notebook paper, with labeled features including his Dumb Crown, Cheesy Beard, Stupid Red Robe and Fatness.} as this scientific diagram illustrates, but he stays out of my business, and that lazy faire approach to government is a welcome alternative. {Strong Bad looks at the camera.} Ooh, I think I'd like to go the lazy fair.
THE KING OF TOWN: {standing in the doorway} Aha! Caught you red gloved-ed.
STRONG BAD: The King of Town?! How'd you get in here?
THE KING OF TOWN: In flagrant disregard of my new e-mail tax, eh? One Creamy Ding snack cake for every e-mail sent or received!
STRONG BAD: {Cut to Strong Bad} E-mail tax?! {Zoom in} Flagrant?! {zoom in} Creamy ... {zoom in} Ding?!
THE KING OF TOWN: Oh, so you refuse to pay? Poopsmith, administer the collar of obedience!
{The Poopsmith climbs in through the window, wearing full Municipality riot gear. He clubs Strong Bad off of Stooly to the floor}
STRONG BAD: What are you doing?! Hey, cut that out! {overlapping} Ow! My freedom!
THE KING OF TOWN: You are under house arrest. You have the right to bribe me. {Cut to Strong Bad, who is now wearing a metal collar with a flashing red light.} Anything you offer will be eaten by me whether cooked or raw. {Cut to exterior shot of front door, showing a pulsating electronic security gate, bearing matching lights to Strong Bad's collar.} Try walking past that fence downstairs, and {crown flips up} blammo! Hope you weren't attached to that head. And one more thing.
{The King of Town takes and eats Strong Bad's map from the previous game.}
STRONG BAD: My map! I need that!
THE KING OF TOWN: This'll make sure you stay put until you can pay up! Now let's ride, Poopsmith! Gotta go collect on my new Pour-a-Bag-of-Jellybeans-Down-My-Gullet tax!
{The King of Town exits. The Poopsmith follows, crouching behind his shield and walking backwards out of the room.}
STRONG BAD: House arrest? Aw man, this is the worse thing to happen to my style in a long line of bad things happening to my style. I gotta find a way outta here, and give that uncharacteristically oppressive King of Town a serious mustache pounding.

[edit] Basement

[edit] Couch

STRONG BAD: The couch is in pretty bad shape. I gotta stop sleeping so hard.

[edit] Couch Stuffing

STRONG BAD: Aw man, I knocked the stuffing out of the couch again. {Takes stuffing.} I gotta stop having those dreams where I'm trapped in an elevator with milkmaid Homestar.

[edit] Television

DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR: ...part 8 of our 24-part series on the history of salt...
Only while under house arrest
DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR: ...tanks from the 23rd and 48th batallion were flanked by tanks from the enemies' 56th batallion. It was then that General Smedfordshire revealed his secret weapon: a slightly larger tank.
STRONG BAD: And we only get the History Unleashed channel! This is torture!
Only after annexing The Cheat and Tirerea.
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: Now the long national nightmare is over, thanks to one charismatic leader. Strong Bad, your star is on the rise! {Strong Bad chuckles silently}
Only after annexing Bleak House.
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: Better luck next time, dough boy!
Only after annexing Pompomerania.
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: Pompomerania, jewel of the east! And now that jewel is in Strong Bad's crown, as he's bounced into their heathen land and showed them how our boys do things back home!
Only after annexing the Homsar Reservation.
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the 20th century, Homsar! "Raised by a cup of coffee" indeed!
Only after annexing Country.
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: Dateline: Country! Once a proud land filled with proud person, this developing nation now waves a new flag: the Strong Badian empire's.

[edit] Trogdor Game

STRONG BAD: Trogdor continues to torment me with his brokenness and not-workingosity!

[edit] Bathroom

[edit] Mirror

STRONG BAD: Hey! who put the Muscleface 2 movie poster up in the bathroom? Uh...oh wait! It's just my reflection!

STRONG BAD: Who's the star of this game? That's right, you are!

[edit] Red Towel

STRONG BAD: Strong Sad's old security blanket, Strong Mad's new {retches} "athletic region" towel. {Takes towel.}

[edit] Shower

STRONG BAD: Sparkling clean. Must have been Obsessio Depressio's turn to clean the bathroom this week.
STRONG SAD: {Peeks in} It's my turn EVERY week!

[edit] Sink

STRONG BAD: I stopped looking through these cabinets after I found Strong Mad's tube of {disgustedly} below-the-belt paste. {Gets a small case of the jibblies.}

[edit] Strong Mad's Room

STRONG BAD: Strong Mad's room has been off-limits ever since that crate of bug bombs "mysteriously" went off inside his closet. It should be all cleared out in about a month, though.

[edit] Toilet

STRONG BAD: Ah, toilet humor.

STRONG BAD: Oh, potty humor.

STRONG BAD: Uh, commode humor.

[edit] Computer Room

[edit] Calendar

STRONG BAD: Gotta remember this date: the worst day in the whimsical history of wrongful imprisonment.

STRONG BAD: Today, I take over the world! {pronounced woild}

[edit] Drawing

Before adding any objects to the effigy
{Cut to close up view of the drawing}
STRONG BAD: Stupid King of stupid Town.
After adding at least one object to the effigy
{Cut to close up view of the drawing. The body part corresponding with the objects already added is now colored}
STRONG BAD: I've almost captured the King of Dork's ridorkulous visage, but there's still much work to be dork... I mean, done.
After escaping house arrest
{Cut to close up view of the drawing}
STRONG BAD: You, like so many others, will soon learn what it means to cross the Strong Bad.

[edit] Floppy Disks

STRONG BAD: The complete suite of Edgarware anti-spam, anti-virus, anti-malware, anti-mail, anti-productivity, and antidisestablishmentarianism software.

[edit] Light Switch

STRONG BAD: {Strong Bad turns the lights off, and then back on} Intriguing.

STRONG BAD: {Strong Bad turns the lights off, and then back on} Not so intriguing.

[edit] Look at Yard

While under house arrest
{Cut to exterior view. Strong Bad is looking out the window over The Cheat, Homestar, Marzipan, Strong Mad and Coach Z. An effigy of the King of Town stands in front of them, consisting of a white globe mounted on a short pole in the ground bearing the sign "King of Town". A pile of Creamy Dings lies at the base.}
STRONG BAD: What are you guys doing here? Can't you see I've got enough troubles? I'm a political prisoner!
MARZIPAN: {holding her guitar, Carol} That's why we're here, Strong Bad. This is a peaceful protest rally.
STRONG BAD: Peaceful?!
COACH Z: {holding a sign which reads "KOT = JRK"} No taxin' without representin'!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Save the bats!
MARZIPAN: I even wrote you a protest song! {plays the guitar and sings} C'mon everybody now, can't you hear the wind blow? We don't like the King of Town makin' people's heads explode.
STRONG BAD: Ahh! Cruel and unusual!
After escaping from house arrest
STRONG BAD: At least it's finally quiet out there, and relatively stank-free.

[edit] Plug

STRONG BAD: I can't unplug the Lappy. It takes five to seven business days to fully charge the battery. Lappy don't charge on weekends.

[edit] Random Shouts

Things heard shouted by the protesters outside (also heard when Strong Bad is looking out the window)
HOMESTAR RUNNER: No blood for Creamy Dings!

COACH Z: No taxin' without representin'!

COACH Z: Free Strong Bad!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {chanting} I want a soda!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Save the bats!



[edit] Rave Switch

STRONG BAD: {robotically} Prepare yourself, test commencing.
{Camera zooms in and out, light effects and sound clip from techno play}
STRONG BAD: {robotically} I didn't prepare myself.

[edit] Sign

STRONG BAD: I really gotta update that sign with something more forceful... but, eh, that sounds like too much work.

[edit] Stooly

STRONG BAD: Ah, my trusty steed. Stooly, I'd ride you into email battle any day.

[edit] Kitchen

[edit] Cereal

First time only
STRONG BAD: {zoom in on the cereal box} What's in the Cheat Commandos-Os box...? {finds the eye patch} A free sugar-frosted eye patch, just like the one Fightgar wore in the episode "Tickled Pink-Eye!"

STRONG BAD: {zoom in on the cereal box} Cheat Commandos-Os are a delicious part of this ridiculous breakfast.

[edit] Dead Plant

STRONG BAD: {zoom in on Charlemagne} Strong Sad's suicidal houseplant. If only we had read his journal, we might have seen the signs...

[edit] Lighter → Dead Plant

STRONG BAD: I can't cremate Charlemagne! His license says he's an organ donor.

[edit] Fridge

STRONG BAD: {zoom in on Strong Bad opening the fridge} I love how the fridge smells like rotting vegetables, when there's never been a vegetable in it. {closes the fridge}

[edit] Front Door

While under house arrest
{Cut to Strong Bad walking out the door and past the fence. His head promptly explodes, plastering him against the opposite wall in the Living Room. He peels off and falls to his knees on the floor.}
STRONG BAD: Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbbbbt! {Shakes the char off his face} An invisible fence that makes your head explode when you cross it. Seemed like such an awesome idea when I recommended it at the last town meeting.

{He walks out the door. An explosion pastes him to the wall again.}
STRONG BAD: Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbbbbt! {Shakes the char off his face} Shaking off char-head's not nearly as satisfying as shaking off frying pan-head.

[edit] Laundry Room

[edit] Dryer

While under house arrest
First time only
STRONG BAD: {finds camouflage pants} I knew if I ran them in the dryer a few hundred times, they'd shrink down to my size.

STRONG BAD: The key to surviving in prison is to not hang out in the laundry room for too long. Or Shiv City, as I like to call it.
After escaping from house arrest
STRONG BAD: The emperor's new clothes just need to tumble dry. Then I can put them on.

[edit] Pennants

STRONG BAD: Those are pennants from various academic institutions, unaccredited and discredited alike.

[edit] Pillow

STRONG BAD: A big fat pillow filled with big fat dust mites. {takes pillow}

[edit] Washer

While under house arrest
STRONG BAD: The key to surviving in prison is to not hang out in the laundry room for too long. Or Shiv City, as I like to call it.
After escaping from house arrest
STRONG BAD: The emperor's new clothes just need to tumble dry. Then I can put them on.

[edit] Living Room

[edit] Carpet

{The first time Strong Bad walks over the carpet only}
STRONG BAD: Few can withstand the otherwordly horror of Ugrug: the world's ugliest rug.

[edit] Smoke Detector

Before setting it on fire
STRONG BAD: {zoom in on the smoke detector} Ah, the smoke detector. AKA: The Place to Find a Spare 9-Volt.
After setting it on fire
STRONG BAD: {zoom in on the burning smoke detector} To be fair, that fire's not actually smoking.

[edit] Lighter → Smoke Detector

STRONG BAD: {sets fire to the smoke detector} Whoa! That doesn't make me feel very safe.

[edit] Window

STRONG BAD: {zoom in on the window} Aw, man. Of all the weeks I could've picked to install steel bars on all the ground floor windows. At least it stopped Strong Mad's sleepwalking.

[edit] Lighter → Window

First time only
STRONG BAD: Gotta send a top-secret coded message to my man on the outside. {holds the lighter in the window, flicking it on and off as he talks} Operation...Excelsior...Is...Go. Please...Send...Secret...Plans. {receives Teen Girl Squad idea} All right! It's... a drawing of an egg. Oh boy, I guess I can make a drawing of an omelet now. {signals out the window} Thanks...for...nothing...moron.

STRONG BAD: That'd be a waste of time.

[edit] Plaque (Dog)

STRONG BAD: {Walks back and forth, watching the plaque} I don't like the way that hush puppy's eyes follow me when I walk around.

[edit] Plaque (Horse)

STRONG BAD: How come none of the Dutch Masters ever worked in the medium of wood-burny-on-tree-slice?

[edit] Looking at Yard

[edit] Invisible Fence

{Cut to view of fence blocking front door}
STRONG BAD: I'm a-gonna have to get rid of that fence before I become a sickly pale shut-in like Strong Sad.
STRONG SAD: {opening the front door} Pallor to the people! {closes door}

[edit] King of Town effigy

{Close view of the base of the effigy, surrounded by Creamy Dings, slow pan up, revealing a plain pole bearing the sign "King of Town" and a plain white styrofoam sphere on top}
STRONG BAD: {sarcastically} Wow, Marzipan, you've outdone yourself this time. You really nailed the eyes. It's like I'm staring into the King's beer-battered soul.

[edit] If 1-3 inventory items have been used on the Effigy

STRONG BAD: Still not quite King of Town like. I better consult my highly scientific schematic diagram.

[edit] Couch Stuffing → Effigy

STRONG BAD: The King's ridiculous-looking beard that's supposed to hide his lack of jawline: Check.
The following dialogue occurs after the first inventory item is used on the effigy, regardless of order
STRONG BAD: Hey, The Cheat, what's red and fat and smells like rancid meatloaf?
THE CHEAT: Mezeh meh?
STRONG BAD: No, the other thing!
THE CHEAT: Meh, meh!
{The Cheat runs towards the effigy (off-screen) and a banging noise is heard. Afterward, cut to the effigy showing the new item added}

[edit] Paper Crown → Effigy

STRONG BAD: Stupid crown that gets the King all up in my grill actin' like he owns the place or somethin': Check.
{The Cheat runs towards the effigy (off-screen) and a banging noise is heard. Afterward, cut to the effigy showing the new item added}

[edit] Pillow → Effigy

STRONG BAD: The King's morbid obesity: Check.
{The Cheat runs towards the effigy (off-screen) and a banging noise is heard. Afterward, cut to the effigy showing the new item added}

[edit] Red Towel → Effigy

STRONG BAD: Royal Robe in size "husky": Check.
{The Cheat runs towards the effigy (off-screen) and a banging noise is heard. Afterward, cut to the effigy showing the new item added}
The following dialogue occurs after the last of the inventory items is used on the effigy, regardless of order.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, hello King of Town!
COACH Z: It's him! That's the guy! Burn 'im up!
MARZIPAN: Oh well. Take him out, boys!
{Cut to ground up view of The Cheat, Strong Mad, Homestar and Coach Z. The Cheat smiles, pulls out a lighter, lights it, and walks off screen towards the effigy. Cut to a wide shot of the effigy, which bursts into flames and disappears. The two ends of the invisible fence do the same in turn. Cut to a shot of Strong Bad through the window}
STRONG BAD: Sweet recently divorced lady freedom! {He removes the collar and holds it up in the air, it then bursts into flames and disappears} Onward to Strong Badia! Strong Badia, the Free!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, that's the name of thi—
STRONG BAD: Shut up!
{Fade out. fade in on Strong Badia. Strong Bad and The Cheat stand before an audience of Homestar, Marzipan, Pom Pom, Strong Mad, Coach Z and Strong Sad}
STRONG BAD: Friends and losers, my long incarceration has taught me that we can never be truly free until we reject the fat-thority of The King of Town. Hencetoforthwith, I shall only refer to him as, "The of Town". As of today, Strong Badia is its own independent nation!
{All gasp}
STRONG BAD: The Cheat, if you will...
{The Cheat is shown behind the fence, mashing play on a boom box, organ chords begin to play. Cut to Strong Bad, who stands in front of a Strong Badian flag which fills the whole view}
STRONG BAD: We should all live in a place where we are free! Free to pick our friends! Free to pick our noses! And most importantly, free to pick our friends' noses! {Strong Badian national anthem begins} That's why I, Strong Bad of the Mighty Tighty Whities, declare war on The of Town! Who's with me?! {blowing wind is heard, cut to a wide shot of Strong Badia, where now only Strong Bad and The Cheat remain} Where'd everybody go?
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: Seceded!? They can't do that! I'm the only one who gets his own country!

[edit] Mailbox

STRONG BAD: Hmm, I guess I could wait for an eviction notice. That would get me out of the house.

[edit] Package

STRONG BAD: Man, ain't that always the way. The one day an interesting package comes in the mail, is the day you get put under house arrest for tax evasion.

[edit] Protestors

[edit] Protestors → Fence

STRONG BAD: Are you losers gonna just stand around losing, or help me get past that fence?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: That would be illegal!
COACH Z: I can't go back to the joint again, man! I ain't goin'!
MARZIPAN: {zoom in on pile of Creamy Dings at the base of the effigy} We started a collection to help pay your back taxes. You're welcome!

STRONG BAD: Any ideas how I can break house arrest and get past that fence?
MARZIPAN: No, but I've got some great ideas for things you can do indoors. Build a birdhouse, make a rabbit lean-to, construct a beetle pagoda—
STRONG BAD: Any ideas that don't involve me wanting to blow my brains out?
MARZIPAN: Hmm. Probably not.

STRONG BAD: {whiny} I'm never gonna get out of this house!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Don't worry, we'll be here every day for you until you're released, singing songs 'bout freedom and compression!
STRONG BAD: {camera slowly zooms out and up into the sky away from Strong Bad} Noooooo!

[edit] Protestors → Effigy

STRONG BAD: Why'd you bring that ugly, misshapen stick?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: She organized the protest rally!
STRONG BAD: Not Marzipan! {softly} Though that's a pretty good one, gotta remember that. {speaking normally} I'm talking 'bout that stick dangerously close to the invisible fence.
COACH Z: That's our orfigy of the King of Town! Er, arfigy. RPG. First person shooter!
STRONG BAD: Effigy? That looks nothing like the King of Town.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, Marzipan made us take all that stuff off.
MARZIPAN: Right, Homestar. We're protesting the actions of the King of Town, not the man himself.
COACH Z: We was gonna burn it, but after lookin' at that pathetic thing, our hearts just ain't in it. We want to fry up the King of Town, not Stickball Jackson.

STRONG BAD: Shouldn't you all be putting a torch to that quote-unquote effigy?
COACH Z: Eh. It's just a stick. Can't really get into protestin' a simple stick.

[edit] Protestors → No King of Town

STRONG BAD: Man, this is so unfair. I gotta write an angry letter to my doughy congressman.
MARZIPAN: Didn't you see the warning message about the new e-mail tax?
STRONG BAD: {imitating Marzipan} No, I didn't see the warning message about the new e-mail tax. {speaking normally} All messages from the King of Town get intercepted with extreme prejudice by my idiot filter.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: But I sent you all kinds of reminder e-mails!
STRONG BAD: Idiot filter.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: But I sent you all kinds of reminder e-mails!
STRONG BAD: Idiot— nevermind.

STRONG BAD: My people, we can no longer suffer under the invisible boot of this power-mad tyrant. A call to arms! Who's with me?
STRONG MAD: {shakes his fist in the air} STRONG MAD!
COACH Z: {raises his hand} Me!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {looks at his sides} I suppose you think you're really funny!

[edit] Outside

[edit] Mailbox

First time only
STRONG BAD: It's the cover for the instructions for Math Kickers featuring the Algebros! I'm glad I had the foresight to tear the book into individual pages and hide them around the neighbourhood, mailing the cover to myself in case I ever had to secede from the Municipality and unite the country under Strong Badian rule!

STRONG BAD: Nothing. Say what you will about The Of Town, but at least he got the mail delivered on time.

[edit] Metal Detector → near Mailbox

STRONG BAD: {digs up a 3-ring binder} All right! It's a priceless treasure from an ancient civilization, AND a great way to get organized for back-to-school!

[edit] Package

First time only
STRONG BAD: From: TPA? I wasn't expecting any packages... {looks underneath the package} Hey, the pilot wings the Trans-Place Airways people awarded me for finishing a flight without crying! Uh... I mean, for LANDING the plane. And saving everybody on board. And making out with all the stewardesses. After the pilot... errr... got a charley horse. That I gave him.

STRONG BAD: Nothing interesting.

[edit] Strong Bad Emails

[edit] When sitting down

During game intro only
STRONG BAD: {singing} I don't know but I've been told, E-mail's best when it don't scroll!

{Strong Bad opens his inbox without saying anything.}

[edit] When deleting emails

STRONG BAD: {shouting} El Deleto Grande!

STRONG BAD: Survey says, deleted!


STRONG BAD: Deleted!
{After each of these, the deleted sound plays, showing a red DELETED! screen which has the Female Lappy with fangs.}

[edit] When undeleting emails

STRONG BAD: Undeleted!

STRONG BAD: Deleted no more!
{After each of these, the deleted sound plays backwards, showing a cyan UNDELETED! screen.}

[edit] Email 1: Dumbest Law

Email only appears in game intro. See Game Introduction.

[edit] Email 2: homestarmy

{Strong Bad softly pronounces "people" without any vowel emphasis, as spelt in the email. He also over-emphasizes the added "d" in "colledge".}
STRONG BAD: Well, benf: the Homestarmy will take jst abt nebdy. {the last words of his sentence, "just about anybody", are pronounced briefly and with minimal vowel emphasis like with the "people" spelling above} But Homestar {an image shows up of Homestar in his Homestarmy getup} already blew their entire scholarship fund on an invisible time machine. That I sold him. So sorry, no college fund. {clears screen} Which bringeth me to my second point: I'm not thinking your biggest obstacle in "colledge" is going to be financial, if you get my drift. I'd start figuring out where in your parents' basement you're gonna hang your Bob Marley poster once you move back in.

[edit] Email 3: Homsar

{Strong Bad pronounces "Whats" in a nasal voice tone and GA as "nnnn-GUH".}
STRONG BAD: Bonjour, le Paul. NOBODY can understand a "think" that Homsar says. {clears screen} Theories abound as to the cause of the baffling condition, but one things for sure: he is, like the rest of us, regardless of language, creed, or beliefs, making fun of you. So thank you, Les Paul, for bringing people together. {makes a guitar noise}

[edit] Email 4: Pom Pom

{After the greeting, Strong Bad replies with "I'm a-liking this one already" in a seducive voice tone. He also reads NC as "noisy chewers".}
STRONG BAD: Oh, ladies? I guess? If I weren't already swimming in a hundred-dollar-bill-shaped pool full of email offers from co-educated females, I might be offended. {A crudely drawn image of Strong Bad swimming in a $100 bill shaped pool filled with email offers appears on screen.} But I am--splish! splash! e-mails!--so I can afford to let Pom Pom have a little ovaflow action. {clears screen} I don't know about his availablity though. He usually stops playing the field at around 100 girlfriends. I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you. Most of the girls Pom Pom dates have names that don't sound suspiciously like TWO DUDES, Jesse the BOY and Jules the VERNES'S great-great grandson. P.S. You both look fat. P.P.S. Double burn.

[edit] Email 5: On Point Kings

{Strong Bad stresses the "your" and pronounces "Reno" as "Reh-NOH". As he types the first paragraph of his reply, a brochure about the On Point Kings shows up on screen.}
STRONG BAD: The On Point Kings is a pretty exclusive group, the toughest of the tough, the coolest of the cool, the somethingest of the something. {clears screen} That pretty much rules out guys in Reno named L-lloyd. We'll keep your resume crumpled up and stuffed down Strong Mad's tube socks, though! As for what The Cheat and Strong Mad do when I'm not around? I imagine they sit around discussing whatever cool thing I did, or said, or sat on earlier that day. Those guys have the unspoken bond of lifelong friends. Which is good, 'cause speaking isn't either of their strong suits.

[edit] Email 6: Tax Decree

{Strong Bad over-emphasizes all capitalized words in this email.}
STRONG BAD: I still say the wording of this message is legally vague.

[edit] Strong Bad's Room

[edit] Trophy Case

First time only
STRONG BAD: My crown from Blubb-O's. {takes crown} Why did they ever stop making the Jalapeno 'n' King Snake Meat Double Deluxe? Why?!

STRONG BAD: This is where I usually keep all my trophies and awards, but, uh... they're all out at a ceremony right now, getting trophies for being such good awards.

[edit] Videlectrix Poster

STRONG BAD: Ahh! My wall is exploding with video games! {Quickly zooms in on different parts of the poster} Nyaow! Nyaow! Nyaow!

[edit] Dangeresque 3 Poster

STRONG BAD: I probably could have finished Dangeresque 3 by now if I hadn't spent so much time working on that teaser poster. Pretty good likeness of the leading man, though. Well hello, Mister Hot-... I'm gonna stop hitting on myself.

[edit] Drawing Table

STRONG BAD: Aww, man. I wish I hadn't used up all of my paper drawing that {Cuts to the drawing in the computer room} scientifically accurate picture of the King of Town. {Cuts back to Strong Bad} I guess the next issue of Teen Girl Squad will have to wait.

[edit] Metal Detector

STRONG BAD: All right: the Taranchula Black Metal Detector, now with built-in shovel attachment!!!

[edit] Fun Machine

STRONG BAD: Let's see...what game have I got queued up for the Fun Machine! Math Kickers featuring the Algebros? Man, when are videogames gonna learn? You can't learn from videogames!

STRONG BAD: A man can never become a warrior until he faces his own darkest equations.

STRONG BAD: With the Alge-Bros, math time's fun again!

[edit] Math Kickers Gameplay

[edit] When defeating a group of enemies

STRONG BAD: Ha! Take that, played-out internet cliché!

STRONG BAD: I'm the MASTER of hand-to-hand arithmetic!

STRONG BAD: All right!

If the player used the Divide By Zero move once to clear the group

STRONG BAD: Sllllice!

If the player used the Polar Coordinates move once to clear the group

STRONG BAD: Kerrr-ash!

[edit] When approaching a boss

STRONG BAD: What's this? Polynomial boss fight attack!

STRONG BAD: Factor this!

[edit] When defeating a boss

STRONG BAD: Take THAT, parabolic equation!

STRONG BAD: Quadratic formulawesome!

[edit] When moving on to the next level

STRONG BAD: Level up!

[edit] When taking damage


[edit] When attacking

Using Ryu's energyball move

STRONG BAD: Energyball attack!

While punching with Dex or both characters during a boss fight

STRONG BAD: Punch! Maim!

STRONG BAD: All right!

STRONG BAD: Ha! Take that, played-out internet cliché!

When using the Logarithm move

STRONG BAD: Logarithm attack!

When using the Divide By Zero move

STRONG BAD: Divide by Zero Error!

When using the Polar Coordinates move

STRONG BAD: Polar Coordinates!

[edit] Bed?

STRONG BAD: With just a bed and a little imagination, home organization is a breeze!
After setting the bed on fire
STRONG BAD: Job's done!

[edit] Lighter → Bed?

STRONG BAD: Aw mom! I gotta make my bed again? {sets the bed on fire} Job's done!

[edit] Strong Sad's Room

[edit] When entering the scene

When Strong Bad walks near, first time only

STRONG SAD: If you're going to beat me up, make it quick. I've got a full agenda today.

When Strong Bad walks near prior to annexing Bleak House, first time only

STRONG SAD: Welcome to Bleak House, good sir king!

Each time thereafter until Bleak House gets annexed

STRONG SAD: To lasting peace between our nations!

[edit] Strong Sad

While under House Arrest

STRONG SAD: What was all that noise about?
STRONG BAD: Oh, great. Stuck under house arrest with no one but Little Lord FATleroy, the most depressing kid brother ever left on the front porch by gross gypsies.
STRONG SAD: That's never been proven!

When Strong Bad returns after the protesters seceded

First time only
STRONG SAD: Well met, fellow ruler! And welcome to Bleak House, a constitutional monarchy rich in tradition and low in saturated fat. {pats his stomach twice}
STRONG BAD: That is clearly not true.
STRONG SAD: Yes, yes. I trust you've come to negotiate a peaceful trade agreement between our great nations?
STRONG BAD: I've come to negotiate a violent military coup between Your Mouthia and Shutupistan.
STRONG SAD: Hey, you can't push me around anymore, Strong Bad! I'm King of my own nation now, and I've got all the documentation to prove it!

During Extended Play

STRONG BAD: I hope you learned your lesson, Strong Sad, and you won't do anything as stupid as forming your own country again.
STRONG SAD: Yes, I've learned much... hey wait, YOU'RE the one who started it!
STRONG BAD: Tell it to the judge, Dumpling. I'd hate to see what happens to a sweet young thing like you in a treasonous traitors' prison.

[edit] Strong Sad → The King of Town

STRONG BAD: The King of Town put me under house arrest!
STRONG SAD: HOUSE arrest? That's not fair!
STRONG BAD: Seriously! I mean... wait. Why are YOU upset?
STRONG SAD: I was hoping you'd get sent back to prison and I'd get some peace! I've got an unassembled model of the Kon-Tiki that's just waiting for your next incarceration!

[edit] Strong Sad → Fence

STRONG BAD: What's the best way to destroy an invisible fence?
STRONG SAD: Well, if you can short out the transformer, then do that, otherwise burn... hey wait a second. Is this something illegal?
STRONG BAD: No! It's... a... radio call-in show question. Hurry up so I can be the 4th caller.
STRONG SAD: I don't want to get charged with aiding and abetting a criminal again!

STRONG BAD: Come on, Dumplo. Help me get rid of that electric fence.
STRONG SAD: I won't break the law! You'd probably end up burning the whole house down anyway, with me in it!
STRONG BAD: Well, that WAS the plan...

[edit] Strong Sad → Strong Badia

STRONG BAD: So. Doo-doo-ronemy. Why don't you just give up your little delusions of mediocrity and join Strong Badia already?
STRONG SAD: I'M the one with the flag, the documentation, the infrastructure! Who's to say you shouldn't join MY country?
STRONG BAD: Okay, no really. You know you're gonna give up and start crying eventually, so why drag it out?
STRONG SAD: {starts acting nervous} I'm still King! I'm still King! I'm still King!

STRONG BAD: Seriously, your Dumpness. Just give up and join Strong Badia. I got important things to do.
STRONG SAD: No! My kingdom will always stand in defiance of you! {steps to his left} From over here.

After Bleak House gets annexed

STRONG BAD: All right, Lumpy. We've got to go annex some more countries if we're gonna attack the Of Town.
STRONG SAD: Wherever you go, I will follow, my liege!
STRONG BAD: {sigh} Don't call me "my liege".

[edit] Strong Sad → Bleak House

STRONG BAD: Looks like your invasions of the arts and crafts store have been bountiful, your grayness.
STRONG SAD: I'm the only one who's doing this secession thing right! As the last of my royal bloodline...
STRONG BAD: You can say that again!
STRONG SAD: ...I have a responsibility to build my country's traditions for generations to come! I sewed that flag by hand! And I bought a whole new calligraphy pen to make our royal constitution and bill of rights!
STRONG BAD: I take back what I said about your being the last of your bloodline. You TOTALLY know how to impress the ladies. Or at least, how to act like one.

STRONG BAD: Where'd you find so much black fabric for your stupid flag, anyway?
STRONG SAD: Oh, I used my old pajamas we threw out for being too highly flammable.

[edit] Strong Sad → Medal

Only available before acquiring the Pilot Wings

STRONG BAD: What are you working on now? Gettin' an early start on your terms of surrender?
STRONG SAD: Shows how much YOU know! I'm designing the medals for all my cabinet members and chiefs of staff!
STRONG BAD: Whoa, you're giving out medals?
STRONG SAD: Yeah! Purely ceremonial of course, but it makes my subjects feel important.
STRONG BAD: Who ya got so far?
STRONG SAD: Well... Senor Cardgage said he'd take my "positron under conflagration", but then I got scared and ran away.

STRONG BAD: I gotta get in on this givin'-out-medals action.
STRONG SAD: Hey, that was MY idea first! You probably wouldn't even know where to find one.

[edit] Fake Sword → Strong Sad

STRONG BAD: I dub thee... Sir Dumpsalot.

[edit] Katana → Strong Sad

STRONG BAD: Naw, it'd take hours to cut through all that blubber. What's the point of using a samurai sword if you can't cleft people in twain?

[edit] Pillow → Strong Sad

STRONG BAD: Hey Dumpelstiltskin. Feeling drowsy?
STRONG SAD: I am a little... wait a second. Are you going to try and smother me with a pillow again?
STRONG BAD: Well, not now, since you've ruined the surprise.

[edit] Pilot Wings → Strong Sad

STRONG BAD: Hey. Your dumpiness, do you want...
STRONG SAD: Pilot wings? For me? You really want me on your...
STRONG BAD: What was I thinking? No way is Strong Sad cool enough for these things.

STRONG BAD: No way is Strong Sad cool enough for these things.

[edit] After first item is burned

STRONG SAD: But I... awwww. At least I've still got the other two...

[edit] After second item is burned

STRONG SAD: Hey don't... awwww. Well, I suppose I could become a vassal state...

[edit] After third item is burned

STRONG BAD: {jumps on Strong Sad's bed} Let the Occupation begin!
STRONG SAD: Well... you can burn whatever you want, but you'll never put out the fire in my people's hearts!
STRONG BAD: Ah, a resistance movement. How quaint. I trust you've heard of my Secret The Cheat?
{Ominous music plays as The Cheat comes towards the front door, holding another lighter and a set of tweezers}
THE CHEAT: {ignites the lighter} Mezehmeh meh meh ze MEH MEH!
STRONG SAD: All right, I give up! I'll be usurped by Strong Badia.
STRONG BAD: Today Blecch House... Tomorrow... the Wo-
STRONG SAD: Can I at least be your cultural advisor?
STRONG BAD: As long as that doesn't mean you follow me around everywhere and waste my time trying to talk to me. {jumps off the bed}
STRONG SAD: Actually, that's exactly what it means.
{Old timey music is heard as the screen focuses on the map, with Bleak House now turning red.}
ANNOUNCER: Bleak House surrenders! In a humiliating display of not courage, His Lordship "King" Coolberius Strong Sad Allan Poe the First did everything but collapse into heaving sobs when confronted by Strong Badia's superior military fists. {screen focuses on Strong Sad} Better luck next time, dough boy!

[edit] sloshy poster

STRONG BAD: I used to like sloshy, until I found out they had short hair and glasses.

[edit] Strong Sad's Bed

STRONG BAD: Strong Sad likes to call this his "death bed". I like to call it his "wet-the-bed".

[edit] Bookcase

After escaping from house arrest

First time only
STRONG BAD: {discovers a drawing of a tar pit} An ancient scroll with an ancient drawing of an ancient tar pit! This gives me a great idea for the Teen Girl Squad!

STRONG BAD: Nothing interesting.

[edit] Bleak House Bill of Rights

STRONG BAD: A Proclamation to Prohibit the Burning of Essentiale Itemes {pronounced Essentia-lay Item-ay-say}.
STRONG SAD: Yeah, I'm the law now, and there'll be no more of you and The Cheat ruining all my stuff and undergarments!

[edit] Lighter → Bleak House Bill of Rights

{Strong Bad burns the Bill of Rights; one of the three prompts is triggered.}

[edit] Bleak House Constitution

STRONG BAD: The Constitution of Bleak House, volume one...?
STRONG SAD: You can't have a country without a constitution, so that was the first thing I made!

[edit] Lighter → Constitution

{Strong Bad burns the Constitution; one of the three prompts is triggered.}

[edit] Bleak House Flag

STRONG BAD: Only Strong Sad could make a flag both depressing and so utterly forgettable.
STRONG SAD: Thanks. It took me forever to make.

[edit] Lighter → Flag

{Strong Bad burns the Flag; one of the three prompts is triggered.}

[edit] Box

First time only
STRONG BAD: {looks underneath the box} A souvenir flag from Blecch House?
STRONG SAD: I had 2,000 of them made specially for my inauguration. It took my entire life savings.

STRONG BAD: It's empty.

[edit] Fake Sword

STRONG BAD: It's the dull fake sword Strong Sad uses for his... shudder... live-action role playing. {takes it} Never before have PVC pipe and duct tape forged so mighty a blade!
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